Why Are We Expected To Pretend

[mlg]

Today I received this from someone and I know she thought she was being "nice" but it really infuriated me.

I'm Glad We're Friends

A strong person knows how to keep their life in order. Even with tears in their eyes, they still manage to say "I'm OK" with a smile. Send this to a strong person. I just did. God is good. Change is coming. God saw your sadness and said hard times are over. If you believe in Him, send this to ten people including me. Watch what happens in thirty minutes! Be honest and send this to anyone who made you smile this year.

It may surprise you how many you get back. Thanks for making me smile.

Live, Laugh, Love

Why is it that we have to pretend that everything is hunky-dorry when we are dieing inside? Why can't they accept our sorrow and put a loving arm around us and tell us they are there for us. I don't think there are many people who have true sympathy or maybe it's empathy since that is putting yourself in some else's shoes.

[mfh]

This is about the worst I have seen. This person has probably never lost someone close or if he/she did, never really let it in or dealt with it.

we do NOT have to pretend but from my experience we need to hang out around those who are empathic...granted sometimes they are few and far between because our culture does not support tears, pain, grieving. Hopefully it is changing but....

I do not believe Jeus, Buddha, God, whoever your spiritual mentor is...would approve of this....their names are associated only with compassion.

Mary

[Queeniemary]

I am maybe wrong, but there is a big possibility that the person that sent that email, was simply going down her address list and sending it to the prerequisite 10 people that the email mentioned. I never send or forward those type of emails, and I would like to give this person the benefit of a doubt, and say she was not even thinking particularly about you when she sent it out. I too would be offended by it. Of course, you know your friend, and I may be totally wrong. It would be better to think she is just stupid, however, rather than insensitive.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[dave s]

I guess we all could write a book about the stupid things people say......sad but i really dont think they mean to be insensitive. One of my bestfriends said when Mike died " Well at least you got new furniture and a new car out of it!" HUH????? And the classic statement by my mom 6 weeks out " You need to stop dwelling on it" I was able to educate her that fortunately she has not been through this, and how often do you give your heart away to people that are not family, she later apologized admitting she doesnt know what to do to help me and has been quiet and supportive since. Dave

[terp8r]

The worst I've heard is when someone said,(in response to me explaining that my husband had just passed away) "well, I got divorced from my wife and never looked back." Really, that compares to what we've all gone thru?? I really wanted to punch him in the gut, but then I realized he was ignorant.

Peace and Love, Pam

[Earl C]

I would hope that most people see this as just plain ignorance about such a traumatic experience as we're all enduring. I really don't think someone who has been your friend would knowingly hurt you like this must have. Please excuse this kind of insensitivity. Most people in this world don't understand what we're going through. I probably didn't know either, even after losing a 48-year old wonderful Son in 2009, two months before losing my closest Brother. Losing one's child, no matter how many you have, is a parent's worst nightmare, but at that time I still had my magnificent Wanda, and we were able to share the grief, which didn't deaden the blow, but gave us someone to cling to. Now, when we lose the most important person in the world, the person we share every day, every experience with, we are left truly alone. Our kids come at least every other day, I had two on Saturday, seven yesterday. One Son and Daughter-In-Law usually come one day through the week, from an hour and a half away, so they have three hours driving time plus whatever time they spend with me. That's just great, and I truly appreciate it. But, I still want my mate here with me, and that won't change. Love to all...Earl C

[kayc]

Gosh, this person rates in there with my mom's empathy, ha! Unreal.

The Bible says "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn." It also says there is a time for everything. In other words, be appropriate, be empathetic. Notice how Job's "friends" all hit him when he was down! They were jerks, not people you'd want around you in your darkest hour. Look how Jesus responded to people...when his friend died, he CRIED! That IS what is appropriate! Not "pretending". Not feigning some ill response. Good grief. I wouldn't know how to respond to the message you got, because whatever I'd have to say probably wouldn't help anything...so I'd probably just hit "delete". Grrr!