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Time Moves But We Dont


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I lost my Mom,my best friend July 31-2011,,,I miss her so much,,,,I feel so lost,,,,,,,

What struck me was how the world seemed to move on like a HUGE steam roller,,,while my world STOPPED,,,the started spinning on a weird axis,,,the business side of death demanded swift action,,,thank God for my sister who picked the casket & flowers as my Mom passed in AZ and was to be laid to rest in Colorado with my father.A week later I stood in my empty house,,,daughter back in college,son at school ,husband at work,,,,empty. All I want to do is sleep,,,but hate to go to sleep at night because when I wake up its real. I feel for all of you who have lost ,,,my shoulders are here for you,,,,,i need a few too.

Tina

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Please hang in there. It is early in your journey. God will help you through it. It has only been 3 1/2 years since my mom died and I still miss her and love her with all my heart. I would give anything for another day with her, but no one can take my memories or my love away. I will pray for you to get through this. The emptiness is so loud isn't it? We are all here for you.

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I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dad just 4 days after you lost your mom. I too, wish the world would just stop. I am so exhausted after taking care of my dad night and day and then going straight back to work. Don't get me wrong I am young with lots of energy and I felt honored to take care of him in his final days but mentally, it was exhausting. I tried harder for him than I ever have for anything in my life and it didn't seem to make a difference, he died just the same.

That being said, although I wish for a break, so many people tell me that would do me more harm than good right now. So many people have said that in fact, that I'm glad I have to work every day. I can't imagine feeling worse. It sounds like maybe you don't have a job but maybe I'm wrong? If you don't maybe it would be a good idea for you to get really involved in something. If I didn't have to work I would just do what I love to do like working with animals, writing, or reading. I know what it is like to want to just sleep. Because for me, it’s the only time to get the death of your loved one off your mind. But what hobbies do you like to do? It might help relieve your thoughts.

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Spika,

Im so ,so sorry for your loss,,,

I also took care of my Mom 24/7 during her last 4 months. The exhaustion I do understand. I am a registered nurse but not working at the present. My family & I moved from NY to Arizona 2 yrs ago & devoted my time to mom , my son (14)& finishing my masters in nursing. I am an avid runner & cyclist,,mom use to encourage me to train as I have fall races I love to participate in. I can still feel her putting sun-block on my shoulders. I think there is + & - to keeping a busy mind. I am grieving & I know I need to but it is just so more painful than I could ever have imagined. I have not met many friends here but will start to reach out to those that I have.

Its true,,its on my mind 24 hours a day,,,it still seems so unreal.

thanks for the reply,,,sometimes it helps to know Im not alone.

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Thanks for your reply, Deb, the emptiness SCREAMS at me & I look for her in her usual spots,,,sometimes I feel so desperate. I am trying to be patient with myself with the knowledge that we grieve because we have loved. I just miss her so much. I pray often.

Thank you

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Hello - I'm new to this site. This is my first post. I'm so sorry about your mother, Tina. My mother died on January 14, 2011. I lived with her and took care of her in Camarillo, California. In April, I had to begin moving all my stuff, and her stuff, to Arizona, to live with my sister. Very big deal! But, I'm here now, pretty much. Been going to a lot of grief support groups, while at the same time, learning the lay of the land. They have a lot of groups all over the "valley," as they call it here. And I can't believe how huge this "valley" is. But it's been really helpful to go and just be there with other people who understand what I'm going through, to hear their stories, and to tell mine. I just decided to check their website out too, because last week there were no groups I could go to. Plus, some are pretty far away, and if they're at night, I don't like to go out if there's gonna be a lightening or dust storm. There's a LOT of weather going on here that I'm not used to. Give me earthquakes any time! Those I can handle! But Lightening storms, no thank you! Those scare me a lot. Anyway, I feel sad a lot, and sometimes it appears out of nowhere, especially when I was babysitting my great-niece a week or so ago, and she looked at me, out of the blue, and said, "where's your mom?" (she's two years, and 8 months). All I could do, barely, as it just caught me by surprise, and I could barely speak, was say, with tears in my voice, "she died ... she died." And my great-niece just kept saying, "what's wrong? what's wrong?" The feeling just overcame me, and somehow I came out with my answer, but Wow. Anyway, I wish you good thoughts, and take good care of yourself!

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Tina, I'm sorry about your loss.

It's been over 2 years since my Dad died, and I still think of him everyday. For me, since my Dad died in April 2009, sometimes when I see dates, I think of the date as either before my Dad died, or....after my Dad died. And sometimes I ponder the nature of time itself. It's like that poem I saw someplace online, I think it was called 'the dash' or something like that. That the dates of birth and death don't really matter, but that dash in between the dates that matter--when they were alive.

For me, it wasn't that the world had stopped, but the fact that the world kept on going is what bothered me. I was like 'how can the world go on, my Dad is dead!!!' Before my Dad died, I thought the world would end when my Dad died. But I found that the world doesn't end, and that life goes on, almost relentlessly. It's also a potent reminder that the world will still go on after I'm dead, for sure. The funny thing is, I don't fear death anymore, because maybe when I die, I get to see my Dad again, because this world is not quite the same anymore without him. I mean I don't want to suffer, like die in a fire or drown or something, but for death itself, I'm okay with it. I hope that doesn't sound too weird, but that's what it's like for me.

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I used to be so afraid of death and since my mom has died, I am better with it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't want to die and I still fear the "letting go" part but I am not afraid to be dead anymore because I have faith that I will be with my mom again. I miss her so much and what you wrote truly hit home for me, Matt. It does not seem fair that life is going on without her, almost like she never really mattered in this lifetime. It is almost not fair. She was my life for so long and now she is just gone...poof. No signs from her or anything. Just a void in my heart and my life.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Please hang in there. It is early in your journey. God will help you through it. It has only been 3 1/2 years since my mom died and I still miss her and love her with all my heart. I would give anything for another day with her, but no one can take my memories or my love away. I will pray for you to get through this. The emptiness is so loud isn't it? We are all here for you.

DebfromLodi, I haven't been on here for so long but I remember you. It was nice to see a familiar name. Its hard to see all the new names and know they are just starting out on this painful journey. My mom died in 2006 and my dad died 10 months later in 2007. I too would give anything for one more day with my parents. I explain it to friends that I am "not over" losing my parents , I will never get over it. I am just used to my new "normal" now. I can laugh, have fun and find joy in everyday...and I miss them everyday too. I hope you are doing well.

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I am so sorry that you have lost your Mom...my Mom died January 4 2011, and I understand what you mean about life just going on. I have had many ups and downs in the months since she died. I have found a lot of comfort here so please keep coming back. We all need each other and benefit for our sharing.

I am dreading Christmas so much I can think of nothing else. We always spent it together, with Mom staying at our house for the week of Christmas and New Years Eve. I think we are going to go away this year because I really believe that I cannot be here and survive it.

There are moments when I think she is still here and I would give anything just to hug here and tell her that I love her...but those days are gone forever.

I am sure you will be glad you came here because we all need each other.

Hanging in there and give yourself lots of space and time...cut yourself lots of slack because this process takes time.

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