Exhausted

[Lina]

After almost four months of insomnia I am exhausted. My body has decided that enough is enough. For the last couple of days I have been feeling odd...tired and dizzy and spaced out. If I could I would sleep all day.

Also I have found I am incredibly paranoid about the people I love. For one moment yesterday I could not find my nine year old (she was fine) and it triggered hours of crying.

I feel so tired...physically, mentally and emotionally.

[melina]

Lina,

Physical exhaustion is very common when you're grieving. At times I've been so exhausted that I've wondered how I was going to get through the day - let alone the week, the next few months or years.

Grief involves a host of powerful emotions, multiplied by thousands, so of course we're exhausted. Plus you have responsibilities you can no longer share. That means that worries and concerns about money, a house, children - is on your shoulders alone.

I've tended to worry extra about everything - also my kids - basically because I'm the only parent left.

It does get a little easier, depending on your personality type, I suppose. You learn to cope and when you see that you're coping, you can start to learn to relax now and then.

As for the insomnia - you may want to ask your doctor for something to help you sleep - at least now and then when you feel desperate for sleep. I've used Melatonin, which is not a drug and non-habit-forming and a more natural way to relax you and help you sleep. There is also Valerian root - just an herb, not a drug.

But at times I've had to take a sleeping pill when I haven't slept for days - just to escape all the anxiety and tangle of thoughts in my head - for one night. It's not good to do that every night, but now and then it can be a life saver.

Hang in there...

Melina

[MartyT]

Lina, dear, you might find some useful ideas here as well: Tips for Coping with Sleeplessness in Grief ♥

[Anne E]

I think exhaustion made my ability to deal or cope with grief the most difficult thing for me. I still have difficulty getting a good, solid nights sleep, but it is getting better.

Being so stressed makes it so hard to deal with all the stuff that dumps on you after your spouse is no longer with you. Trying to make all those decisions, discover a new routine, in your case taking care of a child, trying to meet all those deadlines, keeping all those things you are juggling from falling in a huge heap at your feet is in it's self exhausting.

I too used sleeping medication from the doctor for a while, but now, I tend to use herbal sleep aids. Melatonin with a nice cup of herbal tea works pretty well for me. I used to use wine, lots of wine, but find that melatonin is a healthier choice. And I feel much better the next morning.

Some women in my support group use meditation, but with my ADD personality, I just can't seem to find that "zone" to just be still. Every single time I try, my mind goes directly to those things that are constantly zooming around in my mind and...off we go again.

Honestly, it will get better. Be patient with yourself.

Anne

[kayc]

Yes, grief is exhausting. I wish I had used a sleeping aid to help me now and then when George died...my doctor gave me something he said was non-addictive but at the time I thought it a temporary problem to a permanent situation...in looking back I wish I'd just taken it and gotten some sleep now and then. I have since when I broke my arm and couldn't sleep, and he was right, it wasn't addictive and it did help...he said he takes it too, Trazadone. I figure if it's just now and then and not all the time I can't get addicted.

There's other things that help too...routine, a sleep ritual, music, etc. Don't watch tv that stimulates you right beforehand, give time between meals and sleep so your body isn't working hard, also time between exercise and sleep so your body isn't revved up. My pets help too, they destress me and calm me when I pet them, relax with them.

[Lina]

I am getting some sleep...normally around 4-5 hours a day. I just have such a hard time going to sleep and staying asleep...I often wake up either hourly or even every half hour.

Thank you for the suggestions, the compassion and for sharing that I am not alone in this....though I am sorry others also have this problem.

[kayc]

That sounds like anxiety, Lina. I take Buspar for it, also non-addictive and it is in a class of it's own, safe. I wouldn't want something strong that made me a zombie, but this has helped me so much I don't ever want to go off of it...but then I've been diagnosed with GAD so I do need it.

[widower]

Lina, dear, you might find some useful ideas here as well: Tips for Coping with Sleeplessness in Grief ♥

That's an excellent link, but I must say some of them don't apply to me; I guess it varies. eg milk never made me sleepy, I sleep well after a full meal (but not certain foods like beef or greasy foods), a drink or 2 helps me relax at night and so get sleepy, and most of all never do I sleep on the other side of the bed. But again a lot of great suggestions in there. I found putting the TV on "sleep mode" (to turn off in say 30 or 60 mins) works well too, or similar for the alarm radio.

I used to use wine, lots of wine, but find that melatonin is a healthier choice.

It's a question of degree, I think. A glass or 2 of wine is actually good for you (red a bit more so) but too much - well too much of anything isn't good. And on occasions where I over-did it I learned that in more ways than one.

[kayc]

It's a glass of wine for women, two for men...

[Lina]

That sounds like anxiety, Lina. I take Buspar for it, also non-addictive and it is in a class of it's own, safe. I wouldn't want something strong that made me a zombie, but this has helped me so much I don't ever want to go off of it...but then I've been diagnosed with GAD so I do need it.

I am sure a lot of it is anxiety. I am prone to it and was having panic attacks a few months before Arthur died. They have come back since his death.