Transformations On This Path

[feralfae]

This is such a loving Tribe.

Jan, I love hearing about your wild weather. I remember once when I was climbing and a violent storm came in, which no one, including the weather wizards, was expecting to turn so vicious. Our base camp tent (VE24) was humming and being distorted by the gusts, and anything outside the tent blew away. We were holed up for a couple of days, while the guide lines and tent poles hummed at a variety of pitches, creating their own symphony of wind. We could barely cook in the vestibule due to the power of the winds coming in under the vestibule edges at ground level. One pole finally snapped, and so we slept sitting up, leaning into the side with the snapped pole, bracing the tent against the winds. We scurried out of that place as soon as the winds dropped enough for the tent to remain upright without bracing.

I hope your breakfast at the farm B&B was a lovely time. To hear about the road being washed away says a lot about the high seas and force of the weather where you are. I hope all the birds are through migrating, and not trying to survive those tough conditions.

I am so happy and peaceful with SSK here, and I know it is going to be hard when she leaves, so I am taking a page from Mary's book and planning some transition visits for the few days after SSK leaves on Tuesday.

I hope your day goes well, Jan, and that you are regaining a bit more of your emotional balance as the days go on.

Blessings and Much Love,

*<twinkles>*

fae

[feralfae]

Dear Mary,

I hope a lot of those wonderful memories of great adventures are warming your heart and making you smile some as well. Being up in the canyon and visiting our picnic spots and playgrounds was bittersweet: I have wonderful memories, but once again, it brought levels of acceptance that Doug and I will not be doing those wonderful outings together any more.

SSK is so very happy already with her PT, and the almost instant results of it. She can now move her neck more, and turn her head from side to side with a greater range of motion. She is also already standing up straighter. One of my goals is getting my upright posture back after walking bent over for four years due to the spine injury and the surgery.

I hear SSK stirring in the guest room, so I will sign off for now and go begin some breakfast for us.

But first, Hello Kay! Hello Karen! Hello everyone here! I hope you all have a wonderful Saturday planned, or, in Jan's case, that you are already enjoying the day.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

Hi fae, I can only imagine how wonderful it is to have your friend there. Yes, the mountain memories are wonderful. And they make me smile and cry.

At the retreat today, after lunch (which we ate in silence) we did a walking meditation (sort of like watching zombies walk about but peaceful and mindful). We then went into the chapel and did a sitting meditation and the dam broke...a tsunami of grief flooded my soul and my eyes...I was able to keep it together enough but the pain was almost like it was the day Bill died. I think reaching into my soul all day, of course, led me to the pain that sits within it. It was a very very very tough happening.

Take care of yourself and tell your friend to do the same.

Mary

[Wifflesnook]

Fae, the migrating birds are everywhere. The northerly and then easterly gales have blown them off track and yesterday I looked out into our garden and it was full of tiny Goldcrests. Also a Grey squirrel which we don't see often here as we don't have many trees. This sighting made me sad because I couldn't remember if we had ever had one actually in the garden and my Pete would have known immediately. He recorded everything. It's still very wild here. I can't imagine when the road will be open again if ever. Those of you on Facebook will have see my video.

[feralfae]

Hello My Dear Tribe,

Still coughing a lot, but in the office today because there is work that must be FedExed out today.

Not a lot of energy yet.

Off to the desk, then to send papers away.

I hope to be back more soon.

fae

[Mary1063]

Fae,

I'm sorry you're still coughing lots. I have been keeping you in my prayers to get well.

I'm coming down with something. Woke during the night with coughing, congestion, fever, and chills. Today I also have a headache to top it off. I'm guessing it is losing Leo and Shannon. And that shock and grief leaving my immune system pretty low. Especially with the change in weather and seeing my two grand babies (well the boys are eight and five) and both had colds recently.

On another topic, Shannon's brother and wife are expecting a baby girl in the spring and they will be naming her Carrisa Jean... Jean being Shannon's middle name, Mark and Shannon's Mom's middle name their Nana's middle name, as well as his 16 yr old daughters middle name. He is honoring his Sister, their Mom, and their Nana. It's bittersweet. But surely very sweet.

Going to rest this aching body with a nap. That is if I can stop coughing.

Sorry I rambled...

Fae, I pray you are not doing too much. Make sure you rest and keep the fluids up.

Much love to all...

[kayc]

fae, I see you haven't been on here much the last couple of days...and you're still sick. I hope you will get this checked out since it's continuing.

Jan, I will go on FB and look for your video.

Mary, so glad for the news, Shannon would love to be an auntie and namesake at that! And you too, coughing? I hope you all get well SOON!

[feralfae]

Dear Shannon's Mary,

It is so very good to see you here. My fever is gone, and all I have left is this dry, hacking cough. MY G*dson who is getting a double engineering degree at Butte tells me half the faculty and students have this same malady.

Mary, just rest. Rest more. Rest again. Stay resting. This can take a couple of weeks. Just rest, rest, sleep, sleep more, and drink lots of warm fluids. Stay hydrated. I hope to be back up to snuff by the end of the week. My doc tells me it takes two weeks to feel better, and if I am not up to speed by Monday next, she will give me some tests and probably an x-ray, but my breathing is a lot better, I am just still weak and coughing. No fever, no achiness, just needing a lot of rest and sleep. I must work tomorrow (the conference I put off last week) but then I have the rest of the week off to just rest and heal, sleep and sip warm lemonade with honey.

You, dear Mary, take very good care, because you have been through a LOT and you need to be very kind and gentle, loving and nurturing with yourself. Treat yourself like a little child who is sick. Keep warm.

I will be back soon to check on you.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[feralfae]

Kay,

I am doing the minimum each day, and mostly resting. SSK and I went to town with a list today -- she drove -- and I got a couple things done and came home to sleep more. I took another sweat today, and have had what seems like gallons of warm tea and lemon juice with honey, so I feel rather perky, but I know not to push it, but just keep resting. As soon as my meetings are over tomorrow, I will go back to bed.

And you, dear Kay, I hope you are relaxing, enjoying each day, and simply being in great beauty.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[feralfae]

Anne, Jan, Bill's Mary,

I will catch up as soon as I have the time and energy. I miss you all and send you much *<fairy dust>* from my warm and cozy blankets.

Much Love and

*<twinkles>*

fae

[feralfae]

PS . . .

Dear tribe,

You can all tell I am feeling a lot better because I am nattering again all over the place, even if in shorter bursts.

Much Love,

fae

[enna]

It brings sunshine to my heart that you are slowly returning to our fire, fae. I have heard that there is a strain of cough that is in the air during this autumn. Perhaps the change in temperature or perhaps the stress of our journeys. You take care of yourself as you are doing and I hope Mary and Bill's Mary are doing the same.

I feel honored to be here among so many strong people. Cozy blamkets, fires, warm teas, and good readings are all good remedies for a cold.

Anne

ps - natter, natter natter - I for one have missed it.

[mfh]

Fae, it is good to see you back...in short or long bursts of nattering. Take care of you. Is your friend still there?

I am fighting a cold and hope it does not evolve....into so etching.

Anne, today got away from me. I said yes to lunch with a friend who is dying; yes to a long call to a local friend here who needed to talk; did the finances...yuck; then a long time at the food pantry as lots of families came for food and many volunteers did not show up...so tonight I am catching up on forum posts and intermittently petting Bentley....who has been ignored today. Tomorrow I have coffee with my pastor/psychologist friend and art later in the early evening. One gal's husband has been in and out of surgery and we have not seen much of her but she was at the General Store and hugged me hard and said even if we do not paint, could we all or could you and I have coffee tomorrow evening. So on the way home I made a vow not to schedule anything else ALL week. I like being home, being here, being with Bentley. So long answer to your statement...I am taking care of myself but almost blew it.

[enna]

"....I made a vow not to schedule anything else ALL week." Mary

:ph34r: - we are watching you.

[kayc]

Mary, I'm sorry to hear you have another friend dying.

[Wifflesnook]

Good morning from England. It's another very wild day with lots of migrant birds being blown in from the sea. We had a Hawfinch on our bird table yesterday and with my new camera I was able to take a really good photo which was put on the Spurn Bird Observatory web page. I wish Pete had been here to appreciate it (but I like to think he knows).

Fae it's good that you are recovering. Don't do too much. We all think you do! I guess you are younger that. Bill's Mary, me and Anne. The previous warden of the bird sanctuary here has been ill since Xmas and on Saturday had to be admitted as an emergency to hospital again. We still don't know what is wrong with him. He is breathless and weak and they have tested him for everything. Anyway I was asked to phone to see now he was and it was so hard for me because I did this almost daily when Pete was there even though of course I visited daily too. They must have been busy as it rang and rang and I am trying to psych myself up to ring today. It's not that I am worried about Barry it's the feelings it brings back to me about worry about my Pete. But I know I'm better if I can push myself. Reading the responses to Chris on his thread made me think. Ha. He says we are all strong doesn't he? I would say brave, and I'm trying to find another word. I don't think we feel particularly strong do we? But evhry day we get up from the floor and carry on. My hardest time is now, the morning when I wake in an empty bed. And I reach for my iPad and read the forum and connect with my beloved friends.

[KarenK]

Hi Jan,

The majority of the time, I feel neither strong, nor brave, more like numb & bewildered, just sort of doing things by rote. At the same time, however, I know that I am the only one who is going to get me off that floor. As much as I want to move forward, I have yet to reach the point where I can say to someone "I lost my husband", without the tears starting. So I will continue to stay in my "safety zone" a whule longer.

I'm sorry to hear that your friend is so very ill & especially that the cause cannot be discovered. I understand your hesitation to call. At one time, before Ron was so ill, I entertained the thought of being some type of hospital volunteer, but now I stay as far away from hospitals as possible. Unfortunately, the last one Ron was in harrasses me weekly concerning the balance I cannot pay. Oh well, that's another story.

I'll bet the birds are beautiful. Can you post that picture for us here? I am not a "birder", but we have beautiful birds in the area of my cabin in the summer. Cardinals, Bluebirds, & tiny Finches, as well as Hummingbirds. Nothing too exotic that I know of.

Because I seem to be a "night person", not necessarily by choice, I suppose the worst time for me is the middle of the night, when normal people are asleep, & I definitely wouldn't wake my kids up to bother them.

Take care & we will all keep on helping each other up off that floor.

Karen

[mfh]

"....I made a vow not to schedule anything else ALL week." Mary

:ph34r: - we are watching you.

I got it, Anne! I would not dare step out of line with all those eyes on me. Thank you...Mary

[mfh]

Hi Jan,

The majority of the time, I feel neither strong, nor brave, more like numb & bewildered, just sort of doing things by rote. At the same time, however, I know that I am the only one who is going to get me off that floor. As much as I want to move forward, I have yet to reach the point where I can say to someone "I lost my husband", without the tears starting. So I will continue to stay in my "safety zone" a whule longer.

I'm sorry to hear that your friend is so very ill & especially that the cause cannot be discovered. I understand your hesitation to call. At one time, before Ron was so ill, I entertained the thought of being some type of hospital volunteer, but now I stay as far away from hospitals as possible. Unfortunately, the last one Ron was in harrasses me weekly concerning the balance I cannot pay. Oh well, that's another story.

I'll bet the birds are beautiful. Can you post that picture for us here? I am not a "birder", but we have beautiful birds in the area of my cabin in the summer. Cardinals, Bluebirds, & tiny Finches, as well as Hummingbirds. Nothing too exotic that I know of.

Because I seem to be a "night person", not necessarily by choice, I suppose the worst time for me is the middle of the night, when normal people are asleep, & I definitely wouldn't wake my kids up to bother them.

Take care & we will all keep on helping each other up off that floor.

Karen

Dear Karen,

Your load is so heavy right now as you carry your daughter on your old struggling shoulders. I do agree with you and Jan...we are brave and we get up off the floor many times. It does get easier even when the floor is where I find myself...it is now easier to get up. I get up sooner and am not down there nearly as often. It is, of course, different for everyone but as long as we stay committed to the journey, I believe it carries us to new places eventually. You and your daughter are in my heart.

Mary

[mfh]

Mary, I'm sorry to hear you have another friend dying.

Kay, thank you. This is a woman who decided she was not going to do chemo or radiation for her breast cancer. According to the medical world she inhabited, she should be either dead or much closer to it. She was interested in my Mindfulness retreat and though she meditates she wants to do more Mindfulness work especially now that her symptoms are increasing. She is one of those folks who helps everyone else and whose sense of humor is genuine and funny...while she can also talk seriously about her journey. I am not super close to her i.e. she is not in my inner circle but I care about her and we are there for each other in some ways. Thanks Kay for hearing that. Mary

[feralfae]

Epiphany

SSK is good. A very good healer (what she does for her Path) and also a very loving Spirit sister. Before she left, we sat down and told each other the things we see, following the marvelous example of Estelle being the "factual one" in the family, who made us all look at the challenges as well as the hopes of any situation.

I told her what I saw as her challenges. And she told me:

All along, since Doug left, I have been living with this little ego-director switch in the back of my mind reminding me that there is one more thing to do, that there is one thing to do and then everything will be all right. I lived this way for the years Doug was ill, and then also through the time when I had to protect myself and our homes. There was always, it seemed, one more thing to take care of, to do. I have still been doing that, giving myself unending lists of "shoulds," "musts," and "ought to do thats" that never stopped. She watched me never sitting down except when I was too tired to stand, not resting until my eyes were shutting by themselves, and she told me all that she saw. She also kept telling me to go take naps.

We have a new gesture, we two: we place our index finger on our third eye, and say to ourselves as often as we can, "It's not my job." and then, "I am my job." as we turn to ourselves and our own needs even in the midst of living each day.

SSK left today on an afternoon flight, headed to their other home in Maine. Please keep Osage, their son, in prayer, as he was born with a congenital health challenge. He has lived, surprising all the medical community, to be 14 this coming Sunday, and is doing quite well. He got out of the hospital today. His mother was killed by her boyfriend (years after divorcing the father), and the father and SSK now have custody of him, and are bringing him into better health. What a challenge SSK has taken on! I so admire her love and compassion, and in this instance, what will be her life-long commitment.

And the insurance adjuster was here today and wrote a check for the new roof to be installed after all the hail damage. My deductible is large, but I can swing it.

And SSK brought a beautiful star ruby ring from Bali, for when I decide to take off my wedding ring, so that I would have a replacement ring filed with the love of Doug's spirit family. I am more touched than I can say by these loving people. They have kept me as family. I am truly blessed.

I'd better go have dinner and a tiny glass of the Climber white wine we opened. I have no idea how it tastes, as we each had only a tiny sip to toast Doug before she left.

I am shedding a lot of tears of gratitude for all the love around me. And my Trustee called to see how I was doing and to send love from him and his wife. I am so incredibly blessed with the love of Doug's Spirit Family, now mine as well. I am learning slowly to relax into and trust this love that surrounds and supports me. The gentleness, caring, and love are such a contrast to what I experienced from the biological family, I have some to understand that they did not have this love to give. I am sorry for them, but also, just relieved to be able to see them as the poor broken lives they are.

I'd better go eat.

I love you all and will be back to natter more, no doubt. This is such a loving Tribe. I am terribly tardy with reading here, and hope to catch up in the next couple of days, between naps and roofing contractors, appliance repairmen and a plumber. Maintenance must go on, preferably prior to winter.

Much Love and

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

fae, that is wonderful news that your insurance will help with your roof.

SSK must be a wonderful person, how good it is that they are coparenting her stepson.

I had to smile as she told you "take naps".

[feralfae]

Dear Kay,

I shared your cards with SSK, and she admired them. I am having a lot of fun using them, and thank you again for al the beautiful work.

Dear Anne,

I hope you can ride for as long as you like. I love horses, and still hope to ride again. Time to get coffee, then step into this busy morning, but hoping to have time for a nap this afternoon.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

How long will you get to have SSK with you?

[feralfae]

Dear Kay,

SSK left the 15th. I came home from the airport feeling very alone and blue, and got busy with client work. But I cried to have her leave. The house felt empty.

Yesterday, I felt well enough to get a lot done, and was (finally!) balancing my own checkbook, when someone knocked on the door and when I turned from my computer, it was our dear friend, the artist David Porter, whose larger than life sculpture of an Angel is out at the Bray, and who has taught sculpture several places around the world.

Anyway, he was actually on his way to fishing camp, but he stopped to say hello and invite me to come visit his new home and studio out in Hood River. It really cheered me up, after SSK left, to have him surprise me with a visit. SSK is gone on to Maine now, to be there for her stepson's birthday on Sunday.

Are you and Arlie all rested up from your delightful, playful visit?

We have fog here again, and this morning, there were three magnificent white tail bucks at the pond, looking so regal in their huge crowns of antlers, as they hold their heads just so and strut across the yard, together and yet also a bit competitive during this time of the rut. Everything is covered with a thin layer of ice, since it froze last night and the water droplets built up on the decks and trees. The fog is thick enough that I cannot see the lake at all.

I am taking naps from 4-5 each day right now as I finish healing. I am really feeling a lot better, but still coughing some, so I will see the doc again next week if I am still coughing, but no fever, and some energy is returning.

*<twinkles>*

fae