How We Met

[Wifflesnook]

I wanted to start a topic which would be life affirming and positive and I thought how good it would be if we shared how we met our loved ones. I hope some of you may join in. We have got to know quite a bit about each other and by definition meeting our beloved partners was such a wonderful thing I thought it worth sharing. So here goes (briefly!)

As most of you know I am in England, in Yorkshire to be precise. And Pete was a Yorkshire man but 'in exile' as he liked to put it in the Midlands, working as a librarian from 1958, at Birmingham university. In 1960 I joined the library as a very junior library assistant and was assigned to work for Pete. I was 19 and very much into rock and roll and jive and all that. I regarded Pete as something of a square. However I got to really like him, and engineered working on the same late night, and getting on the same bus! He started to notice me too, and we began going out together in January 1962, got engaged at Easter and married in July 1962. He was the love of my life, my soul mate, best friend, and meeting him changed my life, me, and I think him too. Later we moved back to Yorkshire where I am still of course.

[Guest babylady]

i was working as a bartender -- not my usual occupation. i was an administrative assistant at an ad agency, but left when my boss's job was terminated. my ex husband, as usual, was holding back on the child support and alimony. he was a real POS. at that point we were already apart 3-1/2 years.

anyway john was working the graveyard shift at IBM and was also going to school. in between he had a few hours and would come into the bar and nurse a beer. he wasn't like the other customers -- didn't come on with me. he'd read a newspaper and ask me if i saw different movies. i knew he liked me. so finally i said to him "do you want to take me to a movie"? he said "yes". we never made it to the movie. i only worked a few nights a week and on the other nights he would call me and we'd talk. finally one afternoon he called and i asked him if he wanted to come over -- i didn't have to be at work till 7 pm. we barely made it into my bedroom. we grabbed each other as soon as he walked in the door.

john was scheduled to take a 3 week trip to europe. the deal was if i wanted to be with him i'd be at the airport when he returned. of course, he sent letters and post cards from europe. i went to the airport and when he came through customs he was looking around. i was upstairs at the big windows trying to get his attention. finally he saw me. the rest is history. he never went back home. moved in with me. it took a year for him to get a divorce. his wife would not agree so we went to haiti where we didn't need her consent. that was interesting. when we were waiting for the taxi to take us to court reporters from NBC approached us. they were doing a special on haitian divorces. mexican divorces had stopped. they asked if they could film us and we agreed. a few weeks later we were on tv. i think the special was "chronolog" which aired once a month.

when we left haiti we flew to miami and stayed for almost a week. we were both sun worshippers. during our years together we took many vacations to miami. also puerto rico, the bahamas, acapulco, st. thomas -- always when it was cold in new york. hated the cold.

we had to wait for the divorce papers to come from haiti. it took a few weeks. we went to haiti on 10/4/71 and were married on 10/28/71 in maryland. we were together almost 42 years when he passed. we were soul mates.

when he met me i was a wild "hippie chick". had peace signs on my car and peace buttons on my handbag. it was summer and i had a dark tan. used to paint my face with white eyeliner -- a peace sign on one cheek and a flower on the other. lol.

one of the rules the bar had was that we were not allowed to date customers. i told them i was dating john but they didn't fire me. when he came back from europe i only worked there a few more weeks. it was too hard for him to watch other men flirting with me. the bar had 4 or 5 bartenders and we wore costumes. they also had a stage with "go go" dancers. the girls were very well protected by the owner and bouncers. if my car wasn't parked right outside i was walked to my car. it was a fun experience and i made a lot of money -- was able to pay off all my credit cards in just a few months of working there.

who would have thought that taking a job like that would lead to meeting the love of my life.

[kayc]

I wrote a letter to the editor and George responded. We wrote back and forth and a friendship ensued. We just seemed to click and understand each other.

[enna]

Our first meetings were in our church. We were both involved in the activities of the church. Jim was a lector and I was a communion administer. I also taught at the parish school. Jim fell hard for me way before I knew it. I wore mini-skirts in the early seventies and I guess Jim loved long legs and mini-skirts! I had chosen a second career in teaching before I married so I was already in my early thirties when we married.

My first career was as a surgical nurse during the late fifties and early sixties.

We were deeply in love. Our marriage lasted forty years and we were absolutely devoted to each other. Our beautiful daughter has given us two delicious grandchildren who loved grandpa. Jim was gone too soon. I miss him more than words can say. And this brings tears to my eyes again today. The pain of losing your significant other is just too overwhelming. Anne

[feralfae]

Ah, ours is what I think is a very good story, and we always laughed when people ask us how we got together.

I had an article published, on something to do with Human Rights and the non-aggression principle. A couple weeks later, this letter came to the office on the stationery of the alpine club Doug had founded (I was a climber, too, but Doug didn't know that when he wrote to me) correcting a point of logic in my essay. I wondered who this arrogant SOB climber could be, because it was a very arrogant letter! I had not heard of him, he wasn't that famous, so I tossed it in the wastebasket; just another arrogant guy with a need to try an intellectual smack-down on a female. It happens a lot out here in this intellectual arena. And with climbers, perhaps a bit more. Back then more than now, I am happy to report.

A couple weeks later, I got another letter, stating that if I were like most humans, I probably tore up his letter and called him an arrogant SOB, but he was still right. That got my attention. He then proceeded to demolish with pure logic my prior argument, and to resolve a glaring contradiction in my definition of Human Rights, all on only two sheets of typed paper!

He had pushed the button of my always overactive curiosity, sending it into overdrive ... and the rest is actually two books which we are copying to a separate server backup drive tomorrow, as a matter of fact.

Doug and I had entirely too much fun, and played some very good games such as Ice Towers, Road Cruises and Wine Tours, MGB Runs, and all sorts of lovely high places. Won some awards for our writings. Hunting creeks on the Arctic Circle. The blue ice of glaciers. Powerful rivers and crystal-clear creeks. High places. Magnificent vistas. And always, watching the birds, the soaring birds, wherever we were. We learned a lot from each other, and healed each other a lot as well. I have overflowing gratitude for Doug's presence in my life and heart. It was a very Good Game.

No complaints at all, because it is ever so much fun playing this Life Game with one's soulmate And I believe we two spirits are still playing, because all this string of coincidences could only have arisen from the Mind of G*d. And the coincidences go on. and on and on ... *<twinkles>*

So, here I am, being a human with all these emotional roller coasters and hurricanes and emotional weather patterns of all extremes, having this human experience of all this learning that is going on for me.

And it is going on every day for each of us, isn't it? I think we are becoming clearer and more beautiful reflections of the Light.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Wifflesnook]

Oh thanks all for sharing. It is bitter sweet I know, but we have all been so lucky and I have to somehow cultivate gratitude for my life with Pete.

[kayc]

fae, and it sounds like Doug was certainly challenging, all part of the allure, right?

[Queeniemary]

Oh what fun, In the mid 80s, I was the assistant director of a play called "The Murder Room" that was going to be presented in dinner theatre. Mike had just moved to this area to help care for his Mother who was in a wheel chair, and had numerous cats, dogs, sheep, goats, etc. He had been living in Mobile Ala, although he was from Baton Rouge, LA. He was encouraged by his mother's vet to come to the audition. That is the first time I saw him, big, tall, big beard, ponytail, and I immediately knew that he was for me. The director and I cast him in the lead, and that was his start in theatre. We married in 1990, and had almost 20 years as a married couple. He worked for a time at Dogpatch USA (for any of you that remember the Al Capps theme park located near Harrison), he played Earthquake McGoon. Still have trouble grasping at times that he is gone, still miss him, and always will, he was IT for me. I am attaching a picture of how he looked when we met.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[kayc]

It sounds like you had quite a ride! I wish so much that George and I could have had 20 years together, he just died way too young.

[Wifflesnook]

Lovely story QueenieMary.

[feralfae]

Great story HRH QMary! He has such a sweet face in the photo of the two of you, and yes, he looks alone and lonely in the other one.

Kay, Doug always told people I was the biggest challenge he ever faced, because I did not plan to marry again, and it took him a few years to convince me that it was a safe thing to do, and he would not break my heart. After he got sick, he told me that he was not really going anywhere, and he would always be here to take care of me. He apologized so many times for having cancer and disappointing me and our dreams, but I know it was not his fault that he had to go.

Doug was challenging because he had such a brilliant intellect, and because he had a big enough ego to tackle first ascents in some pretty tough places. But in other ways, he was the most tender and vulnerable person I have ever known. I think we were challenging for each other in many ways, but mostly, we healed each other in so very many ways that I will always be grateful that Doug came into my life.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Guest babylady]

john was taken to the hospital on a tuesday night. that's when they discovered the brain tumor. when i went to the hospital on wednesday with 2 hours sleep one of the first things he said to me was "i don't want you coming here every day -- 3 times a week is enough -- you've got to take care of your health". that hospital was about 30 miles round trip from our house. later that day he was transferred to barrow's neurological which was about 60 miles round trip. howie drove me there the next few days, but i told him i could do it on my own. i don't know whether john knew he had the tumor when he said that but he was more concerned about me than himself. i did take a day off every week at the urging of the hospice doctors, nurses and chaplain. on that day i would catch up on sleep, get my nails done and if needed get my hair touched up. didn't want john to see me with ragged nails and grey roots. i didn't wear eye makeup though because i looked worse when it ran from crying.

when he was in hospice his sister came out from new york to see him. before she left he said to her "i'm dying, but arlene doesn't know it". she didn't tell me that until after he passed. one day when i was on the phone with her i was crying and she said "don't let him see you crying". i don't know how she managed not to cry when she was here. i guess she's stronger than me. i'm crying as i write this. i still cry everyday and he's been gone 17 months.

even though his mind wasn't working right everyday he said "i love you". he said several times "it's beyond love". 12 hours before he passed he managed to say it.

[feralfae]

Dear Arlene,

Thank you for sharing the story of your last days with John. Of course you are crying, and now I am as well. I can just see you, trying to look your best every day, bringing a smile to John's heart when you walked into his room. I love that he said "it's beyond love" to you. That is wonderful. I am glad that you took a day a week off. I still don't try to wear eye makeup. I just started to brush on a little loose powder and wear Burt's Bees tinted lip balm.

I stopped doing almost everything Doug's last month here. I was in my gown a lot, with a robe. That way, I could snuggle with Doug as much as possible when he was home. Then, when he was in the hospital, I'd try to get caught up on things, eat, get some sleep. The last thing Doug said to me after he came home with hospice was "I love you very much." Our last kiss was as wonderful as our first kiss. *<twinkles>*

We are so blessed to have had such wonderful love come into our lives and bring us incredible joy. I love the stories here of how we met and fell in love and married. Each one is so unique and beautiful. Life is so beautiful.

Jan, I am so glad you started this thread, thank you. It is delightful to share these happier stories, even if tinged with grief.

Namaste

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Guest babylady]

attaching a picture of john and me when he was in assisted living. i look awful without makeup.

i was also very tired and in pain. back then i couldn't take painkillers when i had to drive. i didn't want the picture taken but john's co-worker was insistent. it was taken with an i-pad. so it's not very clear either.

i'm just beginning to wear eye makeup once in a while. i wore it today, but when i got home i started to cry and now it's a mess.

[Guest babylady]

since we're posting stories of how we met i thought it would be fun to post pictures from back then. this is from late '70 -- a few months after john and i met. check out the false eyelashes. my sister said "there not eyelashes -- there awnings". it was taken in one of those photo booths. think they cost $.25 for 4 photos.

[Wifflesnook]

Thanks Arlene. Good to remember happy days

[KarenK]

Since I am still awake(can't imagine why), this is my story.

Sept. 1972, driving to my friend's house to go drinking & dancing at a local club, I stopped at a red light. Nice looking guy pulls up next to me in a hot car & asks if I wanted to go for a drink. Told him "No". He then asked where I was going & could he come along. Please believe me. I had never picked up a stranger before, especially one at a red light. I thought about it for a minute & decided that since my friend, her dad, & 3 kids were home, it might be safe. He followed me, introduced himself, & the 3 of us went in separate vehicles to the club. I made it a habit to never give out my correct phone # to guys, but for some reason, I gave it to him. We danced, had a good time, & sometime during the evening, he went on his way while my friend & I stayed.

Three weeks later, he called for a date. My friend & I had plans to go to a party, so I invited him along. We got very drunk. He ended up driving me home, and he stayed for almost 41 years. We married in Nov. 1972. He & a huge part of me died in May of this year.

First picture is on our wedding day. Small pictures from sometime in the last 40 years.

[Queeniemary]

I love all these stories, and the pictures. The last days are harder to share. Mike's death was very sudden and unexpected. On Christmas Eve, we had late dinner with our good friends in the country, and then went to midnight church, came out it was beautiful, snowing. Christmas day with daughter and family. On New Years Eve, a small party at another friends, lots of fun, then on Monday the 11th of January 2010, he drove me to Fayetteville to Physician's Specialty Hospital to have a total knee replacement on my right knee. After the surgery, and after I was in my room, he stayed for a while. We ate together in the room (well, he ate, I was a little too nauseous), as he was leaving he was laughing about how good the food was, and that he might come back and eat the next day also. He kissed me and was laughing as he walked out. He had to go to our home (1 1/2 hours away) we had animals to care for. We talked several times the next day, and he attended the semi annual general Theatre Company meeting on Tuesday night, and called to tell me who was elected to different posts about 8 o'clock on Tuesday evening, the 12th. Sometime later that evening, after midnight, as he was on the computer at our dining room table, he was hit with a massive coronary, and died instantly. He was found by our daughter in the afternoon of the 13th, after I had been unable to reach him on the phone all day. I had to learn of his death over the phone. He was laying on the floor, surrounded by our dogs. I never saw Mike again after he walked out of my hospital room. If I had known the future, I would not have let him leave. I am crying as I type this, but it is also cathartic.

It is good to share both the good and the sad with people who understand.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[kayc]

I remember those photo booths, Arlene! I hated false eyelashes, didn't like the glue, etc, but I remember back in those days they had eyelash dye, can't get it now, they took it off the market.

Karen, thanks for sharing your story, I love hearing how everyone met and their early days. You too, HRH Mary! It's so neat to hear of our times together. George and mine was a great love story, we were in our upper 40s but we clicked as we met. We were an unlikely pair, but oh did we go together and it was happy! He'd spent his life in prison and my sister was so worried for me, she had his handwriting analyzed professionally and they told her he was gentle and caring, and I told her I could have saved her the $ and told her the same, yet I appreciated her looking out for me. My whole family loved him, my kids adored him, my mom thought he was it, and no one wooed her over! Those were the days, even though they were short, I will carry his love with me always, and he was eternally grateful to me for what I gave to him. I sacrificed a lot to be with him, my friends, reputation, etc. (this is a small town and tongues wag) but I will never regret it, he was worth it and you have to be true to what you know is real.

[Guest babylady]

some great stories. Queeniemary. that must have been awful. from the time i met john i feared losing him. for many years he had to travel. he was with IBM almost 43 years when he passed. i especially worried when he was out of town. how would i know? who would call me? when my health went downhill it was really hard. what if he was out of town and something happened? here i am alone with 3 cats -- no one to take care of them and too sick to get on a plane. he was in chicago on 9/11 and woke me up with the news (time difference). he kept the rental car and drove home -- called me every few hours -- didn't want the cell phone to run out of power. he stopped in a motel in texas to catch a few hours sleep. got home around 6:30 pm on the 12th. now i fear for myself -- being alone -- what if something happened? but i have a system set up with my friend in NYC. we e-mail each other every day or call. if i don't answer an e-mail and don't answer the phone she'll know something is wrong and will call howie who has the key to the house. also has my neighbor's # -- they also have a key. one night i was on the phone with my granddaughter and blacked out. when i came to i kept saying "steph are you there"? next thing i know howie and his wife carolyn came into the house with their key, but the alarm went off -- i had it set for the night. they said "we've got to get you checked out". i said "i'm okay i'm not going to the hospital". carolyn is a nurse and gave me some juice. we think it was probably low blood sugar. howie called my granddaughter back (she's in florida). she said "tell her to call me". i said "no-- it's late and she's needs her sleep". Howie said to her "she's back to normal -- she's bossy". i never told my doc about it. it was about 8 months ago and never happened again.

KayC -- i loved the lashes. actually i wore 3 pairs glued together and wore lowers too. once i got used to putting them on it was easy. carried glue with me. never knew when one would come loose. they do have eyelash dye. i had mine done a few months ago, but it just darkens them a little and wears off quickly. lashes are back -- but now there the individual ones. costs a lot to have them put on and they have to be touched up every few weeks. i'd like to get them, but i cry so much that they'll wash off fast. it would be nice to not have to deal with mascara. maybe someday if the crying ever stops, but i'm such an emotional person. i cry easily. been like that for about 12 years. asked my therapist about it -- she said it might be hormones. of course, since john passed i cry much more. one day i cried for 10 hours.

anyone hear from mary (mfh)? haven't seen her posts in a while and i know she was having problems with her eyes. hope she's okay.

[KarenK]

Still no good news from my daughter. Docs are leaning away from C-Dif because stool sample was negative. Blood work from her port is growing something, just don't know what, so antibiotic has been switched from oral to IV. Pain & pain meds have increased. So, just waiting for a definitive answer.

Called my son to come over for a while as I was very dizzy, possibly from this antibiotic,& anti-depressant combined with my BP meds. Who knows? Didn't want to pass out like I did in January when Ron was in the hospital. Once is enough. Trying to do laundry & take care of business in case I have to leave.

Will update as I know more.

Karen

[Guest babylady]

Karen -- sending a hug and healing energy to you and your daughter.

arlene

[feralfae]

Dear Karen

Thank you for keeping us posted. Dear one, I am hoping you can get some rest sometime while you are doing laundry and taking care of things there. You must also remember to take time out every hour to rest, be in touch with yourself,drink, eat, take a little nap if you can.

I am very worried about this dizziness and its causes. I hope you have also called your doctor to let someone in that office know what is going on, and perhaps schedule a check-up ASAP if you can.

I am sending love and prayers, and

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

Karen, I am sorry about all you and your family are going through. You have too much going on.

I just got a report on my mom, but will put it in the anticipatory section.