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Spyro

I Accidentally Killed My Beautiful Kitten :(

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I am so devastated & have never felt so guilty and sad.

12 weeks ago my friends cat had kittens & I picked mine out that day. She was a gorgeous grey tabby, my dream cat. I handled her once a week and watched her grow up. I was getting married & within a week of us coming home from honeymoon she was ready to come home with us. She immediately bonded with our 5yo dog & for the past 6 weeks my husband & I have fallen totally in love with her. She was the most lovely, cuddly kitten.

Yesterday I was off work & decided to spend an hour with my two pets watching TV. I got up to get a yoghurt from the fridge. As I was walking out of the kitchen I suddenly decided to turn back to get something. My little cat had followed me in & I thought I was going to step on her because she darted towards my feet. I tried to miss her & ended up tripping over her. As I did she darted backwards & in the tangle of us trying to miss each other I ended up catching her head with my foot. She immediately collapsed & blood was coming from her ears. I was wailing & crying, I knew she was gone. she didn't cry & her eyes were fully dilated but she started taking fits. I don't think she was aware of anything going on, but it was horrible to watch my beloved pet in that state & be so powerless. I rushed her to the vet but she was already gone by the time I got there.

I don't know how to come to terms with this guilt. I was so protective over her & minutes before had hunted the house for her because I could hear she was playing with a plastic bag & I was afraid she would suffocate! When this accident happened I was trying so hard not to even step on her paw or tail but in doing so I made it so much worse :( my husband doesn't blame me & knows it was a freak accident but I can't escape the feelings of guilt & flashbacks to the sight of her.

Everyone wants me to get another kitten to help my dog & myself move on but right now I feel like I don't even deserve to ever own a cat again. I have cried constantly ever since.

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I am so so sorry for this tragic accident. We do become very attached to our beloved pets. Accidents are part of our lives and they are just that ~ accidents. The love you had for your kitten came through in your post. You will need time to grieve for your pet and when the time is right maybe you will add another kitten to your family. It will be in your time and only because you feel that it is right.

Anne

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My friend, I'm so sorry to learn of this tragic accident, and I agree completely with Anne that the love you have for this precious little soul comes through in your post.

I invite you to read another family's story, in hopes it will help you to feel less alone, because unfortunately, since kittens are such fragile little creatures, accidents like this DO happen. I hope you'll follow some of the links you'll find at the base of the article as well: Pet Loss: Guilt In The Wake of a Kitten's Accidental Death

I especially encourage you to listen to the radio interview you'll find here: Radio Interview on Pet Loss and Guilt

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I am so sorry you lost the newest member of your family, your little kitten. Accidents do happen and sometimes they're unavoidable and no one's fault but we do feel guilty as we feel responsible for them. I lost my family dog that had snuck back into my van unbeknownst to me, and I went to work, windows rolled up, and parked, very hot day...when I got off work, found him. It crushed us all, and of course I felt guilty, but there's no way I could have known. You wish you'd done this different or that, but the truth is, the thought never crossed your mind, you couldn't know...not any more than you could have avoided what happened to your kitty. The truth is, your next cat could live to be 20, you just never know...I have one that's 19 now. It seems to be luck of the draw. Do you deserve to be a pet owner? Of course you do! You care, you look out for them, you take precautions, it's just a fluke, it could have happened to someone else, life is pretty random.

I am just sorry you are feeling like you do. I hope you will watch this and find some comfort in it:

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I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I do understand exactly how you feel at this moment. Yesterday my boyfriend accidentally killed his 7 month old cat. That cat was family to me. I was there the day they brought him home. We named him Casper and he was the most perfect cat for us. Just so calm, energetic what he was excited, loving and beautiful.

I got a call last night around 7:45 pm and my boyfriend was hysterical. Casper was an indoor cat, 100% indoor and we were getting ready to get him neutered because he was starting to get really aggressive and play time turned more wild. Well I guess he was being aggressive and knocking things over at my boyfriends apartment, so he decided to pick him up and put him in the bathroom to calm down. This is typical...a little bathroom time and he generally settles down. Well he was very aggressive, sprayed a bit, and when my boyfriend put him in the bathroom and went to shut the door, he shut it too fast and didn't notice that Casper was trying to run out the door at the same time and his head was caught between the door frame and the wall and must have severed an artery. Blood everywhere and my boyfriend was panicked and tried to hold him together to stop the bleeding, but there was nothing he could do and he passed quickly.

I am just so torn up about this not only for this beloved cat who did not deserve to go in such a horrific way, but also for my boyfriend who blames himself and is terrified about what happened. We all loved that cat so much and our hearts ache for his life cut short in such a tragic way. The circumstances are the worst to try to work through. Had he fallen and injured himself it would still be tragic, but this just absolutely grotesque way to die is just horrifying to me and I can't seem to get that out of my head. We were supposed to have many more years with our Casper. I just hope his precious little soul is safe, in one piece and at rest. I hope he knows he was loved!

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I am so sorry for your boyfriend! How horrible that must have been for him. Do you live far from him, were you able to go over there? Perhaps a burial, some kind of memorial, something giving significance and honor to his life, would be healing and helpful to you both. I hope he can understand that this was an accident and forgive himself. Animals can be unpredictable, run in front of cars...or closing doors, without a thought for what could happen. Sometimes it's hard to predict and protect them from their own actions. I live where there are a lot of deer, squirrels, rabbits, etc. and am always having to dodge them running out in front of the car at the last second...I see this along those same lines, it's just way harder because it was his cat. My heart goes out to both of you, I hope you'll both be able to find some peace.

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Thank you for the kind words. It was incredibly cathartic for me to just be able to write down what happened and also comforting to know that these types of accidents have happened to others. I think we just feels so guilty about it and can't see that while it is no doubt a horrific accident, it has happened to other people. That's why I wrote in this board because Spyro's story is so similar to mine so I know their loss and pain.

I was able to get there after it happened and we all, including his roommate, cried and grieved that evening. I just hate that I can't stop picturing what I envision happened, and how horrible it must have been. Then how I won't see his cuteness again, but I know that cats especially are curious and if we stop paying attention to them for one second they can do something too fast that can end in tragedy.

I hope he can forgive himself too, we are beginning to work on that!

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I assure you that you are not the first couple to be dealing with something as awful as this, Emily. Your sad story reminds me of a letter I received some time ago from a dad whose son accidentally crushed his kitten in a recliner chair. I invite you to read this article and to share it with your boyfriend: Pet Loss: Guilt In The Wake of A Kitten's Accidental Death

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Emily, sorry to hear that you have experienced something similar to what happened to my kitten.

My husband and I adopted a new kitten soon after this incident happened. We had so many worries - would I feel guilty getting a new one, would we be able to love it as much, would our dog adapt to a new kitten...and of course, what if I hurt this one too?

We've now had our new kitten for 7 weeks and she has helped us so much. We still miss our first kitten & could never replace her, but spending time with our new one was the first thing to help us start to heal. My new one is such a different little personality & I have grown to love her just as much, although I still miss my little grey cat. I had awful flashbacks for a while and had to remove my plug in air freshener from the room she died in as the smell brought me right back to that moment! I still sometimes get feelings of guilt but I've come to realise accidents happen & I can't punish myself forever.

I hope you can find peace too!

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Thank you Spyro for that insight. Our Casper was a grey cat too and so beautiful. We thought briefly about getting a new kitten, but those same fears about hurting that one too and or not being able to love it as much and the guilt are all there, but it is good to hear how well it has helped you and your family.

I hope you and your family are healing and that your guilt and flashback cease soon. I worry that my boyfriend will always be haunted by this so I hope that is not the case, but your story does give me hope that he will be able to heal so thank you so much for sharing!!

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I know your boyfriend is probably focusing right now on the fact that he feels he cut caspers life short or hurt him. But what helped me was to look back and focus on the relationship we shared prior to the accident. Although my kittens life was short (only 12 weeks), she was absolutely spoiled & pampered during that time. She only ever knew happiness. Similarly to mine it sounds like Casper probably didn't know what happened it was so quick so take comfort in the fact that you guys made his short life very happy for him and don't deprive yourselves of loving another pet.

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Spyro, your input was very helpful to the situation. I, too, accidentally killed my dog years ago...he snuck into the back of my van without my knowledge and I closed it up and drove to work...it was a hot day, the windows were closed. The vet told me his brain would have exploded and it would have reached 140 degrees inside. When I think about him possibly crying or barking just outside my office window and me not hearing or knowing, it kills me still. He didn't die quickly or painlessly. I know I loved that little dog more than anything in the world and never would have hurt him, yet I was remiss in double checking the van before taking off, it just never occurred to me. I know your pain. I think it does help to focus on the good life we gave them while we had them, and remember all of the wonderful times...that and the fact that we'll be joined with them again.

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I am so sorry to hear your story kayc. The way these furry members of our families touch our lives is so incredible and the impact they have is everlasting so I hope you can take comfort in the love you showed your puppy. I also hope you have forgiven yourself!

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Yes, it was just an accident, but I can't help but think what if it was a child and is my dog worth any less? It was 17 years ago but you never forget. I have seen enough stories on here to know that it happens, and we have to forgive ourselves and move on. I've had a couple of dogs since then, but Fluffy was our "family dog" and we'll always remember him.

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I lost my kitten last night in the same way, I'm devastated and I really don't know how to go on with this guilt and pain, my husband doesn't blame me either but I can't help to feel this guilt, I can't stop crying, I adopted her a week ago and last night I accidentally stepped on her little head, I ran to vet but she couldn't make it, can you please give me any advice? I really don't know what to do, this pain is just horrible 

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Mjca,

I'm so sorry, that's really hard.  I've accidentally stepped on my cat because she's old and doesn't hear well anymore and it's a horrible feeling, I can only imagine how it must feel to you to have completely lost her due to it.  Accidents do happen, we try to be so careful, but there have been many who have lost cats who have crawled in the dryer, met with ill fate outside, etc.  We feel responsible for them and do our best to ensure they're protected and safe, but we are human and subject to error.  I do like these articles and hope they are of help to you. 

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

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Hi to everyone... The very thing hapened to me yesterday too... I was repairing my car and just on leaving from the engine, doing one step backwards, I stepped most probably on the head of  my three months old kitty.... I tried not to put all weight on that feet but it was in vain... It started to have seizures, blood running from her nose, splashing in every direction, I immediately took it from the ground and tried to refresh it with cold tap water, but unfortunetlly it became obvious that it won't make it...It was one of the most fragile kitties, when it was small it always had diarrhea that I resolved by feeding the kitty some special anti diarrhea remedies.... Every morning it would wait for me before the outside door to open it and let her enter..., then the fridge door was the next and the feeding time.... It was absolute soft and beautiful creature requiring my love and care, but due to negligence I accidentally killed her... :( I will always remember this traumatic event and I always will know how kitties are vulnerable from being stepped on....I whish my kitty was alive...! :(

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I am so sorry.  I have accidentally stepped on my cat although not full weight, but she's not a kitten.  I've had to learn I can't walk in the house without the light on, you can't see her the dark.

I hope you will be able to forgive yourself, it's so hard, esp. since we'd never knowingly hurt them, we love them!  My heart goes out to you.

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Hi Everyone:

The day before yesterday, we lost one of our kittens. My husband was going downstairs. As he took the first step, he stepped on the head of our tabby kitten. I hear my hubby crying out and didn't know what was going on. He told me it was our kitten Jack, who had been lying on the step. My hubby didn't know he was upstairs. Our roommate brought the kitten downstairs and it was a horrific sight. I knew his skull had to be fractured. There was so much blood! We were going to take him to the emergency vet, but he passed away in about 5 minutes. I think that he was gone before that, though. I'm just thankful that it was quick. When they took the kitten to be cremated by the emergecy vet, I decided to mop up the blood. My husband didn't want me to see any of it, but I didn't want him to have any more trauma because he blamed himself and the roomate blamed himself, too because Jack had ran upstairs and he didn't take him back down. Jack has three othe siblings that are black & white. We are all so paranoid now. We don't ever want this to happen again.

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I am so sorry, I have stepped on my cat, I've learned to leave lights on different parts of the house or if I am moving through, to flip them on in my advance.

What a horrid memory to live with.  My heart goes out to you and your husband.

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5 hours ago, kayc said:

I am so sorry, I have stepped on my cat, I've learned to leave lights on different parts of the house or if I am moving through, to flip them on in my advance.

What a horrid memory to live with.  My heart goes out to you and your husband.

Thank you very much. I found this grief site, while I was wanting to find some comfort, and to see if this has happened to others. I came up with an idea that with our remaining kittens:  they will have collars with bells, so that we know where they are. My husband is partially blind, so he really feels badly for what happened. It's going to take he and I a while to heal, but we have lots of animals to comfort us :-).

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My heart is so sore right now with grief and guilt.just asI left my home yesterday i turned on our tumble dryer.i couldn’t find our 6 month old kitten anywhere but figured he was asleep on my sons bed as usual,so didn’t turn on the house alarm and rushed out.when I got home later with the kids the dryer was still on and there was a really awful smell in the washroom.no sign of the cat,we searched the whole house.eventually the penny dropped.my husband had to deal with the most gruesome scene,we are all devastated,I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for not checking where he was.

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