New To Grief And Being Without Him

[MrsCostigan]

I lost my husband a little over a month ago. He was only 27. I don't know why I'm here. Support or comfort I guess. O never thought we'd go through this so soon. We had so many plans. A whole long life ahead of us. We have a beautiful 1 1/2 year old girl and we we're going to have more.. I don't know how to say goodbye nor do I want to. I can't let go. We've both been through other relationships but they never worked. This was the one for both of us. It was so quick. You know, when you feel this is the one you look towards the long future you have together. Not just 3 years! We we're cheated. I am angry, confused, sad, lonely, stressed, and a multitude of other emotions rolled into one. In such a short time, he made me who I am.. I grew so much in the time we spent together. What the HELL do I do now without him? I miss him so much.

[feralfae]

Dear MrsCostigan,

I am so very sorry for your loss. A month ago is not time at all when you have lost your husband, the father of your daughter, and the love of your life. I know the pain must be terribly deep and hard to hold right now. After a month, I was still entirely in a fog, not able to make any decisions, and barely able to get out of bed. People were still sleeping over so I would not be alone.

Do you have family nearby to help you through this time? Do you have a grief counselor? Was Hospice involved?

Please, no names, as we stay anonymous, but tell us about your husband, and of course everyone will want to hear about your lovely little girl. There are several doting grandmothers among us.

Dear, are you eating well? Is there someone helping to take care of you and your daughter? This is truly a difficult time for both of you, but you need a great deal of emotional support right now from people who can give you compassionate understanding and love. I hope you have some good friends around you.

Try to stay very well hydrated. There are practical things to remember as we go through these terrible times of grief and broken hearts.

I don't know what you do now without him, except that you go on, one day, sometimes one hour at a time, and you survive. It gets a lot easier after a while. My Doug has been gone 32 months tomorrow, and I know it will be a sad day for me, but most days are pretty good now. Be patient and compassionate to yourself and to your broken heart. You will get through this. We will help all we can.

I am glad you found this place, but so very sorry for the reason you are here. We listen and we care. Marty and Mary are our moderators and they are both very wise people, skilled in the ways of grief and loss. This is a good place. I have healed a lot from being here. I think of this as a Tribe, gathered around a warm fire, which is kept lit for us all the time. Here, we can heal.

Blessings and Peace to your heart, dear one.

feralfae

[enna]

Dear Mrs. Costigan,

I am so very sorry for your loss. You are right in the thick of raw grief and I am so sorry that you have to be here. Your husband was so young. I am sure you had many plans as you started your life together. It does help to talk about things. All of our situations are unique but we are here for a single purpose and that is we have lost a spouse. All your emotion are absolutely normal ~ how could you not be “angry, confused, sad, lonely, stressed, etc…” It will take work to sort this out ~ I hope you have someone to talk with ~ a grief counselor can guide you through this. It will be important for you to find other young widows who can talk to you about having lost your dreams, your future, juggling a job and caring for your little girl.

We are good listeners and our moderators will be able to direct you to helpful places that will connect you to others who have lost a spouse at such a young age.

Please take care of yourself so you can care for your little girl.

Share with us what you feel like sharing. Again, I’m so very sorry for your loss.

Anne

[mfh]

Dear Mrs. Costigan,

I am so sorry about your loss. Such a huge shock. I am glad you found your way here where you will find loving support and understanding. You have been given very good advice here by those who know loss only too well. To have this happen when you are so young is extremely difficult as your hopes and dreams were just beginning to take shape. I am so sorry. You said you do not know why you are here. I believe in time you will see that you will be supported, heard and cared about by people who know what it is like to lose a spouse. We are of all ages. Please do return and if you like, sometime, tell us about your husband.

[MartyT]

Pleased as I am that you've found your way to this warm and caring place, my dear, I'm so sorry for the reasons that brought you here. Please accept our heartfelt sympathy for your loss.

As it happens, there are many resources "out there" that you may find helpful, and you'll find many of them listed here: Resources for Young Widow(er)s ♥

[kayc]

I am so sorry for your loss, and at such a young age. You didn't say if it was sudden/unexpected, or if he'd had an illness beforehand. Either way, it's a dreadfully rude awakening to find yourself without the love of your life, your partner.

You asked what you do now...that is the question that screamed at all of us when we went through it. One thing we've found that helps is to stay in the moment, today, not look at "the rest of your life" as it's too much right now. You have enough to handle with today, this hour, this moment.

The other thing we've found that helped, which I started practicing just two weeks after my George died, is to look for something good in the day and be thankful for it. It helps you bring positive focus back into your life when everything otherwise looks dark and bleak. It really works to change attitude to a heart of gratitude. I can't compare my joy to what I once had, which I think of as a bigger joy, but I've learned to appreciate all of the smaller joys. Things like a baby's smile, a puppy's kiss, seeing a rainbow or a beautiful starry night and realizing they can see it too. Things like a stranger holding a door open for you or a driver letting you merge. All of these are little things we can be thankful for. It is, sometimes, the little things in life that can help us through it.

[Queeniemary]

My dear, I am so very sorry for your loss. We all here have suffered such a loss, and are in different stages of this horrible journey that none of us wanted to travel. You are in such early days, and I understand the raw grief and disbelief that you are going through. Marty and Mary, our moderators, will have very helpful links for you, and wise words to help you. As will others on this site, many of us who have been coming here a long time. It does help to connect with others that know how you feel. Take care of yourself, and that baby girl. These are hard days, and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

QMary