phoenixtag Posted April 26, 2015 Report Share Posted April 26, 2015 I don't know where to start for this blog. I've read many of the others ones on here. I seems that writing your thoughts is a step in healing. So here goes.... My mom passed away about four weeks ago....seems that time frame is very typical when you get hit in the gut with the anxiety. Everyone was saying...oh, you're so strong, etc. And I believed that. I thought that I made it through both emotionally and physically without a lot of issues. Ha.....then last Friday I had some stomach problems....then Monday some sleeping problems.....and now back to stomach problems with being gassy....can't concentrate, losing interest in things I normally do, and finding it really difficult to write this blog. I suppose I need to add that my father is still alive and is in the process of having hip replacement surgeries. The first one having some complications, that seem to be getting better...and going through it all again in about four weeks...if the surgeon agrees... So, yeah. Major items. But why does it seem that only I'm having emotional problems. My brother and sister seem to be okay.....I should ask them....no? Anyway, my mom's decline has been going on for about three years. Dementia, etc. My dad was essentially the care giver, though I was the only one of their four children that lived in the same town, therefore I went through the entire process he did. About three months ago, right after the Super Bowl here in Phoenix, my mom had a brain seizure and was taken to their local hospital. Going into that room and seeing your mother failing about and saying over and over....what happened? Why am I here? over and over. THen wanting you to hold her hand. It was scary for all of us. Then after giving her anti seizure medication she ended up in ICU where she got pneumonia. Watching her heave for a breath was difficult too. But after about a week in the hospital, they released her into a rehab center, and after about three weeks, my dad and I got her into a lovely group home as my dad decided he could not, and neither could I, give her the care she needed. Then after a week, she fell and started to decline quickly. And again, my Dad and I had to make the decision to take her to the hospital....where we found out she had c-diff in addition to the brain issues....A day later, I had just visited and gone home, when my father calls and says that the surgeon wants a decision on whether to do surgery to take out her colon that was infected and she'd live with a colostomy bag.and for me to drive back over to the hospital Again, another decision we needed to make together....which was not to do that and continue with the heavy duty anti biotics. Finally, my brother arrived and we together decided to send my mom to Hospice. She stayed over night and the rest of the family began to arrive for a vigil. I wanted to go home and rest, so I did, and had just laid down in bed, when my sister called and said I should come back over right away. I got there and as I entered the room, she breathed her last breath. The funeral happened just a few days later and we had to make all those decisions about what she should wear and who should be a pall bearer and who should write a eulogy. And then everyone left. I went back to work....and went through my dad's surgery and complications (he caught c-diff as well).... So here I am a month later and am anxiety ridden, depressed and feeing physically ill. I know that this is completely rambling. Just like my mind is right now. Is this normal? I know that time heals all wounds.....but it's what you do with the time that counts.... I've set up appts with counselors, support groups, etc..... Am I doing the right things? Is anyone out there that can relate? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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