Gb Kitty Is Missed

[MartyT]

Carrie, my dear, please don't let either your presence or absence here add any more stress to the load you're carrying already! You need to rest and get well. We know that we are in your thoughts and prayers, just as you are always in ours. ♥

[LadyCarrie]

Thank you, Marty❤️.   Several have reached out to me, and I am grateful.  I care about their hurts as well.  Here on your forum is where I want and need to be.  

I know what to expect from arthritis, and know how to treat it (I know you understand, unfortunately; I'm sorry you understand so well).  It's Meniere's that I have no control over.  It has a mind of its own.  My not having any control causes me to feel frustrated, for there's little I can do to help myself.  If something needs to be done in order to help myself, I do it, even if I hate it.  With Meniere's, there's little to do but wait.  I'm praying it's at its worst now, and won't get as bad as the two major episodes.  There is a difference between episodes and symptoms.  Symptoms are what episodes leave behind.

I was diagnosed at UC San Francisco in 1992 after I suddenly lost all hearing in my left ear (massive doses of prednisone brought it back to about 75%).  I'd never had an ear problem ever.  I had been to a Celtic fair, so I thought perhaps I'd gotten just too danged happy following the Petaluma bagpipe band around all day, but it was more likely the prolonged loudness that caused the nerve to object.  

Jerry, Amberly, and I have fun at the Celtic fairs, but we can't get Jerry to wear his kilt.  He will wear other items to show his clan pride, but he won't leave his knobby knees hanging out (his words, not mine; he has cute knees).  Amberly and I love wearing our outfits we had made in Scotland, but he won't join us clothing-wise.  

I had to learn to walk upright again after the second major Meniere's episode, because what seemed upright wasn't.  I was mostly in bed for 5 months due to severe vertigo, so this is the reason I'm a wee bit nervous.  Meniere's is an ugly beast, and affects different people differently, and even the same person differently.  The positive thing is that thus far, I've been able to function well.  Each major episode takes something away permanently to some degree.  Considering, I think I've done well.  

Perhaps this is a time of prolonged symptoms rather than a major episode.  That has happened before, so that's what I choose to expect.  I believe whatever is happening is at least partially due to my not being able to cry after surgery.

"Tears are God's gift to us.  Our holy water.   They heal us as they flow" (Rita Schiano).  There is much truth to this.  My doctor was concerned that I was going to have an episode due to extreme stress when Jerry was in the hospital and since.  Crying helped me during that crisis and afterward.  I think my not being able to cry while Beauregard was so pitifully and miserably sick and after his death was the last straw.  

I've worked hard at not crying as instructed, and with God's help, I've succeeded thus far.  Not being able to cry is unnatural and absurd though.  Jerry just has to be all right until my retina heals, for I do not have the resolve or strength to control tears where he is concerned.  

I'm telling the results of my not crying here so others will cry out their hurts, if possible.  God gave us our tear ducts to protect our eyes, and to pray from our heart when we have no words. 

Blessings,

Carrie

[Marj37]

Many prayers for you Carrie.......I  had a Vertigo episode a few years back.  The Meniere's disease has to be so much worse and debilitating than Vertigo.   I thought a couple days was bad enough.  My heart really goes out to you.    And I have to agree - holding back those tears means the stress had to go somewhere.   And it did.   It's proven that stress will erupt in our bodies somewhere when we can't take care of it.   And I sure understand why you couldn't cry.

I know that my whole throat tensed up a few times when I was trying not to cry.  Awful feeling.  Plus our lungs need that release also.  When you are finally allowed to cry consider how much your lungs are a part of that.

Prayers and hugs

[Marj37]

Hello all.    Hamish has started eating with gusto!  Your prayers have helped.   And coming back to his affectionate self.   The kids are thriving.   I let them downstairs after dinner and they can race around.   They don't pay much attention to Hamish - he sits like a meditating buddha and watches - maybe a growl now and then.  And he had to teach Seamus who was boss the other night when Seamus came to pat him on the back.....hisssssssss.  Seamus learned.  These kids are fearless.  LOL  The rest of the day I still keep them upstairs - they have lots of room to run and play with each other.

Thanks you all for caring.   My Gb tears come (even now); the kitten kids are good because they are full of life and make me laugh.  They are the epitome of the love of life legacy that Gb had == each morning a wonder for him to start the day.   And Hamish is even more alert now.

[kayc]

Carrie, dear, you are in my prayers and I hold you up to our Father.  I don't know how you do it, but I know you have no choice and do what you must.

Marj, that is great news about Hamish.  He is teaching the youngsters how to deal with him in his own way.

[Critterdoll]

Marj, thank God that Hamish is eating and starting to be himself again!  I am truly glad to hear that!  Of course we care what's going on in your little family!  And you cry as much as you need to, as I still am, and I am sure others are still doing!  We truly loved our babies, and that love doesn't end just because they are gone!  They will live in our hearts forever!  Despite my sadness over losing Spooky, I wouldn't trade the time I had with him for anything.  God gave us our babies for a reason, because He knew we would love them and cherish them!  He entrusted them to people He knew would treat them as He expects His creations to be treated!

And I am now looking again at kayc's end of the post phrase (for lack of a better word): We WILL meet again! ...my Soulmate, my best friend, thru all time. 

How true that is!

~ Mia ~

[Marj37]

Hi Mia.................yes, time marches on; Hamish is starting to thrive and become more alert and eating better.  And starting to watch the kittens play!     And I also would not trade a minute of the life with Gb.

Edited September 20, 2015 by Marj37

[kayc]

Mia,

that is for sure.  No one I have lost, whether my husband or my pets, would I trade a minute of the life I had with them.

[Marj37]

Hi Friends

A few minutes ago I wrote a lot of words of  philosophical jargon about being/living in the moment  so we have the precious memories when times change.   Here in this group of  pet loss pals we know that is so important so I didn't copy & paste it. Would be preaching to the choir.  

Today is 4 months this evening, May 26, since my Gb is gone.   And I was thinking of the good that went on each day with  him; at the same time crying because I miss him so very much....his loving ways of always being by my side when
I was home; his love of each morning; the way he slept next to my head;  he was a cooperative kitty and also very stubborn at times..  I hope I honored him.   And I miss him terribly.  And  now we go on with special memories from ago  and making new ones in our own unique lives.

Hamish is ok; the kitten kids are fun and special and making their memories in my heart.

And I think of you that have sad hearts and wish you peace; and today is Mary's 5th month since Allie left.

Found on Pinterest

"I wish you peace when the cold winds blow Warmed by the fire's glow I wish you comfort in the lonely time And arms to hold you when you ache inside I wish you hope when things are going bad Kind words when times are sad I wish you peace when times are hard The light to guide you through the dark And when storms are high and your dreams are low I wish you the strength to let love grow on I wish you the strength to let love flow..."

 

 

Edited September 26, 2015 by Marj37

[kayc]

Living in the moment is so important, and not just for grievers but for all of us in life! I think you are looking at this the right way.

[Critterdoll]

Marj, the words you found on Pinterest are beautiful and thought provoking!  I am really glad to hear that Hamish is ok which I assume means he is now accepting of your kitten kids.  I understand your continued feelings of sadness for Gb and of missing him.  No matter how much you will grow to love your new precious pets, they cannot take the place of Gb.  People who don't understand (or like) animals can't understand that each animal is an individual, with their own special personalities just like people.  The last few days I have been feeling especially sad over missing Spooky.  I am still in the mode of, last time I did this or I did that, Spooky was still with me.  I am still finding it hard to accept that he truly is gone, and I have been very weepy the last few days.  It is stormy here in New York, and in the past if the weather was gloomy like this, Spooky and I would cuddle up together and ride out the storm in each other's company.  Now all I have to cuddle up with is memories, but for now those memories are still making me very sad.

~ Mia ~

[Marj37]

Hi -- I have a book "Soul Comfort for Cat Lovers"  by Liz Eastwood --- there is a quote she used that applies to all and I include it below.  So so true.

"You have to experience the absence in every season of the year.  I finally understood the custom among my people of the year long mourning period, the Yortzeit.  Each change of weather brings different sensory memories of when you last lived through that season".   Philip Schreibman

And another quote recommends," setting a specific time.  - a bridge to accepting the space with her presence".  

With the fall season here I am finding days of  sadness rising ,

 

[kayc]

I gave my daughter a book on cats this week and she couldn't wait to delve into it!  Her Casey died a couple years ago and as we know, we're never the same...  She got a tatoo of her paw print on her ankle in her memory.

[Marj37]

Hi Kayc --- which book did you get for her?   That's so neat to have the tattoo.

I ordered a large print of my favorite picture of Gb.  It is poster size.  Sure hope it turns out well.

[kayc]

I don't remember the name of it, it was something I ran across, but it had short stories and poems that were poignant.  She loves it.  I'll have to ask her the name of it.  

I'm so happy for you about the print, I hope it turns out well!  A friend of mine had an oil painting made for me of Arlie last Christmas, I love it!

 

[Marj37]

That was such a wonderful gift........love your painting.  Thanks for sharing it.    Arlie is sure on the run  :))

 

 

[kayc]

That was the best day of his life, he was running and playing with other dogs at a "private dog park".  

[Critterdoll]

Hi all,

Kayc, that is a gorgeous painting of your dog!  If he is so beautiful in the painting, I can imagine how beautiful he looked in real life! Even in the painting one can sense the joy he had for life.  I love the idea of a tattoo of a paw print.  I wouldn't mind having one myself if I was courageous enough to have a tattoo done.

Marj, I do hope that Hamish is doing even better than before and that he is getting even more used to your kitten kids.  They must really be growing into "teenagers" by now and causing joyous havoc all over the house.   I also hope the large print of Gb you ordered turns out well.

Blessings,

~ Mia ~

Edited October 25, 2015 by Critterdoll

[Marj37]

Thanks, Mia

Joyous havoc is so right.   My gosh - sometimes the patter of 8 feet is amazing.   Hamish is a little more adjusted to them.

The 3 of them sometimes nap on the bed behind my computer area - or they will all have treats together.   So it is fairly peaceable.  

And the print I ordered got lost in their website and they didn't let me know until I inquired Monday - so they credited me and I ordered another.   

Kayc, I'd love a pawprint - too chicken to get one.  I did order some decal tattoos from Etsy.com to put on my leg of cat shapes - they last about a week.  Fun.

[kayc]

My daughter is quite a cat person...I'm kind of wondering if she'll add other paw prints when she loses her other cats...could be interesting.    But why not?  The tattoos people chose say a lot about them.  Some show what they care about...some state how impetuous they are.  When we are 80 we may indeed laugh at our bodies, whatever we've done to them!

[Marj37]

Hi.........now I have the poster sized  copy of my favorite picture of Gb ---- up in the grapevine on the fence looking in the nextdoor  yard.  My neighbor was out and ran to get her camera and he stayed right there.    That was his favorite pursuit ,when he wasn't trying to get birds, was to get over the fence so I had him in a harness with a leash so I could catch him when he escaped.    I sure do miss that boy in the midst of my active teen kittens and caring for Mr Hamish.

 

Edited November 5, 2015 by Marj37

[kayc]

Oh Marj, that is beautiful!  Where did you get it made?  And what a beautiful picture!

[Marj37]

Thanks a heap, kayc.    I am pleased you saw it.

I ordered it from www. snapfish.com.   I am really satisfied with their prints over the years.

Edited November 6, 2015 by Marj37

[Critterdoll]

Marj, what a gorgeous picture of your precious Gb!  He sure was a beautiful cat!  I love the letter M on his forehead.  Does that stand for Marj?   You are so lucky to have gotten such a lovely picture of Gb.  I really wish I had even one such beautiful picture of my Spooky.  By the way, right before Halloween, Walgreens was selling a wooden Halloween table display of the word spooky done up in colored glitter.  What do you think?  Of course I bought it, and it is still displayed on a shelf in my livingroom. 

I keep scrolling up to take another look at your sweetie Gb, he is so gorgeous.

~ Mia ~

[Marj37]

Hi Mia.........thanks.    

How neat to buy that table display .   of course you'd buy it.   

Now with a new season upon us I had to find something to commemorate missing Gb - as the seasons go by we will experience their absence.   In the chilly evenings Gb and Hamish were always piled on my lap - so one lap  space is empty now where I sit to watch tv in the warm den.  I had switched to the living room for evening tv until now.  The kits are not into lap sitting.

Haven't decided where to hang the poster picture.