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chivon

My Cat died an accidental death

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My name is Chivon Rodgers and on Monday morning I experienced the most traumatic experience of my life. I have a cat named Bailey who I got when he was about 6 weeks old. I loved him the moment I laid eyes on him. We had an amazing bond. He would always find his way to be around me and he followed me every where that I went. We both enjoyed cuddle time and he always loved laying on my chest suckling my ear. On Sunday night it was the same thing with us. He followed me around all night. He lay on top of my chest and we cuddled for a long time. It had been a long day and I was tired so I decided to take a bath to wind down for the night.. He always came in the bathroom and lay by the tub. After I was done I had to go put my daughters school uniform in the dryer that I had washed for the next day. Bailey followed me in the basement as always. We played for a bit as he ran around the basement, running and jumping. I went in the washer to get my daughters uniform and put it in the dryer and it was only a shirt and a pair of pants. I put it in the dryer and cleaned out the lent trap and turned the dryer on. I then went upstairs and went to bed. I thought to myself it was strange that Bailey didn't follow me up but I thought maybe he got tired and went to sleep from all of the running and jumping. I forgot to mentioned that he is now six months old so I had him for a while now. The next day I woke up On Monday morning around 7:45 to get my daughters uniform out of the dryer and get ready for school. I opened the dryer and pulled her pants out and it had rad stains all over it. I thought maybe she had something in her pocket and it got all of her clothes. Then I looked at the dryer door and it was red stains all over it. I was still confused to what this was so as I was reaching in the dryer to get her shirt, I saw the most traumatic thing of my life. I looked in disbelief and saw my Kitty laying in the dryer lifeless and blood splattered everywhere. I screamed at the time of my lungs No over and over again. I kept saying my baby my baby!!! I ran upstairs and my screams had woken my husband and daughter up. I cried Bailey is dead, he got in the dryer!!! I didn't see him, how did he get in there? I am so confused because I never heard him get in the dryer and he never done that before. My heart hurts so bad because how did I not see my Kitty get in the dyer. How did I not hear him when I only put two things in the dryer. It breaks my heart that I couldn't save my baby!!! I cant get the thoughts out of my mind of the pain that he endured that night while I slept. My baby was hurting and I couldn't save his life. I am filled with guilt and blame myself because how did I not see my kitty. Everyone keeps telling me not to blame myself because I didn"t know but it hurts so bad because I turned on the dryer. I want to turn back the hands of time and make this nightmare go away. I want my Bailey back. I miss his cuddles, his purrs, and the way he stares me in my eyes with so much love. How could happen and how did I not see him in there. I been crying everyday and I cant get the image out of my head of him lying there. We were just playing together and now he is gone. Me and my daughter was the closet to him and she is taking it hard. It didn't want her to see him in there but she went and saw him anyway. Now she is going through what I am going through. She cant get it out of her mind and she has not been herself since. I cant go back in the basement and do laundry because that hurts me more. Everything reminds me of him and it hurts my heart so bad. I am devastated because I am suppose to be his protector and He is gone now and I couldn't save him. He had to suffer so bad that night and it hurts me that he had to endure such pain.  I want him back and I cant believe he is gone. He was a part of our family and We loved him so much. I am hurting so bad!!!

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My dear, I am so, so sorry!  I know this has been an absolutely horrific experience for you, one that you will never forget.  I had a dog that crawled into my van, unbeknownst to me, and was ever so quiet on my way to work...I worked at a mill with lots of dust in the air so I always rolled the windows up.  This was summer and the temperatures would reach up to 140 degrees in the van.  That evening I took my stuff out to the van and opened the door, and he rolled out into my arms, stiff as a board.  I screamed and screamed!  I called the vet (what did I think he was going to do?).  Mouth to mouth, nothing helped, of course not, he'd been dead for hours!  Did he try to bark as I sat in my office just on the other side of the wall, mere feet away?  This was over 20 years ago and I will never forget it.  The vet said his brain would have burst.  Great, I needed that image!  Honestly, I think they shut down rather quickly, before they die, it's the body's way of protecting itself...a sleep like coma, prior to death.  I say that to you because I want you to know he likely didn't suffer as much/long as you might think.  He was probably too confused to think conscious thoughts.

There are links about guilt after loss here, in the other thread on loss of pet, Marty just posted some, I hope you'll take the time to read them.  I think we all do things we regret and feel horrible guilt afterwards, but the truth is, there's no way in the world you ever would have done anything purposefully bad to Bailey, and I certainly wouldn't to Fluffy.

There was another poster here that also accidentally killed her cat in the dryer.  I am just so sorry you went through this, I'm sorry for your whole family.

I even felt guilt after my husband died of a heart attack...I didn't cause it but I couldn't help but wonder, what if I'd pushed harder for him to switch doctors?  There's no way I could have foreseen it...just as there's no way you could have foreseen your cat's death.  

My sympathy to you, I wish I could help you.

 

Edited by MartyT
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I appreciate your words of encouragement. This has been the hardest week of my life. My mind keeps going back to seeing him laying there. My husband set up an appointment for me and my daughter to go to therapy tonight. He doesn't like seeing me like this and wants the happy me back. It is just really hard to smile and be happy when my Bailey's life was taken away so soon. I am just taking one day at a time. 

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You're doing the right things, I'm glad your husband made an appt. for you and your daughter, I'm sure it'll be very helpful.  Bailey had the best life he could while he was alive, and at least they don't have the same concept of time, he doesn't realize he had a short life, only that it was happy with his family.

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Here is a link to the Rainbow Bridge:

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One more thing...if it had been your daughter or husband that had put the clothes in the dryer, what would your response to them be?  Can you try saying that response to yourself?  Be as kind and understanding of yourself that you would be with someone else.   (((hugs)))

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That a girl!

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Chivon, I am so terribly sorry for your loss! This must have been a nightmare. I really hope you do get help as in a professional to talk to, this is most likely not something one gets past without help. It will be a journey back to feeling ok but I hope you can remind yourself through all this that this was a horrible accident. Do not blame yourself. You would never have intentionally hurt your little cat! This is the worst part of having animals and/or children. Accidents do happen, and there is a tiny little risk in life, that we, in a moment of distraction, do something that in the end result in these accidents. Remember, you did not do this on purpose. If there is any comfort, most likely Bailey knocked his head and became unconscious in the first few seconds, and because of that did probably not even notice what was going to happen, and did not suffer long at all. I hope you take care of yourself, and get the help you deserve, so that someday soon, you will think about the memories where your fur baby is playing and being happy again. I am sure you will see him again someday, and he will not blame you for this. 

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I appreciate your words of comfort. I am trying really hard not to blame myself. My husband called for me and my daughter to get professional help last week. It has help to talk to someone and she really helped me understand that I should not blame myself for this accident. I have been having a hard time because the image keeps coming in my mind of what happened to him. I know he is no longer in pain anymore and that helps ease my mind. I miss him so much and everything reminds me of him. I find his fur on my clothes and it just makes me think of him more. My home is so different without him here. I know it will get better and I want another kitty but my husband thinks I am just trying to cover up my pain so that I do not have to deal with the grief. I just miss him so much.

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Hi Chivon-----I am so totally sorry.  That is all I know to say right now.

But I do know that the pictures of horror replay in our minds.  Over and over.  The more you tell the story the more the pictures will begin to dissipate - it takes time and retelling - perhaps even writing it over and over in your very own journal/notebook - a private place where you can scream with a pencil/pen.  I am convinced we need to label these type of events as trauma.  And deal with it as one would with PTSD.  If you continue with therapy you need to bring up how the pictures  keep going thru your mind.

 

 

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That is a good idea to write all my feelings on paper because when I write I get relief.  It will help with the process because holding it all inside has not helped me at all. i do feel l have been traumatized by this happening and It keeps replaying over and over in my mind.

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One cat doesn't replace another, as they are all so unique, but a new one would worm their way into your heart.  You might set a time frame by which you want to make a decision and see how you feel about it at that time.  You will always remember and miss the one you lost.  I hope the counseling helps you with it.

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Hi Chivon......I have to say - some of the writings in my "self  journal/notebook" are 2 inches high --- my "screaming" handwriting and feelings.  And some things I have written over and over.

I do  have another love journal that I write to Gb - to keep the memories of his loving and unique personality.   I an still unable to read what I've written but I keep adding to it.

I needed to wait 3 months before I could adopt emotionally from the humane society --- I am loving the two teenage kits  while still loving angel Gb and his brother Hamish  who is still with me.

Edited by Marj37

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Chivon, my dear, you might consider some form of guided imagery to help you with those horrid images that, as you say, keep playing over and over in your mind. We often recommend the resources offered by Belleruth Naparstek, a well known expert in posttraumatic stress. Her materials are affordable and can be used at your convenience, in the privacy of your own home.

From her Health Journeys website:

Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can impact anyone who has experienced or even witnessed a devastating or terrifying event. Pairing meditation and PTSD is one of the effective new ways of coping. Health Journeys’ MP3s and CDs offer clinically researched guided meditation for posttraumatic stress to help veterans, survivors of disaster, traumatic illness, accidents, domestic violence and childhood abuse. Belleruth Naparstek and other experts’ guided meditations for PTSD are clinician endorsed and distributed nationwide by health professionals and the US military. For PTSD help, try one of our MP3s or CDs and experience a dramatic improvement in symptoms for yourself. Click here to learn more about the range of programs we offer and which mind-body practices might appeal most to you.

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OMG Chivon.  What a tragic accident.  I feel your pain and sorrow.  I am so so sorry for your loss.  My suggestion would to write a journal to write those hurtful feelings and emotions down.  Marty and her associates are very compassionate people, listen to them, they helped me with the loss of my pets.

Nikomi- (ferret) 2009

Chinook (ferret) 2012

Logan (dog) 2014

Mr. Ripley (cat) 2014

Snickers (dog)  2013

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Chivon, I also am so very, very sorry to read about what happened to your precious Bailey.  That is a horrible image for you to carry around, but others here have made great suggestions as how to cope with your loss.  When anyone in this group loses a pet, we all feel the pain as if it happened to us.  I was crying my eyes out reading about the tragic accident, and that is what is was, an accident.  It is obvious your Bailey was very much loved by you, and you were loved by him, that is why he was always following you around.

I don't know what else to say right now to console you, but do know that we are here to share in your sorrow.  I lost my Spooky a few months ago to old age as he was 21 years old.  I had to have him put to sleep which doesn't make the pain any easier, knowing it had to be done.  But at least it wasn't as unexpected as what you went through.  I truly feel sorry for what you are experiencing but just know it wasn't your fault.  Many things happen in life that we can never know why they happen, and we have to accept that sometimes things really are out of our control.  I pray that God grants you His peace and gives you comfort in dealing with this traumatic thing that happened.

Any time you need to talk, we are here to listen.

Blessings,

~ Mia ~

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