cami Posted November 19, 2015 Report Share Posted November 19, 2015 My husband was murdered by being ran over by a Suv the guy didn't know my husband.The driver was one of seven people in the Suv.He is being charged with first degree murder.We worked together I did not see it happen but I was there a few minutes later .I was there trying to help him .I can't overcome the violence and devistation it has caused me .I should have been there also.I know it probably would have had the same outcome .I would have died also . I don't know why I'm here .I wish I was with my husband where ever he is heaven or a inbetween place I know my husband and he would want justice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted November 19, 2015 Report Share Posted November 19, 2015 My Dear Cami, I am so so sorry for your loss and in the most dreadful way imaginable. It is so hard to find any sense or logic to something so random and so destructive.On every level it is right that this guy is charged with murder. Justice won't bring your beloved husband back but this 'guy' won't be allowed to do this again. There are no words Cami that can bring you comfort. I lost my husband very suddenly in August to a brain haemorrhage, so I understand your utter grief. You have come to the right place to speak about your feelings. Let it all pour out, we can't work magic but we can offer you friendship and understanding. Big big hugs xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 19, 2015 Report Share Posted November 19, 2015 Cami, I am so sorry, I can't imagine anything more horrific, and I hope the X%&@! is prosecuted to the umpth degree! I know that'd be of little consolation, though, it doesn't bring your husband back, but at least he'd have to pay. You are going through something no one should ever have to go through and it greatly compounds your loss, which in and of itself would be more than enough to deal with. I hope you will continue to come here and post as it greatly helps to know you are heard and understood. As Debi said, we can't fix anything, but we can be here for you when those around you are at a loss as to what to say or do. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted November 19, 2015 Report Share Posted November 19, 2015 Cami, I am so sorry. This has to be terrible on you. Justice won't bring him back but I hope it brings a small relief to see the dirt bag put away for taking something so precious. And, the "I should have been there" happens in all our minds. My own guilt envelopes me more times a day than I care to explain. And, I was there. I just was not holding him when I should have been. I hope you can find some small moment of solace from this group. Just a moment helps. Again, I am so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted November 19, 2015 Report Share Posted November 19, 2015 Cami, my dear, I am so sorry to learn of your husband's horrific death. A traumatic loss like this is one of the most difficult to understand and endure. You don’t say what sort of support you have in your life, or what kind of help if any you have obtained. I hope that you have found an organization such as Violent Crime Victim Services so that you will be surrounded by others who are familiar with the profound grief of losing your beloved this way. It’s unrealistic to think that you can manage this overwhelming grief all by yourself – especially when you are coping not only with the loss of your spouse but also with a death by homicide. I strongly encourage you as a survivor of homicide to educate yourself about the subject. Read what others have written about it. See, for example, What to Do When the Police Leave by Bill Jenkins; see also Bill’s Web site, WBJ Press and Will’s World. Two other helpful and informative books are No Time For Goodbyes: Coping with Sorrow, Anger, and Injustice After a Tragic Death, by Janice Harris Lord, and Coping with Traumatic Death: Homicide, by Bob Baugher and Lew Cox. (Click on the books’ titles to read Amazon’s descriptions and reviews of each; if either one interests you, ask for it at your local library.) Helpful articles include the following: The Aftermath of Murder Grief Due to Complicated Death Dealing with Sudden, Accidental or Traumatic Death A Murder in The Family I’m also reminded of a program I heard some time ago on National Public Radio (NPR). In a fascinating and moving “Fresh Air” interview with Terry Gross, author and poet Kathleen Sheeder Bonnano vividly describes how she expressed her grief through poetry following the brutal murder of her daughter at the hands of a boyfriend in 2003. Many topics are covered, including the effects of traumatic loss on one’s view of the world; what to say (and what not to say) to the bereaved; frustrations she endured in dealing with the media, the police and the criminal justice system; coping with and working through her own need for revenge and retribution; and ultimately finding her way through the most devastating of losses, toward transformation, transcendence, and hope. Sprinkled throughout the interview are opportunities to hear Kathleen reading some of her amazing poems. If you’d like to listen to the program, you can do so here: On The Page, Poet Mourns Daughter’s Murder. Try visiting other Web sites devoted to this subject, such as the Violent Death Bereavement Society and NOVA - Network of Victim Assistance. Such sites will assure you that you are not alone in this tragedy, will offer you some ways to manage your grief, and will help you to recognize that if others can survive this most devastating of losses, then you can do it, too. Meanwhile, know that we welcome you with open arms and caring hearts, with the hope that you will find some comfort here. ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted November 19, 2015 Report Share Posted November 19, 2015 Marty these are wonderful links. It is amazing isn't it, the resources that we have and we are constantly reminded that the path we walk is a well trodden one sadly, but at least now we have the internet and can find a little comfort somewhere. Thanks Marty xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 19, 2015 Report Share Posted November 19, 2015 I thank God for the internet and for having this site when we specifically have needed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 19, 2015 Report Share Posted November 19, 2015 Cami- Know that all of my thoughts and prayers are coming your way. What a devastating and senseless tragedy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted November 19, 2015 Report Share Posted November 19, 2015 My sincerest sympathies.......sudden and horrific deaths are difficult to understand, but Cami, what happened was not in your control. Again, I feel for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cami Posted November 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 Thanks to all for responding I appreciate your kindness and support.I'm new to being on the computer and talking to people it will take some getting use to.I do have two grown children that are there for me.They are shattered by this their father was always there for them and me .It's unreal the world is to me now . My life now is like a total different reality . My husband was wonderful we met when I was 5 and he was 12 .We where neighbors and best friends he always respected me .He was a strong loving husband that never disappointed me. The hard part is he totally loved everything about me .No one will ever love me like that again .That love were their the perfect one for you only. It kills me to think about it . I try not to at work it's a little apreave, not long though I try to do things I enjoy .At first it helps then I always have such a huge let down .I have a problem with the flight response I keep wanting to run avoidance I think .It's too much some how I keep thinking if I don't slow down i'll be with him sooner?I don't understand my thinking I know it has to have something to do with how he got killed.I think their going to kill me too sometimes I wish they would so I can be with my husband ,but I will give a good fight though I will take them with me. I do think something is going to happen too me that their after me I try not to be paranoid. They have gang ties,but know one thinks things like that happen ,but they do.Crazy people don't care about anyone but their self .thanks again marty I will be looking up all those sites your a real life saver. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 20, 2015 Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 If it's gangs, have you considered relocating where they won't find you? I hope you've talked to the police about your concerns. Your kids wouldn't want to lose you too, on top of losing their father, it'd be a lot for them to handle. Wow, you met when you were just kids? How neat that you got to know each other so well from the very beginning! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cami Posted November 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2015 kayc,The district attorney does't think they will go after us .I don't trust any of them there was half the court house full of his family and friends.They don't value their own life their not going to think twice about evil doings to a someone else.Yes my husband has always been there for me he truely was a blessing .He had an accident before in 2009 at work and could have died then, I'm gratefull to god he let me have him longer.I long for him it's neverending,I still feel were bonded together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 21, 2015 Report Share Posted November 21, 2015 If it was a matter of him ratting on gangmembers and them "getting even" or something like that, I don't think they'd have anything to gain by going after you. If they were going to do that, it would be to get back at him and that opportunity is now gone. If it was just some random act of viciousness, I doubt they'll seek you out either as usually that is a matter of just being there when someone else is on a rampage...the rampage has passed. I pray you will be able to relax a bit because it's hard to be on edge indefinitely. I'm sure it's all due to not only his death, but HOW he died. I hope you're getting therapy with all of this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cami Posted November 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 Kayc, The DA thinks it is a random act .I'm not so sure alot of things don't add up. Like the driver was at our company a week before. Who was he talking to?There's alot of unsavory people that didn't like my husband he stood up for what was right and they didn't like it.I believe it was a hit on him .Proving it is another matter.I do need Grief counsiling I should be going soon .I hope it helps even alittle bit will be something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 22, 2015 Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 If you're not in grief counseling yet, you should be, it's emergent! But even if it was a hit, the hit was for him, not you. The only reason they'd target you would be to get to HIM and that's a moot point now. No, if they were going to get you it would have been BEFORE they killed him. I don't blame you for how you're feeling, I hope you're seeing you're doctor. I'd have to be on anxiety medicine big time if I had to go through all that! I think grief counseling will help a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cami Posted November 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 Kayc I will start soon I have alot going on other things have had to be taken care of lots of appointments,while I'm working .Wich is better one on one counsiling or group?I'm kind of shy around new people I listen mostly before saying anything.My husband was the out going one he'd always be in the middle trying to solve things or help someone who needed it.He liked helping people with their problems they would go to him because they trusted him.I don't believe in popping a pill for a problem I have to learn to deal with it on my own.I do tell myself I'm living for both of us have to try to make the most of it only one life .Wish God would let me know in what direction I need to go.My jobs a big stress I work for the same company different area.Nobody their understands my grief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 22, 2015 Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 I would start with one on one from a trained grief counselor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted November 27, 2015 Report Share Posted November 27, 2015 On 19.11.2015 5:41:34, cami said: My husband was murdered by being ran over by a Suv the guy didn't know my husband.The driver was one of seven people in the Suv.He is being charged with first degree murder.We worked together I did not see it happen but I was there a few minutes later .I was there trying to help him .I can't overcome the violence and devistation it has caused me .I should have been there also.I know it probably would have had the same outcome .I would have died also . I don't know why I'm here .I wish I was with my husband where ever he is heaven or a inbetween place I know my husband and he would want justice. Dear Cami! I´m very sorry for your loss!It´s a tragedy.I also lost my beloved man Jan suddenly from morning till night as you can re-read in my story.The worst is that it were the doctors who killed him.He could be alive now.There are no words to say how much it hurts.Nothing in this life can bring him back.I only know that he is waiting for me in the heaven to come and that´s the reason of my day-to-day fight.I love him forever! Please,take care! Hugs from Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cami Posted November 27, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 27, 2015 Janka I know the heartache it's a constant reminder of my total loss of companionship. I feel for you nothing or no one can replace our true love.Best wishes for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted November 27, 2015 Report Share Posted November 27, 2015 Cami, you´re right.Nobody,nothing,never...My beloved Jan is irreplaceable for me forever! This is the kind of absolute love given once in a lifetime when two become one forever. I´m here for you whenever you want to talk to... ...sending hugs and this beautiful song to you and your beloved one... Janka https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZesB5aN5TCg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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