my dog

[hiena]

Maybe just a simple thread then, putting what you have here...just a place of your own for others to respond to?

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My dog was 14.5 years old.  I thought that I took such good care of her that she would live exceptionally long.  She looked like a puppy.  She was a happy dog.  People were surprised when I said her age. 

In the last few years she had arthritis.  It progressed.  It was slightly improved with prednisone - she was able to stand better.  Then, my friend who was looking after her told me that she's in pain.  I didn't believe she was in pain.  I thought it was too early to ... say goodbye.  She ... started to have more trouble eating.  She started to get skinny.  In the last few days I was bringing water to her.  I realized that it was better for her to stay in bed, when she was up she was unstable.  We tried to walk her by holding her up with a band.  It was pretty helpful.  On the last night she was howling.  I'd never seen her howl before.  I checked her body - tried to see if I could position her more comfortably - but she was in pain. 

My dog - we used to walk together.  I fed her treats of mangos, squash, shared my food with her.  We had a 5k route that I missed when she wasn't able to handle.  But, it was great still being able to walk her - we just walked less distance.  And then less distance.  And then just down the block. 

My dog used to purr like a cat.  She would purr all night sometimes.  I hugged her all the time.  Sometimes I would watch the clock and pet her for half an hour.  I was very appreciative of having my own dog.

I grieved someone in my family - when I cried my dog licked my tears and it cheered me up.  She was a sweetie.

She was an American bulldog.  74 pounds.  I had her from when she was 11 months old.  We adopted her at the SPCA.  I liked that she was there to protect me - I could take her for walks at any time.  I wished that I could take her everywhere with me - but where I live people will kidnap dogs if you leave them outside, and you can't bring dogs into stores or onto transit.  I would have taken her everywhere.  She was my pride because she was happy and healthy and she trusted me.  She listened to me.  She had strong will - but she would stop what she was doing if I said "no."

Only one dog like her.

[kayc]

Thank you for sharing...I know what it took for you to do that.  Purred like a cat?  That's a first!   14.5 is a good age for a dog, my Lucky was 14 when she died.  She could have lived longer but at a cost to her, she was in pain, couldn't hear or see well, and walking was difficult, so I had to make the toughest decision one can make.  That was seven years ago.  God bless you, I know it's hard.

[hiena]

On 2015-11-30, 8:26:27, kayc said:

Thank you for sharing...I know what it took for you to do that.  Purred like a cat?  That's a first!   14.5 is a good age for a dog, my Lucky was 14 when she died.  She could have lived longer but at a cost to her, she was in pain, couldn't hear or see well, and walking was difficult, so I had to make the toughest decision one can make.  That was seven years ago.  God bless you, I know it's hard.

It is hard.  Thank you.  Other people's stories help.  My dog did purr like a cat!  It was so nice - something that I loved about her.  I don't know if that's a characteristic of her breed.  She would sometimes purr all night.

I feel better from your description of your dog's last days.  What I'm struggling with is guilt about making the decision.  I miss her, and I hope I didn't do her a disservice.

[MartyT]

My dear, you may find this article helpful as well: Guilt In The Wake of The Euthanasia Decision  ♥

[kayc]

I don't think you did her a disservice, I think you thought of her best interests.  It's hard because it's a damned if we do, damned if we don't situation because then we're left struggling with the what ifs, when in actuality we didn't get what ifs, we could only make the best decision given the information we had at the time.  We loved our dogs, more than anything in the world, and put them first.  I think they know that.

[hiena]

Thank you both.

 

 

[hiena]

update - still grieving.  still miss my dog.  still wish ... I think everyone knows what I wish. 

[hiena]

damned if we do, damned if we don't.

somewhere on this forum or on the internet there's advice not to believe the hype about a drug.  There's a drug being advertised somewhere on the internet that I feel guilty about because maybe it would have helped.  But, I suppose it wouldn't have.  I suppose we only get so many years with our best friend dogs.

[kayc]

hiena,

I think you get it.  It's not that we made the wrong decision, it's that sometimes there is no right decision.  Sometimes we have to go with what we think is best for them and even that doesn't turn out so well.  But the really important thing is that we had each other in our lives and loved and enjoyed each other to the fullest.  We learned to love and trust and give freely to each other, and that can never be taken away.  The relationship still exists, it's just the being able to express it in the way we were accustomed to (giving a belly rub, stroking their ears, scratching their butt, giving a favorite treat, taking on a walk...that part is on hold for now, until we can be together again.

[hollowheart]

((((((Hiena))))))

I'm sorry about your dog. Because they become a member of the family, the loss is just as great when we lose them. How could it be a disservice if she was in pain? You were easing her suffering and even though you didn't want too, in your heart you knew it was the right thing. Doing a disservice would be to keep her with you, despite the pain she was in, so that you could be with her. I hope that did not upset you, but you did not do her wrong.

I had my Tracy for 21 years. She just got up one day and laid on the floor in the same spot. I went to work and my mom was at home. She told me she never moved from that spot, and passed away. I was heartbroken. She had personality and was a little white fluff ball. That was over 10 years ago and I still think about her. We had strays we cared for over the years that were like family and they passed away. I like to think of them as we took care of them, looked out for them. Feed them and they were not alone, they had us. Your pet was just as lucky, she had you for 14 years.

[hiena]

10 hours ago, hollowheart said:

((((((Hiena))))))

I'm sorry about your dog. Because they become a member of the family, the loss is just as great when we lose them. How could it be a disservice if she was in pain? You were easing her suffering and even though you didn't want too, in your heart you knew it was the right thing. Doing a disservice would be to keep her with you, despite the pain she was in, so that you could be with her. I hope that did not upset you, but you did not do her wrong.

I had my Tracy for 21 years. She just got up one day and laid on the floor in the same spot. I went to work and my mom was at home. She told me she never moved from that spot, and passed away. I was heartbroken. She had personality and was a little white fluff ball. That was over 10 years ago and I still think about her. We had strays we cared for over the years that were like family and they passed away. I like to think of them as we took care of them, looked out for them. Feed them and they were not alone, they had us. Your pet was just as lucky, she had you for 14 years.

Thank you hollow heart.

I'm lucky I had my pet for 14 years.  Very lucky.

I'm glad to read that you loved that ball of fluff so much.

Sad, eh   Thank you for your thoughts and for what you shared.

Thank you for your reassurance.

[hiena]

11 hours ago, kayc said:

hiena,

I think you get it.  It's not that we made the wrong decision, it's that sometimes there is no right decision.  Sometimes we have to go with what we think is best for them and even that doesn't turn out so well.  But the really important thing is that we had each other in our lives and loved and enjoyed each other to the fullest.  We learned to love and trust and give freely to each other, and that can never be taken away.  The relationship still exists, it's just the being able to express it in the way we were accustomed to (giving a belly rub, stroking their ears, scratching their butt, giving a favorite treat, taking on a walk...that part is on hold for now, until we can be together again.

Thank you kayc;

I liked rubbing her belly.  When she became older, she stopped asking for that.  I tried to rub her belly the last few days - I know she liked being pet - she wasn't a young puppy anymore.  One thing for sure - she was purring, not in the last week but not too much before, and I know she took comfort in me trying to make her feel good (giving her hugs).  We had many, many walks together.  That ended about six months ago - we walked as best as we could.  I have many walks to remember that we had together.  Definitely I could scratch her ears up until the last day.  I know she enjoyed that.  Her head would get warm.  My little dog.

 

Thanks for taking time to respond wherever you are kayc   I'll just be sad for a little while.  My little dog.

[kayc]

Them doing something (like your dog purring or my Lucky grinning) and then ceasing to do it shows it was time, they were in discomfort and it was affecting their world.  My dog Lucky always used to grin at me when I'd come home...the last couple of years she was doing it less until she finally quit altogether...she was hurting and it was time.

[hiena]

My dog wasn't wagging her tail anymore.  I think she lost the ability.

She wasn't able to do many things.

Why don't dogs live longer????  They are such sweet, intelligent animals.

My dog, and missing her, is on my mind today - all day.  Good dog, my special dog.  She knew I loved her.

[kayc]

I don't know, I wish I could have Arlie the rest of my life and go together, but alas I know that's not how it goes...

[Persie]

Hello,

I know exactly how you feel.  I lost my dog Rosie 7 months ago, and it seems like yesterday. We got her when she was 11wks old, and she lived for

15 yrs. This is my first Christmas without her, so I found myself crying my heart out today. I only wish I know when the pain will

ease.

[hollowheart]

I still miss my Tracy. We always seem to have some stray cats in our yard and happened to keep one of the kittens from a litter that we saved. She is a little black cat and has a people personality. When our pets have those kinds of personalities it's hard to lose them because they are almost like another person!

I know Tracy would give those 'looks' and it was funny. I know people think getting another animal right away helps but sometimes it doesn't. You can't replace everything.

[hiena]

On 2015-12-08 at 11:47 AM, Persie said:

Hello,

I know exactly how you feel.  I lost my dog Rosie 7 months ago, and it seems like yesterday. We got her when she was 11wks old, and she lived for

15 yrs. This is my first Christmas without her, so I found myself crying my heart out today. I only wish I know when the pain will

ease.

I am feeling your sadness!  I came home, and miss her.  My dog specifically.  I wanted to log in to update that I'm still crying   She's still very special.  I still feel hollow.  A friend said it's a hole that can't be filled - there's some comfort in acknowledging that.  It just is a hole.  No fix.  She was loved.

[hiena]

On 2015-12-08 at 4:28 PM, kayc said:

I don't know, I wish I could have Arlie the rest of my life and go together, but alas I know that's not how it goes...

Yes.  I wish that.  I really liked my dog.  Two nights ago I was sleeping in a place that's a little cold, I missed her that night very much.  Every night I miss her when I go home from work because I was always going home to her.  I'm glad that I don't have to worry about protecting her.  Her well being was always on my mind.  It's part of what I grieve - I miss looking after her

Here's a poem from http://www.steinski.com/section/thoughts-on-life/

This is our last dance together,
Tonight soon will be long ago.
And in our moment of parting,
This is all I want you to know…

There will be many other nights like this,
And I’ll be standing here with someone new.
There will be other songs to sing,
Another fall…another spring…
But there will never be another you

[kayc]

The link took me to a 2009 blog.  ???

I like the last line...there will never be another you.

[Marj37]

Hi Hiena,

the decisions we must make in love are a help to them.  You could not let her live on in pain.  It is total love to take care of them.   And as my vet said to me, "Gb stayed with you as long as he could".   I know that doesn't take the pain of loss away, it just gives a good perspective.    I am sorry for your loss. 

I hope you have a picture to share with us.   We like to see them.

And take care of yourself during the holiday time when emotions swell and overwhelm us.

 

[hiena]

On 2015-12-14 at 9:15 AM, Marj37 said:

Hi Hiena,

the decisions we must make in love are a help to them.  You could not let her live on in pain.  It is total love to take care of them.   And as my vet said to me, "Gb stayed with you as long as he could".   I know that doesn't take the pain of loss away, it just gives a good perspective.    I am sorry for your loss. 

I hope you have a picture to share with us.   We like to see them.

And take care of yourself during the holiday time when emotions swell and overwhelm us.

 

I am dropping by to update that I'm still missing my dog.  Still crying.  Still hoping she'll just show up miraculously.  I thought I heard her breathing - but, no.

I don't post a picture of her because ... this is how I grieve.  I don't like to show pictures of someone I love.  The same with family members.  I will be ready in time, but not now. 

She was a pretty dog - big expressive eyes.  I really miss her and hope I did right by her (believe I did, hope I really did).  She was my best friend - empty without her honestly.  It was nice having her.  She was my walk motivator - a big driver of getting me to get things done.  I always wanted to be home because she needed me to come home soon to look after her (take her for a walk, or check on her, or just be company).  Now, it feels empty that it doesn't matter when I go home.  i have people that care, that helps - but I live alone.  I live alone because it was important to live alone when i had a big, messy dog.  Now, there is no big, messy dog.  I'll settle in to a new life, it's just sad now - I didn't want to not have her, my special, sweet dog.

 

[kayc]

hiena,

What you write could be written by me...my dog is my motivation, my incentive to go on, him and my cats.  I want to give them a good life.  When the day comes I lose my dog, I could post what you've written because it will be my life.

I am sorry you are hurting so much.  I don't know any way around it but to go straight through it.  Grief sucks, big time.  It's so hard to adjust to being without someone you love.

My heart felt sorrow for your loss.

[Marj37]

And I say "ditto" to KayC's post!

I live alone, my cats are a super motivation to choose life each and every day.   And that is how Gb was also - happy and excited about each new day.

 

[hiena]

On 2015-12-19 at 9:01 AM, kayc said:

hiena,

What you write could be written by me...my dog is my motivation, my incentive to go on, him and my cats.  I want to give them a good life.  When the day comes I lose my dog, I could post what you've written because it will be my life.

I am sorry you are hurting so much.  I don't know any way around it but to go straight through it.  Grief sucks, big time.  It's so hard to adjust to being without someone you love.

My heart felt sorrow for your loss.

Thank you!  I knew I would feel this way!  I was already preparing myself for years that one day I wouldn't have her.  The hard thing is - euthanasia.  Wow - that's tough that it was in my hands.  I wish she just went to sleep.  Lots of people are in this position.  Well ... still crying!  She was a loved dog.