Anxiety!

[artmademoiselle]

Hello, everyone. My name is Lauren and I am new to the discussion boards. Before I go into the question at hand, I would like to give a hopefully brief synopsis about my situation.

I am 24 years old and lost my precious mother to her second form of cancer over 3 years ago. She was 47 years old. My mother had Hodgkin's Disease when she was about 27 years old, and the scar tissue that formed from the radiation she had nearly 20 years earlier, developed into small-cell lung cancer. A cigarette never touched her lips in the 47 years she was alive.

Yes, the first year after her death was virtually unbearable. As year two rolled into year three, I truly felt as if I had accepted my life without her and was beginning to heal my shattered heart. September of 2005 found me on a plane to London to participate in a three-month study abroad program. Little did I know that this AMAZING experience would also be a time of great pain.

First, my mother died on September 10th, 2002, so it was the first anniversary that I was unable to visit her at her gravesite. It is always beyond belief to see her name and photograph on a headstone, but it gives me comfort to have a cry and know that she is by my side. And, here I was thousands of miles away without my family and friends to support me.

I am an art history major, so going to Europe and seeing the art I have so lovingly studied, is one of my greatest dreams come true. It was also a taste of the first great life experience that my mother could not be a part of. I expected that one day my graduation, wedding and the birth of my children would be a time of sadness, but not this experience.

To make matters worse, my dad had to sell the only house I have ever known while I was away. I now see just how much of a comfort it was to know that even though my mom was physically gone, she was everywhere. When I was sad, I could always go bury my head in a pair of her pajamas and feel better just knowing it was hers. Needless to say, life at our new condo has been quite rough. Three years later, I think I have finally come to the realization that my mom is really gone.

While in London, and ever since I returned, I have been suffering from overwhelming anxiety. I have it all the time and it is slowly chipping away at me. I can somewhat deal with the mind games that anxiety plays on me, but I cannpt handle the incredible nausea/upset stomachs it gives me. I am fed up!!! I am not sure if it is just anxiety or it's anxiety brought on by depression. I have gone on an anti-depressant, but it is not really helping much at all. Does anyone else suffer from this comsuming anxiety???

Thank you for reading my long post!!!

[shell]

Hi artmademoiselle,

Yes, I have suffered from anxiety almost my whole life. When I was in my mid twenties it hit me out of the blue and got so bad that I became agoraphobic (where you can't leave the house). It was really hard and took me years to get over. Back then, anxiety was not a well known issue with doctors, so I had no help in that area. I conquered it on my own, and with help from my wonderful mom, but it took years. I did well for about 25 years and then when my dad died, about a month later, it hit again....HARD! I took care of him and everything else through his battle with lung cancer. He had not smoked for forty years...go figure, huh? But then I lost one of my fur babies and we had 2 other deaths in the family to deal with. Anyway, I tried for a week and a half to "deal" with it. I finally gave up and called my doctor, who put me on an anti-depressant, but also an anti-anxiety drug too. It saved my life. I now continue the anti-depressant, but have gotten off the anti-anxiety drug and have (so far) done well.

I don't know if this is any help, but believe me, I understand what you are going through. You need a doctor who you can talk to and understands anxiety problems. You may need a different anti-depressant or the anti-anxiety drug for awhile. There are also some good sites about anxiety that give you all the different ways to manage, including meds, but other ways too. I wish I could think of one, but I can't find my list of them. Go to a search engine and type in anxiety and you should find some. If I find my list, I'll let you know.

Good luck,

Shell

Lauren,

I found my list. Try www.anxieties.com and www.anxietypanic.com. Also www.anxietycoach.com , they are full of some great information on the problem.

Hang in there,

Shell

[Guest Guest_Jen_*]

Hi Lauren, Sorry to hear about your mother. I lost my father 5 years ago at 47 to a heart attack, and my mother 1 month ago, 56 of unknown causes. It took me about 3 years before I could mention my father's name without tearing up. This makes me so nervous, because I was much closer to my mother. I often wonder how long will it take me to be ok. Everyday without her feels like eternity. I feel alone and sad. I'm single and have no kids, and the thought of her or my father not being there for those main events in my life, marriage, first baby, etc, just crushes me. It's too much to bear. The thought of living another day without her feels like hell. I miss her so much. After my father passed away, I started having panic attacks. I was still in college and he was very supportive of me. Whenever my car would break down, my father would drive all the way up to my school to fix my car. He was amazing. Well maybe about 2 months after he passed away, My car broke down again and the thought of calling him and him not being there to help me, just sent me into an anxiety attack. I started panicking, and couldn't breath or think straight. I felt really weak. It took a few minutes for me to finally get a grip of myself. I started taking anti-depressant pills also, but they didn't help, so I stopped taking them. As I was able to cope with the loss of my father, the panic attacks ceased. Now that my mother is gone, I haven't had any. But the thought of them coming back, just scares me. I went into a depression/reckless mode when my father passed away. It was tough. And I had to grow up and face reality quick, because my mother and my family needed me. Now that my mother is gone, it's a little different. I get scared, because who will pull me out, if I go into depression. I'm really an alone, adult now, since both my parents are gone. It's so sad and unbearable to talk about. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you, and I'm sorry for the loss of your mom. She was so young. I hope you are able to pull out of your depression and be ok. Keep writing here, the posts help.

[artmademoiselle]

From the bottom of my heart, I thank the two of you for your kind words and helpful advice.

Shell, I have gone on those websites and feel like I could practically be the poster child for them. I am going to the doctor next week to see if I can go on an anxiety medication that isn't addictive. I have never had anxiety before, so I am guessing it is not a permanent condition, and therefore, I may not need something that I will need to be on forever. My mom also suffered from depression and anxiety and I know how difficult it was for her to go off anxiety medication. I am just so damn fed up with the nervousness I always have. It's starting to give me aches in my chest, apart from the perpetual upset stomach/nausea. I must say that I admire that you conquered anxiety on your own at such a young age. I have no idea how you managed it, which makes me respect you even more.

Jen (that is the guest name that shows up), I feel awful that you are feeling so very lonely. Grief is such a lonely experience to begin with and I cannot imagine how you survive without loved ones to help you through. If you ever need to chat, you know where to find me!!! Like you, I never had panic attacks until I suffered this horrific loss. They are the absolute worst!!! Ever since going on the anti-depressant three weeks ago, I have not had anymore panic attacks, but I do suffer from constant anxiety/nervousness. I know anxiety is a side effect of Wellbutrin, so it may not be a good choice for me. I'll see what the doctor says when I go back next week.

My God be with the two of you.

[shell]

Lauren,

I am glad you are going to the doctor and will be able to talk with him/her about your medication. The anti-depressant I take keeps me from having panic attacks, but like you, I still feel nervous and a sort of anxiety, but it is "managable". I'm into deep breathing a lot! I take a very low dose of the anti-anxiety drug at bedtime to relax me and help me sleep better, so that helps. Thanks for the admiration....I wish I could tell you how I managed to overcome it years ago, but I just did....somehow. I'M not even sure how I did it exactly. I know what you mean about feeling like the poster child for the anxiety sites. I felt the same way! Talk to your doc and take care of yourself. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

Hugs and good luck,

Shell

[MartyT]

Hi Lauren,

I, too, am pleased to know that you'll be seeing your doctor next week, but I also want to point you to some additional resources that you may find helpful. Over the last twenty years, researchers and clinicians have developed a number of useful tools for coping with anxiety. Such tools are highly effective, practical, efficient, fast-acting and accessible, and work well by themselves and in conjunction with other forms of therapy.

These new therapies include Guided Imagery, Eye Movement Desentization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Thought Field Therapy (TFT), Emotional Freedom Technique(EFT), Tapas Acupressure Technique (TAP), Prolonged Exposure Therapy (PET), Trauma Incident Reduction (TIR), Imagery Rehearsal Therapy (IRT), Visual Kisesthetic Dissociation (VKD), and Somatic Experiencing (SE), among others. All those choices may seem overwhelming, but I encourage you to read more about them, most especially about the potent tool of guided imagery. A good place to start is on the Alternative Healing page of my Grief Healing Web site, where you will find links to many helpful resources. See these especially:

Articles by Belleruth Naparstek, Expert in PTSD and Guided Imagery

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)

Guided Imagery and Visualization: How and Why It Works

Healing Affirmations: Article by Belleruth Naparstek

Suggestions for Severe Anxiety: Article by Belleruth Naparstek

Guided Imagery for Anxiety: Article by Belleruth Naparstek

Health Journeys: Resources for Mind, Body and Spirit

[artmademoiselle]

Thanks so much, MartyT. I will surely check those sights out. I truly appreciate the support!!!

[Maylissa]

Dear Marty/Artmademoiselle,

How interesting that you should mention EFT as one of the therapies!

I'd heard about it years ago and it actually helped me a little with my fear of heights ( it was just a 'sample' session done over-air on a radio show, so not a complete session, hence the "little" result ), and I've recently just started trying it again. I had one session with my homeopath and it actually reduced a good chunk of my emotional responses to my brother's actions, to a low and manageable level. I'm still trying to use it for the persistent rash I've sufferd with for the last few months, and although I haven't seemed to be able ( on my own ) to find the root cause of it, emotionally, I still have hope that I will, so I can get rid of this thing for good. I know my homeopath just used it successfully to rid a young boy of his asthma attack during a family trip overseas, when he'd been suffering all night and nothing else had worked. Within minutes he was asleep, with no more symptoms! If it can work for asthma, it can certainly work for anxiety, which is completely emotional in origin!

[shubom]

Sometimes I have so many emotions going through my mind, I feel weak. Is this some sort of Anxiety attack? I just feel so nervous and tired and just weak. I'm at work, but I feel like going home and just sleeping. I try to walk it off by taking a walk or sitting in my car for 15 minutes or so. I feel so overwhelmed with these crazy emotions. They make me so tired. I just keeping cycling thoughts after thoughts in my mind and it's making me anxious.

[shell]

Shubom,

I don't think what your describing is an anxiety attack, but then it could be that it is and what you experience is different from what I have experienced. It sounds more like the typical responses to grief, especially the being tire all the time part. Two good sites about anxiety or panic attacks are: www.anxieties.com and www.anxietycoach.com. It might help to check them out. They are full of some great advice on anxiety.

Lauren, how are you doing?

Shell

[Guest Guest_Shubom_*]

Shell,

Ya, I think you might be right. I've had panic attacks before in the past. And what I'm experiencing now seems like the first stages of panic. I remember one time after my father passed away 5 years ago, my car broke down and I got so nervous and angry that he wasn't there to help me fix it. I sat in the parking lot and all of a sudden I started having heart palpitations and I got so weak. It was scary. And right now, I'm scared that what I'm feeling will lead up to another attack like that. I try to catch myself before my emotions get out of control but it's difficult. I'll definitely check out the websites. Thanks

It may look like I'm a guest, but I'm using a computer and don't remember my password.

[shell]

Don't worry, we know you're "one of the gang!".

[shubom]

Having feelings of running away…..

I’m having a hard time dealing with the loss of my mother. Most of the time I feel sad and lost. I try to go through each day as best I can. It’s been hard, but lately I’ve been doing much better. I’ve been able to do the normal everyday things. Like go to work, school, and smile every now and then. A schedule is what keeps me intact. But the moment that schedule changes, no longer can I cope and my emotions run wild. There have been many times this has happened, but yesterday was the worst. I’m currently staying with my aunt, instead of the home my mother and I shared. It’s just so empty there without her. Staying with my aunt and her grandson has helped me get back on track. Without them, I would have NEVER made it into work. I would have just laid there and died. Well after my class, I went to my aunt’s house and noticed another car in the driveway. I was a little startled at first, because this was out of the ordinary. I then realized it was my other aunt and her boyfriend’s car. That’s when I started losing it emotionally. So many questions went through my head. I didn’t know why they were there, or what they would think if I walked into the house. What would they say about me staying over there? I hadn't seen them much since the funeral. I just didn’t know what to expect, and at that moment I wanted to run away. I felt so overwhelmed with emotions that I stayed in my car crying for 30 minutes. I didn’t want to go into the house; I just wanted to run away. I wanted my mommy! I wanted control of my emotions. I wanted to feel normal! Again.

Has anyone else felt like this? Where any change can make your emotions run wild?! How long will that last ?!

[pennylayne]

Im so sorry about the ansiety attacks. I have had panic attacks and depression most of my life-I have been on medication to help both of them for years. But I must say that when my mom died a month ago-then my aunt died last night-it's gotten bad again. I am use to it by now-but it makes me tired and shaky. See a doctor-they can relly help.

[STARKISS]

Hi Marty T,

Thank you for the information you provided on Anxiety, it was very helpful and imformative.. I know my sister in law really got some good information that helped her out... Thank you again and God Bless Shelley