Heart Broken and Guilty at Christmas

[MikeJ82]

Today I made the choice to put down my 12 year old cat Celsius. It's two days before the holidays and everything happened so suddenly. Celsius was born
with one kidney and after many happy years sometime around thanksgiving showed mild kidney disease. The vet told me she should last months to years. However, She had developed a kidney infection and needed 3 weeks of antibiotics. After that she was back to her normal self, running around the house and playing. However a week later she crashed. She wouldn't come out of hiding for several days and a visit to the vet identified her kidney function was worse. We gave her fluids and b-vitamins and Antibiotics and took her home. But within days she stopped eating, stopped moving, lost the ability to walk more then a few feet and could not control her bladder. Further tests revealed her kidney function was worse and she now had two types of bacteria infecting her kidney.  She also had lost 2 lbs in a Week and would only eat baby food.

I can't shake the guilt. I had a previous pet die of
Kidney failure and it was so hard to
Watch. I made a fast decision, actually paying to cancel and Move my holiday flights to spend a weekend with her comforting her and then putting her down. I can't stop thinking what if I had done more? Tried other antibiotics..other treatments...hospitalized her with fluids.  i feel like I failed her somehow. Like I threw her in the trash cause of the Christmas holiday instead of fighting more. I loved this cat to the world and back
And cannot believe she is gone. Any advice
On those who have dealt with these emotions
Would be much appreciated.

[hollowheart]

You absolutely did not throw her in the trash. Sounds to me you tried everything and things just kept failing. It was not your fault she was born with one kidney and not your fault that the one she had started to have problems.

When she got down to not eating or able to walk there was likely little else you could have done. I think the holidays are making this worse mentally and emotionally as that's a time of happiness having tragedy so close to Christmas of all holidays is a kick to the stomach. Christmas is so much about family and friends and having fun, and our fur babies are our family. Losing them is just as sad.

[MartyT]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Celsius, Mike. As a grief counselor who also specializes in pet loss, I have met with countless animal lovers over the years, and I have yet to meet a single one who did not feel guilty for having to choose euthanasia for their precious companions. And that includes me.

You've asked for advice from those who have dealt with these emotions, so I invite you to read this article: Pet Loss: Guilt In The Wake of The Euthanasia Decision ~ and be sure to see the Related Articles and Resources at the end, as well.

And when you feel ready to do so, we'd love to hear the story of how you came to give your kitty Celsius such an unusual name ~ and if you have a photo of her, we'd love to see that, too.  ♥

[jimmie&diana]

 We are so sorry about your Celsius, your feeling of guilt is normal,We also are feeling the same guilt, We are also coping with guilt for we just had our poor beagle boy put to rest three days ago on Dec 20th he was sick from cancer, he was the most loving beagle he was our cuddle bug and our best friend. We raised him since a little pup, Chappie boy gave us such love for many years. we are learning that the guilt is normal and you cant let it destroy you for your friend would not want you to be guilty for helping her threw a terminal illness. Not letting Celsius suffer to the end was the best thing you could of done at this point, trust me you do not want to see your friend curl up in a ball in pain and die an agonizing death your guilt would be a thousand times of what you feel now.  you must let go of the guilt and realize that your Celsius new that you realy loved her, and also know that when they look confused and you may think they don't understand, They will understand everything when they pass on to heaven and there body will be free of any pain. After her passing your job is to take her pain from her into your body. it is very natural for someone to feel this if they loved there friend and helped them threw a struggle such as her's. Nobody likes to lose a battle that is what makes us try so hard to win, but when it comes to disease or infection it is extremely hard to win that fight and you could try everything in the world even a million dollars will not win a disease like the one your friend and ours had. As long as you gave a fight at the end you have won by destroying the sickness unfortunately in order to win you will also lose, in the case of our beloved friends we lost them during the fight it has always been this way. During war you will lose many good men in order to win, but somebody will lose the war.  You would not feel this way if you didn't love her and she will under stand this as when they pass there is great understanding to what happened as there guide will show them how much you loved her and tried to help her.  if you truly love your Celsius and it sounds like you do you have created a spiritual bond and you will be connected with her again one day i promise.

truly sorry for your loss

Jim and Diana

[kayc]

I am so sorry you lost Celsius.  I join the others in saying, you did not throw her away, you wanted to save her, but when their kidneys start to fail, there isn't much that can be done.  I know how hard it is to lose a beloved pet, they are our family, our companions, and my heart goes out to you.