Celebrating loved one's birthday

[Gin]

My husband Al's birthday is tomorrow.  I will be alone and wondered how all of you honored your loved ones on their day.  I was thinking of lighting a candle (the one used at our wedding) and reading something to him. Maybe toast him with a glass of wine.  Have his picture there.  I was going to watch a video from one of our trips, but I don't think I can do that, yet.  He has been gone  3+ months.

[kayc]

I put a message in a balloon and released it.  I had a laugh when it burst and made it's way back down.  I figured it was his way of replying back to me.
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

[kevin]

My plan is to buy our Foursome a Jug of Beer....we'll tell some stories and raise our Glasses...and I will also have a Mass said.... videos are too painfull.

[Gin]

Thanks Kay.  These are hard days.

kevin- I will have some wine instead of the beer...Riesling.

[Guest]

For Deedo's Birthday the kids and I created a Fairy Garden in her honor.  We can add to it each year.  Then I started the first WWDD and sent the kids some money to anonymously treat people to dinner.  

[Gwenivere]

I light a candle for Steve every night since he died.  So I did that and got our favorite pizza with some nice Cabernet.  Just spent the day normally otherwise with the dogs.  I cannot do music and pictures are hard.  It actually was pleasant because those days feel protected somehow.  I felt sad the day after.  

[Kpl48]

Your plan sounds wonderful. I'm not sure if I could handle a video either. It is my husband's birthday this week and I'm not sure if I can handle it. I think I'll look at the slide show I made. Then cuddle with our dog and think about our life together with gratitude and grief. 

[KATPILOT]

Happy birthday to Al, Gin..... I know it's not an easy day. My wife Kathy's birthday was five weeks after her death and we were going to go to Palm Springs and eat at her favorite restaurant as we did every few years.  I told her I would take her even if she lost her leg to the sarcoma (she was so suddenly afflicted with) even if she was in a wheel chair. We were going. So I went anyway. To call it bittersweet would be an understatement but I'm glad I did it. Now every year I still go to one of her favorite places and celebrate that day just the same. I find it now a happy day for now the joy out ways  the sorrow and I celebrate the awesome woman she still is.

For me, I never think about the day she dies. That day slips right on by for dwelling on it makes little sense. Birthdays and anniversaries are what I celebrate and yes, even Valentines day. It took time to get here for sure. I'm already planning this March 24th and maybe I will go somewhere new for I think she would like that.

[Guest]

Steve,

I like your attitude.  I still have much to learn from you my friend, my Sensei.

[Gwenivere]

One thing we always did with people, like parents, that died was to not give relevance to the day they left.  It is their birthday we would remember them on, or the holidays.  Who wants to relive that gawd awful day they left us or make it a day etched on a calendar?  I am only aware of it for a reference to how long I have been missing him and reason to remind my heart and outsiders why I am not the person I was.

[kayc]

My dad's funeral was on my sister's birthday.  She didn't have one that year, and she said every year on her birthday she remembers his funeral.  I think it's sad her special day is clouded with something like that.

[WolfsKat]

I'm not sure what I will do on Connor's birthday.....it is September 13th so I've time to think about it.  I know I will take that day off from work, also will take off on our anniversary August 24th.  It would've been only our second one celebrated......we got married only after living together a number of years......Connor always said he'd talk me into marriage, and he did!  For these days.......the only thing I know that I will do for certain, is to cry.

[Gin]

Thanks to all of you, my new friends.  My husband played the mandolin and loved mandolin and guitar music.  I have not wanted to hear music since he died, but tonight I will play one of his favorite albums...Chet Atkins and Les Paul.  I have a special candle from our wedding and a few pictures set up.  I will say a few prayers thanking God for letting me share life with him for 16+ years, although I certainly wanted a lot more.  We usually went to our favorite Chinese restaurant on his birthday.  Then on the weekend we would have the family over and have an Unbirthday party for every one else.  We would go the Dollar Store and get little silly gifts for everyone. Al would  write poems and put them on all the gifts giving clues to the contents.  We would play the Alice in Wonderland CD to show the kids the Unbirthday sequence.   This is the first birthday without him, but I sure have great memories, even though they hurt right now.  I will have a glass of wine and toast him.

[Guest]

Gin,

Someday those memories will bring a laugh and a smile.  At least I hope so for all of us.

[Gin]

Brad..what is a Fairy Garden and WWDD?

[Guest]

The Fairy Garden is a garden in the backyard with fairy houses, fairy swings, fairy benches, paths; a place for fairies to come and live.  Deedo loved fairies.  WWDD is What Would Deedo Do?  Years ago, while at Disneyland, Deedo and I went to a time share presentation.  They gave us each $100 in Disney Dollars, currency that could be spent at the park.  Our trip was paid for through our Visa rewards so we decided to find four families that reminded us of our family when we first started going to the park.  Back then money was tight.  We spent hours looking for those four families and it was the most excited I had seen Deedo in Disneyland (and that is saying something as she was the quintessential Disney spirit).  We found the four families and gave each of them $50 in Disney Dollars.  For Deedo's Birthday and for Christmas and for our anniversary I sent each of the kids $200 with directions to treat as many young families as they could with the money but it had to be anonymously done.