How to help a friend

[scba]

Dear friends,

I write this post because I need some advise/enlightment. My best friend is going through a bad time and dealing with anticipated grief. A relative needs an urgent transplant. She is desperate not only because the situation is very bad, but also she is dealing with the memories of my BF sickness and death from a similar situation. And I find myself helpless cause I cannot tell her "everything will be fine", I cannot reassure her that a donor will be found. We were both hopeful when my BF was alive, and now we "know" that everything can go wrong. But she needs me and I don't know what to say. I suggested her to spend time with her relative, to visit often, to prepare a meal, to look after the house. Whan can be said and done when there is little hope?

 

[Guest]

In my very limited and humble opinion just being there, taking your lead from your friend, is the best thing you can do.  My daughter would come over and just lay on the bed with her mama holding her hand.  Very few words were exchanged, just mama and daughter doing what they had always done, reveling in each others company.  

As her friend, the best you can do is let her talk, vent, cry.  Be her sounding board. Don't worry about what to say, just be a physical presence.  

 

[scba]

thank you Brad, I appreciate your reply very much!

[kayc]

No you can't tell her everything will be fine because you don't know that, but you can tell her you will be there for her and then be there.  Sometimes that's what we need the most.

[scba]

Thank you Kay, I appreciate your help.

I am very sorry to hear from your dear friend who has cancer.

[MartyT]

In addition to the wise advice already offered, you might find something useful in this article, too, as it relates to any serious illness (not just cancer) and contains links to many resources you may find helpful: Coping with a Cancer Diagnosis: Suggested Resources  ♥

[scba]

Thank you Marty, that is very kind from you!

[hollowheart]

I'm late to this party, but want to second Brad and Kay's suggestions. Especially saying you will be there and actually being there. You suggested she prepare a meal or do something for the house for her relative, you can do the same for your friend.

Checking in with her often and seeing if she wants to talk is good because it will give her a chance to vent and voice her worries. We've all heard "call me if you need to talk" but then we feel like we're imposing or bothering that person. I know I have a friend that keeps up with me and it makes me feel less like I have to always be the one chasing them down first.