Courage

[annew]

Thank you, Kay.  I am always, always lifted up by your care and encouragement.  
You are a great gift in this group and I feel blessed by all you give.

[mittam99]

8 hours ago, annew said:

If suffering is my life now, so be it.  You can't destroy the love and if that is all that remains I will learn to know that and be glad of it.

You are so right. That love cannot be taken away by anyone or anything ever. And even though you're living a life of pain now try not to give in to the notion that suffering is your life's destiny. Take that love inside you and be sure to love yourself a little too. Hugs.

[Margm]

I know this is stupid and I know we all do it.  It is a fact they are gone.  No other way to look at it.  I know he is in my heart, but after 54 years, and I know how lucky I am, I just look at the sky and I say "I cannot believe your gone."  I know he did not do it on purpose and God knows I could not keep him 70 years like the Queen has kept Prince Philip but selfish me, I just wonder, why couldn't I?  I do look at the ones who only spent short times with their mate and I do so feel sorrow for them.  They had dreams unfulfilled that Billy and I filled our life with.  I don't want to be selfish, but dammit, I sure miss that boy every minute of every day.  I do get the numb-down feeling sometimes and I welcome it like a meth user must welcome the dumb-down feeling.  It just doesn't happen fast enough and I sometimes am afraid that I cannot get rid of everything in time.  I don't mind leaving at all, I just have so much stuff to get rid of.  And, I cannot get rid of Billy.  So there it is, it is out there in black and white.  I can try to make light of things but sometimes they just get very heavy.  And 54 years seems like a long time to all of you, but they went so fast, it was only yesterday. 

[kayc]

I hope you have help with this cleaning out job.  I'm sure you'll feel relief when it's behind you.

[Margm]

I have help when I ask for it Kay.  They know this cleaning out of Billy's things is my job and I won't let anyone help me, except to lift what I cannot.  When I get back Friday it will be all done, all of his stuff done and poor Scott, he knows how touchy I am right now and he told me when his dad was sick and I was fussing, and he wanted to say something (Scott), Billy told him "Mama gets a pass."  So, now everybody handles me with "kid gloves" and they know when to help and when I get back from this trip it is no holds barred until the first of June.  Then I will be out of here.  And assuming I live through it, I won't look back.  

[Gwenivere]

15 hours ago, annew said:

Dear Insidious Foe........I have found it most useless to fight you. So go ahead and tear my heart to pieces again.  I give up, if you kill me with pain, you kill me.  You can take all my time and energy and the work I love, you can take all the joy.   You can bring on more abandonment and loneliness beyond words.  You can take it all as you know you have.  I will never believe I deserve this or that it is my fault any more.  One thing I learn from you is that enough is enough.  If suffering is my life now, so be it.  You can't destroy the love and if that is all that remains I will learn to know that and be glad of it.

Beautifully said into the face of an ugly beast.  It has power, but nothing conquers love.  

As Kay said.......I want to double like that too!