I shocked my kids tonight.

[rdownes]

Every night since Kevin passed I have sat outside under the stars playing his music or songs I find, my kids will sit outside we talk about dad and I cry alittle, then they go inside and I talk to Kevin, listen to music a ball my eyes out. Tonight my son asked me is I was going outside I said not tonight I don't want to be in sad mode, my kids were shocked then I felt bad like I didn't want them to think I wasn't sad anymore I just told myself I needed a break from tears tonight. I had cried and listened to music this morning. Why do I feel bad about not wanting to feel bad tonight I decided to watch West Side Story my sadness can continue tomorrow.

[KATPILOT]

Sometimes Robin when grief softens even for a short while we might feel as if we are abandoning them and guilt for doing so comes into play. It's a natural feeling when grief is new and you have been sad for so long that when you take a break, it seems so foreign. Sometimes we use distractions for this need to take a break. Our bodies can't go on like this forever. We need if nothing else to let our eyes dry and catch our breath. Grief isn't going anywhere. It will still be right where you left it but a break every once and again isn't a bad idea. You just described what I have written so I'm just reaffirming. As time goes by your kids will get it and you can stop "feeling bad for not wanting to feel bad".

[MartyT]

I hope you will read these two articles, Robin:

Feeling Guilty for Feeling Happy

Moving On Versus Healing

[mittam99]

9 hours ago, rdownes said:

Why do I feel bad about not wanting to feel bad tonight

That's very normal in grief, Robin. We all have that sort of guilty feeling from time to time. Like when we laugh again for the first time or when we don't cry as often. We loved them so much and there's a part of us that in a way feels it's "wrong" to "enjoy" ourselves. It's all part of this strange and painful grief journey we're all on.

[kayc]

It doesn't mean you miss him any less or don't feel as strongly about him.  Our bodies weren't meant to endure long term intense pain so they're equipped to adapt, little by little to changes.  This is a GOOD thing and to be coveted!  You will still cry, you will still have grief bursts, but they will come with less frequency and duration eventually.  I would talk to the kids and let them know that it is normal to adjust as you process your grief, it would be more alarming if you didn't.  Assure them that you will always love their dad and miss him.  They are looking to you for direction, and this can be a good teaching tool for them so that THEY don't feel guilty as THEY begin to adjust...and they will, with time.