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I Don't Think I Can Do This


Guest Guest_Deborah_*

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Guest Guest_Deborah_*

I don't know where else to go but here. Calling someone right now will not accomplish for me what I want to say. My feelings will be dismissed or they will not be heard. I don't think I can do this, stay alive and grieve for Larry. There is no comfortable place in my day or life where I'm not remembering his face, his voice, his touch. My sleep is filled with the last days, the last years. I went to listen on television to an opera singer that I had always loved and the pain, the memories, I can see him and hear him, calling my name and telling me "that guy" you like is going to be on tonite so please sit down and rest and watch him. Now I can't without my chest hurting and tears streaming. I go upstairs to bed but I SEE HIM and now the side of the bed is empty. I just can't grasp what has happened. We didn't get a chance to spend our lives together. I look at our dogs and they are looking back at me as if to say where did he go?? I don't think I'm going to be able to put a life together and manage to go on without him. I was safe for the first time in my life and now he is gone. How can this be?

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Dear Deborah,

I am so sorry for all your pain. I know what you feel. I have been widowed for 17 months now and the pain will ease somewhat. The first few months are horrible and you wonder how you will get thru another moment without the one you love. You now longer feel safe in this world, but you will, and you will be able to cope better as each day goes by. When I was in your place I thought this time would never come that I could be telling someone else that time does heal you somewhat. Just breath and try to remember how lucky you were to have had that someone special in your life for whatever time you had it was precious so hold on to that and your love with help you withstand this pain.

My heart goes out to this day, my prayers are with you.

Grace

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I'm new here to the site as well Deborah. My husband died on Thanksgiving and

I'm somewhat at a loss. Friends and family just don't get it do they. I guess

the lonliness is the worst part. Home is just too quiet even with my 2 little

dogs. Register and maybe we can talk online and help each other.

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Deborah,

I'm so sorry for your loss and pain. It's been 10 months since I lost my husband. I know what you are going through. It seems so hard and and not worth getting through the day. It feels like the end of the world. I know you can't believe it right now, but it will get better. Not all at once, but just a tiny bit each day. Let the tears fall down your face. Don't hold back. Your love for your Larry will always be there, don't be ashamed. Others may not "get it", but we do and we are here whenever you need to get it off your chest. It's hard, but we will try to help you.

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Guest Guest_Vivian_*

Deborah: It's been four months (going on five) for me. I so, so know what you're going through. I am planning to attend a bereavement group tonight for the first time. Please contact a local hospice, church, synagogue to find a bereavement support group in your area. I'm always here for you.

One thing I have found that has help me is to volunteer to help others. I've joined a group of dog owners and once a week I visit an assisted living in our area on a rotating basis. The elderly residents love it, my dog loves it and for an hour I am taken out of my own grief. Perhaps you could try this with one of your dogs? Vivian

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Deborah, I am so sorry that you find yourself here and so filled with pain. It's been 9 months since Gene lost his final battle with CHF. We all support each other here but travel the journey of grief our own way. I find some hope in those who have been on this weary road longer. At 4 months the pain was still so sharp and devistating....I know your pain right now. With time the pain will lessen...it's always there. The memories, the awful ones, they will start to give way to good memories....all the love you share with Larry. You alone know a depth of his love as no one else could ever know...hold on to that...it will get you beyond today. I still only go through the motions everyday...now I call it "continuing" because I cannot say it's living. There are and stil will be bad days and somewhat better days. The pain and emptiness is always there. Gene's love keeps me going...I carry it with me each moment. There are still days that living doesn't see worth it anymore. We left behind will cry tears of love forever. Everyone here understands and listens. Larry watches over you. No one who does not walk in these footsteps can ever understand.

I miss you Gene!

I love you Gene!

Always Gene!

Always!

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I can relate all too well dogs & all it has been 1 month since my beloved Ella passon I feel your despair Iam there Iam loking for help to get to some grief group or something I know I don't even want to make it & my heart is gone.BUT I must try to get help even when I don't feel like it-Im not sucidal but I don't want to or think I can but maybe that's why we were lead here??

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We are here to help you and listen to you and you can share all you feel and are going through with us. It really helps to get it out.

It has been nine months since I lost my husband and the pain is still so intense, I think everyoone's journey or timetable is different, for me it got better then worse. I have learned a lot since I began this journey...

I have learned to live with the pain.

I have learned to look for joy in whatever small way it might appear.

I have learned a lot about grief.

I have learned that the love goes on even when the person is out of our reach.

I have learned that people amaze you in both good and bad ways...old friends may disappear but new ones appear.

I have learned that life continues whether you want it to or not.

I have learned to never minimize what someone is going through but to validate their experiences and feelings.

I have learned to focus and try to rebuild, even when it seems hopeless and what you are building in no way compares to what you lost.

I have learned that the rest of the world goes on even while yours does not.

And after all is said and done, I have learned that pain is the one constant I can count on...for it is in direct correlation to the love that we shared and the amazing wonder of our relationship.

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Guest Guest_Patti_*

I, too, am very sorry for your recent losses. Tomorrow will be 16months for me and as others have said, the pain is still very present. I get through most days fine. Lately I've been feeling some guilt about the fact that days go by and all of a sudden I feel like he thinks I've forgotten about him. Does anyone else feel this way? I don't know how to get passed these feelings. In the early days I thought about him every moment and now hours go by and I don't think about him consciously. I know he is in my heart, but the guilt of not thinking about him constantly is starting to get to me. How do we get through this part? Grace, I know that you are on a similar "time frame"...are you feeling this way? Does anyone have any suggestions?

I'm so glad you all are here to talk to! Thanks for being here.

My thoughts are with all of you.

Patti

(Charlie 6/10/58-11/16/2004)

I miss and love you so much, Dear!!!!

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Patti,

Yes, those thoughts have hit me too, yet I know that George knows me and knows my heart, better than anyone ever has, and he'd be the first to understand ALL that I go through. He always said I was too hard on myself. He'd look at me with such kind eyes, so when those thoughts arise, I remember those kind eyes of understanding and compassion and I know that he knows that I love him more than anything in the world and has nothing but compassion and love for me.

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Guest Guest_Vivian_*

Patti: It's been four months that Rick is gone and I've come to believe that guilt goes with the territory. My husband was terminally ill so I began feeling guilty early on..Did I spend enough time with him? Did tell him enough how much I loved and appreciated him? Did I do enough to turn his illness around (something I know is irrational) And now, like you, I feel guilty when I am not thinking about him or when I laugh at a joke. I'm told that survivor's guilt is natural, the guilt we feel for merely living, continuing on without our loved one.

I too believe that Rick knows how I'm feeling and coping even now. It helps me to have a little conversation, in bed (out loud!) with him every evening.

Perhaps this might help you. My thoughts are with you. Vivian

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Everybody Hurts

Hold On Friends - Hold On :excl:

Deborah - I have found that this is one great place to visit often. The support and understanding that I have found here has helped me get thru the past 11 months.

Charlie - you are ahead of me on this journey of grief so I will trust you when you say that the pain will ease somewhat.

Romy - you are right - family and friends often don't "get it", but they really do care. Pets can be a good non-jugemental comfort.

ustwo - you know that Gene and Jeannie are constantly watching over us and want to ease our emptiness and pain until we can be with them again.

patandella - I hope that you can find some comfort here. Just remember that although when Ella passed on a part of you died too, BUT because you live on part of her lives on too. The people here do understand your pain.

Bebekat - we are about the same time frame since our losses. I agree with you that letting the tears fall - crying does help :(

Vivian - volunteering to help others certainly can also help ourselves, especially when dogs are involved. :) And yes, I beleive that Rick does know how you are feeling and wants to comfort you each nite.

Kayc - I agree that we have learned a lot on this journey - one trip which we would prefer not to take. While pain is indeed one constant, it is bearable because we can remember the love that we shared and which continues forever.

Patti - you are also further along the grief road. I don't think that Charlie would want you to feel any guilt - he knows that you really care.

HUGS ((((((ALL))))))

Edited by WaltC
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