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Is it possible to change our usernames. Mine was not well chosen

Hello KayC, Thanks for thinking of me and reopening my old post. It's nice that at least I made some impression here. I feel invisible in my real life. I'm still bored and lonely, still living with my Mom and brother (who are fine- they are who they are). My Mom still doesn't understand my grief. There have been major tornadoes and storms in Oklahoma, and since I lived in Tulsa (with Annette) she had to comment "I'm so glad you're here and not there so I don't have to worry about you"... Yet it's like "Well, I'm glad you're here"- it doesn't matter that I would give anything to be back in Tulsa with Annette. It's like saying "I'm glad she died". I don't know. Four years in almost, and I have to accept this is my life now. I have been going to a counselor (not specifically a grief counselor though) and he suggested (since I still can't seem to shake the guilt of what I should have done, could've done, etc.) that I write it all out- the instances where I think I failed her, all of it- and then destroy it. I can't do that- it just seems like it would be wrong) but if I could file it away on my laptop after writing it down, hopefully that will work. The one part of all her health problems that I have come to terms is how she passed, because I had to write it all out for her family. I wrote out in great detail what caused her death- how all her health issues conspired that night- and it helped to have it in writing, to where it makes sense and realizing I couldn't have saved her. I'm strangely at peace with it and because it's written and stored, it helps. That's the project I have to do to get through May- she passed May 16. It's always a tough month. I'm sorry to not post on here. I just thought myself as boring and I said everything interesting in my mind. I'm glad you've made it through the Winter. Take care. James

Wondering how you're doing...it's been a hard year for me, losing carport and shop, but having a contractor come shore up my electrical/water tank & pipes room with freezer, that's what the well hooks to. Well was $5,000 and this will be about $1,000. Quoted $2500 for carport/shop/electrical rooms before Covid but before snow was gone and he could start the price of lumber went up nearly 8 times, and not having $20,000 laying around it was put on hold. Price never came down and meanwhile it all rotted. Trouble is all the crap stored in carport and the mice made a shambles of the shop, need to clean it out but busy cleaning out carport first. I hope your life is mundane compared to mine! I could use a little less bad news. Hoping we don't have fires/smoke this summer as we did the last three. I've evacuated three times and it's not fun, esp. with my feral cat left behind, he will not be trapped, he's very wild. But he loves us and us him. I left food behind and it was nearly gone when I returned, I suspect other critters (skunks, etc.) How are your mom and brother doing? Drop in and say hi now and then! Never found what became of Gwen, I searched and searched, even contacted police in her area.

It is just an eye drop for after the surgery. If it is contact lens, they are permanent. I just got the regular ole lens that my insurance pays.

Do you want to share your poem with us? It's up to you.

I can't wear contact lenses, I did when I was young but I have special problems that warrant I not. Hoping cataract surgery means I no longer need glasses, not that I mind them if they work.

Sorry about this. I have not heard of soulcat. What does it mean to you? I have or had great affection for my cats

I still miss my loveable cat every day especially evenings He was so gentle quiet well behaved. I wrote a poem of him I will not get another. Veterinarians are not my favorite doctors at all

I did. One was prescription and you bought two bottles (tiny), one bottle per eye. I kept letting them supply me with the "green" topped bottle but learned it was OTC "Refresh, for contact lens" and I guess that was for the new lens. I still buy that kind. Not to put a bad thing for the millions who are so satisfied, I had the "most famous" doctors in Shreveport, also the very most expensive. It was almost like going to the oral surgeon and him turning me away because I would not get "screw in" teeth. The first visit I paid $300, and my insurance never required me to do that. Then I was given the different "plans." I could have the regular lens, but then the next special lens that were $1000 per eye (and was told insurance did not cover this.), the next was $2000 lens per eye and I think there was a $3,000 lens per eye ($6000 total) not covered by insurance. Like most people, I only wanted regular lens. Going to be 82 in August, and if it kept me reading for the length of time I have left, I was happy. Even at my age, I never had visible bags under my eyes. I do now. But again, maybe before the surgery I just couldn't see them. I am happy to keep on reading, so looks do not really matter as I shake too bad to put on makeup, and really, any old barn looks better with a coat of red paint. When we were finished, I was told I no longer needed glasses. I do still use reading glasses, just not strong ones. My eyes feel irritated if I read too long (and this ole gal reads a long time.) I'm actually afraid to quit reading, with my mom having Alzheimer's, and I still take Xanax (to sleep), and have been warned it adds to dementia. I feel as long as I can comprehend what I am reading, I'm okay. Sometimes with family issues, and I think I am a direct descendent of Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, family problems are so prevalent I feel like I am on the saddle of a tall mountain and one more push will be on the side of dementia. And believe me, I am not trying to make a joke of this. Also, when I went in for my follow-ups, there were so many waiting that had had the expensive lens implanted and were having trouble. I'm not trying to put down the lens (well, I guess I am), but at my age, all I want to do is to see and not be blind. I can do that.

So you have two different kinds to put in?

Kay, no drops through the night...Bedtime, then morning....And space the drops at least 15 minutes apart.....not to mix or dilute effectivness I think...

Do you have to apply drops during the night too? I'm a bit envious as I will need cataract surgery, don't know when yet but it makes me nervous as I have no one to help me or drive, I will need to try and find rides to the city (about 130 mile round trip). Good luck with it Kevin, one more time and you're done! Will you need glasses afterwards? I'm blind as a bat w/o glasses. Kind of with them too. We're getting a lot of rain this week, predicting snow Mon. night and Tues.! Wish I could share some.

Congratulations. Just keep on with those drops.

Well I got my first Cataract removed (replaced) yesterday...appears to have worked.....Doing the drops every 4 hours and taking it easy.....Next eye will be May 9th.....Weather is still dry and we need rain...

Laura, I know what you mean, everything you state is what my friend has stated as she's gone through it. Sometimes you wonder if they're there to help you or finish you off, it's really rough. Wishing you the best in your continued healing.

A neighbor got the bike rack, also both cots by the garbage can!

I hope so...

I didn't but you're right.

I will be dead if I don't. I fight below the level of diabetes on every four-month lab work. I sure don't do it for fun. I miss raw vegetables, especially celery and have not had a wonderful salad in 10 years. Do you possibly use men's thick gloves to do all that work? Makes it harder to do but might lessen the injuries.

I have literally worked my tail off this week, countless hours in the garage. I separated into three sections...to throw away now, to throw away bit by bit (only so much fit into the dumpster), to give away, and the rest (tons of pieces of scrap wood from my XH's time here). I got everything put into the dumpster and started moving my son's bullet casings (tons of boxes of them with rotten box bottoms) I also discovered a box of CDs of his, why hasn't he taken them home? I threw away a stereo that had wires that weren't complete, he'd ran it threw the wall to the carport, I just tossed it. I gave an antique scythe to my neighbor and offered him other antique tools and gas can. The gas can was so cute, very antique! All heavy duty metal. Threw away a ton of steel and aluminum rods that I've no idea what they were for or went to. If I'm not going to use it, it can go. I need to do the same with the shop only that'll be way harder. Throwing away two cots (brand new but chewed on by mice or something), and an ironing board I saved for my daughter fors 18+ years, whatever she's been using all this time she can continue to use, not keeping forever! Got my son's hemlock boards stacked on other side of carport, will put back after the electrical room is worked on. I feel good about what is done. The Mormon missionaries had a flat tire so were late and I had nearly everything done by the time they got there (with several smashed fingers/knuckles), they finished stacking the hemlock and threw the blower box (weighs like an engine) in the dumpster). They got a bike rack down from the dumpster which I put a free sign on out by the road. If no one takes it I'll throw it away, I haven't ridden a bike since my 40s! I used to get groceries with this on my bike when I was young. Paid $20 for it 50 years ago. Got my use out of it. I still have to clean my kids' closets out, it can wait until I'm ready, also my own as well as back cupboards. Sounds like your parents' house was more normal than mine. I have so much to get rid of! A ton of games from a lifetime ago, now there's no one to play with. Aww but that can wait for a white elephant party or can give to Goodwill when I go to town. I need to make a donation every trip. I have to go again in six days but may not donate when I have doctor's appts as I'll have a set amount of time, then get groceries and head home. I have an eye appt 5/1. Watch, the contractor will want to come that day. I get scammers call all the time, spoofed numbers, etc, I don't answer. My phone says Spam Risk.

I have hundreds but have in a pw protected spreadsheet and it is backed up to an external drive, so any computer I buy I can put them on there. I've done this for years but not until this year has google chrome not let me in to view what it had saved, yay windows. No, in fact I wrote on FB yesterday that if it snows, it's my fault because I just put the cables away that go to my snowblower! Then they predicted snow this week, LOL, but above us, not our elevation. Gorgeous picture, it looks heavenly! You are so right, things have changed today, they no longer revere the elderly and learn from us. The world has changed and not for the better. I have to protect myself from the news somewhat.

OMAD is very healthy! It means you fast 23 hours/day in which your body has time to heal and improve. I have tons of energy! I literally got most of the work done on the carport yesterday and had filled the dumpster by the time help arrived (they had a flat tire so were late), they got the blower box into the dumpster! Also got a bike rack down from the rafters and finished stacking my son's hemlock boards on the other side of the carport (I had it started). Neighbor came over and got the antique scythe which I'd gotten down and also some chains and tools I knew I wouldn't use. I have several smashed fingers and places on my hands which I cleaned up and put neosporin on. I did better than I thought I would! I have everything organized into sections...stuff to get rid of little by little, stuff to give away, and the rest which is mostly wood, can be burned little by little or thrown away little by little. Our new pastor bought the house Pastor Dennis and Cindy had rented! They are busy packing. So excited! I called Susie's parents and we shared for 1/2 hour, it'd been years, it was nice. Sounds like where I live! Wish your sister well, Marg and bless you for helping her! Sounds like we eat opposite, my diabetes could never handle it, I'd be dead already if I ate what you eat! My BS this morning was 82, so glad. I've been under tremendous stress and it's finally lifting a bit!

Thank you so much for the detailed update, Laura ~ So good to hear from you! Stay healthy, and continue taking such good care of yourself ~ for you, and for us! Blessings to you, dear one! ❤️

Thank you, Kay - you are really an inspiration as a support person!