Massive Guilt Over Dog Death

[Edwina]

I am having the most terrible time. My 16 year old dog and best friend died yesterday. He and my other dog were playing and he had a chain collar on (which I will NEVER use again) and I left the room to go to the bathroom and within about 5 minutes, my younger dog Ella got her mouth caught on Poochie's collar and panicked. She twisted trying to get out and she choked him. I tried so hard to get them seperated, but I couldn't. I called 911 and animal control came and cut the collar off. They did CPR and tried breathing for him, but it was too late.

I never, EVER left him unattended with that chain on. I feel so horrible. I feel that it is all my fault and that I totally let him down.

I can't seem to get past the guilt.

I love my dogs like my own kids and my heart is breaking today. I don't know how to get over this horrible guilt.

I believe that pets (and all animals) have eternal life just like we do.... and I pray like I have never prayed before that he can forgive me and that he knows that I tried so hard to save him. I didn't mean for it to happen. Please forgive me Poochie.

[beakerj]

Oh Edwina, I'm heartbroken for you.

I know you feel it was your fault, but it was an accident.

Even if you had been there all the time you may not have been able to save him - my two dogs did this, but with a leather collar, out in a big field on a walk. Linus had it in a figure of eight stuck over his lower canines & jaw & was panicking, Darcey was choking. I couldn't get my hand under the collar, I had nothing to cut it with, they were constantly moving. I was wailing for God's help, & finally, finally, Linus salivated so much I slid the collar off his teeth. It was a close thing - Darcey had a big weal around her neck. I was there the whole time. Panicking animals are not easy to handle.

I took that collar home & chopped it into tiny tiny pieces. Never again, strictly easy release collars now.

Poochie was also an older dog & this may have contributed to him dying. They're just not as robust.

As for forgiveness - of course our pets forgive us. You had 16 yrs of love with Poochie & he will know you'd never intentionally hurt him. My dogs forgave me after I accidentally forgot that there was cocoa powder in my work bag - they had 8 times the lethal dose between them & the vet saved them, though I didn't know for 12 hours that they would be ok. They still love me, ridiculously so.

All that aside, I'm so sorry this happened, I too love my dogs ridiculously, & I'm sorry for your pain.

Big hug,

Becka

[CJ Anderson]

Dear Edwina,

First as some one who was responsible for the deaths of two dogs (one mine one anothers) in my life I KNOW exactly what you mean!

AND You didnt set out to kill him and you did EVERYthing you knew how to do!

You didnt know this would happen! THAT is the difference!!!

Dear Heart I truely believe everyone choses the manner of their death on the higher realms. Our geft to them is to honor their life by learning from the lessons and even sharing them. A dog I was training for a friend killed a chihuahuia at the dog park - I NEVER go to dog parks and I waned evey one else. Another got hit by a car because I let him lose in my front yard, and he took off chasing something, so now my dogs are under my control ALWAYS when we go out. Grieve your loss what a wonderful life with you he had. But separate out the guilt and left it go, YOU DID NOT KNOW!!!

Higs,

CJ

[Anne E]

I am so very sorry for your terrible loss.

In my belief, our dogs are the embodiment of unconditional love. They love us regardless and always. I believe they know we love them and would never do anything to purposefully harm them. My two dogs are rescues and have been able to put aside what happened to them and love and trust again. Your Poochie loved you and knew you loved him. Accidents happen. When those bad thoughts come to your mind, remember the times you love him, cared for him and were so happy together.

God Bless you.

Anne

[Edwina]

beakerj,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am now on my 2nd full day without him, and I still have a broken heart. I cry constantly, and everything in the house sets me off. My poor kids are beginning to tire of my depression I think. They are all heartbroken too..we have had Poochie since my kids were very young, but they seem to be handling it better than I am.

I can't get over feeling that I let him down some way and that I should have done something, although I know really that there was nothing I could have done once it started.

I have little pockets of feeling somewhat OK, but then I feel bad for not being totally sad at any given moment and then the cycle repeats itself. I honestly have never felt this horrible before.

More than anything I want to KNOW that he forgives me and that where ever he is, he is OK. I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound horrible. I don't feel like I really have anyone to talk to... my kids are trying their best, but I am basically inconsolable. I have a church home, but the leaders and people I am close to there are not really dog people and they try to be kind, but I don't think they get it.

My best friend has left me, and I feel the void terribly.

I don't know how to work through this guilt and pain.

[Edwina]

CJ,

Thanks so much for your reply. One thing is for sure. I have learned my lesson. I will NEVER leave a choke collar on any of my dogs for even a second. I just hate that it had to be such a hard lesson to learn.

I am trying so hard to work through the guilt, but between that and my horrible grief, I just can't seem to get with the program. I know it is very early in the process, but right now at least, I can't imagine it feeling better.. ever....

I am going thru the motions of my day... trying to keep life as normal as I can for my other dogs, so that they aren't totally confused. The first day, my Lab Ella, who was the other dog involved, was walking around crying all day. Tut, who is also Poochie's son, has been his constant companion for his whole life. Neither one of them is eating well, they won't leave my side, and they seem stressed. No doubt alot of that is because of my stress level which is through the roof. I cry all the time... and not just wimper cry, but wail cry... I feel like my whole spirit is grieving. I don't do that too often, so they are not used to it. Also, Ella, who just turned two, used to constantly play with her brothers, and now she hasn't touched her toys or wanted to play with Tut at all. I know it was horrible for her too.. she was scared and didn't understand what was going on. I know she didn't mean to do that. She is just a big goof who loves to play.

Anyway, I am rattling now. But I need to find a way to work through this, but at this point, I have no clue what to do.

[Edwina]

Anne,

Thank you. You are right of course. Poochie had a wonderful life with us. He was 16 years old, and other than being a little slower and hard of hearing, he was doing pretty well. He came to us as an almost 2 year old adult, when one night I heard scratching at my front door, and we opened it, and he walked in, laid down and that was that. We eventually did find his previous owner, but she decided she didn't want him back, so he stayed with us. I have never regretted that decision a day in my life.

I loved this dog (and my others) like they are my children. This loss is like nothing else I have ever experienced. With the guilt on top of it, it is almost to much to bear.

I know that he loved me, and I know that he knew how much I loved him. I just feel so bad... I feel I have let him down....

[MartyT]

Edwina, dear, I'm so sorry to learn of the tragic accident that led to the death of your beloved fur baby, and you certainly have our deepest sympathy.

You've asked what you can do to work through this guilt and pain, and I want to share some resources with you. But please understand that you already ARE working through your guilt and pain, by telling your story and by acknowledging to yourself and to others what happened and how you feel about it. You are a human being and human beings make mistakes. Sometimes the mistakes we make have tragic consequences, and we are left to live with them, find a way to forgive ourselves, and learn whatever lessons we can from them.

I hope you'll take the time to listen a recording of an interview I did some time ago with Tracy Ann (see below), and read this article, Loss and the Burden of Guilt. I'm also recommending an article by Dana Durrance entitled Guilt: A Dangerous Villain. All of these contain suggestions for working through guilt . . .

tracyann_excerpt.mp3

[kayc]

Oh Edwina, Don't you know that Poochie already knows how very much you loved him and would have given anything to have prevented this horrible mishap? You will be rejoined at last and will be able to hold him once again. You gave him a long and happy life and that is what he will remember.

I am so sorry for your immense loss.

[Edwina]

MartyT,

Thank you so much... I read the material you sent and it is exactly what I need. I know that the guilt is making grieving all the more difficult. I now know that there was nothing I could do once the accident happened. I still wish I would have done things differently in the past, (like taking that stupid collar off of him) but I will now know to never do that again and I will tell everyone I know the same thing. I still feel pretty horrible... I miss him so much and my heart is broken in a way it has never been before. I am working on forgiving myself, although I am not totally there yet.

More than anything in the world, I hope that Poochie forgives me, and I know in my heart that he does because my dogs love unconditionally. I just have no joy in anything right now, and I am so sad that I can barely function.

[Edwina]

KayC,

One thing I know for sure is that he knew how much I loved him. He was my constant shadow and friend. He only left my side to go out to go to the bathroom. Otherwise, he was right here with me. I think that is one of the things that is making me feel his loss so much.

I look forward to the day when I can see him again, along with all the other pets and people I have lost. I just wish I could turn back time....

[Edwina]

MartyT,

Also, I went to the site to listen to the interview, and it wanted me to enroll in a course online, which I would LOVE to do... I have saved it in case I can find a way to do it, but I am unemployed, and right now the funds just aren't available. Thank you so much however... I am going to try my best to find a way....

[MartyT]

Edwina, dear ~ you don't need to buy anything or sign up for anything in order to listen to this interview. Once you're on the page, Dealing with Pet Loss, just scroll down far enough to see the paragraph as indicated below. Then in the white box you'll see underneath, just click on the arrow button to listen to the program.

Radio interview with Marty Tousley on Contact Talk Radio

"NATURE'S TRANSLATOR" with TRACY ANN

Segment on Pet Loss Grief and Guilt

Excerpt of Marty's radio interview with animal

communicator Tracy Ann. Length: @ 9 minutes >

(Real player required)

[Edwina]

I realized that right after I wrote the note... oops.. I did listen to it and it was very helpful. I am trying... but I still crid at least a couple times today.... I feel like someone has kicked me in the stomach and pulled my heart out of my chest and stomped on it..... I miss him more than I ever thought possible.

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts.

Edwina

[kayc]

Oh Edwina, my heart goes out to you, as does every dog lover who understands...

This week I had an emergency with my dog, my son did with his, and my friend has with his...and he will undoutedly lose his after spending thousands of dollars trying to save him. It's hard, what we wouldn't do for our best friend.

[plasticmary]

I am so sorry this happened to you. I thought I would never get over the guilt I felt when I had to put my first dog to sleep just a few short months ago. Somehow, with time, it became bearable but I never thought I would make it through that awful, terrible time. This site helped me so much and I hope it will help you. Today I am dealing with the death of another one my dogs. Again, the guilt is unbearable. I am pretty sure he died of old age but I keep thinking that if I had come home earlier, done something different, he would not have died alone. It's a terrible thing, losing a loved one. I know what you are going through. The guilt is the worst but, at some point, it gets better.