LoriW

Haley, Is your Mom's plot purchased? I had the opposite feelings of you, sort of. My Dad kept my Mom at the house for 6 months after she passed away. They had purchased their plots 30 years ago but he was not ready to do it yet. I think it gave him some comfort to have her cremains there and when he was ready he buried them. I never looked inside the box at her cremains. Not something I wanted to see at all!!!! Too emotional....but now, my Mom is buried about 10 miles away and I visit about every 4 weeks to change flowers or to remember a special day of hers. Where you find comfort keeping her with you...I find comfort knowing that her cremains are part of the soil and a place I can go that is not at my home. I know her spirit is with me all the time, but the spot where she is buried is hers. Good luck...it's difficult to know when you are ready. Hopefully, you will all come to terms with whatever deicison in time. Lori

Trudy, Thanks for the prayers. I could use a few right now. Bernadette, Wow! Our stories are so similar. I picked my Dad up from the airport on the 3rd of January. He told me they got the ring and I asked him when he was going back. He said when he gets married. I asked when that was and he said he did not know. They have financial things to set up. I know my Dad has to sell his house and then there are all the belongings in the house too. He got to my house and did not stay of course because it was about 9PM and he has a 90 minute drive home. He briefly said hello to my girls and my husband...got his Christmas gifts and dog and I followed him to his truck. As he was getting ready to leave he told me that once my brother gets home from vacation he is going to talk to him about coming out to Arizona and taking anything we want from the house (we would have to do that for our other brother as well because he will not be able to come). He is going to sell the house and move back east. Just prior to him telling me that I asked him if he was going to call my Gramma. He said yes. Well, the next day, he called me and told me that he called and told her he was engaged and he said she did not seem too surprised. I told him that his story at Thanksgiving to them was a bit far-fetched and he should have given my Mom's family more credit to believe the whopper he told them. He was trying to call my Mom's next oldest sister but could not get a hold of her. I talked to Mom's sister last night. He still had not gotten a hold of her but I told her. She was hurt. Not by the fact that he is marrying already...but by the lie. She was truly concerned about him and the holidays and here he was lying to my Mom's family. I spoke with my Gramma today and she said the same thing. I told her...it's true what they say....it's often times not the actual act or behavior that gets you in trouble it's the lie afterward. I wanted to call them so that they would understand that I wanted my Dad to be upfront with them months ago so this would not be a shock to anyone. I know in the past few years there have been some "rough" spots with my parents and her Mom...but that's just my Gramma. She is 83 years old and not going to change now. My Mom knew this. No one is telling my Dad to stay at her home...he's just not being very thoughtful towards others. I definitely had a chuckle with your swimming story because my Dad went out on New Year's Eve to go dancing...WHAT? My parents never did this...he doesn't like to dance. Then, they went to Red Lobster...my Mom and Dad have always disliked Red Lobster. He's a bit different too and it makes me sad. Since he has been communicating with her (about 8 months now) his constant mantra is "we're taking it slow"...well if his engagement is anything like his "slow" courtship...then, he should be married soon! But...my guess is this summer sometime. Like I said. I should be happy that he is not sitting at home crying and feeling lonely. He obviously knows that he does better as a "couple" and wants that back. However, I guess I need to deal with my grief...a little more of my Mom will slip away...but, I intend to take the bell collection she cherished and the wind chimes in her backyard and when I hear them sing in the wind I'll bring to my home the memories of the gentle hands that bandaged my knees, the arms that were always open for me and the woman who loved me like no one else ever could. I'll be thinking of you Bernadette and I will keep you in my prayers because I know how hard it is sometimes. Lori

Leann, thanks for your kind words.My Dad comes home today from his trip. I will be pikcing him up from the airport. He won't stay, he'll want to get home and he has a 2 hour drive. However, he and I need to sit down and have a "heart to heart". I am truly going to miss my Dad when he leaves. Our relationship will never be the same. He is going to be so far away. I know that everything will work out and that it is all a matter of time and adjusting.

Kittylove, Your post made me smile. I know that feeling when you have made the decision to do something and it feels right and "freeing". I have used the site you shared with us in the past and it is great. I have been a volunteer Girl Scout leader going on 4 years now. It has been great to get to know these children, I do it because my beloved Mom did it for me. She was my Girl Scout leader and I have so many fond memories of her and being in her troop. Best wishes for you in the new year! Lori

Shell, Thanks for your words of understanding. I have decided to cut my MIL's husband out of my life. He treats people as if they are disposable and I have yet to respond to his interpretation of an apology. To be hones with you, his apology just added salt to the wound. My MIL, I will be eventually okay with but I will never go to her house again....at least when he is home. As for my Dad....well, I am just surprised as to how he has been about this entire relationship thing. My Mom's family still do not know and now I don't care if I tell them.... I have had a lot to digest since last November and there really doesn't seem like there is a break in sight. I have constantly had to adjust. I have been very mindful of my Dad's feelings and his loss and now I feel like he's not been of mine or others who also lost my Mom. Thanks Shell, you are always a great help and I appreciate your taking the time to respond to me. Have a Happy New Year! Lori

I hope all of my friends here had a nice Christmas. I am so glad I have this place to come to. It has helped me so much in the past year! Basically, I had a pretty emotional Christmas. My girls and I took some little Christmas trees out to my Mom's grave the Saturday before Christmas. It made me sad...more so than last year. I think I may have been more of the shock mode at that time as it had only been 3 weeks since my Mom had died. Christmas Eve we went to mass and then went to spend the evening with my mother-in-law and her husband. It was a horrible night. They drink quite a bit and my MIL said some very insensitive things to me relating to last year and my Mom passing away and I would not let her get away with it. I had to respond. Anyway, she got mad at me and then it all went down hill. Not to mention her husband said some very nasty things to me as well...and frankly, I choose not to associate with him ever again. It was an awful evening! Christmas morning was a nice morning with my daughters and husband and then later I was making dinner for my Dad, my father-in-law and my good friend. My Dad said he was coming all along and that was what I had planned, he had to work during the day but insisted he'd be there and spend the night and then I would take him to the airport so he could go visit his lady friend back east. Well, he called me and canceled coming to spend the night and have any part of Christmas with me. I was hurt. However, he said he would be at my house at 6AM the next day so he could drop off his dog and I could take him to the airport. Dec 26th: He calls me at 5:15 AM to let me know he was nearing my house. I got up and he got here about 6 AM. He got his suitcase in, his laptop and his dog. He opened his gifts and then he showed me his pictures of Thanksgiving where he spent back east as well. My Dad's background is now a huge photo of his lady friend. He stayed until 7AM when he wanted to leave for the airport...his flight was leaving at 10:45AM. That's all the time we spent together. Today: He called me tonight. His girlfriend's birthday is today...they got engaged. I'm surprised but I am not. Not only do I feel like I have lost my Mom.....I am losing my Dad. He will be moving across the country. He rarely spends time with me or my daughters and this has hurt me. He knows nothing about what happened to me at my in-laws....he's in his own world. He even said to me, "so, you're going to have a step-mom". I am a 40 year old woman, I don't need a step-mom. She lives an entire country away from me.......I feel very alone. I have done a lot of crying this weekend. I've cried because I miss my Mom and if she hadn't died none of this would be happening, I've cried because I feel like any relationship I have had with my in-laws has never been sincere. I've cried because my Dad doesn't seem to be understanding of my feelings. In the end, I congratulated both of them and wish her a Happy Birthday because I do want him to be happy but I want him to be mindful of my feelings too. I can't wait to get through all of these holidays and start a new year. Thanks for the listening ears. Lori

Jenn, Just go easy on yourself and cry when you have to. I feel so much better once I let it out and cry for a few minutes. This is my 2nd Christmas without my Mom. She died 25 days prior to Christmas very unexpectedly. I was late in getting anything completed for Christmas. You say that you don't have kids...see, I think maybe it was easier for me because I do have kids and they believe in Santa and all that stuff so I had to do the usual Christmas. Believe me...had they not been there nothing would have gotten done. I found the first Christmas without my Mom a little empty. I took someone's advice though. I took ONE single red candle and set it in the middle of my Christmas table...I surrounded it with holly and evergreens and tied a Christmas bow on the candle holder. I lit it for my Mom while we ate dinner just to remember her and her beautiful spirit and life. Take care. Lori

Bernadette, Thanks for sharing with me your situation. Like you, I am just finding this whole entire thing just different. I am glad I have this site and I am glad at least I can speak of this with my one brother. The other doesn't know a whole lot about the situation due to circumstances. Thanks for being there and hugs to you too as learn to live this new life. I will keep you posted. Lori

Bee, I think you and I are living the same scenario just in different hemispheres. That's what's good about this site. I talk to friends at work...some say: "you should be happy for him." My friends definitely sympathize with me and so does my husband. You know and I know we want our fathers to be happy...and I know they are sad about our moms but we can't go find another mom. You know, I like to think that I would have felt better about all of this had it been a few years down the line...but it's not and I guess this is why I am having all this confusion. I don't feel like if I go on this Easter trip I am dishonoring my Mom in any way. I just feel awkward because I would be staying in a large beach house with people I have never met. I know my Dad has met these people but I haven't...and I am getting the strange vibes that we should now all be this BIG happy blended family. Well, the youngest out of all 6 kids between them is 37! If they marry (and I suspect they will) we will not be a family. Bee, I just find this all so hard to digest sometimes. Sometimes it doesn't effect me, like when I am going about my regular day but then when I speak to my Dad I am listening to it again. I know what's going to happen...I can see it begin to play out. They'll be engaged shortly and then he will sell the house and move and they will marry. I am just learning to take it one step at a time. I may not like those steps but what can I do about it? I am trying to hang in there...just like you. Thanks for sharing with me. Lori

Shell, Thanks for your kind words of encouragement. My husband said the same thing basically. You know, I feel that loyalty to my Dad and yet he makes me feel so awkward with my Mom's family. You're right. I need to just talk to him and tell him if they ask me questions I am not going to lie any more. I never thought I would be going through this kind of a thing. It amazes me. Thanks as always. You are a great member of this board. Lori, I imagine he wants my decision shortly. I go back and forth. This trip is all the way across the US on the Atlantic coast. Far for me....however, I keep saying..."it's only 3 days" and it is. However, there is something in me that says "why go?"...I just can't explain "that something". Strange. I told my Dad that him telling my Mom's family is better than them hearing it from anyone else and that it would look much better if he told them well before he became engaged or married. I asked him if he felt guilty for some reason and his answer was no. I know that he could just be saying that. I am sure it is hard to tell your in-laws after your spouse has died that they are seeing someone else. I definitely think my Dad is one of those men who needs someone. My parents were married for 44 years. My Mom did not "boss" my Dad around but he definitely was used to have some kind of structure from her. Now that is all gone. I also think he misses the "homeiness" that a woman often provides. I think he felt that when he was visiting his new lady friend. Ultimately, I want him to be happy. Thanks for listening. I really appreciate it. Lori

Hi All, Well my Dad came back from his visit to physically meet his new lady friend. My brother and his wife met her as well as their children and they said she was very nice. It was just a bit awkward to see our Dad in a different way. I did speak to her on the phone one evening when he was there, my Dad put her on. We had a quick pleasant conversation about our pets. She even sent my daughters some treats in the mail. I see what my Dad misses....that "special homey touch" so many women provide. Anyway, he has take quite a bit of advice from her on how to do things etc..etc...but, here is the best part. My Dad calls me up one day and asks what I am doing for Easter. I told him I didn't know. How would you like an all expense paid trip to spend Easter with him, his new friend, her children and my brother and family. My other brother cannot go. He wants to get a rental cottage that the two of them are going to split the cost and he wants to fly me and my family out there because we would have to travel the farthest. This trip would be a total of 3 days together. Part of me says I don't want to go...the other part tells me to go because if I don't want my Dad will be hurt. I can see going if he is going to announce getting engaged or something but I can't see going if they are not. The other thing that is getting to me is that he will not tell my Mother's family. My Mom had been hurt by some stuff my Grandmother had said and things she did...but they were still speaking...and my Dad is just bitter of this. My brother and I think he should tell them and he told us that they don't need to know his business. Now, he has told a lie on top of a lie about where he was at Thanksgiving. Then he's kind of us had him cover for him. I don't know why he won't tell, he has nothing to be ashamed of and I really don't think that they are going to care. It just puts me and my brother in a bad position when we speak to them or see them. You know, just a little over a year ago I would've told someone they were crazy had they told me this was going to happen. I just can't believe it. I guess I am confused and needed to vent. Thanks for listening as always. Lori

Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of my Mom's death. I have always remembered dates well...sometimes for silly things and always for big things. It has been good and it has been bad. I just wanted to share with my group a bit about my Mom and what I phsycially lost a year ago tomorrow but have learned to carry with me in spirit since that day. My Mom was bron in Illinois on a July day in 1943 and was the oldest of 3 daughters. She grew up among the many soybean and tall corn fields of the Illinois River Valley and excelled academically in school. She met my Dad in her tender teenage years and in 1961 they married and soon moved to Arizona. For them, the move west provided a new life together with new opportunities. My Mom's maternal grandparents had already been living in Arizona for nearly 20 years so they at least knew someone there. Both of my parents worked for a goal and they rented a small house in central Phoenix...considered the north end of town back then. Not long after, they purchased their first home for about $13,000.00 With the new home came the desire to be a Mom. I don't know the reasons whey but she was not to become a parent the natural way. However, adoption was the route they made my Mother a Mom...three times over. First with myself, and then 2 sons to follow. My Mom provided the gentle embraces and special touches to birthdays and holidays. Although they may not have been fancy or expensive they were always thoughtful and full of love. I also remember just her sharing time with me...teaching me to play games like Scrabble and cribbage and the fun we had just passing the time. She loved to do crafts which included: needlepoint, crochet, ceramics and during one summer she did an oil painting of a landscape. That painting hung in our family room for many years and it still does at my Dad's. She enjoyed camping with friends and listening to a silly joke from her Mom during her weekly Sunday call to her. She enjoyed her morning crossword and word jumble in the newspaper. I showed her Text Twist on the internet (something she rarely played with) about 6 weeks prior to her death and my Dad said she loved to play that. She was our very own private duty nurse. Tenderly nursing us back to health from a simple cold or a bout of pneumonia. She bandaged many knees and gave a swift flu shot that you barely noticed breaking the skin. Once, I broke my leg during a softball game and my Mom (who was recovering from a bad back injury) took me to the ER after trying to track down my brother on the basketball courts. She was also a huge help when I had both of my daughters coming to stay the first time to help nurse me back to myself and then to entertain a precocious 2 year old when a younger sister joined the family. When I was young, she even took in her ailing grandparents to our home and then worked at the nursing home my greatgrandma eventually ended up having to go to. My Mom was the driver to countless baseball games, softball games, karate lessons, golf lessons, piano lessons, trips to the pool, movies and friends. Often times, she was carting around other people's kids as well. She worked full time as an RN on the swing shift and still made dinner for us with instructions on how to heat it up when we got home from school and our Dad from work. What I miss most about my Mom is her always and ever present ability to listen. When I was little I always felt comfort seeing my Mom at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and a friend...usually our neighbor Aunt JoAnn or Mrs. Solar. The laughter would drift through the air and it now brings a smile to my face as I recall seeing my Mom with a dear old friend. My Mom loved it when she and my Dad moved to Payson in 1995. For some reason, she became less tolerant of the Phoenix heat and moved to a town like her rural Illinois roots. She enjoyed the change of seasons and the tempered climate that the high elevation had to offer. Here she volunteered for her church, started a catering business for several years but went back to nursing at one of the local nursing homes. 3 weeks prior to her death she had taken a new position with hospice visiting patients in the nursing home or at home keeping them comfortable the last days of their life. Since November 30th of last year I have probably only been up to my parent's home a half dozen times. Now when I visit I look around and it is there I feel her presence the most. The photographs of family gatherings with relatives full of smiles where my Mom probably prepared a meal of celebration. The crocheted blankets on a recliner she would endlessly work on in the evenings while watching TV. There is even one unfinished still in the magazine rack in the family room. Needle still in place and I can still hear her from last Thanksgiving telling my daughter, Maddie, about varigated yarn. The shelves are still full of many knick-knacks to let you know who she was....a wife, a mom...a sister...a daughter...a grandma...a friend and a nurse. It's a day like today that makes me realize how loved I have been by such a wonderful woman and I had the honor of calling her Mom. It's a day like today that makes me cherish each and every memory she has given me, a photograph and trinkets. It's a day like today that marks a milestone in a new relationship with my Mom, but yet something stays the same...I still talk to her...and she still listens. This was my Mother. I miss her more than I can sometimes believe myself. I know because of her I have been able to carry on...my life has been better because of her. My Mom: July 8, 1943-November 30, 2005

Thank you all...I am glad I have this place to come to when I need some healing. You are all so warm and you listen to my words and understand. Shell...I think you've hit it on the head. I have and do go into hiding with my grief. I am so worried about bothering others with it I take it all on myself. Except when I come here. I too try and feel "normal" but then some comments come out (like my mother-in-laws) and it creates a hurt and I grieve again. I think I am becoming better. So, I got through that yucky day and yesterday was good. I appreciate everyone! Lori

Hi All, I am very sad tonight. I have been all day. You see, a year ago today was the last time I saw my Mom alive and the last time we spoke. I don't miss her any more today than I do any other day without her but today has been hard. A year ago today was my last kiss from her, my last hug...she made me some poached eggs and toast before she left for work. I can still see her go out the door in her purple nursing scrubs and stethescope in her pocket and then that is it. She died 5 days later. I don't think...no, I know I haven't been very nice today. I have gotten into a big arguement with my husband and now he is mad at me. I tried to apologize for my nastiness but he has not accepted it yet. My Dad called me from Pennsylvania to tell me what a wonderful time he is having with his lady friend. My mother-in-law is jealous that if my Dad does re-marry this will take away from her time as Grandma to my girls. She even told my youngest that..."she is the only Grandma...." I know it was not meant to hurt me....but my Mom was their Grandma too. I am just so sad because I miss my Mom. I cried a bit on Thanksgiving morning and my husband asked if I was going to be sad forever. He asked me if I felt like I didn't cry that would mean I am not missing my Mom enough. I DON'T cry everyday and I smile when a memory of Mom makes me feel good...that's how I know her spirit and love live within me...but, I cry because I have no one like her left here. I feel the loss and it cuts me to the very core sometimes and I am learning to deal with it. I know I am going to be okay but certain things spark that feeling of loss and I have to cry. I don't think I should not and I don't think I should be ashamed to. I am not sad all of the time...and I am trying not to let this horrible anniversary effect me but it is. I can see it. My mother-in-law asked how I felt about my Dad and his new friend. I said I wanted him to be happy...she asked how I was...I was okay yesterday...her response was that my Mom would not want me to be sad. I know this!!!!! Damn it...I know this!!!! But no one is listening. No one in my life is comforting me...except my girls. As young as they are (10 and 7) they know when to give me a hug...a touch...they know when to love me and just let my tears come. I am hurting tonight...thank you for listening. Lori

LarrysGirl, As I read your words I am near tears. I am coming up on the 1 year anniversary of my Mom's death on Saturday. My emotions are very near the surface. My Dad and I were talking the other day and I know he must feel the same way as you....we both cried. I will be praying for you. Lori

Andrea, I am sorry to hear of your loss. Take it one day at a time. Lori

Martha, I totally agree with what you've been told about the 3 month mark. My Mom died last November 30th. I had her here for Thanksgiving and Christmas was difficult and strange without her here...but so has every day since she has passed away this year. I think it is the brain just finally realizing that this person is gone....forever. Sure, they live in spirit and in the stories we remember and tell but the physical presence has left. There are days when I just want to hear my Mom's voice again and feel the warmth of a hug from her. That all really hit me at about 3 months. Right now I am coming up to the 1 year mark and it's not easy for me right now. My brain keeps wandering back to last year at this time. How this was the last holiday without my Mom...how none of us new 6 days later she would be gone. Do what is good for you this entire holiday season from Thanksgiving all the way through the New Year. Hugs and Peace Lori

Randa and Mark, I am so sorry for the loss of such a wonderful woman, you Mama. She sounds like a sweet yet strong woman and placed family before all others. I am glad you have visited this site for healing and comfort and to see the strangers your Mama touched. She made a profound impact on so many. I can relate to your loss as I lost my Mom. It has been the most difficult thing I have had to endure. I miss her deeply. Just last night I wrote her a letter to let her know what happened this year. I cried through the entire letter but I felt closer to my Mom. Thinking of your family and you Mama. Hugs and peace to you all. Lori

Libby, I am so sorry for you. Don't expect too much from yourself. Your Mom has only been gone 3 months. My Mom died 11/30/2005. I think when I was at 3 months the initial shock was just wearing off and I was really beginning to feel the rawness of the wound and my loss. In the nearly 1 year since my own Mom's death I have experienced so many different emotions I sometimes find it all hard to understand. It's especially hard when you try to get back into your life and your head is not fully there. I remember I went back to work a week after my Mom died and the awkwardness for some people to talk to me was amazing, but then there were the ones who opened the arms to me and they knew the pain. I had to do Christmas last year...I think if my girls weren't here I would not have...but they were 6 and 9 and although I was late getting the tree up and found myself rushing around last minute for Christmas presents it brought some "normalcy" into my new life. My suggestion: Don't rush yourself. Feel the pain of missing your Mom. I still do. I don't cry everyday but I cray several times a week. Don't try and rush your grief for others. I remember last year at Christmas in-laws wanted me to go on with the regular festivities and I didn't and just told them that THIS Christmas was different. I feel better than the first few months but let me tell you that those firsts without my Mom have sometimes taken my breath away. Days like Christmas, Mother's Day, my birthday, her birthday...now I look at my first Thanksgiving without my Mom and the last time I saw her alive. Be good to yourself in the coming months. Share with us your bad days and your good ones too. You will find here that there are so many who care and can relate to your own experiences and for all the I am grateful. Hugs and peace to you. I know how hard it is. Lori

Jennie, Oh, I feel so bad for you. My Mom died 11 months ago yesterday. I know at 3 months I was crying a lot. I think a grief counselor is a good idea. I didn't go that route but I came here a lot and still do. This is a wonderful place. People understand here. I know that when my Mom died I think my husband was freaked out and worried that I was going to just fall apart. I did feel like I did fall apart. I couldn't remember stuff. I made weird decisions. I don't know, it was just a different feeling. Now I am 11 months into this and I know I am better. I still miss my Mom more than anything. I cry still, but not as much. Sometimes I cry really hard and I feel better afterwards. Just be good to yourself. Don't try and rush your grieving to accomodate others. If you're having a bad day, tell someone. Find a good friend willing to listen. The best ones are the ones who just let you talk and cry. You're going to be okay (I know it's hard to believe right now). We are always here for you. Lori

Thank you all for listening and understanding. I think I will take some advise given to me. I am pretty much over it. I guess I just have to process this stuff in my brain and vent here. Thank goodness this site is around and I always have someone willing to listen. Hugs to you all Lori

Tudy and Shell, Maybe in some ways you are right. I just felt the compelling need to go there because it's my Mom's house. Sounds silly but I wanted to feel closer to her. I guess I am just being childish about the whole incident. I know my Dad hurts...I do. However, his reason for me not coming to see him was that he had to study. He is taking college courses on-line now which I think is good. He leaves in just 3 weeks to go meet the woman he has been developing a relationship on-line with. A month from tomorrow is the anniversary of my Mom's passing away.

Thanks everyone, I know he was not trying to hurt my feelings or avoid me. I have to remember that my Dad does not have my Mom there to bring him around to what others may be thinking or feeling. He is on his own. My Mom was always good at that stuff and I think I am the same way. I talked to my husband about it and he said that "we guys think differently"....don't be hurt. I am getting over it but I wanted to feel connected up there at their house and I won't. I appreciate all of you. This place is such a blessing for me. Lori

Thanks for the responses. I know things are rough for him. I think he has done well since Mom passed away...better than my brothers and I thought. It just bothered me. It's been nearly 5 months since I have been to the house. I guess it brings me comfort to go there...my Mom's knick knacks are there, the house is as it is when my Mom was alive last year. When I asked him about coming to visit he said he has to study. He is now taking college courses on-line. He basically doesn't have time. I am just sad about how much my family of origin has changed. I know I am a grown woman with a husband and children of my own but it still feels strange. Once again thanks. Lori

Hi All, Maybe I am just over emotional lately. The anniversary of my Mom's passing is the end of next month. I hate that I place such significance on dates...I always have. Birthdays, wedding anniversaries....I guess just good and bad dates. Anyway, I have my on going saga with my Dad. I have always had a good relationship with him and still do. He was and is a super Dad. However, the past few weeks I have been having the desire to go up to my Dad's house which was my parent's house about 90 miles away. Due to his job and his days off and my days off I have not been there since July when it was my Mom's birthday. I thought I would drive up and spend the afternoon with him while my kids went to school. He told me that I could come and get a sewing machine that was my Mom's and give it to my daughter. Anyway, he's too busy. He's taking classes on-line and he doesn't have time. Then I told him well I guess I will see you whenever then. He came back and said I could come up but he would be studying...I got the picture...he doesn't want me to come. I am not. I am just feeling a bit hurt. I mean, I lost my Mom...and sometimes even as an adult we just want to have some time with our parents. He's the only one I have left now and he doesn't want me to come. Maybe I am taking it too personally and I know he's not trying to hurt me but I am sad about this tonight. I know it will pass and I'll be okay and everything but sometimes missing my Mom hurts more than I ever thought it would....and I don't feel that comfort of a Mom from anyone. Thanks for listening...I am just down right now. Lori