LoriW

Hi Shell, I think I may say something to my Dad if he asks about the Thanksgiving deal and phone calls. I think one of the reasons why he may not being saying anything to them is that it may not work out. I've been having a rough week though and don't want to bring it up unless he does. I am feeling very melancholy about the 1 year mark. I know it is not until next month but flashes of memories of the previous year when life was normal keep popping up in my mind. It's like a mini movie and as comforting as some of those memories are it's also painful...because how was I to know? It's all just making me miss my Mom that much more. No one really wants to talk about it, I think I may make them uncomfortable when I cry and yet it's like the elephant in the room sort of thing. Thanks for asking. I hope you are well. Lori

Chrystal, What you are feeling is totally normal. I did this right after my Mom died for a good 2 months or so. I know right now it is hard to believe but those feelings will eventually subside. My Mom's death was unexpected as well and I worried about how scared she was, how she felt etc...etc... It was hard but those worries have become less and less for me. I am coming up on the year mark of her passing away next month. You, however, have just started grieving. The services are over and you are trying to get back to your life but it has drastically changed. Be good to yourself. Rest when you can. Get help from friends. Talk about your Dad, I have found that a huge comfort for me. You will find that there are times that you are so sad you can barely move and then there will come a day when you remember and smile again. Don't get me wrong, I got teary eyed driving in to work this morning but I know I had a great Mom who left me all these beautiful memories and some wonderful lessons and I would not have missed having her in my life for anything. It's just hard accepting the fact that someone who has loved us since birth is gone. Hugs to you today. Lori

Hi Bee, Please see my new post under the original one I did about this similar situation. Lori

Bee, I read your posts about your Dad and his new friend and you are correct, we are living the same thing right now. Since my post things have been okay. My Dad and I got through our arguement and I did feel a lot better getting it off my chest so to speak. However, as the time approaches for him to leave for the Thanksgiving holiday next month those feelings are resurfacing. My Dad had backed off on telling me things about her but is back to sharing what she has sent him, what they are going to do when he is there etc... I swear, it's almost like listening to your best friend in high school over a crush. I let my Dad talk but I don't probe him for information. My Dad leaves November 22nd. Thanksgiving is the next day. The 1 year mark of my Mom's death is November 30th and he will be there for that. Maybe it was his intent not to be home that day. He flies home on the 1st of December. My brother and I just found it odd he would spend that day far from home and with someone else. Anyway, I have come to terms with the fact that it is my Dad's life to live and she is probably a wonderful woman. I am still not in the total accpetance phase of this entire relationship...what confuses me is that she lives about 2000 miles away. Who knows what they are going to do? However, he has made mention that if he were to marry he would hope that he had family there to celebrate with him. I know I would go. However, I think he just needs to get through this first visit. There's talk of him going back for New Year's Eve and her coming to Arizona for Easter. This is what I am having a difficult time with right now though. He has made my brothers and I promise not to tell our Aunts or our Grandma (my Mom's sisters and Mom)about his trip out to Pennsylvania! I asked him what is he going to do when they call him on Thanksgiving?????? He said he is just going to tell them he is spending Thanksgiving with friends. Hello? Red flag? I live an hour from him and what makes him think they would not question this? In the meantime, I will get a phone call with questions from them on his whereabouts. Then, what is my brother to do who will actually be there to meet her and my Mom's family ask about his Thanksgiving holiday? I am so confused over this. He wants us to be happy and joyful for him and yet in the same breath he wants us to hide the fact that he is going to spend time with this lady and have us be evasive to others. Frustrating I can relate to so much you wrote of. I had to laugh when you said your Dad met this woman through a Catholic site. Same thing...and you know what? My Dad is 1/2 Italian and 1/2 Irish. Went from living with his parents to marrying my Mom at 20 years old. They did everything together and he worked in the yard and did little odd jobs around the house while she cooked and cleaned. His world has been totally turned upside down so I guess when he recieves a package from his lady friend full of homemade goodies so comforting familiarity is brought back into his life. I am just trying to understand. I am glad you found this site. It's a comforting place for us all. Hugs to you. Lori

In the year that has gone by, I've learned that love doesn't go away. It lingers and it filters, through me everyday. I've felt my Mother's spirit in the blankets she left behind, Her handwriting on a recipe, a photo snapped in time. I've learned that tears come easily, while driving alone in a car. I've held them back at times, and have cried in the dark. I've learned to comfort another...when a parent has left this world. I've learned to tell some stories, about my Mother to my girls. I know that life goes on and it's never quite the same. It's changed and it's different, because my Mother came this way. I've learned she may be gone, but her presence is always near. She's my vigilant guardian angel who calls my name, and I hear. My memories are now my treasures and her lessons are my guide, I keep them in my heart and recall them in my mind. I'll forever keep her close to me, where she is never far away... Knowing she's still with me every night and everyday.

Hi Leann, I have felt the same way at times. When my Mom died there were so many that offered me their time and assistance. I got some really great help in the days that followed her unexpected passing away....I have kids and I needed help with them and school because my parents live out of town. Friends brought food and sent condolences...but your right, as the weeks pass help is less frequent. It's because this horrible thing didn't happen to them. I am guilty of the exact same thing for others. I went back to work and there were people who just did not know what to say to me. I have 1 very good friend who lost a brother in a drunk driving accident in 2002. She was my grief buddy....in 200 she also lost her father-in-law to cancer. I called her every week after her brother died and we would talk, she would vent, I would listen and sometimes we cried together. She has been like that for me and for her I am grateful. I also have very good friends who do not like to bring up what happened to my Mom, I think they fear upsetting me still. Little do they know, that there are days that I cry by myself and talk to my Mom because no one else is around. Then I have days where I am okay all day. I think we need that offered help the most when the funeral arrangements have been done, everyone has gone home and we finally realize that our loved one is never coming back. Sometimes, relatives are not the best to be that comfort, because they are often grieving too. I remember last year at Christmas (my Mom died Nov. 30th), my Mom's sister---my Aunt, was insistant that I spend Christmas with her and her family...my mother-in-law was upset that I wasn't planning on the original plans for Christmas that year. I was an emotional basket case. Crying because all I wanted to do was spend Christmas with my husband, daughters and Dad. It took every ounce of energy I had to decorate that year because I have young kids. I kept getting phone calls at work from them and I finally broke down and a motherly woman I work with and have known for years came over and told me, "you do what is best for you this year, they'll get over it". Finally, I am thankful for this site, because there is always a person willing to lend and ear, confirm what you are feeling, offer gentle advise, I see myself in so many of the posters here. I visit everyday and feel the compassion of the members who are trying to continue to live and find their new place in life after the loss of a loved one. It's been an emotional year for everyone and with each new day without my Mom I realize I have changed. Missing her has been the hardest thing I have had to endure in my entire life and I am glad I have at least a select few to share that grief with. Hugs and peace to you. Lori

Kasey, I am sorry you lost your Mom at such a young age. I was 39 and I feel lucky and blessed to have had my Mom at my wedding and that she got to meet and know my children, her granddaughters. My sister-in-law lost her Mom when she was 14 years old. I know there is a sadness for her that her Mom wasn't there physically when she married my brother and she never got to meet her children. I can't imagine my Mom not being there when I had those huge milestones in my life. I too envy those who had their Moms with them until they were 50 something and 60 something. Their loss is still painful too because so many memories have been made. We all share the common loss of memories made and memories that could have been no matter what our ages are when we have lost someone who has known us for our entire lives. I think the one thing we all want is our lost parent...especially if that relationship was strong, loving and close. I know I yearn so badly for my Mom at times. Hugs and comfort to you as you come up to the anniversary of your Mom's passing.

Daddyslilgirl, Welcome and hugs to you. This is a warm and welcoming place where we all can express our feelings of loss, sadness and anger. I have felt healing by coming here. I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad....basically it's the pits...I know. Hugs to you and visit here often, someone is always here to listen and talk. Lori

Lorikelly, I feel for you. I think I was in about the same place as you were at 3 months. I know how you feel about feeling alone. Even though you have your family around you, it's just a empty sadness of missing and longing for the woman who has been there since your birth. I too have a husband and 2 daughters. All loved my Mom very much...but my girls being 10 and 7 were sad and deal with grief differently at a tender age. My husband loved my Mom too, but this was my Mom. It was my 39 years of memories and love....and I am sure all of that stuff floods back to your mind too. Let me say this. Last Saturday was 10 months that my Mom passed away. I used to count the Wednesdays from the day she died. (She died on a Wednesday) Then I lost count of them. I have been conscientious about the 30th always....I am not looking forward to the 1 year mark, I know that I am the type to relive the day over in my head. Whatever you do, don't force yourself to not feel the sadness, the loss, the not knowing which way is up. I felt like you and for me the spirit is resiliant and in general my days and nights have become better and yours will too. You are and we all are trying to find a new way of life without someone we have loved. Take care. Lori

Whiteswan, What a great story! It made me feel happy for you and your son. It was a silver lining to a day you had been not looking forward to. I had a good feeling on my Mom's birthday too. Her's was on July 8th and I had been dreading it for weeks. I did have a really good cry before I began my day because I was sad and had a lot of memories of past birthdays with her that were great and I was mourning what I would have been doing had she'd been here still. I got up and my youngest daughter and I went and got flowers for my Mom's grave and she picked out a Sponge Bob balloon. We went out there for a few minutes and then came home. Later, knowing my Dad would probably have a rough time of it that day, I drove 90 minutes up to his house with my 2 girls. I surprised him at his church as Mass was being said for my Mom. Then he took us to dinner as well as other friends of his and my Mom's. It felt good to laugh, talk and eat with people who knew my Mom well, with those she enjoyed company with the most. It was as if I was at a birthday dinner without the birthday girl. However, I felt her spirit in everyone's laughter and conversations. After dinner, we went back to my Dad's house and my Dad, my daughter's and I played a game my Mom had taught the girls called, Chckenfoot. We played from 8PM until midnight until we were all exhausted. I can say that when my head hit the pillow that night the day ended much differently than how it had started...I smiled because I knew my Mom's spirit was here that day. I could feel it all around me, and I knew she would be pleased. I think she too had a Happy Birthday. Lori

whitony, I am so sorry for your loss. I can understand how it is and what you may be going through. I lost my Mom very suddenly and unexpectedly in November 05. She was 3 years older than your Mom, she was 62. I know what you mean about helping others in the family through their grief. Right after my Mom died my number one priority was my Dad. It wasn't me. Yes, I was sad and I cried but I think I was a bit shocked and numbed because my poor Dad was consumed with sorrow, and understandbly so. She was his wife and companion for 44 years. You will have your ups and downs. There is no rhyme or reason for grief when you have lost someone. Cry when you have to, talk about your Mom to your children. I want so much for my daughter's to keep my Mom's spirit alive. I believe my oldest will but it makes me sad that my youngest may not remember my Mom when she is 20 someday. You have just lost your Mom. Be careful with yourself. I know I appreciated friends who were just willing to sit and listen. Be prepared one day for not so many phone calls from them but have one good one who is always there, maybe someone who has been through something similar. I still have my good friend who I can call when things are really cruddy. My Mom will be gone 10 months on the 30th. I mourn for because I miss her so much. I also grieve because a part my life that I was so used to.....my Mom and Dad together and going to their home or having them come to my home for a holiday will never happen again. That makes me sad. My family dynamic has changed. I've had to find a "new" normal, as we all have, and that can be unsettling. I know that when I lost my Mom I lost the single most influential woman in my life. She was my comfort and my biggest cheerleader and it hurt to see her go. My advice is just cry when you need to, remember her often, as I said...tell the stories of the memories you made with her to your kids. I know it's hard and I wish you peace. Lori

FUNNYFACE, Prayer said and I am thinking of you today. Lori

Magdalyn, You're right, this is a great place to come. I know what you mean about talking to friends. You just don't want to feel like their "downer". I feel most comfortable talking with a very good friend who lost a brother 4 years ago. She is great and this place is super great....it's ALWAYS here and so are the people. You always have this place and us to come to if you need to cry, vent, question or share. We are all trying to understand what has happened and find a new way to live without someone we have lost. Hugs to you. Lori

magdalyn, I think Kathy is right. I was very close to my Mom and I really couldn't cry at first. Kind of differnt than your experience. It's the shock. I remember seeing her in the bed, kissing her goodbye and telling her she was a good Mom. I felt disconnected from myself. Today, just over 9 months later, I can totally describe the slant of sunlight driving home from the hosptial to my Mom and Dad's house. The color of the sky, the leaves on the ground, the bumps in the road. I came in, picked up the afghan that she had wrapped around her in the kitchen, her slippers and put them in the closet before my Dad got there. I didn't know what to feel and what you are going through is perfectly normal. It was once things slowed down, people went home and stopped calling is when I had time to process it all and that's when I cried a lot. Your feelings are valid. Everyone goes through their own way of processing a loss. I wish you peace. Lori

Leann, I don't know if I have any suggestions. Here's what I did on my Mom's birthday which was July 8th. I went and purchased some new flowers and put them on her grave. My youngest daughter had gone to the store with me and she wanted to get a Happy Birthday balloon for her. She chose Sponge Bob, and at first, I was hesitant....I guess the reverence to sacred ground, I guess because my Mom was dead. Sounds silly now. Anyway, I let her get it because had my Mom been alive for this birthday that's what my daughter would have wanted to give her. Later in the day, I rode an hour and a half up to my Dad's. I thought he would have a difficult time and I didn't want him to face the evening alone. We went to Mass with my Dad and then he took us out to dinner with some of my parents' friends. It was like a birthday party but without the birthday girl. We went back to my Dad's and we all played a game my Mom had taught my daughters when they would spend time with them. It's called Chickenfoot. I won't lie to you. It was one of the most difficult anniversary days I had been through, and by July I had been through several since her death in November. But... there is something more about their birthday. That was THEIR birthday. A day we celebrated with them another year and all the memories. It's a day unique to them...when we have Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Thanksgiving...those are hard, but those birthday's belong to them. I took that day moment by moment. I had a real good cry before I got out of bed and it was for myself and the "what would I be doing today had she been here" then I did what I needed to do and as I got into my day I knew my Mom's spirit was near. I especially felt it at her house playing that game with my daughters and my Dad. Take it moment by moment and you will be fine. I hope that helps. Peace to you. Lori

Well, it 5PM and I am sitting here bawling my eyes out. My Dad called me and he had talked to my brother this morning and wanted to find out what I thought. My brother will be near the same city he is going to during Thanksgiving with his family. My brother felt that it would be more comfortable for him to go meet my Dad's new friend at a restaurant. My Dad said that she is wanting to meet his wife and kids. My brother said he was not bringing his kids...they are 6 and 8. My Dad got upset and could not understand why. My brother said that he didn't think it was necessary. I could kind of see my brother's point, this relationship may not even work out and I explained that to my Dad. I did tell my Dad that maybe his mind will change if my Dad continues to talk to her over the course of the next 3 months. They have only talked for 6 weeks. I told him that if he has a wonderful time when he is there and continues to speak with her and she comes out to visit here after Thanksgiving I would have no problem introducing my kids to her. He wanted to know how I felt about all this and I did not hold back. I told him that I thought it was going a bit fast and that it has only been 8 months etc..etc.. I said that I can't get excited for him right now. I don't know exactly how I feel. Like I said, I didn't expect him to be alone forever, but I didn't expect him to call me with all this and want me to be joyous over the news. Right now I am at one of those points where I do not want to burden anyone I know with my sorrow so I sit here at my computer, type and cry. I didn't want to hurt my Dad. I told him that I couldn't believe that he was choosing to spend Thanksgiving with strangers and not me, my husband and kids or other family members. He said he needed to get away and hasn't been away since my Mom died. Although he was invited by me to come to my home after her death and my brother has invited him numerous times as well as his sisters. He has turned us all down. He said it sounded like I expected him to be alone and sit in the house by himself and in no way did I ever insinuate such a thing and that he was putting words in my mouth. Needless to say, our conversation became heated. I know. He lost his wife. I lost my Mom. I am sitting here crying over this all over again....why does it have to be so painful? I hate missing her so much...I love her. My Mom is never coming back and I absolutely hate it! I told him to go...I never said not to. I also told him that I am entitled to my feelings as a daughter. That every day is painful for me as well. We ended fine, but I just broke down after I got off the phone and instead of better, I feel like crap. Thanks for listening. Lori

Shell, You are not giving too much advice. I just wanted to see if there were people here that would have the same feelings as myself or had had similar situation. I talked to my brother last night, apparently my Dad tells me a lot more than he tells my brother, because we were comparing notes. I just am not sure I like my new role as "confidant" for my Dad. Yes, I like him to talk to me, I am glad he told my about this new woman, but it's the little things and how his voice sounds. I also look at it this way...his relationship with my Mother was so great that wanting that again is a testament to their love and commitment. However, it is not easy to listen to your Dad gush over someone other than your Mom after they have been married for so long and it's only been 8 months since she passed. My brother, like others here, indicated that maybe I should mention to my Dad not wanting to hear so many of the details. But I know, I just know, I would hurt him. I think he wants so much to have his kids' approval on this...and I guess it's not that I don't approve. It's me with the problem...I lost my Mom and now my Dad is going to spend a very family oriented holiday with a woman he's never met, her 3 children and grandchildren. This makes me cry. I think it is also like you said that he might "mess up his life". I hope he doesn't think he is going to find someone exactly like my Mom, that is never going to happen. He is going to see her the day before Thanksgiving and will be there until the 1st of December. This too bothers me...he will be gone on the 30th, the anniversary of my Mom's death. Maybe being away will take away some of that added pain, maybe dates don't mean much to him. I know my husband is like that. He always says to me that just because it's a certain date doesn't mean that it you don't miss that person any more or less than any other day. True, but I remember what could have been or what was and what happened and it's like replaying it over and over. Maybe my Dad is like him with dates. I know he will not remarry before the 1 year mark. She's too far away and they will not meet in person until November 22nd and then if things go well in November she will come visit here. There's a lot for them to discuss. I love my Dad, I want him to be happy. I guess I have just hit a new "bump" in this journey that I need to work through. Thanks for your compassion and responses you are a great asset to this board. Hugs Lori

Kathy, I don't think that your mind is denying it. I have done the same thing. My Mom died in November and there are times when my brain goes idle and the thoughts of her death creep into my mind and I try to force them out because I cannot conceiveably cry all the time or every place. I too have times where I just cry and cry but then I realize I've got things to do and a life to continue on with and kids to take care of. I get up and do what I need to do and when I am busy the sadness seems to float away. In these months since my Mom's death I have learned that I need to take time for me to digest, if you will, the reality. I cry, but not like at first...you know, pretty much all the time. I get misty eyed when I think of something my Mom would have liked, or something I would have called to tell her. I also realize that she would want me to be the best Mom I can be and to do that I think of her because she was such a wonderful role model. There are times when it does seem to be not real...that she is truly, physically gone....but I do know that that is the reality. When I do have a cry, I feel better afterward. Many hugs and prayers to you during this difficult time. Lori

Thanks for your responses... Haley...I know you are right about my Dad wanting companionship. He and my Mom had been married for 44 years, it would have been 45 next month. They did a lot together and were totally devoted to one another. My Dad did tell me that this woman is not my Mom's replacement and I understand that but it is still difficult. I know he has to live and I would not expect him to be alone for the rest of his life but I guess having 2 parents together for so long is making this difficult for me. Shell...thanks for your concern. You know, I fully expected someday for my Dad to meet someone. My Mom did everything for my Dad and his life has changed so drastically but he has done very well. This is what bothers me...it's only been 8 months. It also bothers me that he calls me and he likes to talk about her to me. She may be the most wonderful woman in the world but right now I don't want to hear him talk to me about her like some school boy with a crush. He's not even met her. She's offered him some advice about one of my siblings that has give my parents some problems and I just feel that she's not met any of us how could she know the full scope of the situation. He told me that her children are excited to meet him in November...it's been over 5 years for them...it's not been that long for me, I can't get excited. I just never thought I would feel this way. Lori

Thank you Marty. The articles and links were very insightful.

Good Morning All, I have been having a hard time with something. I'll preface with mentioning again that my Mom died suddenly on November 30, 2005...so, it's a little over 8 months. My Mom and Dad had been married for 44 years and had a good relationship. Since my Mom's death my Dad has gone out with 2 ladies, nothing serious but primarily companionship. About a month ago he met a woman on-line through a Catholics singles website. She too lost her husband but he passed away about 5 years ago. They have been speaking every day via telephone mostly and often times email. They have not met in person. However, he is going to go spend Thanksgiving with her and her 3 children and grandchildren in Pennsylvania (where she lives, he lives in Arizona) for over a week. I know my Dad deserves to be happy. I think that it is saying something for my Mom that he wants a relationship again. ...but, I am feeling sad about it. Does it make sense. I worry that he is "rushing" into things. Gosh, I sound like the parent. He's talking about if they hit it off when he's out there and she wants to come here they will get married. There are so many logistics to figure out between the two. I guess I am just sad. I don't know why this is bothering me...like I said, he deserves to be happy, he lost the most but I can't help but feel a longing and a loyatly to my Mom. He told me that her kids are very excited to meet him and that they can't wait for him to come out but it's been 5 years since their Dad died, it's only been 8 months for me. I sound like a big baby about it. I, of course, have not expressed this to my Dad. I don't want to upset him...but I don't want to hear stuff about her right now. Call me selfish but I want things the way the used to be even though I know it is not ever going to happen. Has anyone had any similar situations? Lori

STARKISS, You have hit a difficult point in your grief, I believe. I am not there yet, but it's as if I anticipate the 1 year mark for myself to be very difficult. Losing our Mom's in a sense, is like losing an extension of ourselves. It is because of them that we are here. I don't know about you, but I have always been person who has always remembered to keep track of dates and occasions. Joyful and sad. My husband, on the other hand, finds no significance in those type of things. I have noticed that in the past 8 months as I got closer to a day like Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day and especially my Mom's birthday I have been sad and I have longed for my Mom even more. It's no wonder that expecially at the 1 year mark of your Mom's death you are feeling this loss especially hard to deal with. To me, it's probably as if your mind is taking you back to that time and place. The day your life and world changed. My Mom died suddenly and out of the blue and it's odd that to me on Wednesdays (the day of the week she died) certain times and thoughts pop into my head of that specific day. I don't think in 1 year you can anticipate your grief to end. You still feel, you still remember, you still love and miss that person. I do know that my grief has changed throughout this journey....and since that day in November I have seen 2 friends lose a parent and I have been there for them in a way I might not have before I lost my Mom. Don't expect too much from yourself just because the full year has passed. I think what you are feeling right now is what most do at this time. Hugs to you. Lori

Mattsmom, I am so so sorry. I a cannot even begin to imagine your pain, anguish and loss. I cannot offer any advise other than this place is full of caring people you can come to. My prayers are with you and your family.

Shell, Yes, this totally makes sense to me. It will be 8 months for me this week since my Mom died. Whenever people at the office ask how I am my response is usually "fine"....which it is. However, I have about 3 really close friends that when they ask and I am having a bad day I let them know. I would say now that most of my grief is private. I still cry (it's different thought, I can feel it) but there is nothing anyone can do for my loss. I definitely don't "bottle it up"....once in a while I cry to my husband and share with a few very close friends that I am having a bad day.

melissa, First of all, I am sorry for your loss. I know that it is truly a difficult and painful experience and it has just happened to you so your pain is fresh. I have lost 3 grandparents but all have been when I was very young or a teenager and all lived about 1700 miles away, however, I lost my Mom unexpectedly in November. In the weeks just after her death I too had the same experiences you have written about. I couldn't sleeep, my stocmach was tied up in knots. I would replay in my mind walking into the hospital room...her laying ther...motionless and gone. It racked my brain in times of idleness and I cried. I have cried what I would believe to be an ocean of tears...heck, several oceans of tears. I cried today and it's been nearly 8 months. I also was confused for several weeks. I did some really silly things, stuff I normally wouldn't do. I forgot a lot of things and it amazed and frustrated me. Since her death happened 6 days after Thanksgiving I had the holidays approaching and people tried to get me to do the festive holiday things for Christmas. I felt angry that they would expect me to go on as "usual" this Christmas and I had to put my foot down and not be so nice. I celebrated Christmas, quietly though, with my husband, my Dad and my 2 daughters. I lit a single candle at our dinner table, remember our lost loved one. Melissa, what you need to do is take that time to grieve. Cry when you need to....I cried a lot in my car on the way to my office. Talk about your Grandma...share memories with anyone willing to listen. I love to mention my Mom, sometimes it's hard, but it keeps her spirit alive. I know you have your Grandpa and you worry, I worried about my Dad too (he is a lot younger that your Grandpa) he's done okay, but it's as if I have in some way been mourning his loss in a way as well. I am in no way saying I know how he feels but knowing that they were married 45 years and how much he loved her it makes me very sad for him. I worry for him, but he has done well. I know right now, my saying to you that time will help doesn't mean a thing, but it will. I miss my Mom more than any of these words could ever convey to anyone. Like I said before, I still cry....maybe not as much....and maybe not everyday anymore...but I do. Sometimes, it's a big cry (like today) and sometimes it's just misty eyes and sometimes it's slow tears that take their time tracing my cheeks. But, it's different now. I am not confused like I was at first, I don't keep reliving that day over and over...or the last time I saw her....but, it does creep up on me now and then. I have experienced several "firsts" without my Mom in my life and that has felt odd, sad and the loss becomes more profound. Her birthday (which just occurred) being the absolute worst. Know that you have to be good to yourself in the coming weeks and most certainly months ahead. Have a good friend to talk to....I have one very wonderful friend who lost a brother 4 years ago and she has helped me so much. It's from her grief over her brother that she has shown such compassion and understanding towards me. Visit here...it's a good place. I hope this helps. Once again, I am sorry. I know it hurts so bad. Lori