Dwaynecg

Hi Earl, Like you Pauline was and is the center of my life. I always put her number one above everyone and everything. When she was told she had MS, we, done everything we could to stop it. But really it just slowed it down. I watched her be eaten away piece by piece, year after year. She kept up the battle. I always staid positive for her. I quite my job of over 27 years to take care of her for what turned out to be her last 2 1/2 years of her life. I would not have changed a thing, no regrets at all. Un like you I seen her suffer so much pain in the last years of her life, that it would have been selfish of me to want to keep her here. The last couple of months the MS just burned her up. We both have very strong Christian beliefs, I know she is my angel watching over me. The day I had my surgery July 25, 2011, was her 5 month date of her passing. GOD gave me a gift that day. As they woke me up in recovery. I saw her face so clear. The same color hair I had dyed for her 5 weeks before she passed. She was HEALTHY and HAPPY. It put me on the moon, my spirit was and is so strong. Even though I had a set back with C-DIF, I still have my spirit on high I am truly sorry for your loss. I know she was your life and soul. Like everyone before, you are coming to the right place, where we all understand, your feelings and what you have to go through. Stay strong, you do have some wonderful people around you in your family. I would look to hospice for their grief support group, where you can talk face to face with people who are at many different stages of their grief. It really dose help. I try to get to one once a week. God Bless you Earl, my HE heal your broken heart and comfort your soul. Dwayne It has been said, TIME HEALS all WOUNDS. I do not agree. The WOUNDS remain. In TIME the MIND protecting its SANITY, cover them with scar tissue, and the PAIN LESSENS, but is NEVER GONE.!!!!! ROSE KENNEDY

Hi everyone, Yes I did have a GREAT day on Saturday. Then Sunday I was so tired I only went out for my scripts and some groceries. Then back to just resting. Boy that C-DIF really sapped my strength. It is still a little hard for my brain to keep up. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOR WARM WISHES, it made the day so much easer to know I have, people like all of you who really cares about me. God Bless each and everyone of you, may He, brings us all peace and good health for our journey into our new lives. Dwayne

Dear Kay, I just had to call, even to just lift your spirit, and have you know we really care about you. Like I said yesterday, I know you are going to get that job. Things will be looking up for you in no time. I trust in the Lord and He has never let me down. Stay Strong keep the Faith, I know it is hard to do now. We both along with Shelly and Mary have had, plenty to be down about. Today is a new day. I really believe that you were led to that job, which took you hours to do the paper work. I feel so strong inside me THAT YOU WILL GET THAT JOB. Kay it is always a pleasure to talk with you. I just knew you needed lifting, up again. Even though were are on different coasts, I am always just a call away. God Bless you Kay, I pray our loving and forgiving God will find away for that job to become yours. Dwayne

Thank you, each and everyone of you, All for the heart felt responses, They all brought me comfort this morning. Yes Harry I did eat 3 good meals, and drank plenty of fluids and I did breath a new. I went up to Greg's around 11:00 AM. Brought both of us lunch. Ate out on his deck where we spent a couple hours in the shade. We went inside and cleaned up the kitchen. We had a good talk for a couple more hours, then he was getting tired so I straightened out his bed. He said, a really nice prayer with me. Of course It brought tears, but that was ok. I got home just before 4 and fed our little dog Sugar, the fish, new food and water for our birds. Then I had my supper and saved a little chicken and vegetable for Jericho, our little sugar glider. I tried to watch the movie I made for Pauline, but could not finish it. The wound in my heart hurt to much. I laid down in bed about 7. Started watching a movie but had no interest in it. I lit some tea candles for Pauline, the tears came again, and Sugar came right up and laid her head on me looking at me with those eyes. I started petting her, the asked her how this will help me petting you, but it did. All in all I had a great day. Spent time with someone who really cares. Seen a beautiful sunrise. Ate good, so I think I did very well. Again THANK ALL OF YOU FOR THE WARM WISHES AND PRAYERS ON MY MOST INPORTANT DAY. God Bless you all, May he keep us safe, healthy, and heal all our broken hearts. Dwayne

Hi Everyone, Today is going to be a hard day for me. It is the day Pauline and I celebrated the most. The day so many years ago we started our life together, living, and loving as a couple. I remember the day, like it was just yesterday, a hot summer day in Chapman Kansas. The best day of my life and Pauline's as well. This morning I awoke at 4 AM. I checked my computer and got rid of unwanted e-mail. At 5:15 I could see a little light coming over the horizon. I walked down to the top of the park at the bottom of the street. It overlooks the boat ramp into the bay. I waited until the sun came up and warmed my soul with its great warmth. I was only in a pair of shorts and T-shirt. I did have my coffee with me. I must have said HAPPY ANNIVERSARY about 20 times. Of course I could not hear Pauline, but I can feel her all around me. I know she is with me. But it is still hard. Tears fall down my face as I sit and type this. I THANK ALL OF YOU HERE ON HOV, for all your support and prayers you have all given me over the last few months. God Bless you all. He's in my heart and soul. He will never let me down. I walk my new journey in life with CHRIST at my lead. Dwayne

Dear Becky, I know how you feel. Tomorrow will be the anniversary of Pauline moved in together. I knew how I wanted to spend the day, but now I do not know. All my strength is gone. I am getting better every day. I keep you in my prayers, to help heal that hole you now have. 4 months I think you have come a long way. Any time you need to talk I am here for you. I find talking to anyone and everyone that will listen. Tell them my story about and with Pauline really has help me a lot. God Bless Dwayne

Dear Meg, I welcome you to this most wonderful place. Here you will be able to get all the support and advice, from many people who know so much about meant different things. Does the corner's office knows about you divorce? If not just go to claim the body yourself. Did his brother went, back to his homeland yet? One way is to have him cremated, and you could get half and his Mother and Brother could get half. I do not now where you live but you can make a memorial in your back yard. I have done that for my wife Pauline, she past 5 months ago from end stage MS. She suffered many years with that disease. She donated her body to science, I will get her ashes back in about 1-1 1/2 years. We just rent, but have been in this apartment for over 21 years. All the 3 owners of the propriety has understood how sick she was. In the back yard is an island of different trees and bushes and vine. I buried our first little dog in there and the Pauline's 2 helping hands monkeys. I made her a promise I will stay here until she comes home again. I have to tell you a story. On Pauline's 5 month anniversary of her passing I need surgery. As they woke me up in recovery the last thing I saw was Pauline's beautiful face Healthy and Happy. The same hair color I had dyed her hair 5 weeks before her passing and she loved the color, best of all. They are around us all the time DEATH does not take them from us God uses them to help guide us down our new journey of life. He will always be with your daughter watching over her. Yes it does take FAITH. After seeing Pauline, I am on top of the moon. I will be starting nursing classes soon. I cannot, wait. God Bless you Meg and you Daughter, may HE bring you peace into your broken heats and comfort you souls, I pray to the Lord he resolves your problem you are having now. I ask this in His name Jesus Christ Dwayne

My Dear Friend Harry, I was riding those waves of grief like you. So many ups and downs. Tears starting from nowhere. It takes a lot of work each day to keep going. I have found that the anti-depressant helps me keep a more, even keel. The hospice groups. I get to talk to people every week, that also helps. The biggest thing yet that has given me my life back full of energy and the hunger to get my classes started, was seeing Pauline's beautiful face as they woke me up in recovery. I saw her face Healthy and Happy. That was a True Gift from God. She was my angel watching over me and she still is now. Her Father, and brother tried to bring me down, and I let them do it for about a day and a half. Then I realized I have the control of my life not them. Now I am full of life again. Just waiting for the DR today to give me the go ahead so I can get my classes started as soon as I can. That is what Pauline wanted for me to do. I will not let anything stop me now. Harry I enjoy reading the way you write. It is a gift you have with the words you use and the way you can express them. If you ever need to talk you know where I am. God Bless you Harry my dear friend, Dwayne

Dear Kay, I think you should get to the ER for another x-ray. Just incase if it has been damaged more by that first DR telling you to exercise it instead of the sling where it should have been. You are always in my prayers every night. I just hope that you could feel them, and know I am here for you even though we are a coast apart. If your DR does not get back today, please get to the ER. God Bless, may He takes your pain away and heal your arm. Them HE will get you that job you need so bad. Your friend Dwayne

Hi Brian, It is nice to hear from you again. It is great that you have found a job and doing well. I have had a plan from the start, but God told me I had to get my health in order before I can start what I want to do for the rest of my life. Like you I have found a lot of different things to bring me back to life in what is only 5 months after Pauline passes. The highlight was when they woke me up in recovery on July 25, ( Pauline's 5 month anniversary ), I saw Pauline's beautiful face Healthy and Happy. That was a gift from God. After that I have been full of so much energy and life again, that I haven't had for months. Now I am just waiting for the DR to give me the OK so I can start taking my classes to become a nurse so I can help as many people as I can. I come here to help as many of the people on here that I can reach out to. I have made so many good friends on this place that has lifted me up when I needed it so much, I feel it is only right to be here for them and all the new members that have came here after me. God Bless you Brian, may he bring you the best of health and happiness for the rest of your life. Dwayne

NATS, I was never raised in a home, were we went to church. Only Sunday school when I was young. I always new from very young we never die, we just move on to a different plane. Like time and the universe it never ends. It wasn't until I met Pauline, I knew that God had a hand in our meeting, the odds in numbers are just to great for us to have met without Divine intervention. I have said that from day one. Pauline was already reborn Christian, and so am I. we went to church every Sunday for years until it just got to hard to get her up and dressed and to church on time. After she passed, her best friend Donna for almost 30 years asked me to come back to our church again. It took me about 8 weeks to be able to be their without Pauline. I got there first and did not want to set where we used to so I went down the center isle and just found a seat. When Donna and Greg came in they looked for me but could not see me so they decided to take there seats. Donna sings on stage all the time. When they came to their sets. I was setting right where they set all the time. God works his ways. He never let Pauline and I down ever. He has always been there for us and now for me. I have very strong faith that will never be broken. He is leading me now into my new career in nursing. He had to get my health back in order first. We are brothers in Christ, it is a great feeling just to know you and see that He takes care of us all at his own pace as He leads us into our new life, something we never wanted, but yet here we are. God Bless you NATS, may your life be filled with joy and comfort Dwayne

Dear Wishful, You are coming to the right place to get through such the hardness time of your live. I think it is great you have a son to carry on his fathers name and mannerism. I wish Pauline could have had just one child, but it was not meant to be. I am sorry he will not get to know his father in person, but he will through you. Take it day by day, even minute by minute. You have so many people here on HOV how really cares about you. Let out your feelings as often as you can. Rest assure your husband is still with you and will help guide your path from here on. God Bless you and your son, may he bring peace into your broken heart and comfort your soul. Dwayne

Dear Deb, I understand how you feel. I am only 5 month into my grief, But I feel like I have come a long way in just the past 6 weeks Having the X@# Foley in for so long made it hard to do the things I wanted and need to do. I still went to my hospice meetings once a week. I have 2 great friend, no they are my family now, Donna and Greg. Donna was Pauline's friend for almost 30 years. Without them I would have been so much harder to get through. After waking up in recovery and seeing Pauline's beautiful face Healthy and Happy, just brought my spirit up so much. Our loved ones never leave us Along with God they help guide us down our new path that we all must take now. Keep moving forward, I know it is so hard to do. But we still have a lot to give in our lives. Will I ever love again I do not know. I do know that NATS has shown it can happen again. God Bless, may he heal your broken heart and bring you comfort Dwayne

Dear Mary, I am so happy the the Pneumonia is behind you. I know it saps your strength. Pauline had it a couple times. It always scared mr that it would take her away from me. By the grace of God he seen her through and it does take time to over come. I still have my moments, but they are much better and I do not let them get me down again. God has to much work to do here before he reunites me with Pauline. Same goes for you. You have helped me so much in the early days and weeks, I am here for you along with everone else on HOV. Get well soon my friend. Let the counselor do the job they do so well. Like NATS said we wait to hear about the clarity. God Bless, my dear friend Mary Dwayne

Nats Thank you for your kind words, Yes God has a plan for all of us. He has brought so many kind and understanding people into our lives. Like you my angel Pauline is always around me. God has guided my path for many years even though I did not know it until I met Pauline. It had to be Gods hands though that had brought us to meet on that day so many years ago. He never let us down in our time of need. You are my brother in the Lord and he gave me my path to follow before Pauline passed. I know what I must do to help as many people as I can by becoming a nurse. That is what he has called me to do. I know it I feel it in my heart and soul. God will never let me down even the road is tough going at times. God Bless you NATS and your new love BRENDA. Dwayne

Nats, Yes sometime people just get in a routine of saying those 3 small words. Pauline were never like that. We said with all our heart and true love for each other. She always told me I was her ANGEL, and now she is MINE. I never took her for granted and she me. Everyone that saw us knew we were very special couple, not afraid to show our love for each other. I talk to Pauline all the time, because I know with every fiber of my being SHE hears me and I hear her. It is the best feeling one can have when hit with this grief we all are going through. Good luck on your new life with Brenda, you 2 are in my prayers all the time. Maybe some day God, will bring another into my life to love again. God Bless you Dwayne

HI Becky, It has been awhile sense I have posted to your thread. I pray and hope that you are doing well. I am doing great, after seeing Pauline's beautiful face HAPPY and HEALTHY as they woke me up in recovery on Monday. I have been on top of the moon. I have had some of Pauline's try to take me down. For one day they did, but I got through it and now have that great felling of joy again. I ca not wait to get the all clear by my DR, so I can get my classes started. Stay well my friend. If you need anything, Please give me a call or message. I am here with you always. God Bless Dwayne

Dear Pam, Yesterday I went up to Greg's to help find his stepson dogs. 2 pit bulls, well come to find out after searching for almost 2 hours. I was beat by the sun. Greg made a call to Donna, his wife and Pauline's best friend for about 30 years. At the end of the call, oh he just got her voice mail. As he finished. Just as he ended the call I did not hear him say I LOVE YOU, so I said it. Then I told him that there was never a time in my 33 years that Pauline an I did not finish a call without saying I LOVE YOU. I told him over time it just strength the bond between you two. Not as a lecture but those 3 small words make them, his wife, and Pauline, feel so much greater love for you. After I finished, I was laying down cooling off and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I started crying and could not stop for about 15 minutes. Poor Greg didn't know why I was like this and tried his best to consol me. As I explained it to him I will never her Pauline say those 3 tiny words again, that are so powerful in a true relationship. I am doing fine now, but moments like that are treasures taken from us, we have to live with every day. God Bless you Pam, may he heal our broken hearts and comfort our souls. Dwayne

Dear Melina, Thank you for your kindness, Yes I am doing ok. I got a call from Greg this morning around 10:15. He was in a little panic. He had heard something on his deck, scratching at the door. The poor guy by the time he got into the power chair and out to the kitchen, where the sliding door is. He seen his cat all frazzled up. He looked out at the dog pen, where he saw the gate open and no dogs. Donna's son lives with them, and they are his dogs 2 pit bulls. I scanned the neighborhood before I went to the house. Their neighbors were having a party with a lot of kids. I spoke to the man that set up some of those air fun games the kids go in and bounce around things. Then I went to the front door of the house, introduced myself and he did not take the news to kindly. One of Donna's friend that knows the area very well drove up, and we searched for about 1 1/2 hours, no dogs to be found. I went up into Greg's house and Donna's ex called and asked if the dogs were in the basement. Sure enough they were and safe. Those dogs were so sweet. I walk back to the neighbors and told them the dogs were safe in the basement. They were relieved. As I walked back to Greg's I saw something shinny, it was my hub cap I had lost about 4-5 weeks ago. So all in all it was a great day. I feel fine, my spirit is on the top. How are you doing today? I hope and pray you are well and getting in a better place in your mind. My heart goes out to you. I only wish I can be of some help for you. We are all here for you and in our prayers every night. God Bless Dwayne

Melina, I am so sorry I got mixed up. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I do not think I have every seen your husband name before. When I saw the mistake I came back and corrected it but I was to late as you had already read my post. I am truly sorry about my mistake. There is a lot of people on here sometimes it is hard to keep track in my mind who goes with who. Again I am sorry. God Bless Dwayne

Dear Melina, I have, people who go to my hospice grief meetings, that have lost there husband, 4,5,even 10 years ago and they still come to help others and for others to help build them up again. Everyone's grief journey is different and at their own pace. They keep moving forward. It is very hard at times. Yesterday I was on the top of the mountain so full of live after seeing Pauline's face as I awoke from the surgery. I had 2 home pies delivered yesterday morning, One for the friends next door, who looked after my little dog ,while I was away. The second I took up to Greg and Donna. Of course Donna works late on Friday at her hair salon. Greg and I enjoyed a piece of pie out on his deck. Then I got a phone call from Pauline's brother. By the time he was done lecturing about Dad and the calls I had with him the last 2 days. I was beaten down and in tears. He said being with Pauline through all the years was my choice. I said NO it was GODS choice because, the odds of us meeting are to great in numbers. I always believed God brought me to her. When we meet it was like we had knew each other for ever and where we meet. Pauline being from Fall River, Massachusetts, me raised and born in the high mountains of Colorado. That day in a small town in Kansas was just a turn in the road for me. But God opened up the heavens and made it rain so hard we could not work any more. My friend Dave when we got to that junction asked if I would like to have a beer and shoot some pool. I said fine with me. Who was attending the bar was Pauline. As we talked the connection was immediately, and so our life began. God knew Pauline would need me in her life as she became ill from the MS. I was always there for her. I put her first above anything and everything. For 33 years I had this gift from God. I still do now. She is around me all the time. I just hope you can know he never left you and he along with God, will get you through these hard times in you life. I believe this with every fiber of my being, I have seen it. A lot of people who have lost the love of their life, do not get the gift God gave to me. God Bless you Melina, I pray God, will heal your heart, comfort your soul, and give you the strength to keep moving forward, and know God still has more for you to do in this life you have, some day he will revel his path for you to take just like he has done for me. I ask this in the name of JESUS CHRIST, Amen Dwayne

Dear Pam, I am very sorry for your loss of the love of you life Harv. It has only been 5 months on Monday the 25 . That I lost MY PAULINE after 33 years. Her death was not sudden, She suffered from MS for many years. I quite my job of 27 years to take care of her 24/7. It was the best thing I have done. She had 3 sons from her previous marriage. They all move to Colorado. Her youngest son had a pair of twins a boy and a girl. Then another boy. She wanted so bad to see her grandchildren, She was never healthy enough to travel out there. They came to Boston one time and never even called her so she could make that trip to see and hold her grandchildren, It broke my heart, that she never was able to see them. I thought I was prepared for her death. WE saw it coming. I always staid very positive for her. But could not stop it. I found this place from Harry who is in my hospice support group. This is the best place to be. Like Mary my dear friend said, WE ALL GET IT ON HERE. WE HAVE BEEN RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE AT. Please keep coming, we are all here for you. Monday God gave me a gift. I had the surgery, and in the recovery room as they woke me up I saw PAULINE'S FACE HEALTHY and HAPPY. God gave her to me that day to be my angel watching over me. A true gift from God. Harv is still around you and always will be your angel watching over you. God Bless, may he bring peace to your broken heart and comfort your soul. Dwayne

Dear Kay, Yes the van is drive able and again I thank God it was not to bad, and most of all no one was hurt. I really enjoy our talks, I get great comfort from our calls, and glad you do also. In times of need God always knows the right people to bring into our lives. God Bless Dwayne

Dear Melina, I cannot speak of a year yet. On Monday the 25 was 5 month anniversary of Pauline's passing. I had the operation, and in the recovery room as they woke me up I remember seeing Pauline's face. Healthy and Happy. It was a gift form God, she was my Angel that day. I have always said the true loves of our lives never leave us. I feel her around me all the time. I do not mind being alone in our apartment. It brings me great peace when I am home. I still have all the firsts to go through. I know God will help me through these times ahead of me. I go to church twice a week and I try to get to a hospice meeting at least one a week, through our VNA. I get a lot of support, and I meet Harry there, he has became a good friend I can call on any time. As soon as The DR gives me the ok, I will start my nursing classes. I am 56 and full of life and ready to give back through nursing. I have not been in a classroom sense 1973. I will not give up or give in to the grief. I still have bad days, but 2 great friends in Donna and Greg. I help Greg every week, even when I had the Foley in for almost 6 weeks. I was still there for them, because they have always been there for me. Like you I do not see anyone in my life again, they would just not be MY PAULINE. God Bless you, please try to stay strong, and never give up or give in. It is ok to come here and tell us your troubles you are having in your life. Always remember the good times you had with your husband. He is still with you today. Someday soon I pray you all get the gift God gave to me. To be able to see Pauline Healthy and Happy is a true gift from God. Dwayne

Dear Mary, Thank you for your always up lifting kind words, You are a good friend, I PRAY you get your health back very soon. Nat, I have always felt Pauline around me all the time. That was a reconfirmation when I saw Pauline HEALTHY and HAPPY. You are right that is a gift that a lot of people never get even though they want it so bad. Our loved ones never leave us, and are with us all the time. Thank you Nat. You are my friend now. If I can ever help you in any way, please contact me right away Nat. My dear friend Kay, I am doing great, felling great, the best in months. I PRAY your arm gets better every day and that all your health gets better every day. Nothing can stop me now. My spirit is so strong. That accident is just a minor set back. Thank you my friend Kay. Dear Becky, You have been an inspiration to me along with everyone else on here. I am so lucky to have a friend, like you in my live. Especially you, living in Abilene. I was so happy for you and your son's wedding. Like I told you Randy has never left your side. I hope that my experience seeing PAULINE my angel beautiful face as I awoke from my surgery just reconfirms, our loved one are with us always. Take care Becky, you are a good friend that has came into my life. Gob Bless you all, may he bring you all health and peace and happiness back into your life. I know Nat has had that in his life. A new gift from God. Dwayne