Leann

Exactly, Kelly! I just think it's so sad to work so hard all one's life for all this "stuff" that a nursing home can take from you, that families disagree over, etc. etc. Hugs, Leann

Hey, Shelley.....A cruise....wow! That sounds wonderful. Hugs, Leann

Thanks everybody for your wonderful ideas. Dad's birthday is this week (Wednesday)and my brother and I are planning our own little ceremony complete with a balloon release (with one of my cards attached). Thanks for the idea, Daddy'slilgirl! Then I'm going to take your suggestion, Shell, and put them out around my house. After his birthday, I'll put them in my scrapbook so I can look at them later. Hugs, Leann

Hi, LoriW: I don't think you're being childish at all. It's how you're feeling right now. I think this "disconnected" feeling must be normal. Even though my Mom is still living, she's in the nursing home. And even though she's doing remarkably well, I feel as though I've "lost" her, too. Even though my brother and I talk two or three times a week and are pretty supportive of each other, he's very busy with his own life as well. It's just not the same....my Dad was my "pipeline" for family information as well as what was going on in the "old hometown." He was the glue that held us together. Even though my brother lives on our family farm and I go home to help him out there alot (we also sign Mom out a lot and bring her home for visits), it's just not the same as when my folks were there. It's just not the same at all.... I will keep you and your Dad in my prayers and that things will work out between you. Wishing you comfort and peace, Leann

Hello, Derek: Sometimes this stuff just doesn't seem to end, does it? I know I felt that when my aunt died, I was just beginning to get up off my knees and then I got hit again. I'm so sorry to hear of your grandmother. I'm sure she is a wonderful lady. Please know I'm asking God to grant you courage and strength. Wishing you comfort and peace, Leann

I agree, Shell. Seems like we've all hit a bump lately. Here in Illinois, the days are growing shorter. It's dark when I go to work and it's dark when I come home. This coming Sunday we change time as well. Then it will be dark even quicker next week! So I try to go for a walk on my lunch break in order to get some fresh air and sunshine. That does help a little. I'm just not looking forward to Christmas this year. Wishing everybody comfort and peace, Leann

Hi,Lori...I'm so sorry things are difficult for you right now. I'd like to echo lorikelly's thought. Perhaps your Dad is having a hard time as well and just doesn't know how to express it....perhaps seeing you reminds him of your Mom and that's still pretty painful yet. It may not be a matter of not wanting to see you as much as it is him trying to work through his own emotions. My brother and I are grieving our Dad's death very differently. He seems to be coping with it by staying busy. I, on the other hand, am doing a great deal of crying. One day I got upset with him and told him I thought he didn't care that Dad was gone....he came unglued. I realized then that we all grieve in different ways....he's grieving Dad every bit as much as I am (just in a different way). I think we're all a bit more on edge with the holidays coming, shorter winter days and such. Take care. Hugs, Leann

Anytime, Haley. That's what friends are for. Wishing you comfort and peace, Leann

Hi, Haley: I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time right now. You're in my prayers this evening. Please know that we care here. After my Dad passed away, I was angry at the world; I was generally pretty crabby (still am some days). One minute, I wanted to be around people, not wanting to be by myself and the next I wanted everyone to go away and leave me the heck alone. I just kept telling myself that this wasn't my friends' fault and they didn't deserve my wrath. It is so strange that at middle age, I feel like an orphan. The world is a a lonlier, less safe place these days and I've been on my own since college. My Dad and I talked daily; I've found myself picking up the phone to talk to him and then remembering that I can't. Everything I've read so far about coming to terms with the death of a parent says these feelings are normal. I feel as though I'm in a fog right now, moving forward very slowly, while trying to sort out this new "terrain." Sometimes I feel like I'm outside of my body, watching myself slowly explore my new world. Everything looks soooo different. I guess the best advice I can give you is do what you feel you need to do. Rest when you need to, be alone when you feel that's what you need to do, be involved in the activities that you feel you have the energy for, and come here and vent to us. You don't have to explain anything to anyone...just take the best care you can of yourself. Wishing you comfort and peace, Leann

Hi, Shelley: I am so sorry for your losses; your in my prayers this evening. I think the best you can do is literally take things one step at a time. My Dad died in June and my brother and I are caring for our Mom (she's 80 and thankfully still living). When you have a surviving, elderly parent in need of care, you do go from one thing to the next. I've been clinging to my Mom for dear life and probably driving her crazy. I told my brother last weekend that "I dread the day we have to go through this again." But I'm trying not to look ahead or back, attempting instead to focus on moving forward. Some days are better than others, but the better days are beginning to become more frequent. Things will never be ok because my Dad's not here...however, I think if we can come to terms with our new normals, we've done as well as we can do. Wishing you comfort and peace, Leann

I did the same thing, Trudy. It helps sooo much! Love, Leann

Thanks so much for sharing this with us! You gave us all such a lift! I'm glad you're doing well. Love, Leann

Hi, Lori... After Dad died, my sleep was so erratic that my doctor put me on Niravam. It's a drug for anxiety and panic. He prescribed a week's supply in order to "reset my clock" and it did help. That's as long as I was on it. Have a serious discussion with your doctor and express your concerns to him/her. Hugs, Leann

Hi, KellyMarie: I've been on a cleaning toot as well! In fact, my brother Doug has called me the "lean mean cleaning machine." My motivation behind it is to simplify things a bit and travel through my life a little bit lighter. Since Dad died, things that were sooo important before just aren't so important anymore. You're not nutty at all....just really wise. Hugs, Leann

Hi, everybody: My Dad's bithday is coming up (November 1st) and I've been having a rough time the last couple of weeks. Today I was in the CVS store having some prescriptions filled and picking up a few other things. I was in the card aisle selecting some birthday cards for a couple of friends of mine and I noticed some absolutely beautiful birthday cards for Dads. There were three that really spoke to me, so I bought them. Now what am I going to do with them???? I'd like to "send" them to him, but how? A friend of mine has suggested that I continue buying cards for my Dad if it helps me feel better; she thought maybe a scrapbook would be good. I don't know...all I know is that I had to buy those cards! Love to all, Leann

Hello, Chrystal: Please accept my deepest sympathies about the loss of your Dad. I'm so glad you found this site. This is a safe place to vent to caring, understanding people. At the very least, you come to discover that others have experienced or are experiencing similar emotions. You also discover that you're normal and not crazy. My Dad had a stroke last December 14th. He was in the hospital until the middle of January and I never left his side...I felt like I needed to be there to advocate for him. He went to the nursing home then for rehab and did very, very well. The speech came back, he regained use of his left hand and arm, and was walking again with a walker and assistance from the nurse. Then in June (on Father's Day), he had another blood clot and this one went to his heart. He was gone just like that. As much as I miss him, I'm comforted by the fact that he didn't linger and suffer. He might not have come out of a second stroke like he did the first. He was such an active, vital person, and I wouldn't have wanted that for him. It is so hard to watch someone you love experience the effects of a stroke, so I really do empathize with you. Please know that we are all here for you. Wishing you comfort and peace, Leann I agree, Shell. While things aren't Ok (my Dad's not here), my goal is to be a peaceful person and adjust to my new situation the best I can. Some days I do better at that than others. My Dad will rest better knowing that I'm alright. Hugs, Leann

Hi, 2ManyTears: I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine experiencing what you have. This is a wonderful family we have here; I'm so glad you found us. I'm sending you a big hug through the computer and you're in my prayers this evening. Wishing you comfort and peace, Leann

Hi, Lori... I was thinking the same thing just the other day. I thought how nice it would be to be able to put names with faces. Maybe those of us that live in the states could get together in a central location and the folks in Canada could get together in a central spot for them....then maybe we could connect both groups with webcam (?). I'm not a techie, but maybe we could get something figured out. Hugs, Leann

Dear Jewel: I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so glad you found us..we'll listen and try our best to help. Wishing you comfort and peace, Leann

Yup....change is hard sometimes and we've all been through some major ones. Hang in there everybody and as Derek says, "let God do the driving." Wishing you comfort and peace, Leann

Hi, Lori... I have been feeling similarly and I think that's because our grief is still so new. Even though I know, as a practicing Christian, that my Dad is in God's loving hands, it's still not OK with me that he's not here. I doubt that it ever will be. The holidays are coming and that seems to have made things worse for me right now. Dad had his stroke December 14th of last year; I was with him 24/7 until I went back to school the middle of January (my brother took over my vigil then and Mom came to stay with me). I had to make a Wal-mart run tonight and the Christmas stuff is out all over the store. As I walked through the store, I was thinking about where we were a year ago over the holidays and how we both fought so hard. It never dawned on me at the time that Dad wouldn't be here a year later. I was feeling pretty blue when I left the store. My Dad is always in my thoughts. I go through the motions in my day and it takes everything I have to go from one task to the other, to focus on what I have to do. I come home from school absolutely exhausted every evening with that effort. I think we just need to give ourselves as much time as we feel we need to work through this. It's not going to be a quick process to adjust to our 'new normal' (as my brother calls it). We've had our pins knocked out from under us and the world looks sooooo different as a result. Be patient and gentle with yourself; you're in my thoughts and prayers. Wishing you comfort and peace, Leann

Thank you both for those great quotations. I keep a quotations notebook and I'll definately add those to it> I guess what gets me the most is the awkward silences from relatives. My family is dwindling in number and their reactions make me feel even lonelier. I'm actually receiving more support from friends than I am family. Oh well...I guess that's just the way things are. My brother and I received the layout for Dad's stone today. The company has done a wonderful job. It looked so nice; just the way we wanted it. However, it took me aback to see it there in black and white. Hugs, Leann

Hi, everybody: I wanted to pose this question to see if anyone else has noticed this happening to them. When my Dad died, there were a lot of people who said to us, "If you need anything, please don't hesitate to call!" I've tried not to be a burden to my friends and family because I know everybody has their own lives to lead. However, there have been a couple of occassions lately where I've needed some assistance or have phoned family members to invite them to our house for Thanksgiving. The first thing I get is this really weird, uncomfortable silence. Then, they're either too busy, have other plans and can't end the conversation quickly enough. Why do people say that if they don't really mean it?? When I first began my bereavement sessions, my counselor had me make a list of supportive people in my life....that list appears to have shifted and changed. Why?? The people I thought I could count on (mostly relatives) haven't come through and the ones I thought wouldn't be there for me have been awesome. Thank goodness for you guys! Leann

Derek: I've put your family on my prayer list. Hope we "see" your sister-in-law here whenever she's ready. Wishing you comfort and peace, Leann

Hi, everybody.... Every since my Dad died, the future seems so uncertain and unclear. I worry that my brother and I will be able to run the farm, I call him a couple of times a day to make sure he's ok and that Mom's doing ok, I worry about being alone and not having any kids, and the list goes on and on. I feel like when I'm not sleeping, I'm worried about something. I know in my head that all this worry doesn't help anything, but I just feel so on edge. Hugs to all, Leann