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Everything posted by annew
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Lol, Katpilot....had the same experience with the coffee pot lately......want to just hug it......he used to make the coffee, always, for 25 years......Thank you all for this thread, so good to have a place to share the feelings no one else gets at all and figures I should be over.....But you know what dear hearts, makes me grateful more for what I had, it really is a love that never ends and is actually getting stronger and helping me through like no others but those like you who just get it and I don't have to explain anything.
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I still feel the same way after nearly two and a half years......surely he is coming back.....I know he would never have left me and yet he is gone and I don't feel he's gone. It's a weird kind of limbo and it hurts a lot. Mind cannot comprehend the heart so broken open it feels there is just to much to heal it all. I hate it. I want to move on more than I have and there is so much more I want to do in this life and still part of me cries every day. It's much better than it was in the beginning and still I want him back.....it's so lonely without him.
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So lonely on his birthday
annew replied to annew's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
Thank you, Amy. Your kind words are so very welcome now..... -
So lonely on his birthday
annew replied to annew's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
We did the same, Brad....when you live with your best friend, having a lot of socializing is a poor second. It's good we can chat here about what we really feel and it's so much easier than those that don't get it so well. Both of us are/were naturally introverted and so shared so much same interests.....and then he got sick and our life went with him.....I don't feel like I made any mistakes and I am mostly lonely for him. I have friends, close and who seem to get me and an adult son. Hey, maybe when you come down to the valley again, Brad, we can get some coffee and tell me about Deedo........or not. It's all good either way, I know these are such intense confusing times. -
So lonely on his birthday
annew replied to annew's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
Thank you, so much, Kay.....you are most unforgettable, so kind and such a big heart that radiates so much love. -
So lonely on his birthday
annew replied to annew's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
Yes, I haven't posted in a while but I am glad I did, it's so good not to have to explain so much and just be open with how I feel....and not have anyone try to fix me or make me happy....or whatever. -
So lonely on his birthday
annew replied to annew's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
I don't need to move on so much as I need more friends who get it....I am alone way too much. -
So lonely on his birthday
annew replied to annew's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
Thank you, Janka....it so helps to be so well heard and understood. Sometimes it seems others have completely forgotten my loss and feelings or I should be done now.... Doesn't feel that way at all. -
So lonely on his birthday
annew replied to annew's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
Thank you, Gwenivere.....much love and care for you. -
So lonely on his birthday
annew replied to annew's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
Thank you, Brad. It's good when someone understands...and doesn't run off some kind of way, hahaha.... It's been over two years and the loneliness is still so strong. I love him so very much. -
Well, it's clear, the grief just never ends.....missing his loving caring nurturing physcial presence so much even though I can hear him in my heart and it seems he must be in the other room and in ways he never left...........and still, my heart just breaks over and over.
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Share A Happy Memory
annew replied to Dew's Girl's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
Oh thank you for asking..... I got served coffee in bed every morning of my life with him.......... -
To Bring Comfort
annew replied to Froggie4635's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
So very grateful for your sharing, it helps so much to hear they are still with us, still reaching out, and want to be heard. Thank you, so much, Maryann. You are a huge blessing. I too am a fan of Theresa and consider her show a kind of support group of its own, one I wish there were more of, in person, for all who want it. -
Looking For The Positives
annew replied to HAP's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
So good to hear of the happier times in all this change, thank you, QMary.....many blessings in your travels, I think wonderful things are going to happen. -
Angry And Broken.
annew replied to R.Everit55's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
So sorry Butch, it is most painful to be kicked when we are already down. How others behave is not about you and not about Mary. It is about how badly they treat themselves. Do all you can to avoid those kinds no matter who they are and stay with those that only want to support, care, and uplift you during this time. You deserve loving patience, compassion, and kindness. -
Looking For The Positives
annew replied to HAP's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
Mary, lots of love for you and your family in all this change and glad you have the blessing of a new angel. As time goes by my angel shows himself to me more and more and helps me heal the loss and the past. Many blessings to you and yours now and always. AnneW -
Looking For The Positives
annew replied to HAP's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
Oh, Kay........you dear sweet angel....you are such a blessing to us here. I just choose the moon view because I don't want to live in ashes and his love lives on so well and clearly within me. I need to honor that to survive emotionally. I have to go to that place, that view, because I feel such hopeless despair otherwise. It's just survival and I am not there yet....just walking that way because I want to survive. Much love and many blessings to you always. AnneW -
Looking For The Positives
annew replied to HAP's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
Surrendering myself to what is and what I cannot control or change reveals a lot more of me to love and care for. Since my house burned down I now own a better view of the rising moon -- Mizuta Masahide betterviewofthemoon.blogspot.com -
Can't Stop Questioning Stuff
annew replied to LoriM's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
Dearest Lori, What if's are the most troubling effects of grief. Those of us who took so much responsibility feel it still. Mistakes and miscommunication happened a lot with us and the medical ones. I know my husband forgives me but it has been a long walk toward forgiving myself for what I could not control, for not hearing him, for how utterly drained and exhausted I was that I missed things. Forgiving myself is telling me now I did the best I could and it was not my place to decide whether he lived or passed on. I would like to believe that but even in the end when I think he knew, it was clearly between him and God. The choice was never mine, I don't have that kind of power in the life of another no matter how much I love them and feel so deeply responsible to care for them. I have felt a failure and great defeat as well. It took a year and a half to let myself just let that be what it is. While saying you are sorry to him, say it to your own sweet heart and show yourself some deep compassion for being human and not having the power of life and death for your loved ones. It will come, the acceptance and forgiveness for yourself when you love yourself more and never less. Many, many blessings and much love for you now, Lori. AnneW -
Looking For The Positives
annew replied to HAP's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
OH, Harry, I so love hummers....little angels they are.... -
Looking For The Positives
annew replied to HAP's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
So glad to hear all is well, Kay....many blessings more. -
Looking For The Positives
annew replied to HAP's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
And even, more, the acceptance makes him feel so much closer I can almost feel him breathe and the tears are mixed with joy.......... -
Looking For The Positives
annew replied to HAP's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
Here's a new blessing/positive for me.......in terms of acceptance, that is. This morning I had a sense for the first time that death is not about something going wrong, or right for that matter. Just some peace for a bit that we did the best we could with what we had and hindsight is not the point. The point is to honor the unbreakable, perfect love that still remains and has never changed. Amen. -
Dealing With Those "moments"
annew replied to mittam99's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
Maryann, I hear you....I feel just the same....I hate this too.....I had it really good in a lot of ways and that's hard to let go of too. Much love and many blessings for you....you are not alone, no matter how you feel, it is all ok to feel what you do. AnneW -
One Week And One Day
annew replied to mrundell's topic in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other
Big hug dear Micki, I am glad you are here. Love your picture. You are never alone, our loved ones never leave our hearts.