iPraiseHim

Today has been eight weeks since my wife passed away. It hit me very hard today and it still takes my breath away and makes it difficult to work. One of my clients dogs, passed away 10 days ago. He was 11 years old, and i would see him and play with him every two weeks when I would clean their home. It's another reminder for me that everything in this world dies sooner or later. On a lighter note, I went to the social (potluck ) gathering and found out that we, (my wife and I), knew about two-thirds of the people there. They were kind with their expressions of love and compassion. They knew Rose Anne when she was lively and vibrant. Her charisma always filled the room and everyone soon became her friend. One person said, "out of all the couples I know, you two seemed to be genuine soul mates and truly in love with each other." Then another lady, sang the most beautiful song, "Does Jesus Care". Sounded like angels singing! They meet every week so I have rearranged my work schedule so I can attend. My wife and I, co-led this group with another couple 15 years ago. I feel like I am back home and loved. On Thursday, April 16th, it will be two months since my sweetheart went to be with the Lord. Shalom

Amy - I too lost my wife 53 days ago, We did not have children and no pets because of my wife's illness. She died suddenly, and after being married 25 years half of me is lost. This group is great with many wise people here that give good suggestions. Although not blogging, I am journal-ling as well as talking with her every day. I don't know if she really hears me but it gives me comfort. My life has been changed forever. Once when I met my beloved, Rose Anne, and now when she departed. I'm learning to recall the cherished memories and learning to adopt some of my wife's finer character qualities into me.I don't like it, but I'm gradually learning to accept the situation although I never asked for it. I'm just putting one foot in front of the other, learning to care for myself, health, sleep, etc.. and trying to move forward each day. I pray you find your comfort, peace and way in your journey. Shalom

Checking in. It has been 50 days since my wife, Rose Anne, suddenly passed away. I have been working on taking care of myself, moderate meals, good sleep patterns, and just getting up each day, to work, take care of business, pursuing the insurance company and healthcare marketplace to resolve my insurance issues. I think I'm having a good day and then a down day follows. The simplest of things can set me back, i was working yesterday and when I heard a certain song it reminded me that my wife is not hear anymore. I didn't like being single before and I still don't like now. But I'm not ready to date either. I can not imagine loving another woman the way I love my wife of 25 years. Mentally, I cannot understand how that is going to work out in the future. But, i don't like thinking of being alone for another twenty years either! I have read several books on grief now and it does help. I've also started writing letters to my wife. I'm taking life one day at a time and doing my best to live in the present. I am invited to a social group on Thursday night. Hopefully, they are not all couples. I'm trying to venture out.

It's been 42 days for me since my wife died, and I very much relate on several levels. Grief is grief! I find I turn on music,TV, some kind of background noise so I don't hear my own silent screams. Life continues to go on "normally" all around me but my life is totally different. Sometimes it just seems like I'm counting the days but I don't really know what for. Find a friend who will listen, a counselor, group, starting writing to your spouse. My sleep is finally returning to normal, and I'm learning to take care of my health, eating, exercise, hygiene. Tomorrow I have a second appointment to get my teeth cleaned. I pray, I work, I laugh, I cry, I remember our life together and I'm learning to accept it all. I still don't like! I have read several books and many long talks with grieving spouses. One day, each day is precious even though my beloved wife is no longer physically present. I'm not cured, and I will never be the same as before. I pray you find your way. This is a good place to share and let others just love you as they have me. And our journey continues. Ask for help, seek out a group, find what will work for you. Shalom

Hello Mitch, You will find many people feeling the way you feel. My precious beloved wife, Rose Anne, passed away, on February 16th, and it is still so fresh new and raw. You can read my story titled "Shock and Awe" Although every one life story is unique, yet there are many facets that are in common. I went through the same feelings, of " if only I would have been home, I could have helped", but I wasn't this last time. I love my wife dearly, deeply, and intensely. I didn't want her die. I was happy caring for her needs daily and enjoying the comfort of being "one" together. Please take the advice that people have lovingly shared here. Take care of yourself, sleep, eat moderately, find some one who can help you deal with all this stuff. I couldn't sleep but 2 hrs a day for two weeks. Finally I called the Dr. to get some medical help so I could get sleep and rest my body. There is help available. Just seek it out. Everyone here listens, empathizes and cares for you. Thank you for sharing your story because it helps me and others know "We are not Alone". Thanks Mitch, I will be praying for you.

Like you, my beloved wife. Rose Anne, passed away just one month ago,on February 16th. We have no children and no recent pets. I too followed wise advice to get medicine to help me sleep. I encourage you to keep coming here where people listen, love and care. I have to learn to take care of myself each day. My wife and I are best friends... one heart beating together. I come hear to listen, learn, share and get all this stuff in my head out. We all grieve in different ways but there are still some universal truths. Find somewhere or someone who has already gone through and/or is going through what we are experiencing... the loss of our best friend, companion and lover. I pray and put one step in front of the other, and just let the feelings come and go instead of denying, thinking myself crazy, or stuff them down with some addicting behavior. Please, come here often. It helps to be with others who care and love you through this new journey of life. Shalom

I understand what you mean. My wife of 25 + years passed away suddenly. I am in a state of shock because her death was unexpected. Although she was sick, I just expected life to continue with my beloved as before. I feel and felt all the emotions and feelings you express. I was/am so lost without my best friend. I searched the internet and was led to this place where people just care, love, listen and understand. It hurts so bad at times it stops my breathing. I went two weeks only getting two hours of sleep a night, A kind soul here suggested asking the doctor for a mild sleeping pill to help the body relax. I resisted at first, but did call the doctor and I am sleeping better sometimes. I didn't know how I could make it another day but you do, one day at a time. Next Monday March 16th, my wife passed a way one month ago. Just come back here and let it out so others can love you, pray, and come along side. I am told because I love my wife deeply I will grieve deeply. I'm following the suggestions of getting enough sleep. eat moderately and exercise. Our hearts are intertwined. We are just living apart for now til we meet up again. Remember the good times, find happy pictures and memories. And when all those feelings comes just let them. I cry, I laugh, I remember,i get mad, and get angry There is so much good information here. Read others life stories and realize you are not alone. Take care I will pray for you to find your way. Shalom

I'm still having trouble sleeping at times. With a friends help I was able to repair my gutters. I 'm back to work. but my life still feels unsettled. I miss my beautiful wife. Everything about us is now just history and memories. I miss her in the now. Some days I can do okay but if I think about her or something reminds me it puts me back in that sad state. I love her so much and now I grieve her so much. i know God is in charge and has called her home but life was so much better with here than without her. my heart still aches for her. I don't know to get over her and move on with life. On the surfaces everyone thinks I'm doing better, look better, etc...Several people say "be Strong" I'm just trying to focus on Christ , less about me. I still miss us! I feel selfish because my wife is much better now. I better get some sleep. sweet dreams

On Monday will be three weeks since my wife died. I keep hoping it was a bad dream and everything would go back to the way it was. I miss her and don't want to think of a life without her. I know I am selfish but I just want to be back together again. Life continues to grind on without her but it just feels hollow and empty. It's time to take another sleeping pill and face all this again tomorrow. Some one asked me what do I do for fun? What a funny question??? I work and take care of the home, cars, etc and go to church. Good night!

On advice, I called my Dr. and he prescribed a light sedative. The last two nights I have slept over 7 hours. I will get into a sleep routine again as someone suggested. The range of emotions and feeling is just overwhelming. But I will strive to face it one day at a time. I thank everyone for listening and caring. Good night. Shalom

I slept over 4 hours last night and hopefully will do better tonight. I'm very leery of sleeping pills as I believe it was a contributing factor in my Mom's health declining. However I will try some natural alternatives. I live alone now but my Sister and Dad are only 20 minutes away and I speak to them daily. I appreciate your concern and I am making sure I eat enough to sustain me. Thank you!

PART TWO- After three hours the funeral home finally picked her but the didn't want me in the room to see or hear since she was sitting and they needed her to lie down. I have a vivid imagination but I know it was necessary. After they left, I went and turned off the oxygen concentrator and noticed that the hose come off that connected from the concentrator. My wife managed to get back to her chair switch to the portable tank. So right up to the end she tried to fight to live. I believe the combination of Low blood pressure while standing (70/45) and no oxygen for a period of time until she switched over was too much for her body. She was so tired of getting sicker and sicker and weaker and weaker. I wished I was there to be help her like I did two other times but I accept the fact that it was God's time to call her home. I miss her presence, her touch, her conversations and prayers. I have muscle ache issues and she helped to wrap a bandage around my arm and shoulder. I feel lost, abandoned and alone. We when we were almost 33. I was single and lonely for so long. Now I'm single again. I don't regret a single moment with her. I love here with all my heart. She always accepted me as I was and love me. Tomorrow will be two weeks since she went to be with the Lord. I told her I don't what I would do If she died while I was away working. She said, " Don't worry, it won't be that easy for me" She always expects long drown out trials. I am having to learn how to live by myself again. My wife could not lay down in a bed but slept in a Lazy Boy Chair for the last three years. I missed from bed a long time ago. Diabetes attacked her libido 8-9 years ago. I was doing all the shopping, banking, income, washing, cleaning, so I know what to do in those areas. I just miss her so deeply. The pain is so intense that if I dwell there it could take me to place I don't want to go again. I was in a severe depression for several years before we met. By God's grace I sought help and with medicine and therapy learned how to cope and what signs to watch for.. I am reading a book, " A Grace Disguised" by Gerald L. Sittser It is difficult to read a t times but it helps. also a blog lost-without-her.com It helps to read about others that are going through grief. My pastor, family and friends are supportive. I still go from, this is only a bad dream, to what do I do now. I planned to be with my wife in our golden retirement years but this feels more like heavy metal. I 'm thankful for this place where i can share what is in my heart and just get it out. Up until two months ago I was always eating too much. We enjoyed eating all kinds of foods together. I started eating more moderately and lost 30 lbs in two months prior to FEB 16th.. In the past two weeks I've lost another 8 lbs. Just like when we first met, we lost our appetite. And I am having difficulty sleeping now. I did get almost 4 hours sleep last night. But, I have been averaging 2 hours a night. I have a full work schedule this week which helps me to get out of the house. I'm also working on finally getting our house in order because I let it go to take care of my beloved.There are more parts to share but this is all I can mentally handle right now. Thanks everyone for listening. Shalom

Eleven days ago, On February 16th at 5 pm, I came home from work to discover my sweet precious wife, Rose Anne, died while I was at work. She had medical issues but nothing in life prepared me for this. She had her headlight on and the pulse/oz on her finger. She switched over to the portable tank, Which I know had at least 1 hour of oxygen left. I thought maybe our home lost power so that is why she switched over. The Pulse/oz meter was still on but it flat-lined. She had a calm peaceful look on her face and she looked like she was getting some peaceful sleep finally. I called out to her, and screamed, " O God, not today!" but she didn't answer. Nothing in my life had prepared me for this. We were married for over 25 years and inseparable since we met almost 26 years.we are the best of friends, dear companion and exquisite lover. I called 911 and the emergency crew came and confirmed what I already knew. It took the funeral home three hours to pick up her body. Now she is gone and I will never get to talk to her see her smiling face and just enjoy each others presence. In an instant I am single again and alone. There is much more to this story of our life. We are blessed to be strong believers in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. The pastor, church and many friends have come along side. I will share more as my heart can release it and give everyone more background as to her health condition. Rose Anne has been on dialysis for the last year along with many other complications from Diabetes. I did everything I could to be at her side; to help her,;take care of her, shop, cook, clean; and help her get dressed and get into the car because she was getting weaker and weaker each day. We had the memorial service for her today and many friends and family came to pay their respects. The pastor did a wonder job of sharing Rose Anne's life. So here I am trying to figure out how to live without my beloved, Rose Anne. Thinking about it takes my breath away. I only average 1/2 to 2 hours a sleep a night now and have lost my appetite for food. I want her to come back and be together now but that is not reality. And I really don't know how I am going to live a life without her. I love her so much. I have never been so anxious to get to heaven to see Jesus and my sweetheart. Well, I am going to try to get some rest and will fill you in on the other details of our situation. Thanks all for listening. Shalom