iPraiseHim

I am saddened by today's news that a news reporter and her camera man was targeted, gunned down by an alleged disgruntled worker who was terminated a few years earlier. Those two young people had no clue that it would be their last day living on this earth. Now parents, fiances, parents, siblings, friends all grief and mourn the loss of their loved ones. It is such a shock and so sudden. I have been praying for all of them on their grief journey that began today in tragedy. It has been a somber and sobering day. Shalom.

Checking in... Trouble sleeping again. I have a full day of work ahead of me. I have a lot of pain in my shoulders, legs, feet, and hands. I miss my wife more and more. It seems like waves of grief that someone else aptly described. I have had more down days than up lately. It seems I am just slogging through life. I miss our life together. I really dislike being alone. I just don't see how this is supposed to get better. so i weep, sleep, and strive to get up another day. I am grateful for many things. I miss my wife terribly and deeply. My heart aches. Is this my lot in life for now? I dunno. Thanks for listening. Shalom

I am praying for you Butch. I have no answers. I struggle myself at just over six month loss of my wife. I know Jesus is able to handle it. "Cast your cares upon the Lord for he cares for you." I will continue to pray and intercede for you.We are not made to handle it alone. Many members in this group care and are praying, meditating, etc.. . for you. Rest in God. Shalom

This good advice. I was my wife's caregiver for the past six years. I find it difficult to take care of myself. Part of it is just my nature in that I was taught to help others and ignore my own needs, That would be selfish. I struggle with self care s I will take your advice. Thank you for sharing. Shalom, George

Been praying and continue to pray. Words cannot convene the profound loss and aftermath. Please know we are praying for you, Allie and Katie. My heart is saddened for your loss. Praying for peace and comfort. Shalom George

Amy, Many of us are still going through what you so eloquently express. I have no answers as I experience the same pain of loss. When we love deeply then we grieve deeply. I know there is a purpose in all this but I can not tell what it is at this point. The pain of loss is still so raw and real (six months). The world thinks its just another day, but for us, it is another day grieving about missing our precious loved one that we have bonded and our hearts and souls are one. So we get up and face another day and strive to move forward; crawling through life. I am grateful for this sanctuary where we can safely share with others who understand, experience and grow through grief. Praying for all on this grief journey. Shalom, George

About two weeks after my wife passed, I felt she shook the bed, and crawled in and snuggled next to me. I woke up startled as she was not able to sleep in the bed for two years prior to her death. I went back to sleep and got woke up again, This time she was running to my side of the bed and jumped in said something startled her and she came to me for comfort. I don't know what the experience was. It seemed real to me. I don't know what to make of it. I just accepted it for whatever it was. I have not had anything like that happen since. Shalom.

Today, August 16th, marks six months since my wife, Rose Anne,died. This is a strange journey without her. There is a part of me that is still shocked by the fact she died. Life continues to move on. My life has dramatically changed. I have a friend who's husband died one year ago, today. I couldn't imagine living 6 months without my beloved wife, yet I have. I am sure six months from now I will probably think the same. I have been experiencing some setbacks and flashbacks. It must be my way of coping with the changes. I still miss my wife terribly. Sometimes the pain still takes my breath away and causes me to lose sleep. Two people die every second of every day. Its a staggering figure and yet we who survive, still keep on living and moving forward. A couple of days ago, I researched the first cause of death listed on my wife's death certificate. It was pulmonary hypertension. I discovered that 50% diagnosed die from SUDDEN death usually in a hospital. I never found this information before because I was looking for treatments and solutions, not cause of death. I miss my wife and best friend and I guess I always will. I am learning to take better care of myself, sleep, eat, exercise, etc.. and working on cleaning up and repairing my home. i have been looking for another worker to grow my professional home cleaning business (17+years). I still struggle with loneliness, both work and home. I am planning on teaching a course to help others with their finances( Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace Course). I've learned to pay off debt, live within my means and in one year will be completely debt free except for my home. I am looking into teaching this course to others who also want to learn how be debt free. I am grateful I can still work and provide myself an income. I still have this Obamacare health insurance to get fixed. They messed up our coverage this year, then when I reported to them that my wife died, they apparently deleted the file so I am in insurance limbo. Paying for family coverage, terms are inaccurate, They can't even find the program to fix it. There is even more to it, but sooner or later it will get worked out. I received another IRS letter saying, "you better do this.... or you will lose coverage." Until, they correct their oversight, I can not move forward either. I still miss my wife and cry most every day. I am slowing beginning to go through some things of hers but it is hard. I still have so much other areas to clean and repair. I remember the Serenity Prayer often "Accept the things I can not change" ( my wife died), "the courage to change the things I can" ( the only thing I can change is myself) "and the wisdom to know the difference."(asking God for wisdom) I pray and thank the Lord for each day I awake. I pray for wisdom and strength to do His will so I can glorify Him. When I get down, I count my blessings. One of them is to have shared my life with my beloved wife,"Rose Anne", for almost twenty seven years". We both know how much we loved each other and love God. Each day together was a blessing we both cherished. I am thankful that my wife is no longer suffering. She fought the good fight of faith. She knows I did everything I could do to help her and I have peace that she is in heaven now pain free with Jesus. We are thankful God taught us and we were able to teach others about the Sovereignty of God. God is good... All the Time. I love you, Rose Anne Shalom George

I received the sweetest sympathy card from my sister today. Sunday Aug 16th will be six months since my beloved wife, Rose Anne, was called home. I still miss her. I probably always will. Shalom.

Thank you, Jeff, for sharing with us your loss. We all came here to try to make sense of our spouses passing away. This group of listening, caring, and loving people will listen, share, and give you help in your grief journey. Most of the advice from family and friends, (although they mean well), the advice actually helps them relieve their pain because they think they are helping you. Try to get good regular sleep. I was in such shock when my wife died suddenly that i could only sleep a couple of hours a night. With the friendly advice of several people here, I was prescribed a light sedative to help my body to relax and rest. Please continue to come here and read our stories, and share as you are able. Many people here care and pray for you. Shalom, George

Karen,rest assured, that you are not alone. In one week, it will be six months since my wife "suddenly" died. This is a safe place to share and you have many friends in this forum. All the feelings and emotions are real and you will find your way of coping with the grief. Read the post of many here and you will find ways that can help you. None of us chose this path but we can find a way through it. You need to rest, eat moderately, exercise and find what works for you. This forum is a God send because you will discover that you are not alone. I find that writing to my wife helps me to deal with her death and it may help you too, Please keep coming back and share, (when you are able), what is going on, any questions you may have or just to vent. I will be praying that God gives you the peace that passes all understanding to help you. Shalom, George

I slept better last night with no night terrors. This morning I woke up with the Joy of the Lord in my heart. A day at a time... a moment at a time. Shalom

Actually my name is George. Second night interrupted sleep. only 4 hours again. It seems it is as if I'm going through the same cycle the first few weeks after my wife died. I do not have diabetes but I am very familiar with the disease. I would suggest you look into either Life Alert or First Call. You wear a pendant and if you get into health trouble you. Simply press the button and someone will hear you and get the help you need. It can be as low as $15mo. Well worth it to have the peace of mind that someone can help you when you need it. Many factors can cause your blood sugar to rise and fall. I have my own personal beliefs about the disease and how the doctors and Big Pharma treat it. Their premise is once you have you will always have it. They manage the symptoms but never genuinely treat the underlying cause. If your interested in more information go to www.knowthecause.com and begin learning. It is scary living alone with the disease. If you want more information, I would gladly share with you what I know that will help to manage and even reverse diabetes. Send me a private message. I have low thyroid, high cholesterol (167) and some neuropathy in my feet and hands. .It comes and goes.( I also need to lose a lot of weight ) I treat the low thyroid with trans-dermal iodine supplemental and I've started a natural treatment to restore fatigued adrenal glands. I have been thinking a lot about the six month anniversary of my wife's death so it has been on my mind more. I have my roller coaster of grief that goes up and down when it wants. I pray, write, journal, read the bible, and pray and help others. I believe I am more able to accept her death because that is my reality today. But the panic attacks that wake me from sleep are disconcerting. I am trying to establish a regular routine for going to sleep. I use a CPAP for my sleep apnea. I am thankful for this group but I am mostly alone most of the time. I interact with people when I'm working and try to go to church when I'm not overtired from work. I'm learning a lot about essential oils and magnesium supplementation for over all heath. I've been using the magnesium oil with good success to reduce muscle cramping and pain. I talk/text with my sister every day. She likes to keep track of me and my Dad as he also lives alone. Shalom

I wanted to continue my sharing but have been so busy working that I've been replying to other posts but not commenting here. about two weeks ago, I discovered why I was still unsettled about my wife dying, It is the fact that she died alone. I was not by here side.I have been her caregiver for the last six years when the diabetes disease progressed to the point that she was totally disabled and too weak to work. I have felt so guilty because I was working and she died alone. I wanted to be with her to hold her hand and be the last person she saw when she died. Her death was sudden and unexpected. In 11 days it will be six months since she died. I read and listen to sermons and heard a teaching by R.C.Sproul that discussed what happens when we die and intermediate heaven. Through prayer and teaching, I have come to understand that she was not alone. As a christian, God says that we are not alone, He is always with us. So although my wife took her last breath, Jesus was with her and brought her to heaven. She was at peace. She fought the good fight of faith. And God brought her home. I also know that she was aware of what was happening physically because she wore her headlight to help see,(she was blind in one eye, cataract int the other) and she was wearing her pulse/Ox which measures heart rate and the % Oxygen saturation. She was aware and switched from the home concentrator unit to a portable tank. I believe she knew she was not getting enough oxygen, and said to me one last time, I love you, And I will see you in heaven. The Lord be with you and keep you safe " I can accept that now. I have so many good memories of our love and life together. I will share as they come up. I had an anxiety attack last night( my sister calls it). I wear a CPAP and woke up several times, gasping for air, heart racing and feeling like I'm gonna die. Its very startling. I only got 4 hours sleep and then worked all day. I need to go to sleep now because I have work tomorrow. My emotions are still all over the place. I miss her presence, her touch, her love, her voice. I am still dealing with the loneliness and isolation. I work,eat, and live alone. I have so much to do but little energy to get it done. I can work 50-60 hours a week on business ( a physically challenging job for my age) but can not seem to motivate myself to do the home repairs needed when I work less hours.. i have been learning about essential oils and they have really helped me with some physical issues. The rose oil really helps to improve my mental spirit. On August 7th last year, I miss-stepped and fell down some hard stairs. My left shoulder is still messed up, one year later, despite the Dr.'s saying everything is okay. I don't know what another six months will bring. Its hard to imagine what that will be like. I best live in today, one day at a time . I'm still having feet, leg, and shoulder pain issues along with numbness of my hands and feet. I still need to lose a lot of weight. I apologize for rambling. I need to get some good sleep. Shalom

Wow. I don't know what led me to this article today. It explains my grief journey in an exceptional, profound and clear way. I will return to meditate on this. The depth of the writing and honesty of the prose just splays my soul. Shalom

lisav, It is very common to blame oneself. I did the same. I would suggest you read others post here to help you understand and cope with this journey of grief. Search Shock and Awe for my postings and many others here. This is a safe sanctuary where you can ask questions, share, and learn about how you and other handle the grief of loss. Welcome and please come back and share as you are able. Shalom

Mitch, I understand your pain. I tear up just trying to write something now. The deep heart pain is real. Most other people don't see it or experience it. Some people deny it. My life was very lonely before I met my beloved wife. I am now again in the same place but there is a big difference. I experienced the most wonderful blessed and exciting life with my beautiful wife for over 26 years. I have so many wonderful memories. I miss her deeply yet I know I was genuinely, honestly, and deeply loved by her. I choose to remember the good times and just feel whatever feeling flows to and through me each day. I am learning to accept today and each day as it is and not how I expect it to be. Some days are better than others. I can choose to live today because God has given me the day. I pray you will find your purpose through your grief journey. I don't have as much control over life as I thought either. I can count my blessings and keep my eyes and heart open to help someone else who is traveling this journey. I'll be praying for you Mitch. Shalom

Happy Anniversary! I've discovered that most other people forget our marriage anniversary when one partner dies. It is as if the relationship ended when our spouse died. But for those surviving spouses we still remember them. So we who travail this grief trail with you also remember. It is a special time to be remembered. We never forget. May God bless you with good memories. Shalom

Dear JayNTee, Thank you for sharing. It helps others to know they are not alone and reminds us of the initial shock and awe or losing our spouse. Try to get rest, take care of yourself and just allow your self this time to grieve. Come and share and get support from people who are going through what you are and learn how to get through and move forward. I find that writing notes to my wife, helps me to get in touch and stay in touch with my wife. I have learned much here and benefited from many kind souls here that just love us as we go through this. Give yourself permission to express your feelings in a safe place. I will pray for God's healing touch and guidance for you. Shalom

I call it my grief roller-coaster. Sometimes up and sometimes down. Just when I think I'm doing okay... WHAM. I just take it one day at a time. And try to let go of my expectations.Ive been working extra long hours and days this week and will next week. My body is screaming in pain but I know I'm alive. Listening to John Grays book, "Mars and Venus starting over." Some very practical steps. He talks about just feel the feelings. Live in the present and deal with it. It's the third time I've read it He gives some practical steps on working on grief. People just say stuff that hurts without really trying. Consider the source. Hang in there, hold on and keep on moving forward in life. Shalom

Ditto, Dew's Girl, 5 month anniversary mark is on the 16th. My life is colorless as well. I feel like I'm just doing time and counting the days till God calls me home. Sounds morbid but it is what it is. I miss my wife, us, being a husband, taking care of my wife, just sharing life together. I have much to be grateful for. I can still work and can take care of myself... but the deep sense of loneliness and loss still hangs like moss. it is like living in two worlds. The world of the living and the world of the grieving. I handled the death of my best friend, mother, brother, and four beloved dogs, but nothing compares to the loss of my beloved best friend and wife. I deeply miss my sweetheart. Shalom

My heart grieves with you, Butch. I'm experiencing the same thoughts, feelings, emotions. I think I should be better but I'm not okay. I miss my wife so much. I still cry almost every day now. It's hard to imagine it is almost five months since my wife died. (16th) Life hurts. No joy, just pain. It sucks. Yet somehow, through all of this darkness I have hope that some day it will be better. I can hope. I empathize with you Butch. Shalom

Mitch, I understand. It is 20 weeks for me, 140 days. I just take one day at a time. The world does not grasp the enormity of this grief in losing your beloved spouse. My feelings are all over the place. I can't imagine living without my wife now, and yet I have somehow. I don't know what the future holds but I do know who holds the future. And since I'm still here there must still be more for me to live and help others until God calls me home. I trusted God when He brought us together, loved, lived, and married. I still trust Him now even though nothing in life makes sense right now. I find writing really helps me to get out the thoughts and feelings that I'm not initially even aware of. I pray your days ahead will be better. I'm walking with you on the same path, brother. Shalom

Happy Birthday, Jan. Shalom

Twenty weeks ago, February 16th, 2015. I came home to my wife, who died, while I was away working. . She was on oxygen and had severe breathing problems when she stood up to go to the bathroom. Also her blood pressure dropped severely. I discovered later that the oxygen tube from the concentrator to the humidifier popped off. This had happened two other times when I was home and I was able to help my wife and fix the problem. My wife was able to switch to a portable oxygen tank and she knew her oxygen level was low but her body just couldn't recover from it. The guilt of not checking one more time haunts me but I just can not change what happened. Each of us has to go through our grief yet the beauty of this place is there are many of us traveling the same road. I pray that God will give you comfort and rest. Come back and share and read when you can. We care and will walk with you on your journey. Shalom