iPraiseHim

I agree. Next week is our Wedding anniversary. I cherish every day I was able to share with my wife.I was very lonely most of my adult life until I met Rose Anne At 32 almost 33 years of age. She was only one week older than me. She displayed to me her unshakable, and unconditionally love for me.She believed in me. trusted me. And said I was the first man that she could look directly into my eyes and not turn away. She was honest, direct , and straightforward. Even in the last days, she would light up and beam from ear to ear when she saw me or heard my voice. I know how it is to be truly loved. We were together so much people would combine our names and call us "GeorgeAnne" instead of " George and Rose Anne". I was talking to her (through journal-ling) and she said she wants me to live life to the fullest. I'm still trying to find my way. I'm learning to cope with the life change and continue to move forward and incorporate her positive traits into my character (like being better organized) and just tell it like it is. Say what you mean and mean what you say. I dealt with the IRS yesterday, Obamacare today, and I have interviews for another possible hire of two individuals tomorrow. I can listen to Smooth Jazz now and remember the good times as it is also her favorite music. I tried listening to Christmas jazz but I'm not ready for that yet. There are still too many trigger memories. I had a great life with my beloved wife, Rose Anne, for over 25 Years. I cherish each day. Shalom

We understand and care. Please come back often and share. This group is incredible for support.This part of love sucks. I'm still gaga over my wife and we were married for twenty five years. Her loving smile lit up my world. We have been there and are still there in some aspects. It is nice to know that you are not alone on this journey. There are many travelers here learning and growing. Thinking of you. Shalom

Thank you for sharing. It helps you, it helps the newly grieving, and everyone else on this grief journey. Certain things I could do immediately, and others I could not. My wife loved soft jazz and would listen to it most of the time. For the first seven months, i couldn't listen, then all of sudden last month, I had the desire to listen and it gives me peace reminding me of the good times she enjoyed the music. I like the music, too! I find I don't need to have the radio or TV on all the time. It will come naturally in your time. Each of us need to let us just experience the feelings, cry, scream, journal-ling, whatever you find helps you. Sometimes, I'm hanging on, holding on, or just swinging. I am simply putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. in life. Today, I watched the movie, " October Baby" incredible movie. The line that grabbed me and I adapted to my life, "Rose Anne (my wife), forgives me and wants me to live my life to the fullest". You see, I was her husband and caregiver for the last six years due to her life debilitating illness( diabetes). I felt somehow I let her down because I wasn't home to help her when she was dying. I had helped her several times before when she was in distress. I have been affirmed that she was not alone when she died and neither am I now. My suggestion is to live your life as best you can each day. Experience and express the grief and keep moving forwards. Grieving is the flip side of love that helps us to cope with our genuine loss. Shalom

I made it through Thanksgiving. Today feels very empty and alone. I worked all day solo. I have work all day again tomorrow. The pain of loneliness is overwhelming. Then sometimes it drifts into apathy. I will go to sleep and pray and hopefully will wake up in a better spirit tomorrow. Sometimes the loneliness is deafening. I don't like being alone. I want what I can't have( my wife back) and I just don't see the hope I should have for the future. It seems like I'm living just half-a-life I was living with my wife. It's probably just another phase of life I need to move through. Life looks bleak at this point. In less than two weeks will be our wedding anniversary (December 9th). I always celebrated the day. Now I'm not sure what to do with it. I need to get some rest for another day. Thank you for all who listen and care. Shalom.

Yes, today is surreal for me, yet I am so thankful for this group that listens, loves, and cares. I find even Christians misunderstand and misinterpret people going through grief. Few people can fully comprehend what we face each day and night. I am grateful for everyone in this group and I continue to count my many blessings. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Shalom

Happy Birthday, Gwenivere. I turned 60 myself this year. but not much to celebrate without my beloved wife by my side. Yet e both stil made it somehow.

I understand that Yes, God is a jealous God, yet He is patient and kind with us. I loved my wife so much and God convicted me years ago,that I needed to love God put Him first. So then I prayed and asked God how does he want me to do that. Gradually I started to make some changes to do that. I still loved my wife yet the expression of loving my wife is an example of gratefulness and thankfulness that God brought us together and keeps us together. God's discipline is not to punish us but to direct us to be more Christ like. God does the changing, convicting and the encouraging. I have no answer as to why God calls our spouses and love ones home when he does but I trust God knows what is best for our spouses and us in this journey of life. Have a blessed Thanksgiving. Shalom

That is an easy question to ask but there is no easy response. I'm at 40 weeks of grief and loss/ I can't imagine I've made it this far. If I could give advice it would be to read other posts who have traveled before you. No one person path is the same but there are some [patterns that are similar. After the initial shock of the loss, I was just trying to get my bearings and make sense of a senseless world. Many days, I just go through the motion and just feel what ever feelings come up instead of stuffing them down, hiding from them, ignoring them, or medicating myself with a number of useless diversions. I am still going forward and moving through life. I loved my wife to the utmost, but not perfect. She was the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. Everyday was joy filled even when we had our disagreements. I cherished every day with her. Now life is very different. I have gradually become more accepting of the fact that she is gone from this world. I try my best to live in the now each day. But i still have moments that remind me of her. Sunday, at church, we were singing one of her favorite songs, " It is well with my soul" I was singing through the tears streaming down, but I sang it as I was singing to her. I couldn't listen to soft jazz music until the last couple of months. Now when I listen, I have fond memories of my wife. I just followed others advice, Get plenty of rest, take exercise, take care of your body because grief work takes a lot of energy and cry often. It is the lubricant that helps us cope with the loss of our most beloved spouse and actually release stress in our bodies. Have a blessed Thanksgiving. Shalom

Some kind soul recommended sleeping pills for me here after only sleeping two hours a night for a couple of weeks. I at first resisted but I did followup with my doctor and he just prescribed a pill that relaxed my body so i could get the sleep I so badly needed. Please consider it as a help aid especially in the first traumatic days after your loss. Your body needs good sleep to help you get through the days ahead. Shalom

I just had a friend tell me today I need to move on and stop counting the days. Her grieving is six months longer. Oh, yeah, she is in a relationship and tells me I need to move on!. Yeah, Right. I can move forward but I will never just move on as if I could forget or pretend. Besides. I'm older and uglier! (Senior Humor) On a side note, my worker went to the doctor today and will go to another doctor to perform corrective surgery on his tear duct. He will be out for an undetermined time. Business wise, I has a meeting with a client who doesn't want a cleaning service. Her daughter insists. She says she's German. So I was trying to convince her not to hire because she says she is a better cleaner. Bottom line, I will be cleaning her home later this week. Go figure. I'm swamped. I need a good worker! Shalom

Today, it has been nine months since my beloved wife, Rose Anne passed away. It was also on a Monday. Today my work was hectic and stressed since my new worker never showed up for work. Now I've spent two hours attempting to get the printer to work again. It is a struggling, frustrating, and tiring day. I hope tomorrow will be better. One day at a time. Shalom

So much truth and honesty and raw feelings are expressed here and I am grateful there is a place like this. Each of us have to find our way, our path through this grief. Everything mentioned in this post is a result of us just trying to find our way. I struggled for months with, " If only I was home, If only I could have been there, If only I didn't go to work, etc." I was grasping to make sense out of a senseless situation. I was trying to manage the pain of losing my precious beloved wife. The reality is I can not and could not change what happened. The advice in these grief healing discussion groups are invaluable to those of us who can listen, and follow others suggestions. Because we love so deeply we grieve so deeply. Grief is multi-faceted tool that is given to us to help us deal with our loss. Sometimes we are just hanging on, one foot in front of the other. Other times it is crying, screaming, journal-ling, etc. In these nine months, I'm discovering to live in the NOW as best I can. Although part of my heart is amputated, and the reality of the loss is more apparent, I am working and living a NEW NORMAL. I still don't like it and want my wife back, but I realize I have no power to change what happened. I am learning to forgive myself what ever I thought I may or may not have done and I am gradually living in today. Yes I still grieve, still cry, still miss my precious wife, but I have come to realize that if she was here right now, my wife would say, " I want you to live life fully". I pray each of us can face our grief, lean into it and just feel it. Thank you, everyone. Shalom

I woke up this morning with this phrase" Living with Loss" so I did a search and found some profound videos. I watched a few this morning and several tonight. It has been very helpful. I understand this is just another phase to go through. The loneliness at times seem unbearable yet this is day 267. So I have survived something. Thank you for all who read this and for your input, prayers and caring. I have been getting better sleep the last few days. Shalom.

I am having a tough week as well. it is as if my wife's death just happened or my heart is exposed raw bleeding and fresh cold air. I find myself very agitated inside. I have to watch my words and actions so I don't fly off the handle. This is very strange place. I'm just hanging on because I don't know what else to do but pray and move forward. But part of me doesn't want to without my wife. I did get some good sleep over the weekend which does help.This is just a rough time. I was expecting to get better sometime. I deeply miss my wife. Shalom

Thank you, Mitch. I'm having a difficult time this week. This site may help with my grieving. Thank you. Shalom

My Mother passed when she was 69. in November eight years ago. You are not crazy. you are experiencing real grief because you loved her much. This is a great forum to get the feeling out of you head and shared with people who have gone through and/ or going through your real trauma. Your life has changed. Focus on taking care of your health (sleeping, eating, exercising, etc...) and share, journal and find what works to help you cope with your loss. Keep coming back. We care. Shalom

Long work week. The new work partner hire is running into problems. Life is just challenging. Emotions are all over the place. I did pick up additional work this week. Today worked 12 hours and I'm totally exhausted. I'm still missing my wife.I just don't know how I'm supposed to be coping with all of these feelings. A part of me is missing, the best part. The fun and joy of life is gone, missing. How do I move forward when I miss my wife more than ever.I have much to be grateful for. But I just don't see a way through this dilemma. So I go to sleep and Lord willing wake up tomorrow with my grace and mercy to face the day. Shalom

scba, I can relate so well. Although, I'm older, I have similar thoughts. It's been eight months since my wife passed and I still find myself struggling with the reality of her death. We never really planned on death, not really. The age of innocence is gone and now I think about it with every relationship, father, sister, friends, relatives, etc... I don't relish the idea of being alone for the rest of my life either. Reality bites. On some-days, I feel like I'm just plodding through the day. I find myself angry, agitated, and almost looking for a conflict. I have plenty already with mandatory health insurance issues and taxes. I still don't know or see the hope for the future yet. I just know that I must continue to survive each moment, live in the moment and just deal with whatever comes up. I still miss my wife. I think I always will. I am still trying to change and improve. Trying to be better organized and hiring a work partner for my business. If I can bless another person with good work in this economy it would be worthwhile. Hang or swing; whatever I do I'm moving forward with life each day by God's mercy and grace. Shalom

Day 259. I still dream that my beloved wife will come back but I know she can not. It's the finality of " no more together here and now" that is so painful. Some-days I can accept it, but today is not one of those days. And I was on hold with the IRS for over 30 minutes to find out some other form is messed up. Why is it there is always a penalty for a problem they find from three years ago and now I have to scramble to find some forms to clear it up pronto. Life is challenging. An i don't have the time, energy, or inclination today. Maybe tomorrow.... Life marches on! Shalom

Day 258. Time marches on...I Slept for over nine hours today. The longest in awhile. The bad feelings and emotions weigh me down and I feel listless, tired, and weak. I finally went to the grocery store today. I had put it off for over a week. A flood of memories came today mostly just missing my sweet precious wife. The pain is so real. I've found myself agitated and I don't know why. It's not how I want to be it is just how I feel. Certain things just really bug me. Maybe it is this cold or pushing to work so hard or maybe it is grief. "This too shall pass" is what i hang onto in times like this. It takes more energy to hire, train, motivate, and grow this business. I'm going to rest some more. Shalom

I'm still hacking and coughing. I worked for 12 days straight. I have the next two days off so I'm going to sleep in and rest and recover. My emotions are still up and down so I just feel them, acknowledge them and keep moving forward. I'm considering hiring two people instead of just one. I need workers to grow beyond what work I can do. I need to expand to increase my income to set aside funds for retirement when I can no longer work. I find myself very agitated today but I don't really know why. Be safe everyone. Tomorrow is Halloween. Bring in your pets. Shalom

hello, Tejas. Welcome to our group that nobody volunteers to join. We are thrust into because of the death of our spouse. I remember well your pain. It's fresh raw and unimaginable. I could only sleep two hours a night. So many things happen. You are in shock and it is normal. A friend here suggested I get a sleep aid to help the mind and body get some sleep and much needed rest. after much reluctance, I did and it helped my body to rest. We are all glad you are here and we understand and empathize with you as each of us has gone through what you are dealing with in our own way. Try to take care of your body, sleep. eat, exercise and come here often to share what you can. This group has helped me immensely. The people here understand, love you, and care about you. Please keep coming back. I'll be praying for you. Shalom.

Yes!!! All of my tax work is done for 2014 and the 3rd quarter business reports. I interviewed a person today for possible hire and I will interview a second person soon. I have never hired two people at the same time but I'm prompted so I will plan to step out in faith. My work schedule is booked up solid so I will need to add more business to accommodate additional staff. I still have the background checks, illegal drug testing, employment and reference checks to complete satisfactorily. Life is still moving forward. Still having some tough times and slip back to sadder times. I'm learning to just feel the feelings and trying to learn lessons from them to help on this journey of life. Getting adequate sleep this week has been an issue again. two nights with less than four hours sleep. It makes the work day much harder to perform work. I need to get some sleep now Shalom

It was surreal for me, too. It was another step, (place marker on my grief journey) in my realization that my precious wife passed and is no longer here. Every thing just takes time. and we just don't want time to move forward. We want to pause stop the clock and the world while we catch our breath and try to comprehend all of this. I have two funny stories, ( funny to me) that help me deal with the situation. It was my way of dealing with it. I will reserve comments for now as I really do not want to offend or hurt others accidentally or inadvertently. I'll be praying for comfort and peace for you, Margaret. Shalom

Butch, Hang in there. We are praying for you to recover. Shalom