Harleyquinn

oh my I just saw this post. I don't even have words. I would have excused everything as "good intentions" up until His message from beyond is "look what happened to me and start planning ahead right now!!" That would not be ok with me in any way shape or form. i think things like this is why i don't discuss Michael's passing with anyone. In my case, most people in my life now were not in my life when Michael and I were married- so i've been able to work through this very privately

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i just read this and mentioned on another post I do something similar I give myself time to talk to Michael and cry in the morning before work and at night before bed. It helps me be able to stay focused on work and not break down completely during the day

i usually give myself some time in the morning to talk to Michael and cry before work... I do the same thing at night before bed. having that scheduled time really helps me get through the day at work without falling apart (although i still have moments during the day where I tear up, i can keep it under control) and at night it really helps me get to sleep- I can't sleep if I haven't spoken to him....even if it is just a simple "good night" what I find most interesting is how at peace my heart feels after my talk/cry each morning/night. I don't know if it is giving myself that time or if it's Michael's response as i talk to him....whatever it is, i feel grateful for the little bit of peace i feel afterwards.

I'm sorry =( Sending you virtual hugs

Every day my heart breaks over and over again . This weekend I had some good days where I really felt Michael's energy with me....i was even able to enjoy some songs and dance Tonight I feel like the grief hit me all over again like a truck. My heart hurts.

this. Every time someone asks how I am doing I can't even imagine saying anything other than, "fine". I can't say Michael's name outloud without becoming a mess...I can't talk about how my heart breaks on a daily basis when I remember he is gone. So instead I smile and say I'm fine. I am so thankful to be able to come to this forum daily and not be "Fine".

it's so sad to hear about family not talking to you anymore i've been lucky and Michael's mother has embraced me. although he and I were separated at the time of his passing she knows how much we loved each other and believes I am part of him. Because he loves me, she continues to love and embrace me. I can't tell you how much peace that has brought me. I reached out to her when i heard about Michael's passing and I was nervous she would reject my attempt to talk to her. Being brought in like family still has made me really feel like i was always part of him, even at the times we weren't together.

Marty- that is so right. 1 minute at a time...1 day at a time. i think about the time i have left....i'm currently 33 & i have family members that have lived well into their 90's .......I could live another 60+ years....that is a long long long time without my Michael. however- i could also get into a car accident and pass tomorrow. I don't know when my time will be up and i am trying to convince myself that it is ok to enjoy however many days i have left and make my life have a purpose....even without Michael being here. In fact, since his death I have become interested in maybe changing careers into supporting people with substance abuse issue. Drugs ruined our marriage and stole the life of my Michael. He was a beautiful soul who had issues that were more than he could handle, more than even the two of us could handle together. maybe my purpose here is to help people like him. Who have family, friends and spouses that love them- but they just can't break free. I don't know. What I do know is if I do live to be 90, I don't want to regret allowing the pain and grief to be the focus of my life from this point moving forward. the pain and grief will always be there but some day, it won't be the focus of my day. that is what i am looking for.

maybe. i'm not making any decisions about our marriage until I have gotten counseling and taken some much needed time for myself. and honestly, i need to focus on me right now- that sounds super selfish but i have spent my life worrying about taking care of other people (current husband included) and i really really just need to focus on me for awhile

and that is the most amazing part. every day the sun comes up...the world keeps spinning.....and people go about their business even though it feels like it all should have stopped the day our loved ones passed away

i agree with everyone else. Although it can feel strange to be disconnected, your mind is protecting itself as the feelings really start setting in, this forum is so helpful for coming and expressing them.

Today ended up being an ok day. I felt almost normal - and when I realized I was feeling normal I didn't feel guilty for it I know Michael has to be helping me through this because thoughts would come through my head that aren't my normal pattern of thought. I'm just thankful for a good day =) Let's see what tomorrow holds

Ive had moments where the wind is literally knocked out of my chest and my heart physically feels like its breaking in my chest. Some of the most extreme physical pain ive ever been comes from no physical cause.....its really strange

KayC I agree i need to resolve in my heart what happened with Michael before moving forward. That being said- i don't expect that to fix things between me and my current husband, our issues began way before I found out about Michael and we have talked about divorce prior to this as well. With everything else going on i have been strongly urging him to agree to go to counseling with me for our marriage- and I would also attend counseling alone for issues that are just within me (which i will still do regardless)....however he does not want to go to marital counseling. So we will see.

I could never let go of Michael. Even while he was here after our divorce I never let go of him really... he was always in my heart, on my mind- it was always there that we were supposed to be together one day. he felt the same. I could never let go of him while he was here so there is no way i would let go of him now....our memories... the moments that made us fall so deeply in love

exactly this

I confirmed my appointment with the medium for Feb 24th, 2016 so far away...hopefully worth the wait =)

a letter is a great idea. I talk to Michael out loud daily- like a conversation. but a letter can put those thoughts in some kind of order =) My current marriage has been difficult for a long time. I care about my husband but I don't really know what else to do at this point. He refuses marital counselling and I can only do so much alone. In November I will be taking a trip to visit family alone. I think the time apart might bring some clarity

Kirstine, i'm so sorry for your loss. I have not tried an in person support group, but i believe it is easier for some (at least for me) to share online. When I speak of Michael to other people, I cry....uncontrollably - which 1. makes it hard to talk and 2. makes me uncomfortable in front of people. Here I can type and cry and type and cry some more. So I do think you will see people here sharing deeper than they might in person. I can't describe how beneficial this forum has been for me and I hope it is the same for you

have you ever had a moment where something just hits you- like a light was turned on. last night i was thinking about Michael- as usual when it hit me that most (not all, but most) of my grief comes from what wasn't said before he passed. I didn't get to tell him i still love, that i will always love him. I didn't get to tell him how sorry i was for the divorce and the way things ended. But, I've been treating it like it's still left unsaid. The fact is the more I read the more I believe death is not the end- it's a transition, but it's not the end. I talk to him daily out loud. I tell him every day how much I love him, and i believe he hears me. I believe he can also feel how much my heart hurts. So everything i've been worried about that wasn't said- has been. I will continue to tell him I love him every day. on a side note: my current marriage has not been doing well for a while now- it started way before I found out about Michael. So i am dealing with that as well.....which doesn't bother me near as much as i believe it should. it does make me sad....but i'm not devestated like i was when i had to make the decision to end my marriage with Michael (hardest decision I have ever made)... we'll see what happens

He always thought about me I really don't doubt he is now..... I've really thought about how it's decided who greets you when you pass.. they always say relatives, spouses etc.....what about ex spouses....is there some rule about who can show up....when we signed those divorce papers did that exclude him from being able to greet me when I pass...... If someone has been married multiple times can both spouses be there..... I read somewhere that it's whoever you want to see...i hope that's true.....I would be devestated thinking I wouldn't be able to see Michael again

I think he tries to bring me peace, but my own mind and emotions get better of me sometimes or i'm losing my mind and he may be somewhere wondering why the heck i think he is trying to do anything lol

this was an interesting read too http://www.salon.com/2012/04/21/near_death_explained/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=socialflow