WolfsKat

Maybe these are not HUGE positives"..........but, especially in the days of early grief......these can indeed be cause to feel you've done something positive!

Dear Finch.....given your situation, I think that nothing, ever, will be "enough" for you.......no replacement for actually having shared a physical life with Crystal. It might become an obsession that will prevent you from continuing to live your life as best you can. I imagine that with her gone, and all of your dreams and hopes for a life with her shattered.....that you are frantic to gather all of the "pieces" of her that you can, hungry for every detail, knowing that there will be no more chances at fresh memories of her. I believe that, of course, Crystal does indeed, know of your message to her, and so much more you'd have wished to convey.......she "knows" all of this, now....and I cannot help but feel that she'd not wish for you to torment yourself over such things.....she knew you were with her in your heart and mind, and she felt your love for her, always, even at the end of her physical life here. No answer you could get from her friend who relayed your message would ease your feelings, totally......if there had been a significant response, she would've said as much? No such response to your message would not be negating her love for you....she may have been unable at that time, too close to the end.....but rest assured, she surely felt your emotions, and carried your love with her on her final journey on this earth. I hope that you can find that enough...and not torment yourself over not being there!

Kevin, I was sent that, by my daughter, just a few days after Connor crossed over.............it does speak to me. From what I've read (extensively of late)...is that time, as we know it, does not exist on the "otherside"....they await us, and to them, it is but a few moments. It would explain a lot.....perhaps, (and I am not a deep thinker on this subject) we, the ones left behind, have yet a purpose to fulfill.....not for ourselves, perhaps, but for another, mayhap.........it is a mystery, and shall ever be, until we can also cross over and know what is beyond this plane of existence. Hopefully, it will all make perfect sense! All I know is that I feel that I DO have something left to accomplish here.....that Connor would wish me to......and that I perform this in a better state of mind than I think I have left in me.......that is the "gist" of it, I hope this makes some sense!

AMEN to that!!!! I'd probably be suicidal, or at least slightly deranged, if it were not for this forum! Blessings abundant for Marty!!!!

Thank you, Marty.......I have done just that! Hopefully, they will worry less about me!!!

Gwen, that is so very true!!! I made the mistake of confiding to a few family members/friends that I had seriously considered suicide, in the early days, to the extent of researching methods that would appear to be an accident so that my kids would get the life insurance.....whoa. BIG mistake! Although I assured them that I was past those dark emotions.....that it was not unheard of to HAVE this feeling....some still worry that I will do myself in, and think I have a mental issue, and should be "watched" !!! They do NOT "get it"......this horrible business of grief......what they consider "abnormal" is very much normal....as I've learned here!

Marty......THANK you for this. This letter could've been written by me.......and, yes, there have been times where all I can do is just read posts, not posting myself, because my mood/emotions were dark, despairing and depressing.....and I thought, why post stuff that might depress others even more, especially "newbies" to this forum?

Why, hello, Janka!!!! It is good to see you post once again......I have missed seeing your posts!!! I hope that you are well, and getting along okay?

Hello, Peter.........while I welcome you, I am so sorry for the reason you join us! There are great folks here who truly understand....and Marty has many resources available to you via links, as well, I hope that you will take some time to look into them! This IS a very (VERY) stressful time for you....how could it not be? I do hope that your physician will be able to assist with that issue, and that you might find some solace and support in the spousal group meeting. And, please come back and let us know how you are doing........we cannot make your pain go away, but we DO "get it".....and there is some comfort to be found in being able to say/vent whatever you wish about your grief, and know that none here will judge you, and understand. I am Kathleen, but go by Kat. Again, welcome.

Great news, Kevin! I'm sure all will go smoothly......please keep us posted!

Thank you, Patty......I think my family/friends weary of my continued grief, they just don't "get it".....you all do. Thanks to all of you, you've been such a blessing to me!

Hey Kevin.......just want to tell you that I've known 5 who had hip replacement, my Connor being one....all of them were SO happy with the results, and Connor walked 400+ feet the day after surgery. Keep moving, do the post-op therapy diligently, and you will do awesome!!!!

Go for any chance they offer.......I'd give 10 years of my life for just one more day with my husband....we were blindsided. You "know"....and I am sure will make the most of your time together here....I will have you in my prayers, and who knows? He may beat the stats and have many more years to live & love with you!

Welcome to the group nobody wants you to be in.....for it means you've lost your beloved....but, welcome. It's damn hard enough being a widow...but with the responsibility of raising a child...it has to add to the pressure and stress? I guess I'm fortunate that my kids are grown & flown the nest. Have you considered family counseling for you and your son? Do you have any support from family/friends? I'd think I would find it hard to "deal" while going through all of this pain and loss......hard enough to deal with my own emotions, let alone those of one dependent upon me. But, as a parent, you know you have to do what you can for your boy. Counseling, and grief therapy, can be of great assistance......I hope you take steps to seek this out! Please continue to post here, and know that there are those who care.....and will help if at all able.....caring & compassion to be found in this forum!

Thank you, Kay.....I did read it to him....it said what was in my heart! And yes, my Connor is very handsome....it was a bit intimidating for me that he was....and also 7 years younger than I am. He thought me beautiful, and the age difference was irrelevant to him....I am so very thankful that I took the leap of faith to believe in him, in "us".....he will forever be my soulmate, in this world, and in the next, I am certain!

As mentioned before, check to see if there is a support group through the hospital, many have them, or would perhaps know of one to refer you to? Also, Hospice may have some help for you? It IS hard to go it alone.....at the very least, you have us, here in this forum.....although I understand how having someone "in person" is more what you are wishing for. Hugs for you....

Today is/was my Connor's birthday.....glad I have today off from work, did not expect it to hit me this hard, this first w/out him here.......GOD I miss him!!!!

Oh my God, Kay.......I am so so very sorry! It must have very much made the grief at losing him that much more horrible! I'd be so very angry, as I'm sure you were/am at his workplace, especially the bastard who supplied him! That POS was definitely responsible for contributing to George's death, in my opinion! (((((hugs to you))))

My heart goes out to you. Although I've not spoken about it much here....I lost a mate (we never married but 7 years together) to cancer....and, like you, we knew. At first you pray for a miracle....even when told the prognosis is terminal. James accepted it with much more grace than I did....I was upset when chemo/radiation was discontinued, at his request....I could not face "giving up". You really cannot fully prepare, I think.....the others are right, live in the moment, and make them as good as you can. When the end finally came....I was devastated, but a part of me was thankful that he was free of the torment and pain. I pray that you will find in you the strength to endure what lies ahead, and that you will have loving support. Please return here anytime you feel a need......a lot of good people here, who understand better than many!

I think many of us can relate to this quote......

Robin, I think that you are definitely doing much better.....you'll still feel unsure, and unsteady....and the grief will still "hit"....but! You WANT to find your way out of the darkness, you WANT to not always feel this way, as you stated. I believe...if we persevere in making a new life (I cannot say "better life", it can't be better without our beloved at our side!), one that we can perhaps even find some peace and even a measure of happiness in.....it's a huge step to even have these thoughts? I think you are on a good path.....just do whatever you feel is right for you to hopefully achieve your goals! Wishing you all the best! Kat

Dear Mitch......such a sad day for you......I think that we shall always mark these anniversaries.....I know I shall. Hoping you can get through this day with at least as many happy remembrances of your amazing wife as the sorrowful ones.....you two shared an wonderful love story....and it will be continued! I'm so happy to see your hope for happiness in the future...and your determination to try for it....it gives ME hope, as well....thank you, and wishing you comfort today!

Dear Kay.....I SO much agree with this statement! While this is, indeed, a somewhat daunting (and, at times, seemingly impossible) task......WE are the only ones who can accomplish this. Others may want to help, and mean well....but it's for us to find our way.....and how very hard this is, when all we want is any future that would have our lost one at our side! I'm taking steps towards this....and although each step is wrenching.....I know I have to take action to cobble up a new existence...it is the only way I can see to having a life somewhat worth living, again!