WolfsKat

!. No, I'd rather be with HER! 2. Every day is yet another day without her....I cannot treasure that! 3. HOW is where she is at now better than being here, loved so much by me? And, even IF it is "better" for her....that does not ease my torment at this separation from her!

Oh Brad.....I so know what you mean! It's not that we wish them ill....we realize that they are just mouthing platitudes, unhelpful as they are, as the very subject of death makes many uncomfortable, and so they fall upon those cliches. I've actually become rather an advocate for informing some that these so-called "helpful" remarks are hurtful, and have the opposite of the intended "effect".......they upset/anger us! For instance, I've a friend who said to me, far TOO many times....."The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away"....I finally said to her, "Hey, NOT helpful! Think on this, if your son were to die this day, would THAT sentiment give you comfort and ease your pain?" Blunt, yes, but I think she "got it"........at least she's not repeated it, yet again, to me!

Oh, Mitch, how I can relate to this! When I started a life with my Connor, I was an old lady of 54......he was the first, the ONLY man I'd found that truly loved me, for ME, warts & all........and, he said I was his answer to unspoken prayers, that I was the 1st woman in his life to love him unconditionally. Both of us had "given up" on love & such.....not really looking for anyone, both of us fairly reclusive. We were also a "perfect team".....we were like two giddy kids......we brought out the best in one another, and were so very grateful to have each other! I think my daughter said it best, at his memorial service....."Thank you, Connor, for bringing light and happiness into my Mom's life.....she shines brighter because of you"

I also worry about ones "forgetting" my beloved Connor.......he never had children, so that legacy is out.....Connor was such an amazing, kind, wonderful spirit, I hate to think of him never remembered! It will not happen in MY lifetime, I speak of him often......but, after I get to rejoin him.......I hope somehow, he will be remembered for the wonderful, decent, loving man he was!

I admit I sometimes feel such guilt over not being able to provide funds......but while I can get by, my finances are, well....."dicey". When Connor died, his monthly checks immediately ended, and I'm trying to get by on half the income I/we had. I'm struggling, but I can provide the basics, for now. If my park did not have free wifi, I would not even be online! But, if ever I should be able, I would help fund this wonderful site! It has been SUCH a blessing to me!

And that is a healthy thing, Butch......although the pain can be awful, at times. I think, all of us.....we'd give 10 years of what time we have left on this plane for just one more year with the the one we have lost....I know I would, in a heartbeat!

That IS good news, Lost!!!! I am glad you found them, I understand that feeling of...."YES!"........I am happy that you found something that was "good news" today....we can all use that feeling!

Dear Marg........I guess it IS a "milestone"........that 1 year mark. I will "hit mine" on the 21st of this month........but, as you said, I think it will be just another day without him, missing him, wanting him BACK......wanting this horrible emptiness to be OVER. And, we know this cannot be so......not in this life, at least. All we can do is to try to make our lives bearable, and even find a measure of peace with our loss, maybe a dash of happiness, as well........such a hard, hard.....at times, seemingly Herculean task! Hugs to you.....and wishes for better/brighter tomorrows!!!

I wish I could "want" to find a church that would mean something to me.....if that makes sense at all. I have a faith, but have not belonged/went to an actual church for decades now. The last one I attended regularly, seemed to always want more & more "offerings".......if I'd contributed to every single thing, I'd have went broke....I recall there being at least 6 to 8 collection envelopes for each Sunday service! I know churches need funds to keep going, but I took issue with getting "reminders" that I was not donating to all the things.....the envelopes provided had one's name imprinted upon them, so they could keep track. But......I can see how finding a good church "family" could be a comfort & blessing to some.....I hope this will prove to be the case for you, Karen!!!

Hello, Lost I so understand what you are feeling.......I lost my beloved Connor 11 months ago, and I am very much a "work in progress". I guess, luckily for me, I've always been a bit solitary by nature....but, after having him in my life, becoming such a wonderful, integral part of it.......the joyousness of having someone who enriched my life and made every day one in which I knew happiness..........I'm suddenly NOT happy with my solitude. I want no other, I want HIM.......so I see no end to this feeling of loss. But, I do strive towards making what is left of my time here meaningful.....and hopefully, eventually....perhaps a life where I can accept his leaving, be grateful for what we DID have together, and find reasons to live and be happy again. I so wish this for you, as well.......I hope you will come back and post when you would wish to....this is a good place to find understanding, and a bit of healing, in a world that has been upended for us!

Not so, Marg.....you DO have a "voice".....and, some of the "best" writers can be quite introverted in the "real" world! My mother became a writer for a newspaper in my hometown when she was a young thing of 80 years old.....she wrote a regular column, that we, her family, STILL receive wonderful comments of, even 1 year after her crossing over at the age of 93........she was so very proud of this, as we were......and most of her columns were about her thoughts and reflections of her life......I am still so very very proud of her for what she accomplished with her column!!!!!

Dear Patty....

Dear Kay............Belated wishes for you, but warm & sincere regardless.......Hope it was even a bit as wonderful as YOU are!!!!! xo

Kay, they've named him "Jace".......that WOULD be something if a future 'cane was named that!!!!

Robin.......this seems perhaps appropriate for you.....

Hello, Siotara....and welcome to a good place to help you heal. I'm a bit farther along, it will be 1 year for me the 21st of this month......and, although I still have overwhelming times of wrenching pain.......it "does" let up a bit, in a way.....but, yes, it IS a hard, hard journey. I'm happy to see you are getting therapy, and have friends looking out for you....get all of the assistance you feel you require, it is an important thing to do for yourself! And.....I think, in your heart/soul.....you were as married as those with the paperwork......eleven years together speaks of a loving commitment! I hope you will continue to return here, we can't walk the road you are on....but we may be able to help strengthen you when you stumble while upon it! Best wishes, Kat

George, that's because apparently, we Floridians need a chance for a "second opinion" regarding hurricane Matthew!!!!! (-:

Very windy here in my part of Florida......but, overall, we've been spared a much worse-case scenario. I had a (plastic) lawn chair blown away and broken, and some debris from palms littering my little yard....but that's it. Power's back, and grateful for that! In a funny coincidence, I've friends who just had their first baby born as the storm hit......their names are Matthew and Nicole (the other, minor hurricane to the east of Hurricane Matthew is named "Nicole")!!!

Another burden of grief for you, Butch......I am so very sorry for it, and am praying for you and yours.....I can only imagine that your dear Mary was there to welcome her sister Michelle with open arms!

That is a beautiful thought, Marg.......it is a huge regret of mine, that Connor and I met later in life.......past my child-bearing years.....he never had kids. Oh, how I wish I had met him earlier and had children with him! Although, don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the 3 kids that I DO have, they have my heart.....but, it would've been wonderful to have had a child of his, as well.

WOW Amy!!! A 12 year old.....brink of puberty, chaotic emotions, etc. You will have your hands full, but hopefully you will be a blessing to one another! My 56 year old friend is raising her 4 yr old grandgirl...AND has adopted 3 children in the past year, AND has taken in 2 foster kids recently......kudos to those of you who do these kind of things!!!!

Harry, that is AWESOME!!!! You are definitely an inspiration!!!! And what a wonderful tribute to your beloved wife.....I know she is SO proud of what you are doing!!!!

Missing: You don't have no one, you say......perhaps not in your physical world, but, you DO have us! I know it's not a substitute for a "real person" that you can have on your side in all of this, but, this IS a very helpful, safe place for you to come to, to try to come to grips with the pain....and to know that you are NOT alone in the dark abyss of grief, that others understand, and, hopefully....we can give each other some measure of comfort....and find ways to not just cope, but perhaps even find some happiness again in a world suddenly shattered for us. Hang in here with us....just take it hour to hour....you are still here for a reason, and may find strength that you did not know you possessed, hard though it may be to believe that, now! ((((you)))) (virtual hugs)

Butch, I've often said that in my opinion, the weakest people are those who steadfastly REFUSE to accept they ever need help and never get it......you were wise, AND strong to accept, and DO something about it! Best wishes to you!

Hello.....and you are welcome. All that is needed to get started, is to just.....well.....talk to us. Or even if all you can bring yourself to do at this point is to just read what people post, and check into some of the links Marty has provided, that's okay as well. Anything at all that you wish to share will be accepted, and understood......you've come to a helpful place!