widow'15

Mel's diet is very interesting. I would think green beans, carrots and canned chicken must keep her nice and trim. How did you discover she liked oyster crackers for treats? Their little inner time clocks are usually right on the mark when the time to snack or eat strikes. Yes, it's amazing what it takes to provide comfort for our fur babies. I did pass along Maddie's beds, she had one in every room, to my grand doggies..... except the special foam one that she would lay on at the front window. I over did it in purchasing it, but it was worth it cause it gave her a throne to view her front yard kingdom. I just can't let it go yet. I'm sure once my son has grieved the loss of his Nevada, he will be looking for another dog to rescue or adopt and the "throne" will have a new owner. Yesterday I was talking to a neighbor who needs to re home a domesticated wild bunny who chooses to live inside and is litter box trained. The female bunny retreats to her wire kennel when nature calls. I have never known bunnies could be litter box trained. I was tempted for a moment, but then thought I'd probably end up stepping on it as I shuffle around my house. Dee

Gwen: Like kayc remarked, Ally is such a beautiful girl. I feel your pain having to let her go ..... time doesn't erase that pain, be it a year or less. My son had to make the decision to let his 15 year old yellow lab go last weekend. He is grieving needless to say. Dee

Hi all: I agree with kayc and her definition of FB. When I opened a FB account back in the year 2000, it was fun to see how friends and family spent their vacations and got to see those I didn't always see, especially a few high school friends many years ago. But, now, since so many were voicing their political beliefs, I gradually stopped following some. Now the few left I'm "friends" with, makes me feel so sad to see all of them having a life, it magnifies what I don't have any longer. I am a member of a macular degeneration group that offers interesting information I'm still learning about this disease. Also, the little community I live in has an informational site that alerts of activities as well as alerts of break ins, coyote sightings, wandering pets, etc. I will miss that neighborly feeling once I get moved. Today, had a "handyman" person come and take care of a few items that the realtor felt should be done in preparation for listing my home. This emptying of the house is taking much too long in my opinion, I'm feeling like I don't want to do this anymore, but I know I can't give up yet. My car is loaded with boxes ready to drive out and my son came last night after work and hauled away a load of "stuff" that I will have to find places in my "little" gramma house this weekend. The tears keep streaming each time I open a cupboard and find more memories. Even after Bob being gone 6 years, it feels like he just left. I have to let the tears flow, wipe them away and continue on because I know I can't reverse my decision. Dee

Gwen: Like kayc stated, I too wish there was something that could be done to help you get through this tough time. Don't feel you are boring us, we are here to allow you to vent your fears. At least you have set up options of reliance, i.e., alert buttons, mobile vet and 911. In spite of your pain, your brain sounds like it is working for you. I haven't been chiming in lately, cause my brain is drained of what I should be doing next. Still trying to get everything out of this house. It is slow going, cause I can only do a small amount of packing. As I look back at "my plan" I should have started two years ago. Please know I am thinking of you and Mel. Hugs, Dee

Dee P: My label on this forum is Dee, also. Reading your post you state you are 28 so I am old enough to be your Grandmother and feel sad that you are having to find your way to a Grief Forum at such a young age. Losing your partner at three months, you are in the early stages of grief. The only advice I can offer is try to take each day one minute at a time and one step at a time. I hope you will find the strength to slowly face the grief of losing the young man you loved so deeply as difficult as it is. Good thoughts to you. Dee

Yes Gwen, I was in the right turn only lane. I did wait for green light anyway. I agree people seem to be more and more rude on the road. My son, the truck driver, says he sees it all the time driving the big long semi trying to do his job delivering pallets of groceries from a Costco warehouse or one of those big box grocery stores or those big heavy items everyone orders on line. He sometimes has to move slowly as he backs between narrow apartment complexes, hospital loading docks, etc., etc. Or, on the freeway crazy people cutting him off to get in front of him not realizing it isn't easy to stop that big truck on a dime. People just seem not to want to wait for a minute. No, you are not a failure, Gwen. You are living in an unforgiving situation at the moment. I looked at my misadventure of the little speeding grey car as a tap on the shoulder to just WAIT until I feel perfectly confident or the light turns green. Like you, I miss being 100% as well. I just spent about 3 1/2 hours working with my son on a VA site trying to upload documents to no avail. We tried four different computers and kept getting the run around trying to verify who I was. I gave up and decided to address an envelope that will be dropped in the mail on Tuesday. Now if the post office doesn't shut down, I can check this chore off my list. LOL. Can't wait to see what next week brings me. Happy 4th to all. Dee

Gwen: So sorry to see you had a fender bender. I so understand your feeling nervous about driving now. Each time I have to get in my car I am really nervous about driving. All of the trips to my new place, an hour drive, I have to schedule the drive depending on the time of time. Can't leave my old place, heading east, before noon or the sun will be in my eyes. When I return from the new place, heading west, I have to leave before the sun starts moving towards the west. Even with sun glasses on and the tinted windshield, the sun blinds me. And, I never drive in the dark. I don't want to stop driving cause I will become more helpless but I know the time is coming when I probably will. On one of my trips out to my new place as I stopped at a red light I inched out and thought I didn't see anyone coming from the left. Well, evidently I goofed caused next thing I knew I heard this fast little grey car without lights on, blaring his horn, zooming past me and probably giving me the "finger wave". I felt so very stupid and was so thankful I didn't cause an accident. So, don't feel like you are singled out .... these things happen. So, I told my self next time I am not going to take that free right turn, I was going to wait for light to turn green. So, following my thought process, the next time I'm sitting at the red light waiting for the green light and the yahoo behind me honks at me for not turning on red light. I'm sure he was in a big hurry and couldn't wait the minute and half for the light to turn green. Grrrr. Dee

Agreed Marg, it is so true our special someone will always live in our heart as long as we keep them there. I continually get angry when I receive a piece of mail that says "Ms", I am still a "Mrs". Special thoughts going out to you today, Marge. Dee

Gin: So sorry to read you are having hand problems. There is so much we need our hands for just to function daily on our own. I hope your appointment on Tuesday will give you some answers that won't mean surgery........that dreaded word we all here shudder to say. Will be thinking good thoughts for you. Hugs, Dee

Gwen: LOL....Eeyore is my favorite Poo character. Hugs, Dee

I feel for you having to make this decision. When I was having to deal with my Mother's placement, I had attended a meeting with a support group of dementia caretakers and was bemoaning being the only one to make the decision in my Mother's care. The leader of the group shared how in some way I was fortunate to be the only one deciding. I did not have to be facing other's ideas that might conflict with my life and my choices. There is always another side of the coin, I guess. Prior to deciding I had looked at a Group Home and have often wondered if I had made the wrong choice. I placed her in a memory impaired care home that was close enough that I could drop in at unexpected times and since I was still working it had to be convenient to my home and my work. It was not cheap, and there were times when I visited I was not happy with the staff. As her illness progressed she wouldn't eat in the dining room so I would keep canned Ensure in her fridge and bring her meals. Eventually, at a social gathering for the patients, she fell and had to have hip surgery. Her physician told us the anesthesia would hasten her illness. After she recovered we moved her into a duplex we owned and my daughter would stay with her during week and I would stay with her on weekends. She passed within 8 months. Like everything in this life, we can only do what we feel is the best at the time. Good thoughts going your way. Dee

kayc: I read the thread in "Mom" and my heart breaks for your sister and of course for you. You have more than your hands full as you step up to this task. Keeping you in my thoughts as you face each day. Your sweet Kodie will continue to be a comfort for you as you snuggle together. Do take care. Hugs, Dee

Karen: Yes, sounds like the A/C repair companies have you in a tough place. Sometimes being without our husband's mechanical and financial decisions leave us in a bad spot. Sometimes you gotta bite the bullet and do what you have to do to get to the next day. Good you got it fixed. Take care. Dee

Karen: So glad your A/C is up and running. I don't know how anyone can live in 110 degrees of heat without A/C. I don't think I could have lasted anymore days like the past days. My son was determined he was going to come pick me up after work last night (he has an hour long drive home every night and an hour drive to me) and I told him "No" the weather predictions were promising cooling today. And, it did. It is only in 80's here in Tacoma. Gwen, in Seattle, probably is experiencing higher temps. Have a cool sleep. Hugs, Dee

Oh Karen, somehow I missed your note your A/C quit. But, still keeping fingers crossed Sears will contact you soon with info on repairing your A/C. Dee Gwen: In my poor planning for this move, I stupidly packed up and moved all my lightweight clothes to my new place last month when the furnace was still running here thinking by the time the weather warms up, (which as you know living in the PNW is usually after July 4th) I'd be totally moved. NOT! I was able to find a couple of my tank tops in the pile of clothes to donate and last time as I was leaving my new place I did grab one pair of shorts and a pair of peddle pushers, or whatever they are called now. I have been sleeping in Bob's tank tops that I hadn't donated yet. Heaven forbid my house catches on fire and I have to escape the flames quickly. And to add to my brainless plan, my washer and dryer are already moved to new place. I repeat, "MY Poor Planning" has done me in. I can feel Bob looking down and shaking his head while smiling at me. On a positive note since it was somewhat cooler today I ventured out to bank, post office and Kinkos to FAX paperwork to the hospital where Bob passed away requesting records to proceed with this VA claim. Small klitch there, Kinkos moved to another location. I almost gave up and came home, but I kept thinking about a saying our Marg once shared ...... "Do one thing everyday that scares you". I think it was attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, but not sure. Since I am not comfortable driving in unfamiliar places, with my vision issue, I tend to give up and come home...... unlike so many of you strong minded folks here. So, thank you all for teaching me how to be stronger. Just checked outside temp and it is 82 degrees here.....I can live with that. Dee

Karen: Keeping fingers crossed for you and your AC. I can't imagine how you can live without one after what we have gone through for only a couple of two days. 🤞 Dee

Gwen: I gave up with TV since my fans make so much noise I can barely hear anyway. I turned off TV and took my laptop out on my deck, it's 9:30 and almost dark and I don't know if I'm imagining it but I almost feel some coolness drifting in. I thought I heard one weather report saying we would be feeling some cooler weather tonight coming off ocean. Good Mel got some relief for a few minutes. When I can't do anything but sit in front of the fans I was trying to think of ways to cool down. Somewhere in this mess of a house I have a spray bottle that I used when I would iron clothes......Yes, I used to iron clothes. Will look tomorrow and see if I still have it. Even though I have never experienced Las Vegas I understand there are water misters between casinos. Yes, a part of I-5 was buckling from the heat. The roads and traffic are bad enough and now this isn't going to be good for commuters to and from Seattle. Hope tomorrow is a cooler day for you. Dee

Gwen: that's what I do with my bedroom after I get up in the morning and the sun has moved towards west. I shut windows and blinds in hopes it stays as cool as possible. Right now the outside here is registering 102. My son just texted me a picture of his temperature gauge on his truck....109 degrees. He's probably somewhere around Auburn or Kent area, south of Seattle and on paved roads. kayc: So good you have such wonderful neighbors and a nice place for Kodie to socialize. Yikes to the mountain lion on the loose. Enjoy your evening. Poor Mel. So sorry for her. Her long coat probably doesn't help her very much. Wish someone was there to maybe hose her down if she wouldn't go bonkers with such activity. She probably doesn't enjoy water. Thinking good thoughts that all make it through this unusual weather. Dee

Gwen: I just did that and it did perk me up a bit. I also rummaged around in my freezer and found one of those frozen packs used for sprains and pains. Found a spot on my arms and it helped until it had to be refrozen. One of the weather ladies on TV suggested freezing a wet towel. I tried a small hand towel....it was too brief, but it helped for a minute. Wish I could fit in my freezer.😁 Last check of my inside temp is 92. Dee

Gwen: I think I'm hanging on.....last night when I went to bed the interior of my house was 88 degrees. When I got out of bed this morning at 7:15 am, it was 80 degrees inside. Right now I'm in my bedroom, the shady part of the house lying in my bed with 3 fans blowing on me. Yesterday was an uncomfortable day for me. My realtor suggested I have an inspection on my home before we put it on the market in order not to be surprised down the road should an offer come in right away. This meant 2 hours of my realtor and the inspector in and out of my house. I was having a tough time being congenial and talkative when I only wanted to strip off my clothes, find a plastic deck chair and place me on the chair under the cold shower. To add to my list of "things to do" I received a letter from the VA early last week. My husband had applied for VA benefits due to his bladder cancer and was denied prior to his passing. I have 30 days to reply since the VA is now considering bladder cancer a condition associated with agent orange. Agent orange was sprayed throughout Vietnam to destroy vegetation and the vast jungle canopy. For me pulling all the old VA files and rereading what my dear husband had to endure triggering memories of that awful time prior to him suffering his heart attack after the surgery. Why or why is this happening NOW......I need to be continuing emptying this house and all the "stuff" we accumulated in our 50+ marriage. Isn't there something called Murphy's Law or is my brain so fried from the heat I don't have a clue what I am talking about. I was telling my son today I think God is punishing me for being such a crabby old wife to my dear husband. Karma, maybe...... I didn't realize the prediction of this awful heat is to last until Friday. Oh nooooo.😱 Take care Gwen and Kay....and Kieron, please return our rain. Dee

Kinda been wishing it would even rain. I can't remember ever being in triple digit heat. Maybe I did when I lived in Virginia some fifty plus years ago, but my old memory is failing me lately. Even growing up in New Orleans it got hot and with the humidity it got pretty uncomfortable, but not what is being predicted next week. Karen is probably used to this kind of weather and is laughing at us North Westerners. I worry about my truck driver son, although he did say his company truck is well air conditioned. If the pandemic didn't allow him to stop driving, I doubt the high temperatures will require him to stay home. I will have to check the lawn tool shed and see if the kittie pool I used to bathe Maddie in is still out there. I could find a shady spot in my yard, fill the pool with water and put a lawn chair in it and soak my feet. LOL Dee

Yes, don't look forward to the predicted weekend weather. Will be hoping and a 'wishing the weatherman made a mistake. If not, will be sitting in front of my floor fan and drinking tons of iced water instead of being productive. Keeping my fingers crossed Gwen, your friend is available to get your portable a/c set up so you can be a little more comfortable by the weekend. kayc: These statements about meals in care facilities brings back so many memories of my Mother being in a Memory Care Home and my Mother in Law in her Assisted Living care home. My MIL was an excellent cook prior to having to go to assisted living. Once in Assisted Living, she would try to share some of her cooking tips with the cooking staff in hopes to have a decent meal. Don't remember if they ever followed through on her suggestions, but she tried. LOL. Dee

Gwen: I so understand your frustration, please know we are here listening even though we aren't physically within reach so you can lean on us. Even though my pain level is not anything like yours there are so many times during the day or night I dread having to move; getting up from a chair or getting out of bed. Additionally, my vision limits are creating walls for me so much I'm holding my breath as I load my car and venture out on the congested roads. Your not wanting to drive which once was an outlet for you, and now it sounds diminished more each week. Earlier, I returned from my new place in hopes of continuing to empty my old house a little more and am finding I need to consider giving up driving the hour long drive on a crazy congested state highway, instead taking a slower drive with lots of stop lights. I know it would be safer for me. Not wanting to stop driving since it will mean I become more dependent on others. I am counting down each trip I take, saying, "this trip means one less trip". Good to read your friend will be coming to set up your a/c this week. The summer in the NW doesn't look too promising at this point. Take care, Dee

kayc: Great article. Thank you for sharing. This thought has popped up in my mind many, many times. My Dad passed away when I was sixteen due from an automobile accident, a time when drivers weren't required to wear seat belts. He was a quiet, hardworking Dad and had strict restrictions at what age I was to date, dress, etc. As I look back at his quiet, strong temperament I think how many choices I made after he passed would not have occurred if he had survived the car accident. I know I would have never ventured out to another state after high school graduation where later I met my husband. I do believe he would have approved of my choice of a husband. My Dad would have enjoyed having a few beers with my Bob and listening to all the fishing stories. Funny how life twists and turns. Dee

kayc: Isn't it a shame you have to correlate a celebration, happy day with your George's passing? I'm sad for you. Hugs for you if others don't remember. When I experience that feeling that no one else remembers; I make excuses, it's because everyone has their own busy, crazy life to remember what has passed. My husband and I were married on "D Day", 1964, not a happy day back in 1944, but it did make us chuckle that maybe it wasn't a good omen for our marriage. We disapproved that notion, we were married a couple of months short of 51 years. Dee