widow'15

Karen: How neat to hear a bird at that time of night. After Bob passed away I used to continue feed the birds in my yard until I noticed a rat in the bird feeder one day. From that day on, I decided I didn't want to encourage that behavior anymore. I'm not into setting rat traps and would be afraid the grey squirrels would get caught in a trap. We used to get doves in our yard and enjoyed hearing their calls. Not sure I have ever heard a nightingale before. Dee

Gwen: Yes, her surgery involved hardware. You're right, whichever surgery has mixed results. My daughter's back surgery some 20 years ago resulted in constant pain. She eventually had hardware removed hoping for relief. Now she is wearing her pain pump that allows her some kind of life. In fact, my daughter was amazed her Auntie came through the surgery so successfully. Could be improvements of techniques. I so hope you will find a solution soon. You go ahead and whine all you want. There are times we need a good whine or a big glass of wine. LOL. I'm finding my old lady figure has definitely changed during the pandemic due to being less active and another year older. My jeans are shrinking at the waistline, but the length is growing longer. Last time I was at doctor's office, 2019, I had shrunk about 2" in height. Hugs, Dee

Gwen: I so understand your feelings of desperation. Your health issues alone are enough to deal with as well as grieving for Steve and Ally. Had your spinal issues not have progressed so rapidly you could probably be able to fight the battles being alone offer us. Just in case you are still thinking about surgery, I had a rather lengthy conversation with my SIL in Portland over the weekend. I think I had mentioned before she had surgery last July. She is now doing quite well. She even offered to come help me move boxes to my new place. She is 78, and is no longer relying on pain pills now that she has healed. It was not an easy surgery and she did not have to go to rehab, since she has a partner. I am pretty sure it was a laminectomy. And, like I've said before, as long as you are content where you are, there is no reason to make a move until you are ready. Just keep holding on where you are. Take care, Dee.

Marg: Call it what you wish, but in my humble opinion, I think at our age, (since we are among those past 65/70), it takes a lot of courage to walk away from the pain that eats inside us daily. But I do realize we each here have different stories, lifestyles, support and desire to walk away from that ache inside. I know I will NEVER recover where ever I am planted. I know my Bob would want me to be able to live with it. Dee

Ok, I'll play this game. My Mom's red beans and rice, or a fried oyster sandwich on french bread made with the perfect Hood Canal oysters Bob used to fry for me, and lemon meringue pie..... but not in the same meal. LOL Dee

Marg: Good to hear from you. As all here have said, you have been missed. It sounds like you are carrying a lot more worry lately. You and your family are in my thoughts and I am hoping Scott will be more curious about his symptoms. Can Kelli help urge him to follow through ? Thank you for feeling my anxiety. If I had been as brave as you, I would have moved to a smaller place a year or two after I lost my husband. It has been a tough few months trying to go through what to move, what not to move and what to let go. There are so many memories. It is taking me forever, but with the help of my kids, I think I will make it if my old knees and back hold up. My daughter drove up last week from Oregon and we worked on the garage. My son spends his weekends when it isn't pouring rain finishing up the required raking of the soon to be seeded area. The county requires this before the final sign off. Love you back, Dee

Gwen: Actually, there is a full service station about 5 mins from my house -- it also has self serve lanes. The only reason I have ever been there was to have the tires inflated and checked for correct inflation. The silly icon on my car indicates there is a problem with tire inflation. Since I haven't driven many miles in 2020 and these three months in 2021, it is now time to bring my car in for service. O'Boy. Karen: Yes, you are lucky to have your guys there to help. I know you must love having the company. I empathize with you and our lack of strength and/or balance. The smoke alarm alongside my kitchen started beeping the other day and I knew I couldn't ignore it. I drug out my 3 step, step stool and hung onto the stool handle as I pulled the smoke alarm apart and removed the battery. Will have my son replace the battery next time he is over. I don't trust myself the length of time it would take to put in a new battery. No, "Old Age" is not fun and being alone doesn't make it any easier. Good to know you don't climb your roof anymore. Take care, Dee

Gwen: Good for you for attempting the set-up of your new iPad. You are amazing. You can pat yourself on the back. Am sure Steve is smiling with you. It sounds like you have thought of every detail. This being alone does drive us sometimes to branch out to unknown areas. I have had to make myself think more and depend on my poor old brain more. One of the gas fireplaces in my present house was taking longer and longer to light. Not wanting to bother my son for one more thing, I decided to find the directions. I had to use a flashlight and screw driver to unscrew the wall switch located in the corner of the built in bookcase. My clumsy hands finally replaced a AA battery and now the fireplace works. Not as techi as you, but felt pretty good of myself for not giving up. And yes, the hands don't work nearly as well as they used to. I noticed yesterday when I was putting gas in my car how hard it is getting to hold that nozzle. It seemed to be taking forever when I realized I wasn't putting enough pressure on nozzle plus my hands hurt more. I began to wonder how someone like kayc with her painful hands can fill her tank and remembered she lived in Oregon and didn't have to fill her gas tank. How do you manage filling your gas tank, Gwen? I might have to find stations that offer that service and pay more per gallon. Or, stop driving? Nope, can't do that yet. Keep up the going forward. Hugs, Dee

Joey: Thanks for sharing the beautiful picture of you and your wife. As Gwen said, you look like a "great couple". Take care, one day at a time. Dee

I used to have bunnies in my yard but haven't seen any lately. Maddie got so used to them she'd just watch them as they darted past her. She would sniff around their usual path, but would never chase them. Our community has coyotes, so have a feeling that is why I haven't seen them lately. Or, could just be my lousy vision. LOL. Dee

kayc: Reading this tragedy to sweet Kodie has me in tears. I so hope you both recover from this horrible day. Please know you both are in my thoughts. Dee

Joey: The sudden loss of your spouse is so tragic to read. I hope as you spend time reading and sharing on this grief forum you will begin to find some peace and comfort. You are correct when you say your life has dramatically changed within a brief second. Losing our spouse/partner is definitely not an event that we can just get over and move on. We each walk a different grief path and you are entitled to walk your path, your way. I hope you have family or friends close by that will help and not judge your feelings. The best advice I learned after losing my husband is to only take one day at a time and try not to look any further than the day we are in. Dee

George: So good to hear your news about your passing you Amateur Ham Radio Technician license. And, good to know your roof is repaired. Both are great accomplishments. Good Luck on next level, General License. Dee

Darrel: Good to see you are back. I can't tell you how many times I remind myself of your famous statement. Thank you. Dee

DHC: The loss of your dear wife, Brenda from the Covid virus is so tragic. The advice of not to look too far into the future is a hard bit of advice, but one day at a time is all we can handle after losing the most important person in our life. You are so early in your grief it is overwhelming and frightening to believe your Brenda is no longer with you. As Marty shared, you will find this Grief Forum to be very supportive. Even though we each have a different story, we understand and feel your grief. It's good that Oscar, Felix and Smokey are there with you. Warm thoughts, Dee.

Nashreed: Yes, those dark clouds do create dread and understand how difficult it can be to be social when we are hurting so. Keeping you in my thoughts. Dee

Gwen: No, not ready to stay in my new place totally yet. Had a couple of important appointments that require I be here in my house. Also, am still trying to decide what larger pieces of furniture will work without crowding the small place. There are so many items that hold such memories I have to gradually decide how much pain I want to inflict on myself. My kids had originally volunteered to do a big garage sale prior to the covid shut down and that all changed with so much to still do in that arena. Once the house is ready to have a realtor come in, I will hire a mover for the larger items and my mind has determined what works best. Oh yes, so miss how Bob used to destroy the bed with his restlessness and of course his snoring. When I hear women complain about their husband's snoring, I immediately think how lucky they are. I'd give anything to hear that comforting sound again. kayc: As I responded above to Gwen, not moved yet. I am a slow mover. LOL. My plan is to do this slowly so I don't get too confused. Being as selective as I can so not to have to undo a mistake. The light switch thing is a challenge - that will take time. Kieron: Oh my goodness, love that joke. Thanks. Dee😆

Gwen: Oh yes am overwhelmed with moving to my new digs. I have spent the last two weekends there trying to get used to the smaller floor space. I move so slow it may take me until summer before I am out of here. So far, the smaller floor space feels good. Trying to acclimate myself to a different sleeping location and the new noises and creaks. I do pop into the Forum to check how everyone is doing, but haven't taken the time to respond. Hopefully, within time I will do better on sharing. Nashreed: Sometimes there are many reasons why we have nothing to say. But, I honestly feel we all care about you whether you don't feel like sharing some days. You are not letting us down by not responding. Unfortunately, grief has a way of making us feel worthless and useless. I hope you will find some way out of your despair as difficult as it can be. Dee KarenK: That's what I like about you and Gwen. You two know how to get people to pay attention to you. I, too, hope this finally solved the problem for you. At least you didn't give up. Being almost 74 must give us courage. Sorry you injured your back, but good it is better. Take care, Dee

Gwen: You're correct, the jury duty system will not release you from service without a doctor's letter. Last summer I was mailed a notice and immediately responded with my letter listing all the reasons I wasn't able to serve. The court system responded to me to contact my doctor. I started with my retinal specialist since I hadn't been to my primary care doctor since the pandemic lock down and I was seeing my RS every few weeks. The retinal specialist said they did not write such letters. So, I wrote a letter to my primary care doctor and she complied. I was excused. I haven't driven downtown near the county court house building since I retired in 2000. I do remember how awful the parking was in the area. My son said, no way will I be going to try to find my way around in that neighborhood. I am sure once they interviewed me, they would see I would be useless in a jury. Memory and hearing issues to boot. LOL. Dee

Kevin: No fair you talking about a hot tub. Oh, sounds so relaxing. Good to hear you are enjoying your lovely new home. Dee

kayc: Yes, the feel of wood heat is great, and I love to hear the cracklin noises. I'm going to miss a fireplace in my new place, not enough floor space for even a small one. My son heats his house with a fireplace but also has furnace when he can't burn wood. He is still young and strong enough to cut firewood. Like everything else in life, there are trade-offs. Sometimes life forces us to make those changes whether want to or not. Take it easy on your back shoveling. Dee

Gwen: It is a sad life to think that we are so connected to a plug in electrical heating pad to give us comfort. Unfortunately, I start my day with it on my back and when I need to regain strength during the day I find myself longing for the warmth. My daughter bought this one for me - it is nice and long and has flaps that go across the shoulders which I don't use very often. A beautiful sight. LOL Sorry you are dealing with your constant chronic pain. Oh, how I hope there will be a solution for you one of these days, soon. I can't imagine being in deep pain continually. Makes me ashamed to complain about my achy old bones. Always keeping you in my thoughts. Hope you can rest and enjoy your Netflix discs. Hugs, Dee

Gwen: I might be lucky this year, but if I survive my move, my new place, will be all electric. When we purchased this house in 1997 it had a wood burning fireplace and was all electric. As soon as we could we converted to natural gas for hot water, furnace, and put in the gas fired fireplace. The wood burning fireplace wasn't efficient, plus our community limited wood burning fireplaces more and more. I do love the ease of pushing a button. At least Melody starts bedtime with you. Maddie would stay at the foot of my bed in her bed until she thought I was asleep. Then I'd hear her get up and walk into hallway, lie down and throughout the night she'd move to other locations in the house since she had a bed in every room almost. kayc: Oh so sorry. 😞 Dee

kayc: Sorry to read you're watching snow fall and suffering with sore back. Try to let the Tylenol work and don't overdo. So far today, we here are ok in Tacoma. My BFF is my heating pad. It sure feels good in the mornings when I crawl out of bed and have my coffee. Take care, Dee

Gwen: I hope the possibility of snow falls doesn't happen. Darn, the high winds can mean more outside work for me picking up branches afterwards. Just went out to put last bag of garbage in the garbage tote and noticed how much the wind had picked up since returning home at 4:30 pm. Missed the last weather report so will be sure to catch the next one. I have two gas fireplaces in my home so can stay close to either one to stay comfortable should I lose power. Keeping you in my thoughts and hoping you don't lose power. I wouldn't know how to start a generator if I had one. Bob used to have one for the freezer full of game and seafood. No worry about my freezer food now - it's minimal. Did you ever convince Melody to sleep with you like Allie used to ? Would love to have a cuddly fur baby during these cold days. Take care, Dee