Gingerlove

I know how you feel....... We probably say to ourselves, by the small actions of that day if we just didn't take them, our beloved pet would still be fine. Me too I questioned and my eyes said anger, ... But there was a tiny hope that things should turn out fine even if I go out being tired, even if you went along to the less known vet. We simply believed in our beloved pet's luck. How do something relatively beneficial to them turn out to be fatal? I know I could leave my cat home even if we guess from his meowing that he's bored. It was not food or new catnip toys he wanted. You knew if you left your dog home without any check-up you can still wait for another time to do it. The alternatives are so obvious now. They are Now. I'm sorry. I think it feels terrible especially when all the other times you have been thoughtful and careful. You're maybe thinking just this time... Please try relaxing exercises, remebering how much you love your beloved pet, how precious that is. Hang on. Another human being did something terrible to your beloved pet, however for long you have had beautiful and real loving relationship with this loving pet. Hang on to this, this love is true, that's why it hurts so the sudden loss. Your beloved dog knows your love, and has had a special and loving life. I tell myself that with my Ginger. I sometimes talk to him in my heart. ❤️

I'm so sorry. I know that feeling about my cat. It's tough not to get immobilized by that wishful thinking. I hope you can forgive your husband... Me too I asked myself why did I listen to him when I was tired and I could just listen to myself and not take my cat out...... You know that no cruel intention was there. None. Let's try to be gentle to ourselves. It's tough...like you say there isn't.a machine to take us back to revert that one small decision. The biggest evil is the vet (and the staff) not contacting us. However they, too, didn't do what they did out of evil intention, but out of ignorance, foolishness, nervousness, inexperience...

Exactly these feelings. Prayers sending your way. Breathe in, think of the love, out, of the doubts: "why didn't I keep you home that day?" I still ask that after almost a year. Slowly the intensity lessens as I truly see the difficulty of an exact reason. Take care caring Parker's Mom.

I know this feeling...it's probably us our own voice saying that... Me too I wish I could make that seemingly easy decision when I reacted to a proposition for taking my cat for a walk. I'm still sometimes thinking what if I went to look for him just more times. I couldn't. I was regaining my strength after goving birth. But I had others looking for him in the second month. We may not ever have answers... We can only remember how deeply we love our pets. The only reason why you're feeling this tormented. Sending compassionate thoughts.

I'm so sorry to hear that you need to go through judgement from a friend in a time like you said, already difficult and fragile. May I send over a kind of cheer up... I know nothing fills that void in our heart... I found focusing on telling yourself how much you love this pet helps. Time and time again. Because you know how true it is. That should be all that matters. Please don't let your friend make you feel worse. I know so well that feeling too especially the early times when Ginger just ran off into the bushes... I felt like the least responsible pet parent. My friend who commented cared about Ginger but she does not have any pets as she says she doesn't have the patience to look after a pet... I hated myself for listening to someone else than myself and took Ginger for that walk... No matter how I learn about natural hunter inatincts of cats, every time I start to feel better and thinking perhaps he had a chance to listen to the birds, catch them, a chance in his loving cat life to be a free cat, after a while I hate myself again... My cat should still be here. A friend who comments a little more harshly at the fragile time is too much to listen to. Maybe try to invite yourself to listen to your voice. You spent loving time with a beloved pet and only you can know what to do. And if you're not sure, you're not sure. Let it be. I learnt that from seeing the counscellor.

We're so familiar with all the things you're feeling I believe... Hang on 💌 Breathe...focus on your feeling of love.

I read about your feelings, I don't know what to say except I too feel similar... I think many of us here recognize themselves in what you described... Please take care, bit by bit everyday. After almost a year and out of coincidence, my friend told me a 5 year old cat is about to be homeless as her owner is relocating abroad. I ended up taking Sasha home. She is very inactive...so different from my Ginger. Sasha has only lived in a small apartment and never saw outside. Maybe that makes me feel less terrible about sometimes taking my Ginger out in the park on a leash. Love is not rational. How did we think we could be stronger or faster than a feline running in the outdoors? I miss Ginger and it is beyond words. Slowly hoping that the pain is dissolving into love. Then I see it, love that was there every day busy or not, tired or not, every night when Ginger's cat instincts are healthy and would wake me up and I would go and chat with him. I never had a dull moment in any of those "chores".

And what is the most rational? Who would really know for absolute sure? You did not do wrong And most importantly you did not want anything else than care for your pet. You didn't harm your pet.

Really sorry for your loss. It is so clear that you care for your dear dog. Please remember to care for yourself. Nothing that we think now can make us go back and say "Don't go there"..... I've been trying for almost a year. I know how much you want to get to that point before we "lose control" over to others... The pain is that we could not have our say at the crucial moment. Remember we love our dear pet. We really do, and love sometimes don't make us make rational choice every time. Instead, we worry about our furry friends' dental health, we worry that they get frustrated or bored, that they have no way to use their joints...

Kayc thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and wisdom with us, and so blessed they are your many loved pets for you remember them, and honor them by sharing with us even with their endings. If I live in an igloo and am a monk who never or is so little changed by my surrounding maybe my dear cat would have continued to live. But then maybe my dear cat would be bored... I wish all of us here animal lovers much peace and strength.

So true. Those feelings are so real and also can seem hopeless, frustrated... Sometimes escape looks easier... It is not. It probably will just come back and to live the blame and regret all over again.

Oh, so, this friend has been avoiding me now sort of...for several months. She listened at first and then just didn't want to hear about it anymore. Saying to me how wonderful I should feel being with my newborn. Only counscellors specialized in the animal-human relationship, told me how when someone says that it also can make me feel guilty as I lost my cat a little after I gave birth. I said: How do you know?? Yes exactly it makes me feel even more guilty. Today I start to see all the love I have for my cat. Behind the heavy guilt is a lot of love that I still want to keep giving to Ginger...

Thank you so much kayc, it really takes time and effort to make the emptiness feel less empty. There is a very "pure" quality of love and friendship between us humans and animals. K.D. Don't worry many of us are also being "ignored" as a result of having sad thoughts and still feeling fruatrated from losing our pet. I have a very close friend who had a cat, she too lost her cat early this year. But the difference with my cat is that she knew it was getting to that point two years ago. She had been prepared. Her cat lived to 10 years old. My cat was between 6 / 7. I know we cannot compare and grief is the same grief. But not being prepared makes my cat's passing feel unreal. It still does sometimes. For your pet's bowls and other belongings, may I suggest if some items cause you too much pain, give them away to another pet owner...... Just an idea. Some manage to keep them. Very brave. Really. Peace to everyone here who love our animals so purely.

Me too I feel like being pushed to "get over" what happened... While all my closed ones understand how important my Ginger is to me, I feel stuck in a the regret, and the guilt is still heavy - though not like the first months. I started to get creative, like Marty's article said. Don't know if this is a nice idea: I tried going to the zoo...observing the bigger cats...... I imagine some of the time when Ginger was lost in the small "forest" he was in, some days may have brought him something very new to wake up hearing insects, birds...instead of my calling him or the air conditionning or washing machine... I remind myself there was never an intention to cause him getting lost. I'm also trying to volunteer to wash and look after some cats in a rescue center. Not succeeded yet as I think too much and I recall my nice memories with Ginger. I think we have to keep the healing process going. Step by step. The worst would be to pressurize ourselves.

I do find it very difficult too. I have a little area, like a shrine, on the top of a shelf in the living room. There are flowers, a candle lit in the day/night (depending on when the emotions are the strongest), and my dear Ginger... some of my fave photos of him, and as you say sometimes I cry so hard because it seems to be a painful reminder. There were times when I could not look at that area. And as time goes by, I realize that is what I have of him, now, it is crushing, but not having that area would even be worse.

Very often when we decide to have pets when we are adults, we have some emotional scars that we already carry with us. I lost my father in my teenage, someone who I wasn't very close to. I didn't grow up with a lot of warmth in the most classical way. All these things make losing my Ginger a lot more difficult. I know that one day I will need to say goodbye, but I always thought I would look after Ginger until he is an elderly cat. Losing him like that, having a vet who just decided to put him down. I don't know how I'm going to heal. I have a lot of love around me - and including on this discussion group - and I'm really grateful and thankful.

This is very brave: “For anyone who is suffering loss, I encourage you: be creative. Be inventive. Be strange. Demand union. Find ways.” As hard as it is... Ginger is a cat - people say to me. Yes, but he is connected to my soul. Surely more and more people will realize the importance of our pets.

Thank you so much kayc for sharing your precious experience with our loving little furry companions. I asked myself exactly that, was that Ginger's decision to go downstairs in the park? After losing him once already, I was cautious. My partner thinks that we can practice to carefully walk Ginger. When I was so heavily pregnant, I lost my usual sense of urgency / my reflexes. I still feel like a failure. I could not hold onto the leash when he was startled. There is no solace when I focus on that part. Why did my partner encourage so much for the walk? Why didn't I discourage this? I thought, we can do this. I'm tired, but we have done this so many times now. Truth is, we had been lucky. Until this time. Thinking how happy Ginger was, how much love there was, is what everyone tells me to do. I'm seeing several different counselors. One is particularly used to the owners and their pets sharing a deep connection. It helps a lot. I go to group therapy sessions, at Christmas, each participant lit a candle, thinking of their cat/dog, and we wrote down what we want to tell them. We then made creative souvenir with their photo inside. I have this souvenir at home now. I cannot move it. I still cannot believe that Ginger is no longer purring on the sofa. I wake up in the morning, sometimes thinking that he is right outside the door meowing to me. Like always. I tried not to think about all these feelings / thoughts. But they keep coming. I agree with you, kayc, that when life presents us with a lesson like that, we need to learn. Until now, I was in my fantasy that I know my Ginger well. I really did not mean to pay less attention to him. It is just that everyone around me were trying to prepare Ginger not to be too demanding of my attention, so that he will not be at a shock when Baby arrives. My dream of having a family photo where dear Ginger poses with us is now impossible. You know, that leash we used, is attached to a harness. We upgraded it that way, after the time we lost him with the collar-leash. Of course I did not predict that this time, I lack strength or reflex. Cats can be very independent, as you say. When we saw him, he removed that harness and collar leash! It breaks my heart in such a way, I wish I could protect him for a few more years. Why had that happened? And indirectly through the owners' silly decision? Counselors have been reminding me how we all make even bigger decisions that turn out to our disadvantage, from daily's small decisions, to bigger decisions that involve another person, a relationship, etc. I just cannot seem to forgive us, or forgive myself, when it is something that concerns Ginger. After all, I saved him many years ago, and he counts on me. I must not break down...... Just yesterday, I went to check out a charity center that rescues cats (and dogs). It took me months before I can look at a cat without crying immediately. Now I'd cry but not frantically. I asked all the questions about how I can help them perhaps fostering a cat. I will get there, little by little. I wish to do something good and rescue a cat (but I'm unable to keep a pet now as I never could see my cat as a pet...), in honor of Ginger and with the love I have for Ginger. Maybe that way, it feels like it is extended, our bond. I will also try to talk to an animal communicator I used before when we were searching for him. The loss is so hard to accept... Thank you for listening.

Thank you Marty, I will definitely read and try to work on all the guilt and regret part; and kayc thank you for the video...it made me cry my heart out! I don't understand how I "let" what happened happen when I love Ginger so much. He is part of the family, and part of me. I cannot speak the special language I use anymore. Or risk feeling that pain. It is the first time I have a cat. I might have thought that I know Ginger enough so I know what is good for him. I realize I know so little about cats, even after reading some books... The worst is remembering when a good friend - who never had any pets - said : "don't take him for a walk, it makes both of you stress out...just for the sake of making him not bored..." Of course I wish I can re-decide on that day, say No when asked to go to the park..... This part in the last article link from Marty is very sharp: "Many people are destroyed by loss because, learning what they could have been but failed to be, they choose to wallow in guilt and regret, to become bitter in spirit, or to fall into despair. While nothing they can do will reverse the loss, it is not true that there is nothing they can do to change."

Why did I not say anything when asked to go for a walk with Ginger? Why did he give me the leash? Why did we overlook the fact I was heavily pregnant? These questions have been torturing me for months. No answer. I researched about GPS collars a year ago, and then thought, "Oh, we're super careful, there is no need". The thought that we got confident about this exercise. I hated us... The big lesson: we can never get confident about "training" a cat. I wished that walk never happened. Six years of love and care, ruined by this confidence, or naivety. I didn't even have that idea. Now I know my Ginger never wanted us to argue. This is too much to endure. The responsibility. When I decided to save Ginger from the pet shop I decided to protect him... May he be at a peaceful place, out of any fear. Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement.

The entire neighborhood is covered with my posters with clear photos and information and my phone number. I went to that vet center myself twice. How the vet center did not think of calling my number? So much confusion and bad luck. I go through therapies. I'm reminded when Ginger also ran into the wild when he was living at ground level. But that time he climbed up a tall tree. That time I was lucky. He meowed back enough times. I have to force myself to be content with these six years spent with his wonderful company, and be happy with the love I gave him and vice versa. I still feel it is wrong of us, we were over-thinking about how to keep him healthy. We should have kept him inside the apartment. Period. Of course, it is easy to say now. My beloved cat was between six and seven. Every time I guess or imagine how he was when he was hiding, the pain goes deeper. I try not to sink into deeper depression. Because how would that even make Ginger happy or bring him back? Friends tell me as he was not super skinny at the end, hopefully he enjoyed being in Nature at least some of the time.

Hello fellow animal lovers! It has taken me a long time before getting back some senses to be able to write about what happened. Like many of you, especially the ones who suffered a traumatic, unexpected loss of your pet, I went through (and still going through) the whole loss of reality, denial, anger etc... cycle. Talking about it, not talking about it, let the hurting feelings flow, not letting them flow..... all of it an attempt to hide the big wound and the emptiness felt in my heart. All of it an attempt to "show" my dear Ginger how sorry I am, as if then it would bring him back to me. In this part of the world where I currently live, it is not easy at all to keep a cat happy and healthy. The first three years of Ginger's life, it was - I guess - the most ideal, as I still lived in a house with a green yard right outside, and the small greenery area is far away from roads. I would slowly introduce him to the space outside the house, then, he learnt how to open the windows, through observing me opening them. He would open the window, run out in the night, and often come back with preys such as insects, a half bird... I have been proud to keep him well fed, loved and also somehow keeping his cat instincts alive. The following three years, I moved to living in condos. The first one is a small studio. The next was a nice apartment with a lot of sunshine. At the beginning, I thought there is no way my dear Ginger can walk outside anymore. But he got fat, especially in the small studio. I was also afraid that he would get bored, as I go out a lot and when I am away at work he would be completely alone in that tiny apartment. Two years ago me and my fiance, while walking my dear cat on a leash, we lost him when he suddenly heard some noise, and shook off his collar and leash. I searched for him for 7 days and 7 nights. Despair. Counting on luck. But I stay determined. I found him finally and he called back when I called him finally. He called and called, so I could locate where the meow sound came from. He was hiding in a hole that he dug. Two years later. July 2nd, 2018 - in the late afternoon, while I was resting at home, my partner says "let's take Ginger for a quick walk". We have been practicing, also many times we simply did not walk him, if I was tired. This time, I was heavily pregnant. I was going to give birth in a month. Everything happened really fast. This part is what I now play in my mind over and over. I'm told that I clearly have PTSD. I felt something was wrong but could not tell, like a gut feeling but not strong enough. Once we are downstairs, outside the building, in our residential park, I don't remember clearly but only the parts that led to losing Ginger. I was given the leash suddenly, I felt unsure but took it, because we have been practicing for two years carefully. Because I thought I can do it, we both thought it should be fine. My beloved Ginger saw a big dog, who was not leashed in a corner. When I saw the dog, I was frozen, I then either did not have enough grasp to hold onto the leash, or I was not fast enough. It is a harness-collar-leash. This was the last time I saw my dear Ginger, him running away into the bushes. We spent a whole month to search for him, day and night, in the middle of the night, daybreak... I went under the rain... My dear cat responded to our calls only once, from 3 days and times. Each time, as we go near the vague area where we heard him, no more answering. When he called out to me the last time, July 22nd morning, there are some neighbors walking their dogs. I didn't bring the "cat transportation bag", and with the big dogs present, I thought I should come back 30 minutes later. NO luck. Early August, I gave birth. Overjoyed and excited. Family times. In the month of August, we had less time to look for him, but we leave cat food around where we last heard him, every morning. August 22nd late evening, I receive a message from a neighbor who work as volunteer for cats and dogs. Someone who is aware of my missing cat, saw a cat climbing up hill near the park... and this person called the vet center immediately. Normally this was a very kind and great thing to do. The vet center sent their driver to try and catch him. That evening, only a young vet was available. This vet decided to put him down, after trying to give him gaz mask, and then another injection of pain killer, to try and help him breath (??) I cannot really talk about it anymore. We saw him the next day only. My brave cat lost weight but wasn't skinny. We think that he had done a great job using his cat instincts to survive. This is just so unlucky. I've been blaming us since then. Almost six months now, the pain is real. It is basically impossible to think that my dear Ginger is gone. At a moment when I really want him to cheer with me.