Stallyn

Bob, I thought of a red nose and a hankey, sure needed the laugh

Corinne, Kathy, it is harder that I expected even with a year now, I try to think shes in paradise with joy, but no comfort there, but your words are comforting and to know, loneliness is not as profound with you all with me here, thanks for the prayers, God is keeping me glued together tonite, I posted before, without his presence I falter and wither away, but He holds me in his arms and consoles my broken heart. love ya! William

Thank you my dear friends, I am not going to try to handle this on my own like in the past, I have to give it to God or I will fall again, the anxiousness and sorrow are building up, I wish I could see her and feel her again, gosh its been too long already, I dread each day with knowing I wake up alone without her. I'll just rest and focus on something else before the mind starts rattling. Love, William

I just can't for the life of me believe, tomorrow is the year mark that was the LAST day I ever saw her, and I just feel crappy, and a few days is the 1 year of her death and I can remember everything vividly, the pain still there, the grief? still there, and feeling lonely as ever, I hope for the sake of it, the days following will go without incident, please pray for me, for endurance and peace, and a sign from her. I really need something now. Love,

Shelly, Shell has an excellent point, let worry concern itself, one day at a time, and if you feel happy or otherwise, its OK I hope you are doing well Hugs, William

Kay, I need all the prayer as possible, I feel fight against so many forces at work, drug use changes everything in a doctors eyes I believe, they would attribute anything to it if possible, I feel the same way about making people accountable for their actions, more so with those people trust, maybe too much in my case, I wanted her to be happy but whith all her friends around 24/7 I was tired to pursue anything since they attacked me and diminished my role and coerced her into just going home. I believed she couldve gotten better, I know now she didnt take it seriously her illness, and she doesnt have to suffer anymore. I suffer everyday, the suicide attempt in March, the depression, finances, loneliness, in fact a doctor years ago caused me to have renal failure several times, edema in my legs, chrohns out of control and they didnt do much for it but telling me to go to the ER, I gave up and prayed, since then it has been manageable but sometimes I think all my health issues may have weakened her immune system enough to allow the cancer to proliferate. I dont know what to do anymore, just frustrated and tired all the time, thinking of all the things that happened.

Kay, I been debating and thinking, another lawyer never called, so I called a large firm, and I decided if they cant do anything, I have to let it go, sometimes my emotions get so strong about the suffering she and I went through, all my life I let things go so easily, and I need to be bold and strong, standing up for myself. Maybe this will prove to me that I can fight my own battles now. The evidence is too strong to prove they shouldve done something in September,but they didnt do anything, though they knew something was amiss, I put my trust in God, all I can do right?

Deborah, I am so sad about what you went through, I feel the same way about it, I dont care about the money, just punishment and like you, prevent someone else fall victim to this selfishness and greed, among the lack of compassion. 4 years, I dont understand really how they could let it go like that? what was his priority level, was he listed at top level transplant? it really is a case of negligence, I seen how they act, they do not hide themselves, they lack the morals, Deborah, I been thinking alot, what Myrna and my faith would say about it, and if it causes me more pain, more suffering, I am defeating the purpose of my promise to her to be happy and well. I try to give it to God, but I take it back and just cant find within myself the rational thought about this, my emotions are anger, resentment, pain for her suffering. your input among others revealed to me the costs of the issue, and I cannot afford to get sick again. Love,

Corinne, good to hear from you well, I agree, its not worth it, you got a good point, suing the bars for his demise, obviously is vain just like my intentions would be if I pursue this, I realize its not really going to do a speck of difference for me or my health. I hesitantly am going to let it go if the lawyers review or don't call back. Well God will judge them for their doings.

Bob, You really opened my eyes on this one, I never have thought it may open some wounds or anything you mentioned. I suppose I see what the other lawyer says and if its no-go I am going to have to reconcile this issue, very insightful! thanks! Karen, Wendy, I agree wholeheartedly I add the stress will very likely make me ill again, Its not worth that much when it sums up Blessings

Hi Guys, some of you know Myrna died suddenly last march, I came across her medical records a few days ago from my files, well, She and I decided to sue the doctors for negligence and malpractice, the doctors saw cancer in september, probably stage 1 or II curable, did not do anything, it progressed into stage 4B rapidly and I personally dont think it just came out of the blue in a month, by then it was too late, I just want vindication, the lawyer says we have a case, after her death retracts the comment, and never contacted me again since september, well the stautues of limitation is next month, and I feel he deliberately and hastily dragged it out doing nothing! I came to the idea of reporting him to the AZ bar, I do not know if I should pursue it or not, it hurts to just let this go and dishonor her memory and the suffering we have gone through. Should it be laid to rest or should it somehow be addressed?

I suppose we will never know but to accept it right?

Karen, I am beginning to believe more each day our spouses can reach us in so many ways, they are in glorified bodies and able to do anything, so awesome for you have that experiences you deserve it with all you been through. I just wonder how it got there? what method? very interesting!

Karen, that is beyond awesome!! you are such a sweet person and I hope many more miracles happen

Karen, wow that is so awesome and beautiful!

Karen, I check it out now I am very curious!

Shelly, forgive me but how long has it been since you lost her? if less than a year it may trigger some unpleasant moments, and I know that too well also, would you think it would be unacceptable to wait some more before going? Please listen to your heart, obviously it is very overwhelming for you right now and you haven't healed enough to tackle it, I myself avoid hospitals and doctors as that sets me off still. I have you in my prayers

Karen my dear, I am doing better today, I prayed for 30 mins last night and spoke to Myrna also, I felt in my heart that she communicated to me and told me to remember her happy and healthy which was longer than she was sick. I also felt love from God and Her too, just amazing huh? It must be difficult for you to be house bound like that, ts good to see you too, and glad you are doing better also Love, William

Karen, I could rant about many things in life, I came out ok, but when I lost my wife it was the icing on the cake. I lost who I am, how I feel, life itself is more mysterious than it ever been, I would like to find a companion formost to share and nurture and compensate for my errors im my marriage and make it right, its such a heavy burden thinking all the time and no finding resolution, Today was a whopper, I guess because 2 days is 1 year since she left our home and lived out her final days away, a empty bed since then. I got real ill with the diabetes dropping down to 37, I was so afraid of dying and at the same time I wanted to. I called my doctors office and was told no one can withstand that level for very long before they lapse into a coma, since then I still feel sick somewhat. Ah well I need to rest now, and tomorrow will be a better day for all of us Love,

Same sentiment here Wendy...this past year was hell, I hope this year becomes some sign of progress

Karen, it shows the true colors doesnt it, I miss being here, so many things have overwhelmed me to the point of neglecting myself. The home has progressed quite well, I fixed alot of things, added, removed, you name it! If only I can make a wage at it. But day after day I miss my wife, horrible, I wish it would just end

Kathy, I have seen exactly that in my family, probably to much of it, interesting what you said. I believe Myrna's brother had that issue with the money, since he got much less than myself, why they think that way when he was being supported by her, Guess the answer is in the next life

Hi Derek, yes its been a long time, my life has been chaotic the past few months with grieving, moving to a house and fixing alot of things, I am glad to be back also, thanks for that affirmation, so many times I feel lost in this world and wonder if 9 years of my life was wasted, wierd thinking huh?

Derek, beautiful poetry, I need to ask, are they really ok? I havent had a ADC in several months now, do they forget about us?

Karen, You know my history also, I can surely relate, its like stabbing you in the back, its absolutely ok to be angry! Maybe if you are mad enough they will back off, I feel for youl Love, William