Stallyn

Wendy my dear, I definitely know what you are experiencing, but remember not to worry too much now, even with the amount of responsibility and pressure, you are doing great, if you feel anxious, do something that will relax you. With the house, it wont fall apart, and if something breaks, I can search for you a volunteer that helps people out, but nothing is too big, I have more responsibility for everything now, it is overwhelming, but to think, it will pan out, God and Steve are with you always, Love & Hugs, William

Corinne, It is hard, you kept them hidden for that long, I should do the same at least for now, thanks for your prayers and support, I will stay posting, I missed alot in the 2 months love, William

Congrats Suzanne, Hondas are a great car to own and drive, you may just miss the visits to the garage One big step ahead and wow I like the dimes! Love, William

My dear friends, I guess I been underestimating myself which I done for years, atributed to years and years of fighting alone and marrying at a ripe age of 32, which taught me to be independent but not exhausting myself to the point of despair, Never thought for a minute a year ago I be in this situation again, it hurts like hell, and the sorrow is relentless but I forced myself to change many things so to survive in a new way of life, sometimes it reminds me if rational choices were made but just asking myself is not enough. I think my emotions are affecting my decision to rid of her stuff, but I will focus on other things than that, your voices of reason, I keep it as long is needed to cope, its all I have left of the happiness of 8 years of my life. I wish I could express myself more of what I feel here, and why did I take such time to return, I learned not taling about it and sharing with others has deprived me of peace and enlightenment. I hold you dear in my heart. Moving is a huge decision but no matter what the sacrifices or financial burden for a short time, it does help the process of moving on with ones life, since there is not as much to be reminded of. Love, William

Karen, Its nice here, I should do the same, silence and no thinking, possible? Sleep well my friend and I'll be here tomorrow.

Hi all, well its been worse than expected, soon as I slowed down enough the memories flooded my mind, I been thinking of getting rid of her few possession that I moved into storage, it may have triggered the pain, and I just cannot deal or see it again, it feels the time may be right if I am ever going to move forward. I'll have to accept my fate if its being alone or with someone but I still have no desire to date, I had my experiences and joys of marriage, it was fulfilled, and to do it all over again, would be too much. I moved about 25 miles east to Mesa, much slower, fresh start and its been interesting to learn the streets and places to go, it is much better than where I lived w/o the memories and reminders, I have lost contact with my grief therapist, he came her once and I havent heard from him, i dont know if my sessions are over or what, but its disturbing. thanks for your love and support

Hi all, its been awhile since I posted due to relocating to another city and making the new home livable, well anyways the past few days just have been horrific, I yearn for Myrna so much, I came to realize a big house alone reminds me that I am truly alone and lost without her, I have had to deal and challenge many issues I never have before, and i think, what would she say about something I accomplished, or just look at me, I yearn to see her face again, pictures dont cut it, if she was alive, we would have had our 9th anniversary in 3 days, well, I was robbed of the 7 and 8 year with her declining health, I am trying to find joy again, but it is only brief. My only thougts anymore is not finding true love again and it terrifies me.

Bob, been there and done it too, nurses dont have proper training and manners anymore, Its a shame it has to come down to her getting upset to get assistance, Wendy, is there a option to have in-home chemo? I heard of it, and maybe the ins will over it?? love, William

Corinne, perhaps thats a normal action, we still havent dealt the blow that upsided our lives, but sometimes a day comes along where we revisit the good days and realize it is the past, I cried last night too, and mixed with anger, I have the reality hit also. How long has it been for you? my memory isnt so good lately, a child deals from what I read in a different way, but being its the worst kind of loss, she hasn't dealt with it, maybe in time when she will be able to communicate it better she will open up to you, is she seeing a therapist? Because i missed my meds as much, i now have a social worker coming over daily to help me cope and change some negative behaviors, I admit its been difficult beyond words just to realized I am alone after 8 years, in 7 days I would have been married 9 years, life has robbed us of opportuities, but hopefully, things will look up, but in the interim, what big shoes to fill. Love, William

Hi Corinne, last night was strange, I was thinking also of the time I thought Myrna betrayed me by not allowing me to see her at hospice, all the time I feel anger and resentment. Isnt it odd how time passes and we think over the time they died, how it seems like a dream or nightmare? just a memorie, what happened to us now? did you get to feeling better today? I did take the meds late but I been down too, kinda in a daze, it just seems empty living each day with seemingly no real purpose than to exist. love,

Suzanne, I would think better to sell it privately since the dealers have to buy it and mark it up, I took a 2K hit on my honda when I sold it, granted, if I waited and sold it myself it would fetch higher, definitely shop around and also, do a vehicle id check online, I cant remember the name but it tells you if the car you like has been salvaged, wrecked, flooded etc. Also, my friends, Wendys mother went in the hospital for dehydration and enteritis, please keep her in prayers, I know what shes going through in chemo and anything will help, love,

Corinne, i know the fog too well, i upped the dosage for a mood stabilzer and I feel stoned all the time, so i back it up a bit and get things accomplished other than sleeping. Sometimes i think the meds are worse than the disorder

Corinne, i forgot to mention i didn't take them for a week, and it went completely out of my body, tuesday i crashed and slept 16 hours and it was horrible, just couldn't do anything i was so tired. i was given an ultimatum to continue treatment or lose some assistance, so it had to change.

Corinne, i could see it being unpleasant, my experiences with them really threw me for a loop. My home lately has been hectic, I spent alot of time fixing an not living, the price was paid yesterday when my mania tapered off, i somehow slept a whole day, i was off the meds for awhile, now having crashed yesterday, shook me up enough to keep on them. love, william

Hi Lyn I missed you too, thanks for the hug Love, William

Hi guys, I am happy to be back here again, it was hectic with th move but i found the memories are not as strong now, maybe it was premature to move as suuden, but in the end it will pan out, Corinne, I hope you take it on day at a time, i learned to keep up with my own pace and caculate & plan ther next move to avoid any errors, what kind of work you are seeking? I forgot to remember your loss dramatically changed everything, but otherwise have things smoothed out with your family? love, William

Thanks my dear friends, I miss every one of you! Please tell me what have I missed all this time I feel I came home again, Love ya bunches! William

Hi Corinne, I am deeply ashamed for my absence, I am doing ok despite the cirumstances, alot of things went down the past 3 weeks, and it was more than I could bite at the time, took too little time packing, then the movers stuck it to me by doubling the cost, then the landlord had 80 issues with the apartment, so now i didnt get the deposit back which upset me for awhile, I am just glad to get out of the memories and move on, however its been difficult at times tackling all the work by myself and grieving when i can, its been mostly anger towards her, feeling betrayed and let down. Well, the guit of my lack of posting here has kept me silent but I thought every day how I deserve what i get if I don't stay involved, I can say i miss the love and communications here, the time I been away has been a abyss of darkness. Honestly can say its very lonely. If I have betrayed you or anyone else, it was not my intention, I will post every day , I promise, and I need your support and love so much now, its been difficult trying to cope, but I miss you all! Love and hugs! to each of my friend, I have not forgotten! William

Merry Christmas Gail, congrats! A bundle of joy and I bet Bruce is looking at the baby with a huge smile! God bless you and thanks for being there too! Love, William

Thank you Lori, you shined a hope towards me today, God bless you! (((HUGS)))

Lynette, I still have thoughts of my wife being ill, it has its own volition I guess. Its hard to say merry christmas, and people should understand that if you feel bad its natural and normal, wierd how we forget long term memories, sometimes I find myself doing something and "forgetting" it. I am doing ok, long story short my father is just being cruel again, kicks his girfriend out, takes her money, I ponder why did I deserve a depraved mind of a father? He never was supportive of my loss, most of it was done alone in a room, praying for relief.

Lynette, Just checking in to see how you are doing I am thinking of you.. William

Kathy, that is awesome, I assure you there will be many more to come, I had many experiences with my late wife many times in the form of birds, lights burning out, fixtures flickering for no apparent reason,and visions. Sure lets us know the love we shared for each other is eternal and will never fade away. What we shared in this life is never vain, but is Bill comforting you from above Beautiful story thanks for sharing Love and blessings, William

Teny, A big hug to you, Thank you (((((HUGS))))))

Karen, I wish for peace for you, thanks for posting, I found hope in the next life is rewards for all the suffering over the years, I feel now this all isnt in vain. I feel for you too, this is a bittersweet holiday, I would say, forfeit it until next year You are a good mother to him, I can see God smiling on you, $70 a week is nothing, how does the government expect him to live on that?? Remember what you do, helps in ways that is unknown right? We manage somehow with our income, I heard most wealthy people are ridden with debt to survive, I woudlnt want thier place, money doesn't buy the vauable things in life Huggs & love,