Stallyn

Shell, I know what you mean, a good relationship stays with us for all of our life, maybe eventually the good memories will prevail and patiently wait for our day to meet with them again. I hope someone comes along soon, but its not what I desire but what God has planned for me, so I wont get in the way of it romance is, well, if it happens I won't push it away, though she has to be really special, my heart is healing. Love,

Patty Ann, I'll have you in my thoughts, its not a choice for us to be where we are but somehow, we manage a way to ride though this, I don't know if you are alone on the holidays or not, I personally am staying home, since everyone I know is doing something else. Soon it will be over

yes, so much so, I wish just to find a woman to hear me out and comfort me, its so difficult to meet anyone online or in public, I can't stay fo do any focused enough to interact. I tried craigslist, bipolar dating, nothing to avail myself. I been somewhat hesitant to move to much forward, I am still in love with Myrna, I don't know why this is so strong. a part of me still clings to someone that isn't here anymore, sounds crazy. love,

Gail, I apologize for not posting lately, I agree, this year is going to be forgotten, it is sure hell and misery, I hope next year will be better for all of us, I am sure Bruce is looking down at his new grandchild, Its sad to think the "what ifs" if life would've continued as it was. Thank God christmas is almost over. Love,

Happy Belated birthday Pattyann, I hope this finds you well, we care for you, take one day at a time

Gail I am happy for you, a blessing to be a grandmother, I have to say, I don't sleep good and the memories creep back into my mind of the last days, what complicates it is my bday was the day she was diagnosed, then Jan 29th would have been 9 years, it will go full throttle from there, march and april I don't look forward to. I ask the same question, why? why did this terrible thing ruin our happiness.

Karen, Hard as its been, moving and greiving at the same time, I am exhausted with all the things needing attention even this forsake apartment sewer back up, keep me up most of the night fixing it, I am eager to get out of this hole, Shell, I wonder what the reason is very often, if I can pull through this life continually alone, I am not religous either, perhaps my faith or a lack thereof, may keep me "alive" for awhile, a friendship close by is all i want, just to lessen the burden of this difficult life. Love, William

Gosh, today was rough, simply lost myself in therapy, I thought by now the sting of losing my Myrna would fade, but I find my self in love with her, its inhibiting me to finding someone else, which is not something I desire right now. Been busy packing and not enough time to mourn, my b-day is the day she was diagnosed terminal. why? why? I looked at some videos of her tonite, and wondered why I didn't stay by her side more, maybe she wouldn't have died so fast. The loneliness is just overbearing. why just go to sleep and never wake up??

Corinne, Why didn't I think of that? I spent alot of money and ink sending letters and ignoring phone calls and it was so simple. Well I missed a few days, I'll go right now and take them (((HUGS)))

Kay, I should do that, good idea, I just don't think anymore, just wish this nightmare would end..

Takes alot of effort, I tried and fail every time, when the stress hits, I go at it again and start the cycle over and over, it never really stops. Maybe we just underestimate ourselves, little by little and tiny steps

Kay, I thought I did, I send many to so many debtors and its gotten so difficult to even look at the paper anymore, I didn't have access to it, may have to call to get it out of my mind again.

Kathy, I didn't smoke for 7 years, then one day one cig lead to another. Don't think there was a good reason to stop again until I became sick of the effect it had on me, and the lack of eating didn't help. Once we accept our loss, gradually we start caring about US again

heres another wierd one, I receive statements monthly of Myrna's international remittance fund which is depleted since march and they still yet have to close it, seeing a letter TO: MM, just sinks me to a low every time, not to mention packing her things too...

Hi Deborah, I pondered the issue many times and still do after nine months, perhaps the rest of my life, how someone who was healthy, happy, content and found some peace suddenly fades away, what was the odds of her instead of myself with many illnesses, to outlive her, I always told her though the years, "if I die" move on, be happy, but the guilt, she never told me that, no closure,my inability to care for her the last weeks of her life, and wondering what did I do wrong? I was blamed for her death, and paid the ultimate price of that label, well in the next life I will know for sure - why??

Kathy, I know that all to well, within days of my wifes passing gradually down to 2 months, the friends I had before marriage and friends made after, gone, faster than I could realize. No one I do know now brings up the subject. I feel personally the best people that understand are the ones I met here almost 8 months ago!

Lyn, Thanks, its the 28th, I rather get it over with I be 40 again LOL

Lyn, I not sure if I ever be a-ok but above water, pillows sure have some meaning do they? I still keep Myrna's in a box, hope someday I can look at it and not feel grief but happiness. It doesn't feel like christmas, just a month. Thank you for being there to comfort me in this trying time. Love, William

Jack probably looking down saying, such an amazing big heart she has! Love you too! Karen

Wendy, I honestly don't know what to say, I always think about you, if I could hug you I would, ((((((((((HUG)))))))))) Love

Corinne, Nearly broke a leg jumping over it you're next week? HMM I put a post it and remind to send you a big hug! :) Good for you, christmas with the family is definitely better than staring at the walls I'll be doing something other than celebrating.. Love,

I have been thinking alot of slowing down and posting, I forget to just tell everyone I am still here. I needed to hear that about moving, in the end it will work itself out. I been taking my meds albeit late but consistent somehow How you been lately? Love, William

Karen, 3 words - You are awesome! You are such a lovely person, I can only imagine you walking in the door and the radiance around you, You are a shining example of casting ambivalence aside and showing others that love still exists. It seems this day a smile or a gesture is shunned, did it help you out of the funk? Thnak you for showing your love to me, I miss that motherly love Love,

Derek, I been in the process of relocating to another city, I couldn't live here anymore, painful as it is, seems a choice one cannot make is to move forward, lately I been taking 10 steps backward wondering if making the decision I made is foolish or perhaps right? Can't think How this can be w/o Myrna. she would be so happy to have a home, one of my dreams shattered. Sometimes its not the best choice.

Corinne, Apologies for a delay in my response, I took on 3-4 things at once the past week, thank you, now I got the birthday hurdle done with Love,