WendyJ

Kay, When I said that your post made me realize how lucky I was to find true love twice I meant just reading your words made me realize I had alot to be thankful for, I hope you don't think I meant that you were unlucky in any way...absolutely not. You and George had a very special love and so did Steve and I and I just know that it is rare for me to find that again and I am very thankful for that. If I didn't write that clearly or you misunderstood I am very sorry...I in no way meant anything for anyone to be jealous of. I love you dearly and I in no way meant anything other than I was agreeing with you, hey I have a good excuse for not thinking and writing clearly lately...I'm in love again ! Yes George does still love you dearly and I firmly believe you two will be together some day. Love Always, Wendy

Mary Linda that Eric Clapton song has always been a favorite of mine, here is the link. Love Always, Wendy

Kay, As I was reading your post you made me realize just how very lucky that I am. I had that experience of falling in love very early, getting married to Steve and having 2 beautiful daughters, buying a home and being deeply in love. Sadly he was taken from me at a very early age and we were not able to live Happily Ever After. Up until recently I wondered how I could go on without someone whom I had been with since I was 15 years old. But, I have now found my soulmate in Derek and I can not begin to express how deep my love is for him. I agree that grieving is forever and that it just takes on a different form and yes I will love Steve and miss him so much my entire life but I do know that God brought Derek and I together as he knew we were meant to be together. Jenn I too am so sorry for what you are now going through and we are all here for you whenever you need us, this is a wonderful group where you can express your inner most feelings. Love Always, Wendy

Jenn I am so sorry that you have to be here but I want to welcome you to our loving group. Please remember whatever you feel and go through we have also, or are going through it right now with you. Do not be afraid to open your heart to us, we all have done it and come here and look for us whenever you feel the need. For me it has been 19 months since I lost my husband, he was just 51 and I was 48 and had been with him since I was 15 and he was 18. Like with you he was fine the night before, got up the next morning and a blood clot went to his heart and he died very suddenly. I know it is hard with young children as it was hard for me with older girls but you will do it. You are about to find out how strong you are...I did and it wasn't easy but I am here today to say it can be done even though at times you think you can't go on. Love Always, Wendy

Okay I don't know what in the heck I was thinking when I asked if there was a difference but I do know the difference between Pre-Nup and a Will...LOL Where is my head lately ?

Hey Lyn so nice to see you back here and thanks again for the good wishes for Derek and I. As far as Pre-Nup I had never thought of anything like that as I never did that in my first marriage and also neither Derek or I believe in divorce so that will not be an issue. Is there a difference between a Pre-Nup and making out a will ? Love Always, Wendy

Kay, It is strange as when Steve was alive I always told him I wanted to go first when the time came as I knew I couldn't handle being left alone, everyone here knows I really did have a rough time and there are still times that are hard. I am no longer afraid to be alone but do not want to be alone, and can not wait for the day I no longer have to. Love Always, Wendy

Thank you so very much Lyn...how are you doing? We have not heard from you in awhile ! Love You, Wendy

What an interesting question...I like others do not think my husband would have done well had the roles been reversed. My husband had me up on this pedestal which had always bothered me to a certain extent, he relied on me too much, a role which I always wanted to be the other way around. I made the major decisions, paid the bills etc. but he was my world...my safety net my best friend. Steve would give you the shirt off his back...give you his last dollar...be there in an instant if you needed him. My husband suffered with a poor leg circulation problem which unknown to us later caused his death and he did alot of suffering, was constantly in alot of pain and had many surgeries because of it, not to mention loss of job and hobbies and dignity. The only things I am grateful for now is his suffering is over and he is whole again and no longer in pain. I don't think I ever asked that the roles be reversed as in my heart I knew he was now pain free and I wouldn't want him to go through the horrible pain that I went through but I had begged God to take me too so we could be together. God did not listen to me, and left me here to go on without him but He knew there was a reason for his decision, and I now realize he knew best and thank him every day for bringing Derek into my life. Love Always, Wendy

Jan thank you very much, you are too sweet, yes, in your instance I would have gotten rid of your recliner also ! I know what you mean about changing the routine with your dog...try 7 ! LOL Yes I have 7 little Japanese Chins who helped me get through this along with my family and my family here. As far as where they sleep..it's wherever I sleep, they never let me out of their sight. When I walk around the house I have a train that follows me all over...funniest part is when I stop, they pile up like cars on a icy roadway ! Love Always, Wendy

That bothered me too Jan as he sat nowhere else other than that recliner but rather than get rid of it as it was fairly new I sat in it instead of looking at it and it actually gave me comfort. Same thing with his side of the bed being empty, I just switched to his side of the bed and that helped alot. Love Always, Wendy

Well you can add another one to that list, me too ! I tend to fall asleep in the recliner though not intentionally sleeping there. I am curious to know if like me the recliners where your husbands chair before he passed ? Love Always, Wendy

Kay, Yes it was hard tonight but I got through it, hopefully they will find out what is wrong and she won't be in there too much longer...this has been so hard on my mother...she still has not fully recovered from all the chemo and radiation and she actually goes back in November for another PET scan to see if the cancer has returned. Gee Kay that is so sad about how it happened with George...I know what you mean about seeing their body after they are gone...I sat there and held his hand for hours and hours and not one family member that came afterwards had told me that I should leave...they waited till I thought I was ready. That was the hardest thing I had to do was to leave him there all alone...the night I was able to finally bring his ashes home was such a relief...he was finally where he should be. I still do feel alot of guilt that I did not fight to be in with him, I think in a way I almost feel like I failed him as he was searching for me and I should have insisted ! Love Always, Wendy

Oh Kay someone else who understands what I went through. I felt so lost..so helpless..my daughter had been there with me for hours while they ran tests on him and got bored and went to take a walk as they were talking of letting him possibly go home or maybe keep him over night just for observation. Within about 10 mins of her leaving is when he coded and they threw me out and I never saw him alive or talked to him again. I prayed too..did me no good and that is why I think I lost my faith until just recently..I just couldn't understand why I had bothered...he wasn't listening..so I thought. I wish it hadn't been so sudden...so unexpected..there are so many things I would have wanted to tell him at the end mostly how much I loved him and yes there might have been things he wanted to say to me also..I will never know. I will never forgive the hospital for robbing me of my last moments with my husband, I understand not wanting us in the way but we should not be thrown out of the room like we mean nothing and not been allowed to say goodbye. I would also like to ask that people say a prayer for my grandmother tonight, she is in the hospital with extremely high blood pressure, and heart pain. Right now with her Alzheimers she is back in the 50's and had no clue who I was...yet every so often she kept asking where my husband was...not only was I back in the hospital where Steve passed but I had to keep telling her how and when he died and each time she kept starting to cry and tell me how sorry she was. If I had not been in touch with Derek the whole time I think I would have lost it...my Grandmother just recently turned 94. Love Always, Wendy

I know for me before Steve's passing I was not as religious as some, believed and prayed in my own way. After Steve was taken from me I was very angry with God, especially as there are many people in this world that I believe should not be here and good people like him were taken.I do know that I was brought together with some wonderful friends I never would have met here and my new love of my life Derek. I truly do believe now things are planned and do happen for a reason even though we do not feel they are fair or understand them at first. I no longer question the why's and am just thankful for what I have now and the promise of a new family to love and be a part of. Love Always, Wendy

Oh I know about these flashbacks all too well...they still happen from time to time but not as often. As hard as you try and keep yourself from thinking about them they still pop up here and there and they really hurt. I still remember them physically throwing me out of the E/R room Steve was in while he was coding and he was fighting them doing what they had to do because he wanted to know where I was and to make sure I was okay, I am sure he was scared too and wanted me to be with him. When they finally let me back in after 45 mins...he was gone. I was not with him when he left...could not say goodbye to him...could not tell him I loved him....I regret now I did not fight them to stay in the room. I really thought in my heart he was going to be okay...I was very wrong. Love Always, Wendy

Fred I will do whatever it takes to help you to get through this just like you have done for me...that is what best friends are for. Love, Wendy

Well okay guys we have snow coming tonight and tomorrow...maybe only an inch or two but you never know how much so William I better send you a plane ticket and don't forget your carrot ! LOL Love, Wendy

Hey Corinne, Yep you spelled Y'all right ! LOL I am so glad the court battle is over and you are back on the site even though we talked privately. We have all missed you here and are so glad you are back. It means alot to me that you support Derek and I as you and I have been friends since the beginning. Derek and I share something very special and we are so glad our family here is happy for us. Love, Wendy

Oh he won't mind he is open to alot of things...right William ? LOL I think he would object to the coal in his mouth more than the carrot up his nose ! Love, wendy

Corinne I will let you know so you can pop down with the girls and decorate the nice snowman ! LOL Love, Wendy

William wouldn't that be wonderful, you and I have been friends for so long it would be great to have you here on the east coast...we could all hang out the way we always wanted to. I know you hate the heat but could you take the cold here...55 for us is a heat wave ! LOL Love You, Wendy

William, Fred and I were just talking today how here in the east we love our snow. Yes it is a pain at times with the morning commute but to us a couple inches is a dusting and we don't even bother to shovel. Like tonight with bad rain/thunderstorms there is nothing like starting a fire and lighting a few candles and snuggling on the couch with a blanket and a good movie. Denise should know exactly what I am talking about and since you are like me and don't like the extreme heat I think you would love it too. Love You, Wendy

Marsha I am sorry we had to meet under these circumstances but we are all here for the same reason and fully understand your pain. Deb is so right, get plenty of rest, this is a very long journey and you need to take care of yourself. You are going to have good days and bad days and horrible days but remember we are here for you and welcome you to our family. Please keep coming back and we will help you in what ever way we can. Love Always, Wendy

Thank you Marty, a friends group is a wonderful idea as I lost one of my childhood friends 5 months before I lost Steve, I just didn't think they belonged in together. This group just continues to get better and better ! Love, Wendy