WendyJ

I have responded to this Corinne but have put my response where it is better classified, under Loss Of A Love Relationship. Love You, Wendy

Teny my friend I know exactly how you feel and please know we can be here to support eachother today, tomorrow and always. I am trying so hard to make sense of all this too, wish I knew how to make things better for all of us. You and I have been here for eachother for support and please know I am thinking of you today and am sending you a big (((HUG))). Love, Wendy

Oh Kim I wish I knew what to say to you to take the pain away but just know you are not alone, by any means. I have been extremely depressed, everyone is trying so hard to say the right things to get me out of this but it is not working, and I feel bad because I see their frustration. Like you said today what did I do to deserve all this pain and heartache ? Am I that horrible of a person, what did I do that was so horrible that all my hopes and dreams were taken away from me in an instant? I want to be happy again, I want to live life again...I want to smile and laugh again. I can not handle any more death, sickness or heartache in my life either. Kim we will continue to be here for each other, it hurts I know...hurts like hell...can't imagine a hurt any worse but we will support each other and get through these Holidays and try to find a way to move on without our loved ones and try to help the ones who are ill. I am sorry I can't be of more support, just want you to know you are not alone in this cruel world. Love, Wendy

Oh Mike you never told me you lost so many family members in the past, I am so sorry to hear this. But yes you are right, none compares to the loss of a spouse or companion, it is a much different kind of grief. Yes some of us are going through some difficult and painful challenges right now but with the help of good people like you and the rest in this group we will get through them. Thank You ! Heartbroken you are getting better, you just don't see it yet as it is a very slow process, this group will help you with that so keep coming here whenever you need to. Love, Wendy

Heartbroken, Well I think if you read back on my past posts you may find one just like yours. I had 3 major losses all within a years time and my mother being diagnosed with lung cancer, which she had finished with treatment and now it is back again so she is starting all over. I certainly know how you feel, this year I am just trying to get through the Holidays. I have all my friends and family to support me and with all my disappointments this year also I know somehow I will get through this, but it hurts so bad, worse than most people know. People tell me that I have now lost my spark, my funny sense of humor, that I have lost me but I hope in time to show them I will return, and so will you...we will get through this...one step at a time. Love, Wendy

To my dear HOV Family, The news about my mother is still not great but better than before. Although the cancer has come back, after having an MRI of the brain and a colonoscopy she does not have the cancer also in those 2 areas. She will still have a tough road ahead but we will do our best to see her through this as best we can. Why the PET scan showed hot spots in those areas we do not know. Any continued prayers will be so much appreciated. It is with much sadness that I have to tell you I must leave the group, although I need you all now more than ever I have had an occurrence that has shattered me and I am not sure if I will ever recover. I can not go into the reason that this effects my not being in this wonderful group anymore but please just all take my word for it. Some of you already know why and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your care and concern. Just please know I need time to myself right now to grieve this loss and please pray I will get over this, but for now I do not believe I ever will. I want to thank all of you for always being there for me and I can only hope that even just one of my posts may have helped someone at sometime. Please all take care of yourselves and know I will always keep all of you close to my heart. Love Always, Wendy

Hello my friends, how can I thank you enough for all your hugs and prayers, all of you are so dear to me. Thanks so much to Fred and Derek for informing you of what was going on since I had a hard time writing about this. My Mom is okay for now, she starts the Chemo next Friday and we are very nervous as to how she will react again to treatment, we will be sleeping with clothes all ready again to put on in the middle of the night and the phone by the bed or wonder when we need to make a mad dash out the door during work. Since my Grandmother whom is 94 has very bad Alzheimer's and lives with my Mom it is always a matter of who will stay at the house with her and who will go to the hospital with my mother and trying to do shifts. At this point my Mother is being very strong about this, stronger than my sister and I. She is only 67 so it is hard being told by her that she feels if it is her time to go she has lived her life long enough, not what we want to hear. Some of you know how hard this is with cancer, so I may need your advice and support as time goes on if you don't mind. So things should be quiet for now until she starts Chemo the end of next week and if I can't keep you informed I know Derek will for me. Thanks so much again for all your support and God bless all of you ! Love Always, Wendy

Derek, Like you I am most thankful of the time I had with Steve and the two beautiful daughters we have because of that love , I do feel bad that Melissa will not have her Dad to walk her down the isle now that she is engaged, but I am sure she will love to have you take on that responsibility. I am thankful for my wonderful family and that God heard all of our prayers for my mother and my grandmother when they both got very ill. I only hope he will continue to hear our prayers when we hear the results of her test on Monday. I could not imagine where I would be right now if I had not found my family here, you all pulled me through my very rough times and for that I will always be grateful. I have made some very special friends here, like Corinne, Gail and my special William and my best friend Fred. I do know if I had not found this site I would not be he happy person that I am today. I have gone from coming to this site, a scared and lonely widow, not thinking I could make it on my own to the more confident woman I am today. Marty I have you to thank for starting this site, you are one special lady whom I owe my entire future to. Derek nobody could be any more special to me right now than you, you are my whole world, my reason for living. God answered my prayers that weekend when I told him I no longer wanted to be without a special man in my life, within 2 days you and I realized we needed to pursue a relationship together and seemed to know immediately we were meant to be together and that we had a love that is so deep. Ironically at the same time Carson was praying for a new mommy, I just hope I can fill Karen's shoes for him. We have both agreed that this would be difficult because of the distance between us but we love our time together and have agreed that nothing or nobody will stand in our way..you and I and Carson will be a family very soon. I love you baby...so much ! Love Always, Wendy

I have to ask this question, why after you lost someone would you not continue to cherish them for the rest of your life? I will continue to cherish the times Steve and I had together as I know Derek will with Karen till the day we die. Does that mean Derek and I do not love each other deeply? Absolutely not ! Does that mean we will not continue to feel some grief towards them even though we are now together? No it doesn't ! I do not like that line at all that says " When to stay in our grief and when to move on to something else"....we will always have the grief...it is just a matter of when we can put it aside and not let it continue to overcome us and this everyone does in their own time. We can not change the past, we can not bring them back and at some point we all have to live again, isn't that what we would want for our loved ones had we been the ones to die first? Would we not want them to continue to cherish us and to think of us but want them to be happy again? I know for sure that my husband is looking down on me and is very happy that I have found true love again and with such a wonderful man and that is what I would have wanted for him too had the roles been reversed. I feel that he can now do what he was chosen to do up in heaven without worrying about me, and that makes me very happy. Love Always, Wendy

Marsha do you know how dangerous this football subject can be? The last time we got Derek kicked off of Santa's list ! LOL He was just hanging out with those elves too much anyway. But yes the Jets beat the undefeated Titans and since half of my family are Giants fans and the other half are season ticket holders to the Jets I guess I should be happy...but as you know Jets and Giants fans are always rivals...why I do not know. But now that I have the board...way to go Giants for beating the Cards yesterday and having a 10-1 record !!! I am happy to see you feeling alittle better today Marsha...you made me smile, and just for you I will say way to go Jets ! Love Always, Wendy P.S. Yes a subway series Superbowl would be great but it has only happened 5 times in the last 50 years that the two teams have made it to the playoffs at the same time...poor Jets !!! LOL

Teny I don't think I can really add much to what Fred and Kay have already said except I am here for you too as you try to get through another death and I am very sorry you have to. You see I had not had anyone die in my family since I was 15 years old, so when my friend Jack whom I had been close with since kindergarten died in Oct of 2006, and then Steve died in March of 2007 and then six months later my Mom was diagnosed with Lupus and we almost lost her a few times and then they diagnosed her with lung cancer and again we almost lost her and then on the same week a year later my Step Grandmother died then my other Grandmother has been in and out of the hospital with her Alzheimers at the age of 94 and now we are awaiting the results of my Mom's cancer tests and this past weekend her Lupus started up again I do know what happens to you when things get piled on you with people you love becoming ill or passing.It is almost enough to make you afraid of getting close to anyone again for fear of them leaving you too but I have fought those fears off just recently. Hang in there my friend, and please remember sometimes in order to get over our grief we have to come face to face with it and experience it, if you only try to avoid it, it will be waiting for you another day. Love your far away friend, Wendy

Kay I am also glad you have come to this decision. I wanted so badly to tell you to please do this but I knew you needed to come to this conclusion on your own. Please remember that your happiness and well being are worth much more than what that worm may get from you in the divorce, I hope his infidelity will work in your favor..not sure what the laws are like in your state but in some states it means alot to the outcome. I have admired you since my first posting on this site as you it was you and Karen and Derek who first supported me over a year ago when I joined, I just wish I had found this site and my family here earlier in my grief. Keep your chin up kiddo, you are a very strong and wise lady and we here are behind you every step of the way. Love Always, Wendy

Marsha the lesson here is even if you aim for something soft, you still may be in trouble. I thoroughly agree what you said about Fred he truly is such a good friend and knows how to say just the right things. Just today he got me through some very major anxiety and tears as I had to take Derek back to the airport to go back home. My heart is breaking as I miss him so much already but Fred makes me keep things in perspective and keeps me thinking rationally. Thank you Fred you are a dear friend. Marsha what you are feeling is so normal even though it doesn't feel it to you, we all still have those days, even some of us who have moved on to having relationships with other people. It is still hard, just not as intense...hang in there and we will all get you through this one day at a time. Love Always, Wendy

LOL Fred I can't believe you remember that...only it wasn't something it was someones butt, my older daughters teenager a** She just made me so mad at the time with her sassy teenaged attitude that I had to kick something and I decided as she turned away it would be her butt. Thing is we got a good laugh out of it..but in turn she got the last laugh, I hit her just right and broke my little toe and she barely felt it ! So yes just be careful what you kick...it might cause more pain than what you started with ! LOL Love Always, Wendy

My friends, How can I thank you all enough for all your love and prayers? She had the test today and we will find out on December 1st at her appointment with her Oncologist what her status is. Please continue to pray for her, we do not want to find out bad news weeks before Christmas again like last year. Thanks so much again ! Love Always, Wendy

Kay I am so sorry for your loss of Lucky today. Please know she is pain free now and like a puppy again, she is with George now. What you did for her today was a very diffiult decision but it sounds like it was time. Love Always, Wendy

Hello everyone, I have an important request. In the past when my Mom was very ill with her Lupus and lung cancer and we almost lost her more than once you all gave me your good wishes and prayers and they were answered. Tomorrow she goes for her PET scan to see if the cancer has returned and we are all very nervous since she had gotten so ill in the spring she could not finish her radiation. May I ask again for your prayers for a clean scan tomorrow ? Thank you so much my friends, her name is Marcia. Love Always, Wendy

Marty I got such a chill when I read that, John Edwards is so amazing and it has always been a dream of mine to go to see him in person. Thanks for posting this. Love Always, Wendy

Kay what a great topic to get us all opening up ! Lets see as far as 5 things I loved most about Steve, I couldn't keep it to 5 so lets just say I loved everything about him ,he was a wonderful man and a great father who is not only deeply missed by me but all who knew him. As far as what he loved about me? Lets give it a try. 1) I am not a moody woman ( can be emotional though ) 2) I will put my loved ones first before myself 3) He loved that I never made him give up anything for me, I even bought him his motorcyle which he loved dearly 4) He loved my devotion to my family 5) He loved that I am a very open and honest person Gosh that was kinda hard...almost as hard as having my picture taken... Love, Wendy

Yes Kay, Steve did communicate with me once, I believe I posted this once before but for new people I will tell it again. I had an extremely real dream one night that Steve and I were walking up his old street where he grew up. We were walking and talking but I could not see him. As we approached his house we looked in the front window and his mother was terribly upset and was being consoled by some other people. The meaning of this dream was 1) even though I could not see Steve does not mean that he is not here with me and 2) even though I did not get along with my mother in law did not mean she was not grieveing his loss too. Yes I do know this was a visit from Steve and it was not only very comforting but I called my mother in law the next day and we had a nice talk. Love, Wendy

Oh Leeann I am so glad to hear the wonderful news and have been anxiously waiting to hear. Please let me know if you need me to run up there and do anything for you okay? Please tell your hubby my thoughts and prayers are with him and you. Love Always, Wendy

Leeann my thoughts and prayers are with you guys....if you need me please let me know even after you are home. Is he going to the Denville campus I hope? Who is the doctor who is doing his surgery? Love Always, Wendy

Oh Leeann I almost missed this, you should have posted this in the other section too. My prayers are with you and your hubby tomorrow, what hospital is he going to be at? Would you like me to stop by after work? Love, Wendy

Marsha, You are so right when you say the world does not stop for anyone, I believe at one point I had said the very same thing. I remember thinking how could people be so happy when I just lost the love of my life, how could they not know how wonderful my Steve was and how so very much I am hurting? The only thing I can say is many times in our lives when we were happy before we lost our loved ones someone else had lost someone and wondered how we could be so happy too. Do what I did in the beginning, look back on one of our members posts from the beginning and see how grief stricken they were and where they have progressed to today...I know it helped me to realize that you can go on, even though I did not have the desire too and how very scared I was. You say you have no family, that you are an Orphan, well we have just adopted you as one of our own so please remember you will always have family here. Love Always, Wendy

Oh dear..... Derek you made me laugh so hard I have tears running down my face !!! Love You, Wendy