WendyJ

Teny I wish you alot of luck with your new therapy, please let us know how it goes. I have never had a hard time understanding anything you say...you do a wonderful job, you are one amazing lady and I am so proud of you ! Love You, Wendy

Rosemary, Like you I have Steve's ashes right on his dresser along with our wedding picture, pictures of him, pictures of his motorcycle and his furbabies who left before him...along with that is an electric candle that always remains lit. He is home with me and he will ramain home with me where he belongs. Having him here has brought me comfort since the day I brought him home and as weird as it sounds no matter the season, no matter the weather he is safe and sound and comfortable here. So you just keep his ashes right where they are too and if you want to you can have the funeral home mix some of his ashes with the dogs and do with them what you wish and leave the rest home right where they are safe and sound. Love, Wendy

Kay hope you have a wonderful Birthday. You are one of the sweetest most caring people I know and you certainly deserve it ! Please take this day for yourself and know that George is right there with you ! All my Love, Wendy

Mary Linda, That is alot of deaths to have to deal with and I know it is very overwhelming right now, I am so sorry. I had a few things piled on me for awhile too and I have to tell you that somehow you manage to get through it. I look back now and honestly I don't know how I did it, actually yes I do. I got through it with the support of friends and family and my family here and so will you because we are here for you too. Take each day at a time and take care of yourself and remember to come here often for support as we are always here for you. Love, Wendy

Mary Linda I am glad your Mom is doing well, our prayers will continue, please take care of yourself too and let us know how she is doing. I can't help but wondering if they had noticed the same thing with my Steve before his clot got ahold of his heart if he would still be here right now. She is lucky they caught this when they did. Love You, Wendy

Sherry please tell Mary Linda that my thoughts and prayers are with her and her mother. Please keep us posted on what is going on and thank you for telling us. Love, Wendy

William I am blushing...you are too sweet and spoil me rotten ! I Love You !!! Love, Wendy

Teny my sweet friend I don't like the sound of that therapist at all. If you are not comfortable with her then do not go back please. Sounds to me like she will do you more harm than good and you certainly don't need that.You are right where the rest of us are, please don't think because Fred and I have gotten close that we don't miss our spouses as much as you miss Yiany as we certainly do. As a matter of fact I was crying just yesterday for Steve, missing him so much as I know Fred misses Jackie alot too. You know they say time heals all wounds, but a wound as badly as we all have leaves a scar...and that scar will be with us for the rest of our lives to remind us each and every day of what we had and what we lost. Some of us will just take longer to heal that's all...I myself think you are doing very well. Love You, Wendy

Thanks Mike ! I forgot your wife was from Jersey also ! Love, Wendy

Kay, Williams girlfriends name is Denise, he and I are just very close friends and have been since the beginning. Love You, Wendy

William I am not sure Melatonin is for Bipolar II, you should talk to your doctor about possible alternatives and their side effects. Did you make your appt with her yet? Love Wendy

William you will never be alone in anything as you and I will always be here for eachother. You have been through a tough time, but you have been overcoming it very well and we will get alot of this straightened out soon. I think Denise has been good for you in alot of ways... but like you tell me, take it slow and take your time right? Please don't ever be afraid to post here, think back William..this is your family here, we have all been through this together and are all still here posting. Myself one minute I am responding to wonderful well wishes about myself and Fred and the next I am upset as my little family is broken apart now and the Holidays will never be the same. That is something all of us here are going through not just me. I know this was a big step for you to post again but remember we have not been the same without you, so please my friend keep coming back okay? Talk to you later.... Love You, Wendy

Thank you so much William, you know you are my closest and most dearest friend and I love you with all my heart! I am so happy to see you here posting again as I am sure everyone else will be too, you are one of us and always will be my friend..please keep coming back so it is not just me that gets your wonderful advice and friendship. Love You, Wendy

Love you too kiddo and am glad you are making your way slowly back to Jersey or near by anyway. Nothing like the East Coast...do you have family still here in Jersey? Again I am so so proud of you, you are amazing! Love, Wendy

Thanks Kim, and you too know how special us Jersey girls are...LOL We got more going for us than just big hair ! LOL Love, Wendy

Kim you have no idea how proud of you I am...that is truly amazing news ! See you are stronger than you thought, you just haven't realized it yet...or are just starting to now. This is super super news and you are going to just be fine...keep up the good work kiddo !!! Love You, Wendy

Thank you so much Marty, that was beautiful ! Love, Wendy P.S. My dear Derek...Guess where I fell asleep till 3am last night? Boy am I in trouble now !!!

Joe I have been dreading Autumn also. It is not only my favorite season but it was Steve's also. He loved to hunt and be outdoors on his motorcycle and we would go for drives and flea markets etc. It is just such a beautiful time of year here in Jersey and it now seems so depressing. Also my daughter is moving out soon, maybe a matter of weeks and I am dreading the upcoming Holidays. To think a few years ago I had a happy household here on Christmas eve and Christmas morning, now there will be just me here...I am crying just thinking of waking up that morning alone, nobody to exchange gifts with until the family comes over later for dinner. I am so dreading this Holiday Season ! I will be thinking of you today Joe, try to keep busy and do something for you today. (((HUGS))) Love, Wendy

Thank you so much Sherry, you are so right...God does work in mysterious ways. Yes we are very blessed, we have a very special bond together. Love, Wendy

Joe my heart is breaking for you, I just can't imagine what you must be going through right now. You have had too many things come down on you at once and you must be one remarkable man to be getting through this and still be able to talk about your pain to others. But you know that is how we all get through this pain by expressing our feelings to eachother. It is so comforting when people respond and you know you have friends who understand and know that pain all too well and who are there for you. I have been there with the note pads...still find notes all over and I know it hurts when you see something they wrote, know you are touching something they touched. You will get through this my friend and we will help you get there every step of the way, always remember you have friends here who care. Love, Wendy

Hello everyone, how can I thank you all so much for your good thoughts and prayers. You are all such wonderful friends and I am glad Fred told you all the news. Kay you have no idea how caring Fred is and how he makes sure each minute of the day I am okay, he constantly tells me that if I am happy that he is happy, wow is that sweet or what? We have this special bond that no one can break...we even vowed that if God forbid this does not work out between us that we are friends for life, close special friends that would need to be accepted by anyone new coming into our lives. Yes Derek I still fall asleep at times in the recliner, just did last night as a matter of fact...we are working on that, but I can be very stubborn and I can still hear you telling me to get out of the recliner and go to bed ! LOL ( I was thinking of you with the recent Hurricane, you and Carson okay ? ) Karen, Leeann, Mary Linda, Patti, Kathy G. and Teny I can not tell you how much you all mean to me, no I will not be leaving the group and neither will Fred, I will make sure of that. We both love you all so very much and consider you our family, like Fred said we are both still hurting , we still miss our spouses very much and have a long way to go. We could never replace what we have lost and won't even begin to try but the bond we have now together is amazing and we are there for each other every minute of the day. I just want new people especially to know that life can go on after losing a loved one, it is not an easy road to go down and I have cried and kicked and screamed the entire way. I spent over 30 years of my life with Steve, since I was 15 years old...that is very hard to get over, so I will not get over it...I will just move on and make a new life...make new firsts and try to be happy once again. This group has been amazing, but it does help to have people you can speak with privately to open up even more with that understand from experience what you are going through. I have that with Fred, and also my dear friends William and Gail and Corinne whom also mean the world to me. Thank you all again for posting to our news, I love you all ! Love, Wendy

Mississippi Girl, Yes Melatonin is great to use for sleeping problems but also can be used for anxiety, just always remember to buy the man made synthetic version as apposed to the natural version. Studies show that people who suffer from major depression or panic disorder have low levels of melatonin. Healthy individuals with mild episodic depression and patients who have Seasonal Affective Disorder, (SAD -- a mild depression that correlates with fall and winter -- periods of light-phase shortening) also have lower than normal melatonin levels. I am not a doctor so please talk with your physician or go to your local health food store and talk to them before taking this. I use Holistics with my dogs and I use this to calm my one Japanese Chin with her anxiety from thunderstorms or fireworks. This takes about 15 mins to take affect but when it does she is now calm and no longer shakes and panics yet it does not make her drowsy....just calms her nerves and allows her to relax. Good Luck. Love, Wendy

Fred, I will never forget that day back in May when you sent me a private email through the group because you were worried as I had not posted in a week. There was such caring and compassion in your note and I could not believe that someone would have noticed I was not there. We continued to email for months and then went to online chatting and then eventually we started talking on the phone and there were real voices to go with those letters. At that point it all started to seem real as we talked many times a day, never wanting to get off the phone. Meeting in person of course was the best, of course I had not felt knots in my stomach like that since I was a teenager. You have to be the most wonderful and caring person I have ever known, it is so wonderful to have someone love me again. I have to wonder if Steve sent you to me, you put me right back up on that pedestal that he used to have me on that I fell off of 18 months ago. Yes we are taking it nice and slow, just the way we should but enjoying every minute of it along the way. To think it was not that long ago that I thought my world had come to an end, that things would never get better and then you came along and saved me. Gee did you think you would ever fall in love with a "Jersey Girl?". LOL I think this video says all the rest.... I love you too, Wendy

Mary Linda, to this day I do not understand either. You see he had a blood clot that went to his heart ( we didn't know till the autopsy)and he had an attack at home, then stabilized and took him to the hospital, he was fine there for a few hours, was actually watching tv and ate alittle bit and was talking with us. They could not find what the problem was but wanted to admit him to keep an eye on him. While still in the ER he got up to use the mens room, had another attack when they threw me out. He was struggling and fighting something, almost was like he couldn't breathe but the whole time was fighting and moaning and looking for me. They didn't let me back in till 45 mins later, a doctor was still sitting on him and working on him but he was gone, had no idea I was even there...no good-byes, no I love you's no please hang on's. Nothing ! I was suddenly all alone......... Love, Wendy

Kay I know exactly how you felt. I too was thrown out of the room just as my husband was going into arrest and it just kills me to think about it. They told me I had to leave and one of the nurses actually shoved me out of the room almost knocking me over and my husband was fighting them and kept throwing the curtain over to try to see where I was as he was in a panic. I swear he knew what was happening and wanted me there by his side, and I hate myself for not insisting that I be there holding his hand. ( here come the tears). I understand they do not want us in the way but they worked on him for 45 mins while I had to sit out by the nurses station not knowing if he was going to make it while people kept walking past me saying how sorry they were....sorry? For what I kept saying...you mean he is gone? It was horrible and will haunt me till the day I die. Love, Wendy