Corinne

I could just make it fresh for you when you got hear, but don't tell the guys because you know with Derek with his car and William with his bike, they may beat you here. Hugs & prayers, Corinne P.S. You will probably have to bring some dynamite along to wake me up because unfortunately I feel the crash coming on again.

Yes, I am here eating a hot fudge brownie sundae. I have been on a chocolate binge since the subject came up the other night. Wish you were all here I would make sundaes for all. Hugs and prayers, Corinne

Wiliiam, I am proud of you, you remembered your meds again! I think you were scared Derek was coming with his car or I was going to sneak up on you . Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Hi Everyone, I am right there with you my Friday night I took the girls to rent DVD's and got to sit here and watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It was a cute movie but I can't tell you the last time I watched a grown up movie. Guess what tomorrow we get to watch The Wild and one of the Bratz movies. Oh well, at least I do have the girls to enjoy. You are right Wendy life is screwed up, but we will go on. By the way Did you take your meds today? Hugs and prayers, Corinne

Rykersmom, I am so sorry for your loss! Rykers was a beautiful dog. Please do not feel guilty euthanizing him. He is no longer suffering. It is one of the hardest decisions we make as animal parents, but I feel that we know when they cannot take anymore. I am sure you lost sleep and struggled over the decision so please do not torture yourself over the decision. It sounds like you made the right one. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Bob, I am sorry your friend is now going through the illness she is. I also feel sorry for her family being fed all the nonsense that everything is "perfect" when God is in your life (unfortunately for them it sounds like they will have to find out the hard way). Nothing in this world is "perfect", I believe everything will be perfect in heaven but definitely not here. Another thing I find amazing is that people do not realize all the horrible chemicals that we are being exposed to in our every day lives and the damage they are causing our bodies. Why does everything have to be so artificial. You know it is pathetic when they put artificial sweetners in childrens medicine(Is the amount of natural sweetners going to add 20 pounds to a child in the few doses they need?) This is another one of those subjects that I could go on and on about so I will end it here. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Thank you Deborah, Kay & Shelley, it really helps to know so many of us are experiencing these feelings, it must be another one of the steps in grieving. At least now I know that it is not just me. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Bob, My heart is just breaking for you and the loss of your Linda. I too know what you are speaking about with the church experiences. When Jimmy was alive we were very active in our church and Jimmy was a great provider. We gave a lot to the church and their special projects, but when Jimmy died it is amazing how quickly I became a nobody to them. It made me feel like they tolerated my presence because of Jimmy and then when he passed I was no longer important. I felt like I had been living in his shadow. It is funny how I just said I had been living in his shadow because that is what one his doctors used to call me, because no matter where Jimmy was I was there whether it be an appt. or if he was in the hospital and I was sleeping on the chair along side him. Anyway back on the subject, after he died I did leave the church and God probably because I was so mad at the teachings(or should I say misleadings), they always taught the good things about walking with God but never prepared you for the bad things that happen. As I had said in a previous post I am now finding my way back to God with full knowledge of the good and the bad. I do not go to a church at the present and am not looking right now, who knows maybe someday but right now I still have that bad taste for church. Hugs & prayers, Corinne P.S. Yes, walking does help and my big black lab likes it too.

Hi Everyone! Sorry I missed out on the fun last night but I like Wendy could just sleep and sleep and last night I crashed early. I guess it is the job search stress and checking into therapists for myself and the girls. Speaking of which Derek did you find a therapist for Carson and does Carson talk to him? I don't know if my girls will even speak to anyone. William and Wendy, Did you take your meds today? I'm too lazy to run and don't know if I could drive through yards like Derek, but I do own camoflage clothing and I could sneak up on you! Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Thank you, it does help to know I am not the only one with these feelings! Gail... I too admire what you are doing. Karen...as always thank you for your support, you are the awesome Mom! Suzanne...thank you and know that you are doing the hardest thing right-- SURVIVING! Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Bob, You definitely have earned the right to be angry and you have also earned the right to let it out. Letting that anger out is a good thing and you even cleaned up after yourself! Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Hi Everyone, I have a question. In your grief process have you run into a lack of self-confidence. I am in the process of trying to find a new job now that we are moved in and the girls are settled into school and I don't get it, I have no confidence in my abilities. I am very capable and have a good work history and resume. I almost have to tie myself down to look at the ads and email resumes. I also get panic attacks when I think about getting a response and having to go on an interview. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through this? It is really starting to get on my nerves. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

William, I am so glad you remebered your meds. Now how about you Wendy did you remember yours? Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Hi Bob, I too am sorry for your loss. Being part of a group like this is very theraputic. You can say all the feelings you are having without worrying about if you are going to upset your family more or if who you are saying it to is going to think you're crazy and should "be over it by now." In saying that welcome and please keep coming back and posting it really does help. I know that you are down on God right now I was the same way for 10 years after my Jimmy died,but I am just finding Him again since John has died also and I sign all my posts Hugs & prayers, so please do not take offense. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Shell, AnnieO, & Maylissa, Please do not keep the lid on your grieving. I know from experience, eventually the lid comes off and the pain is still there just a strong as before and that keeps you from living a full life. I kept the lid on for 10 years. Talk about a boil over when the lid came off. I know it is scary and hard but you are all strong women and you can do it! Sometimes you need to lift the lid slowly and just release the grief a little at a time, but you can all do it. We can all do it together! Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Hi Mike, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband almost 11 years ago he had colon cancer and was almost gone when Christmas morning 1996 he took his life, I was 34. I did fall in love again, but my fiance had an alcohol problem and he died in February. I say this because it is very hard to lose a loved one but it is also possible to love again. Please keep coming back and posting, we do understand what you are going through and it really does help to talk about your feelings. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Erica, I know that tired, drained feeling too well. I think you should go and have coffee with your friend, you may feel better. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Wendy, Don't feel bad, we were just a little sweaty(nothing a good shower couldn't fix)and we are laughing about it. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Derek, We were actually up there for about 1 hour total and it was really getting hot and humid. The landscape guy was really nice and felt bad for us. When he was leaving he said I feel really bad leaving you up there but I guess I can't do anything else unless you want me to go get you lunch. I was so embarassed. Needless to say after we got back in the house and showered I went and got that extra key made that I wanted to put out there just for that reason. Hugs & prayers, Corinne Wendy, I really did want to make her eat her cell phone after that but I could not since I was just too grateful to get off the deck. Hugs & prayer, Corinne

Hi Everyone, I know we all need a laugh once in a while, so here is one at my expense. As I said in another post my Mom is down visiting so this morning we took the girls to the bus stop then came back and we took my dog for a long walk. When we came back we decided to sit on the deck out back for a little bit. The deck is out my kitchen door and is 15' high and there are no steps down to the ground. We went out and sat talking and drinking coffee. When we decided to come back in the door was locked. I tried everything to get the door open, I broke my scraper for the grill, I broke a piece off of one of my chairs to try and pry the door open. Finally after about 30 min. we saw a guy doing landscaping down the street and started yelling Hello and I was whistling, he finally heard us and used his cell phone to leave a message for my sister to come and get us off the deck. She came around the back of the house laughing at us and taking pictures with her cell phone. After she was done laughing at us she did go back around and let us in. Just thought you could use a laugh. Hugs & prayers, Corinne Wiliam, Did you take your meds today?

AnnetteAZ, I am sorry I did not get to respond to you sooner, my Mom is in visiting and I have not been able to get to my computer until now (9:40 p.m.). Everyone here has given you excellent advice. (Thanks everyone for responding for me since I have been tied up all day, You're the Best!!! ) Right now my grief work is posting here (I am not very good at doing the journel either.), letting myself feel the pain, anger and saddness of loss (if you don't and you keep it inside you never heal and it actually made me a very bitter person which is not a very good way to live). I am also in the process of finding a therapist for myself and my girls to talk to and see if that helps me sort out all the feelings which at times are very overwhelming. Everyone here is wonderful and very helpful so please keep coming back and asking questions or just to vent if you need to, it really does help. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers . Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Derek, Thank you for that web site it is great. You can look at the verses in the different versions of the Bible which is great because you can understand some better than others. Thank you so much! Hugs & prayers, Corinne William, If you still did not take your meds, step away from the computer go get them and take them or I am telling Wendy.

Derek, Thank you for reminding me of that! Jimmy and I became Christians in the early 80's and I knew the Bible very well. When he died, I turned away from the Lord and am just finding Him again and trying to relearn everything that I lost. I actually lost a lot of my memory when he died, I don't know if it was the pain or the alcohol. I use the concordance in the back of the Bible to find the verses I am looking for. If you know one word in a verse you look for it and you can usually find the verse you are looking for. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

William, Before I forget did you take your meds today? Don't apologize for long posts, somethings take longer to say than others. I do not believe that God takes our loved ones, I believe it is the devil. He has free reign here on Earth. None of us chose the life we are living. I believe that God does have a plan for us and maybe he put us all together here on this site because he knew we could draw strength from each other and help each other get through this horrible time in our lives. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Karen, I too believe when we go to Heaven we become pure love. You put it beautifully. Derek, The other verse you were refering to is John 14:2 "In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you." Wendy, I know how you are feeling. I think it is just really setting in that John is dead not just missing or away. It is very hard to think he will not get to see his beautiful daughters grow up. It is hard to feel the pain of loss, but it is also necessary. I never let myself feel the pain when Jimmy died I covered it and now I am left dealing with two losses. This time I am determined to finish my grieving so that I may be whole. Sometimes I cannot believe that I am now just doing my grief work for Jimmy, who will be gone 11 years this Christmas. I guess as the saying goes don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today is really true. I put it off for almost 11 years and the pain is incredible. I believe we can get through this together. We just need to keep posting and sending e-hugs. I believe hugs are very healing, I believe we get strength from each other through hugs. Hugs & prayers, Corinne