Corinne

Derek, I am not sure but I think we are enjoying the single life at the moment because it is hard enough trying to take care of ourselves and the children that to add one more right now (as nice as it might be) would just be too much for us to handle. I think after we heal enough our feelings on the addition of someone else to our lives may change. That is my best guess at this point. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Derek, I know exactly what you mean! The only difference is I have two girls to get the homework done correctly and listening to "Mom I need your help." "No Mom I need your help more." I also miss having a partner but also I am liking the single life, it is weird. I had a teachers conference today with Kerri's(8) teacher because she is having some difficulties in school work with all the changes in our lives, but her teacher and I have decided that she is starting to show improvement. My Kayla(7) is still so angry and having some difficulty socially in school. I am bringing the girls for a session with my therapist to see if we can figure out how to help them. I am still looking for work and Kerri probably needs glasses we will find out tomorrow. It really does seem to never end and is so tiring at times, but we will get through. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Hi Everyone, I'm sorry I missed everyone this weekend. I went up to my Mom's. My daughter and I had dentist appointments. It was good to see my Mom, but going back at this time of year brought back a lot of memories. It was not just me but the girls at bedtime on Friday started talking about their Daddy out of the blue. I was so glad my little one was talking about him. I think it helped. It was hard for me because I have forgiven John for everything and I ended up sad and missing him. So, I guess all in all it was a good trip. I had spoken with my therapist on Friday about my little one and her anger and she is having me bring in both girls to do a collage of our lives past, present and future to see if it helps to see what we can do for Kayla and her anger. Wiliam, Dont, apologize, you need to let that frustration out of the box sometimes or it will eat you up. I think that is what was going on with me and what is going on with my little one. Did you take your meds? Kayc, I am sorry to hear about your eye, I hope it heals quickly. I know all about the water heaters in trailers thing, expecially with well water. I used to have to replace mine every two yrs. I had actually replaced all my water pipes with cpvc because of the well water eating through them. I do not miss that! Wendy, Did you take your meds? Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Maury, Thank you so much for posting the picture. I can't stop laughing. Having a sense of humor does help to relieve the stress sometimes! Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Teny, I am so sorry that it has been one year but also I am so proud of you. You made it through one year and you made it to Yiany's grave. I am so glad your son was there with you. I continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs & prayers, Corinne P.S. I am going away to my Mom's for the weekend. She does not have a computer so I will have to catch up when I get back. I did not want anyone to worry.

Wendy, It looks like the last time William posted was on the 30th. That was 2 days ago, that is not normal for him is it? Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Welcome Art, I too am glad you found this site. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious wife. I lost my fiance, the father of my two girls in February although they did not find him until April. Grief is definiely a roller coaster. Please post as much as and whatever you need to. We all have happy, sad, and mad moments so whatever you need to get out is fine with us. Also, if you notice us joking around at times it is not belittling what we are going through, it actually helps to relieve some of the stress. We care about each other very much and are like some of the others have said, like a family. Hugs & prayers, Corinne P.S. Wendy did you take your meds? Also, has anyone seen or heard from William I am starting to worry since he was having the problems with his sugar?

Lyn, I agree with Karen you will be fine! Karen, Sadie Mae is absolutely adorable! Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Amber, Yukon Jack is so beautiful! How are he and Mkwaa getting along? Is Mkwaa doing any better? Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Teny, I wish I could be there with you in person, but I cannot so please know I will be with you in spirit. I will pray for you for strength and courage and I hope you find some peace in this. We are all here for you! Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Hi Everyone! On the subject of getting through the holidays. I have had a lot of experience with this one, there is Thanksgiving, my birthday Dec.22, and Christmas. Christmas is the day I lost my Jimmy, it will be 11yrs. this year. It is always hard, but you can and will get through it. As Marty has said definitely plan ahead so you don't have to do everything all at once, while worrying about the holiday. You are definitely better with family and friends if possible, that way you are busy and don't have as much time to think and dwell on it. If you feel overwhelmed at points during the day go into a different room and regroup or go for a walk or just go outside for some fresh air. Try not to stress yourself out thinking about it. As Derek has said it is not usually quite as bad as you imagine it will be. It will be hard once again this year, this is the first year my girls will not have their Daddy, but we will get through with the grace of God. Try not to stress yourself out too much thinking about the upcoming holidays, life is stressful enough, you are all very strong and I know that you will be able to get through these upcoming firsts. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

William, My norm is to keep everything in and then lookout, major explosion. I have learned over the years to hide a lot of what I am feeling. On the outside it does not look too bad but inside, what a mess. I have decided to try and stop being this way that is why I am trying to replace the bad thoughts with good ones and taking deep breaths. When you do this though you have to take slooooww deep breaths or you hyperventilate. My life is very hard right now and I am very overwhelmed with taking care of the girls and their needs and trying to find a job here. A lot of my joy comes from posting here and having a little fun with all of you. Hugs & prayers, Corinne Karen, Karen, Karen, You have to stop apologizing for interupting. You could never be an interuption, you are such a joy and source of strength! Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Karen, I think I forgot that part and the part where you are supposed to take sloooww deep breaths. Thanks for reminding me. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Karen, Thanks for the pat on the back! Although a few times today taking those deep breaths I thought I would hyperventilate. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

William, I am not doing too bad today. Every time I start to feel down I am trying to think of something good. When I get angry I am trying to take deep breaths. I need to get out of this depression and anger for my girls and myself. Hugs & prayers, Corinne P.S. Go call your doctor!

Rosanne, Happy Birthday! I just wanted to say what a very very special daughter you have! It sounds like she learned a lot from you and your mom. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Marty, Thank you so much! You have reminded me, with the articles, how important it is to forgive oneself and others. Holding anger and resentment inside is so damaging. It has been a while since I have lived by the rule of forgiveness. You can forgive people without doing it to their faces and it will free you from that which is clouding your thinking and not letting you function. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

William, If I were you I would put a call in to your doctor before Wendy gets home from work and checks in on you! Are you feeling better today? Hugs & prayers, Corinne P.S. Wendy, what is this about you not taking your meds? Don't make me come to NJ!

Teny, The one year anniversary is very hard, but you are a strong woman and you did make it through the year. I have you and your family in my prayers for peace and strength. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Derek, I just made a big pot of chicken soup on Saturday and I wish I could get some to you for your sinus infection. Last week was a very depressing week for me, but I have decided to try and work on the positives(the girls) in my life instead of the negatives. Hope you feel better soon! Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Karen, Thank you for the suggestions. I will try them. William, Did you take your meds? You said you woke up with hypoglycemia, does that mean you forgot your meds yesterday? Please try to remember to take them we really do care and Wendy and I will have to come after you. Please know that you are in my prayers. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Karen, Gail and William are right you are so precious to us. You have been through so much and your wisdom is so appreciated! After looking at all the pictures last night of my life with Jimmy I can remember our happiness. I still miss him horribly, he was so much strength to me, but I believe I can replace some of the saddness with the happy memories now. I still am in total confusion over my loss of John. When he drank he was so hard to deal with and he would just bring me down. The gambling and drinking kept us from getting anything in life. We could have gone so far if he could have stopped. I did everything I could to get him to stop but it had such a hold on him. I really did love him and wish I could have done or said something to make him understand, but I could not. I guess I am just confused with feelings of guilt and anger and saddness when it comes to John. Someday maybe I will be able to put everything in its place and figure it out , until then I am so thankful I can come here and vent. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Bob, Once again beautifully put. This past week was horrible for me also. I kept finding myself getting more and more depressed and accomplishing nothing. I woke up this morning and decided that it has to stop before it consumes me. I took a shower and got to cleaning. It is very easy to fall into depression and let it take over, much easier it sometimes seems than fighting to keep your head above water. Last night I looked through a huge box of photos from my life with Jimmy (have not been able to do that in almost 11 yrs.) It actually made me remember what it was like to be happy and made me realize that is the life that I want. Life is sometimes too short, as we all know, and I do not want my girls to remember me unhappy and grouchy all the time. I do not know if I can do this, but I am going to give it my best shot. I want to feel true joy and happiness again and I want my girls to remember me with a smile. I am now going to take them to the pet store for some new fish as a reward for helping me clean and a little reward for me also. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Karen, I agree with Bob, you definitely have more energy at this point than I do. As for calling me a kid. Please keep it coming. It is amazing when you are a kid you want to be called an adult, then when you get to be an adult any reference that people make that you are younger than you are makes you feel so good. I guess we are just never happy. Hugs & prayers, Corinne

Hey William, How are you today? Have you taken your meds? Hugs & prayers, Corinne