kayc

You are all very special to me, we have made this trek together. I know I haven't been as quick to respond lately, I am just going through a lot of adjustments myself I guess. But you are the ones that have made this journey bearable, without you, well I don't want to think about that. I appreciate each of you.

You write Yes, he can...they know we love them, it was never questioned when they were alive, and it wouldn't be any different just because we can no longer reach them. Our love didn't last "until the last breath", it continues on forever. Our lives have changed and we've had to learn things we never wanted to know and be strong whether we wanted to or not, but our love...it never wavers.

I too write...I have written an ongoing letter to my husband since he passed away...I don't know if he can know what's there or not, but it helps me anyway.

We HAVE to laugh! And we have to enjoy sunsets and walks and children's smiles and whatever else we find that's good that comes our way!

I too have found that the friends George and I had have gone on without me...I don't know if it's because now it's no longer a "couple" but just me, or if they turned out to be more his friends than mine, but at any rate, it's changed, they're gone. There are a few who have remained, and I've developed new friendships. It is strange though, it turns out differently than I ever would have guessed.

John, Thank you...it is true, we have come further than we think and we will go further yet. Somehow people survive this horrible loss, somehow we find life again...not as we knew it or even necessarily as we would like it, but we rebuild and we live. We are the survivors.

That is perhaps some of the point of why we go through hard places in our lives.

Yes there are those who read your posts...I haven't been able to read lately and am now catching up... It is good to get everything out and not hold it in. You will find in this group a whole lot of us who do care about your pain.

I wanted to add...I don't think it's appropriate to tell people they will find someone else...it is like it is not validating their current feelings of loss, and none of us can know if they will or won't or how they will choose to go through it. It is up to each of us to chart our own course and to support all of the others going through their losses, no matter how they choose to do it. Life does hold beautiful moments ahead for all of us, but it may take some of us a long time to embrace those moments. Time is a relative term for me any more...it is sometimes fast, sometimes slow. I love and appreciate each of you that post your feelilngs on here, they are raw and vulnerable, and I know it takes a lot to expose ourselves to others, especially when we're hurting so much.

I think it's neat that you are remembering him like you are. None of us will ever forget our loved ones, they live on in our hearts and memories.

I am so sorry for your loss...she was so young. I am sure you will be a wonderful father, you care, and that's what is needed most.

I wish I could dream about George but I have nothing. If I could just talk to him anything...but there's nothing.

I am so sorry for your loss...your husband was the same age as mine...I had no warning, it was a shock...heart attack. You will find plenty of support here, people who have been through it, people who care. We are here to help you through this.

No you don't sound insane...I've accepted the fact that I will hurt the rest of my life, I will miss him the rest of my life, and for the rest of my life, at any given point in time, I will start crying over who knows what.

Walt, Your poem is beautiful. I disagree that it "is not a good idea"...it is always a good idea to share our feelings and not bottle them up, besides, there are a lot of people that can relate to it. As to whether there is hope for another love or not, that is going to vary with everyone, there is no right or wrong way to do this, only our own way. To all who find their way, I wish them the best. To those of us who remain here without our loved ones, I wish for each of us to find whatever good or wonder there is in life, that is how our loved one would have wanted it. I pray there will be enough good to counteract some of the sadness and enough friends to counteract some of the aloneness. You have been wonderful with all of us and I especially wish you the best in your future. KayC

We are here for you, here to listen, just get it out and turn to us, that's what we're here for, all of us. We'll see you through it, all of us together.

George and I were in each other's lives only six and a half years, yet we had that beautiful relationship too...always together, always tuned in to each other, aware of each other's thoughts and feelings. It is so hard to be without that, and yet you are so right, we do have to reform ourselves, we have to rediscover or recreate our identity and life. They want us to be happy and we must find our way there...it takes effort and decisions along the way. If we make a mistake in the process we must be kind and forgiving to ourselves...after all, we are traversing new ground the best way we know to!

Ustwo, Thank you for your thoughts...it helps so much to have those here that understand and care, I really feel like we have all made the journey together and somehow, that helps.

Turquoisepony, Wow! How eloquent your words! You express so beautifully put, what the rest of us feel as well. You should be a writer. I too have learned that there is much to be gleaned from everything we go through, and as I've traversed this journey, it was no different...I have learned so much and hope to use it so it not be a lesson in vain. Of course none of us would choose to lose our beloved spouse, but as you put it, that choice was not ours to make.

Thank you...I didn't go on line yesterday because I was sick. But I did survive and although I don't think the upcoming ones will be any better, I know I'll have to face them...sometimes with smiles, sometimes with pain. The loss is just so great. I have learned to accept that I must live with the pain and do my best to be happy in whatever way I can. Yesterday I received phone calls from friends and family and that helped. I had a talk with George and I cried, but I tried not to dwell on it unduly. Life has changed...

Turquoisepony, I am thinking of you today as you have your four month anniversary...I survived mine yesterday as did I what would have been our four year anniversary of our marriage. God be with you as you await him, KayC

And you have been an encouraging friend to all of us. God be with you.

I have friends who have lost their husbands a few years ago...they say it never entirely goes away, that you get "grief bursts" at any given moment, but they lessen as time goes by...of course, everyone and their situtation is unique, but don't be surprised by them, just accept them as part of your love for him. I do not expect to "get over" my husband, but to learn to live with it, there's a difference.

Thank you for sharing that...my 4 month "anniversary" of his death date is Oct. 19.

It's so crazy! I couldn't stand looking at all of our pictures surrounding me so I took most of them down...only to miss them and put them back up the next day! I wish I knew how to survive this, what to do. It is weird, I don't hear from most of his friends, but one of them has been there since the beginning, checking on me, encouraging me, we talk daily now. The rest, they dropped off the face of the earth. My church has been wonderful, some ladies come up for stamping once a week, and I know it's just their way of getting me interested in something, getting my mind off of things, being there for me. A couple of other ladies call me and invite me over for dinner, lunch, or just to visit, they've been really great. And my daughter comes up about once a week, that really helps, and my sister usually gets together with me for dinner once a week. If I had to stay alone in my house all day I'd go over the edge!