kayc

I know about tightening belts! I just wish my waistline would reflect my "belt-tightening"! Ha!

Shannon, How are you doing? Been thinking of you this week...

I have a creek too, and if I go down there in the summer, I will be covered in bites too, they love the water. I remember when my kids were little, they had friends over and wanted to go play at the creek. The next morning they were covered in what looked like a rash, all over their bodies. I took them to the doctor, and boy did I feel stupid finding out they were just bites! (The doctor was 50 miles away).

Sorry to hear about the mosquitoes...I won't get them so much as bees...lots and lots of bees, and they've already started in. I sprayed the eaves on my deck to no avail, they're out in full force this year! So glad to hear you've been asked for your two cents worth, Mary! You'll do a great job representing us, you know what to say and are best equipped to do so! Also, glad to hear Bentley is doing well, I've been wondering. Oh how well I know waiting and watching to see how the BMs go. They tell so much about their current state of health!

Helena, what you write here sounds like MY story except after enough messing with my head, I closed off my heart. I still love him but I'll be damned if I'm going to be messed with, I'm not a door mat! I'm someone to be cherished and appreciated and leveled with at least!

Guys have a hard time breaking up with tenacious women, ask me, I'm one of them. I had a fiance break up with me 37 years ago, gave no reason to this day (he's tried to get me back since, I'm not interested). I had a husband disappear on me, I had to file a missing persons report to find out what became of him, he never gave an explanation. Then Jim broke up with me, didn't give an explanation other than it was his mom dying and he just snapped. (Wouldn't you think if that was the case you'd try to put things back together when you came to and the situation abated?) It makes me wonder if they all wanted gone and just didn't know how to say it. Gosh, and I don't think I'm hard to be around! But if you're pulling for the relationship and knocking yourself out trying to be understanding and supportive and they just disappear on ya, doesn't that say something? They want out! For whatever reason and they don't seem to want to level with us either.

Good questions. I think they can only say what they feel in the moment, they don't know themselves, they're confused and don't know what's due to grief and what is due to how they'd be feeling overall.

Mary, An update on Bentley, please? Yesterday you said he was clingy, how's he feeling today?

I got the mark off with Sun Brite. They told me not to use anything containing wax, etc. for the next three months while the paint is curing (they use water based now for environmental reasons) so I was afraid to use a buffing compound on it. Sun Brite is safe but a great stain remover/cleaner, just never tried it on a car before! Still waiting for $, I called the client whose check we're waiting on, said they mailed it the 8th, have a hard time believing it, we'll see if/when it ever shows up. fae, wish I could share this rain with you! I'm concerned about you doing too much, you don't need meetings, etc.! When can you rest? Let us know when the fire's contained so we can rest easy!

A person, especially a philosopher, who studies theory of knowledge. (I had to look it up) That's very interesting about your grandson's name, no wonder he's proud of it! We love hearing about each other's spouses...we have mostly women on here, there used to be a bunch of men but maybe they got tired of our gift of gab.

I have been through grief, I didn't shove people away. When I lost my dad, I was married to my kids' dad at the time, and I WANTED him to hold me and be there for me. When I lost my sweet husband years later, I desperately wanted someone to be there for me, but my son was in the service and my daughter soon returned to her life, my sisters went home after the funeral. I can't imagine pushing someone away. But we all react differently to grief. And a love relationship does require more from you than any other type of relationship (sibling or friendship, etc.).

He just doesn't have it in him to give/do a relationship right now. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It doesn't mean he never will be able to do it. He just can't make promises because all he can do/feel right now is the grief. It's up to you if you want to stick around and see if it'll change. This is highly unfair to you, but it's what is.

True, but affairs at least you know what you're dealing with and there's help available. With this, it's like they don't know why/what they're feeling and we're just stuck. I feel like I could pick right back up with Jim if he wanted except for the trust issue, but that's a pretty big issue. what is D & M?

fae, I hope none of the fires are nearby! I'll be praying too. We have nothing but rain in the foreseeable forecast, as much as I'm not enamored with rain, we need it. I honestly don't know how you do what you do. I just go to work and come home, mostly and I'm tired! Got my car back last night but notice a black mark on the hood, wasn't there before accident, will have to call & find out what to do about it (white car), I was so focused on the dent plus the outside of the car was dirty when accident occurred I hadn't noticed, my pictures are all of the scuff/dents below. Anyway, if it's too late I'll have to live with it, I already returned rental. They told me to only wash with dishsoap for three months. Oh well, will see... Up at 3 this morning, couldn't sleep, going to be another long day, can't wait until tonight!

Anne, I'm glad you pointed this out to us, I'll go look for it. We already knew how blessed we were to have Hospice of the Valley, their hard work and dedication, as we've seen demonstrated through our own Marty! Thank you for your selfless work!

Thank you, Mary. I find my mom's situation unique because of her other mental illnesses that she's had all her life. It's always been difficult to carry on a meaningful conversation with her, we were never allowed to express ourselves so mostly just listened and most of it was just drivel/ranting. I have, over the years, though, learned to pick out what was good, and save it in my memory. Once in a while there would be a tidbit, a little morsel...a memory of her childhood, or something funny, a thought or feeling. And like most kids, I wish I'd learned more about our family history...my grandfather was quite the family historian, and he's long gone now. How I wish I'd paid more attention when I was young! Right now my focus is more on making my mom feel cared about, attending her needs. It's impossible to say how this will go, how long it will last, etc. It can last a very long time. And we have no way of knowing when it started because it's hard saying which was Dementia, and which was her other mental illnesses. But she hasn't been even close to being "sound" for many many years now. It just is what it is.

Gosh, I'd never teach my cats to open drawers! Animals are too smart for our own good as it is!

Yeah, that's what I thought you'd meant at first. My cats are older and mostly sleep all day when I'm gone. The only thing I'd worry about is them fighting with each other but most of the time they avoid each other.

Watching my mom going downhill rather rapidly, mentally. She's aware of it, that's the sad part. I asked her if she'd seen Jonathan (her grandson) on Mother's Day...she said "Oh yes, he's just like the two other dogs!" ??? I'm learning to not even try to make sense of most of what she says. Sometimes you can figure it out, sometimes it's just off the wall. I've noticed her reaching for words and getting different ones, it's just not there any more. When I first talked with her, she didn't remember going out on Mother's Day at all, then she changed it to my brother took her to his house. It's weird how memory can drift in and out so quickly. She's starting to seem a little less combative, maybe because she's forgetting the alleged "offenses" she imagines with her Paranoia. If so, that could be a silver lining. But I've heard that Lewy Bodies Dementia can escalate into violence, so we're kind of prepared for anything to happen. Sometimes I wish I could take her home, but I have to work and I don't see how I could do it alone, with no help...living where I do, it's hard to get the help one gets in a city. And there's the safety aspect, it scares me the thought of her setting a building on fire or something. She doesn't just have Dementia, she has other mental illnesses as well so her perception and thus her acting on it can't be trusted. It's good to have her in a safe place where she's being cared for.

I left my cat for five days once with plenty of food, water sources, inside house, with neighbor to check on her, she was fine. Litter box was full when I got back! Now that I have two cats it'd be harder.

Big thanks to Marty for posting all those links, I hope they are of some help to her. You're right, gusdet, she is dealing with her own grieving and doesn't need all that on top of it.

Yeah, the last thing they want is another house back. They are pretty good to work with if you're already in it, good time to lower interest, extend payments. As long as I am working, I'd like to be in my house...if something happens and I can't work any more, then I'll have to sell.

Hmm, how would it go with all the cats if he stayed overnight there?

So glad you could be there for Shell, Mary, I'm sure that was of immense help to her. Glad she was finally able to eat! I just got my car back! So glad!

That's what I use, too, Anne, when I have a cold. I add cinnamon to the mix. It's my car, not my truck, that got hit, and they didn't have it ready last night, hopefully tonight.