kayc

Big thanks to Marty for posting all those links, I hope they are of some help to her. You're right, gusdet, she is dealing with her own grieving and doesn't need all that on top of it.

Yeah, the last thing they want is another house back. They are pretty good to work with if you're already in it, good time to lower interest, extend payments. As long as I am working, I'd like to be in my house...if something happens and I can't work any more, then I'll have to sell.

Hmm, how would it go with all the cats if he stayed overnight there?

So glad you could be there for Shell, Mary, I'm sure that was of immense help to her. Glad she was finally able to eat! I just got my car back! So glad!

That's what I use, too, Anne, when I have a cold. I add cinnamon to the mix. It's my car, not my truck, that got hit, and they didn't have it ready last night, hopefully tonight.

Lisa, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure by now you've realized that some people aren't very good at responding to grief, they just haven't a clue how/where to start. And they say stupid inappropriate things. They don't seem to have it in them to give what it is we need from them right now. It helps to look elsewhere for support, from those who "get it", like here, grief support groups, counseling, or others who have been through it. In time you'll be able to realize that some of these people that let you down were your friends in some ways but not in all ways and you'll be in a better place to determine whether you want to continue those friendships or not. Most of us came to recognize that we needed to be around positive people, not people who let us down, esp. in the earlier grieving days. It takes a lot of energy to grieve. I'm sorry you won't be able to see your dad walk your daughter down the aisle...this is one of those secondary losses, of which there are so many. We have to grieve each one as it comes. As fae said, know your dad is with you, even on that special day, right inside your heart, and reach for him inside. Grief is an ongoing process that is ever evolving. It knows it's own schedule and way.

I asked Jim that and he denied it. And since he was declaring his love and plans for us clear up until he broke up...if he'd been contemplating breaking up beforehand, then that would mean he's a liar. I've never known him to lie, but he is a coward, obviously. To me, to think about breaking up is one thing, but if you're saying something else all the while or don't admit it when questioned, then you're not honest and forthright. I think rather, he couldn't handle his mom's dying AND our relationship both. And why he hasn't tried to get back together since? I have no idea. Maybe he doesn't think I'd want that or trust him? But he hasn't tried. Honestly, after everything, I'd need a little more effort than that. I've left it open enough to consider, but it'd require effort/work on his part to rebuild trust, and gosh, I just haven't seen it. When they give us an answer we do not like, it releases us from hope and helps us define what it is we need to do for ourselves, and thus begin our healing and moving on.

I remember so well the last time Jim made me cry. He'd been yoyoing me around, acting one way one time, another the next. Calling every day then not for two weeks. So many mixed messages! He'd said he'd probably come up some time, so I invited him and he gave me a very quick resounding "NO!!" It was very overboard in my estimation. It broke my heart. I cried all the way home (over an hour) and then I determined I'd never cry over him again! I steeled myself emotionally, and you can too Helena. The hardest part was the being in limbo and mixed messages. Now he can give me as many mixed messages as he wants and I don't receive them so they don't bother me. I figure his confusion is HIS to deal with, not mine. From that moment on, I was strong. It hasn't changed how I feel about him, just how I let it affect me, if that makes sense. I don't let him have the same power over me he once did. I'm still attracted to him, still like him, still care about him, still enjoy his company, but that's it. Our "future" is gone, no dreams of being a family or sharing Christmas traditions, no growing old together, not even dating. Now he's just a phone buddy like all my other exes. Relegated to a chapter in my life.

You still care because you're still in love with him. The heart doesn't stop just because the brain says it's best. It takes time to adjust. It feels like he is treating you terribly, but in reality, he's not trying to do something bad to you, he's just muddling through grief, unable to give or respond. He is as much a victim in this as you are. Sometimes their not doing anything is as bad as if they'd planned to and carried it out. It hurts because we know we deserve better.

I'm sure you'll get to be with Happy again at the Rainbow Bridge. Thank you for sharing your life with him. What a sweet little dog, no wonder you were so in love with him! I am so sorry for your loss, I know how that feels.

Teny, so glad you have your new little granddaughter. Yes, it's hard not having them here to share in everything with us. I wish George could have been here to see my kids get married and to watch my son graduate from college next year, he'd have been so proud! If I'm still talking to George after all these years, I imagine I always will.

fae, So sorry to hear about your finger! I had to bandage a finger for a week and I know all too well about the typing! Sure slows you down when you have to correct every other word! Mary, Glad Bentley is doing better!

Dick, it is so good to hear! Many people struggle with the self care part.

You are going to be busy today! Please let us know how Bentley does with the food and Probiotics.

Mary, So glad you enjoyed your pedicure! It's something still on my bucket list. Ahh those early days of no sleep...it was so hard indeed! I still sleep in my recliner, the bed is just a reminder that I am alone and without George, haven't liked it since he died.

My car was supposed to be done last night but it wasn't, hopefully tonight. Try to remember, every time you focus on Jen, you are giving her power and she wins! It shouldn't be about winning or power struggle, it should remain on the relationship you know you and Marcus have had.

Jan, so glad to her you are resting! We want to hear your cough is gone. Mary, I think the whole world's gone nuts.

Mary, my sources all tell me pumpkin is good for dogs and cats' digestive systems, full of fiber. Having a reaction to it, like he has (if that's the problem) is extremely unusual, it's not one of the normal "trigger foods". Both Arlie and Kitty have been helped by pumpkin, not hurt by it, when they had Diarrhea, not for constipation. Anyone can have a reaction to anything, just like I do to fish, if that is what they are allergic to. Please keep us posted how Bentley does tonight.

It is all so sensitive. I remember when Jim broke up with me (I was at work when Fed Ex came about 9:30 am), I went home that night and packed up everything he had at my house. The next morning I dropped it off on the front porch. Later I learned that his roommate told him about it and he jokingly asked if I'd just thrown it out on the lawn. I didn't find any humor in that, I can assure you. Perhaps I should have, but I'm a bigger person than that. Gosh, it's just a hard time at best, I feel for all of you. Once you've been through something like this, you never forget what it's like, even though you do get over it and heal.

Mary, your post crossed with mine... Is it possible he swallowed something he's trying to get up or do you think he's just trying to empty his tummy of it's discomfort?

Mary, Please give Bentley a gentle belly rub or ear rub for me.

Jan, I hope your cough quiets and can let you have some rest before you visit with your family again. Mary, Wow, you are having some weather swings! It wasn't long ago and you had snow. It's mild here right now, 58-65 daytime, 38-45 nighttime.

Those are questions I had to ask myself as well and honestly, I didn't feel I could trust him any more, not as is. It would take a lot of work, more than he'd be willing to put in. Knowing that, I had to let go of that dream.

Honestly, I would ask him how he's currently feeling about all this. He may be afraid to bring it up to you but I'd want to make sure he still feels the same way before proceeding. And about Plum's sending the book, I realize it shows she cares...but HIS perception isn't as usual right now, he is looking through grief-stricken lenses and as such, he may not view it the way we would or he once would have. Grievers can be ultra sensitive.

Oh Mary, I am so sorry for all you have been through in the last 24 hours! My internet was down at home so I missed all of this until just now, but I'm glad you had others to sit with you during the all night vigil, people here are great! I don't know who I feel worse for, you or Bentley. I do know how it feels as Arlie is so sensitive and so is Skye. We've finally hit on what works for Skye and don't deviate. But Arlie has the anxiety order that affects his constitution and I'm wondering if that's not what's going on with Bentley too. Bless his heart! Did the vet give you any ideas what to feed him after the 24 hours without food? I usually start with 24 hours no food too to give his system a break, just a spoon of something easy on his tummy enough to get the Probiotics in, then nothing for 24 hours, then on the concoction I make up for him. I usually have him on that for a week or two before easing back into dogfood. You're right, it's hard being a Mommy sometimes! I hope you can both rest today. I didn't think to tell you, but my vet has me give Arlie Immodium when his Diarrhea is like that, I usually just have to give it to him once to stop it up. I don't any more than that because I don't want it to come to a screeching halt. I tried Pepto Bismo but Arlie said "No way!" I kind of feel that way myself. Please give us updates, we'll all be checking in.