kayc

You don't need a strong antidepressant just because they are uncomfortable with grief. We have to shed our tears, feel our pain, remember the memories and work THROUGH our grief; we can't just suppress/ignore it or it will affect us...undealt with grief is always still there waiting, we don't get the luxury of avoiding it. You don't sound depressed to me, you sound like you're grieving. You are undoubtedly still in that numb/shock stage where everything hasn't sunk in yet, that's common in the beginning, when you're ready your body will know it and let you be in touch with everything as needed. Is the business in both your names or just your name? If both your names, you might want to start a new one that can't be affected by his "estate". I'd hate to see you build it up just to have her claim some of it. Have you talked to an attorney? (I know they're expensive...) Being on your own is a good place of learning and discovery. It'd be good to have your own place, you'll know when you're ready, just don't be afraid. It'll all work out.

fae, you are so industrious, you make me feel lazy! I don't plan on getting much done this weekend...the usual chores and I want to make some chocolate-peanut butter truffles to my DIL's mom for mother's day. Kitty is getting her problem back, so back on the pumpkin mixture & probiotics. I may have to take her to the vet, it would help if I'd get paid. My boss told me he's paying another guy because he works for fun and he can't afford for him to quit. Wow, that's nice. I NEED mine, I don't have a husband or parents or savings, I just have bills! He owes me for three months and gave me a partial check yesterday. Mary, I'm glad you followed your heart and walked out of the movie. Was it a bad movie or did it just conjur up too many memories/feelings? I'm not thrilled with French subtitles anyway. I like things that make me smile, reality is hard enough without adding to the mix. fae, so glad you'll take some enjoyable time today!

I'm not that open.

Marty is right, there are many mothers who have never birthed a child. I was one of those too. (My first husband had a child while we were married...I raised him until he was three, at which time we divorced. I am still in touch with him and his half sister...he's now 40 and a wonderful father and she's a wonderful mom!) Mary, Iike your job (watching cookies). Bentley wishes he was there to help you! Jan, this is an all too emotional weekend for you. I like to think her birth brought good to an otherwise tragic time.

Anne, you're one of the sweetest people I know and I'm so glad you have your daughter & grandbabies! Hopefully I'll have some in a couple of years. My son just found out he gets to graduate early, he's doing a double major and he found an independent advisor that helped him getting some things to count for both majors and waivers, so now he just has one year left! As soon as he graduates and gets a job, they want to start trying. I hope this trip of Mary's not only accomplishes it's purpose, but she has a great visit with her friend as well. I bet Bentley will be waiting with bells on his paws when she gets back!

I agree, the footing is not exactly equal because they are the ones making the decision to put you in limbo so if you do find someone else, well that's the risk they took by taking a breather from the relationship...but on the other hand, if they are going to be with someone else, I'd definitely move on, I wouldn't wait on the sidelines for someone who's throwing me overboard!

So glad you have your holiday planned out and are looking forward to it! I think you're spot on when you write: "I really don't think the guy was thinking about anything too much but to just get over the grief. He probably neither expected her to hang around or to move on. He did what he needed to do in order to get thru his grief and prob thought he would deal with the other stuff later."

In the 6 1/2 years I knew George, he always placed me first. That's just how we both were with each other. I hope if your present relationships don't make it, that each of you one day experience that kind of relationship.

Oh Shannon, I'm so sorry! No you did NOT need this, your plate was already more than full. I hope the pain subsides and the medicine helps. I was rear-ended last Thursday...my hope is that you get an insurance company that is as good as the one I've had to deal with. It is a hassle at best. I've taken hours and hours off work (which I've had to make up) to file report with DMV and talk to insurance adjusters, deal with Enterprise, etc. They gave me a car that gets less than half the mileage my car does, so I'm fighting to get an economy car, which I asked for in the first place. They will fix your car, they should provide another one while the work is being done, I'm glad your SIL wasn't hurt, I just hope your pain goes away quickly or they can do something to help you. You're still in my prayers and I will be praying extra for you on Mother's Day, I know your thoughts are never away from your mom.

Good luck on your journey, Mary, keep safe! I have a hard time at Mother's Day because I never had a hallmark mother. I couldn't relate to June Cleaver or Hallmark cards and commercials. It was always tough. When I grew up and went through infertility, it always hurt when the church would "have all of the mothers stand"...and I'd be the only woman sitting, tears welling up in my eyes, as my husband gave my hand a squeeze. Finally, after years of trying, I joined the motherhood ranks, but I never forgot what it was like to not be able to conceive or to lose a child (been there, done that). Our society doesn't seem to take into consideration those for whom Mother's Day poses something else. I had a mother who was physically and emotionally and verbally abusive. She didn't show up at church to hear us sing our solos. My dad came home drunk and left me to attend my "Father/Daughter" banquet without him. My mom humiliated me time and again and said hurtful things to all of us. Our home was not only not nurturing, it was not safe. You can imagine how Mother's Day felt! It was hard at best. This year I will be at my DIL's parents' house on Mother's Day. Both of my kids and my DIL will be there (my SIL has to work). It will be nice. But my hearts are with all of those for whom it is hard. I think esp. of Shannon, missing her mom.

Thank you, Marty. Many of us have faced that...wondering what to answer when someone asks how we are. We are conditioned, in our society, to say, "Fine". In fact, most people don't want to know, even though they just posed the question. You can usually tell if someone sincerely is asking...if it's a close friend and you're alone and not under time pressure, you might be able to open up and honestly answer, knowing that person will listen, care, and maybe even offer a helpful word or two. But if it's in passing and you know they aren't expecting more than a quick, "fine", that's usually what we give them. An alternative that is just as quick but perhaps more honest and thought provoking, might be, "learning" or "adjusting". You can both go on your way but you might feel a little better knowing you didn't say "fine" when you don't FEEL "fine"! You answered honestly and didn't take up their time. Most of us know who we can go into more detail with, who sincerely wants to know...and for whom it was just a pleasantry.

Verb Encircle (a person or part of the body) with a belt or band: "girded with the belt of knighthood". Secure (a garment or sword) on the body with a belt or band: "girded with a sash". I will gird you, though you have not known Me; ... I am the LORD, and there is none else, there is no God beside me: I girded thee (Isaiah 45:5) There are other places it uses the word too but I like this one. It's a good word, you don't hear it much anymore. Have fun with your godsons!

Oh Kristen, I feel what you're feeling...I enjoyed getting to see what he looked like, you look amazing together. I, too, wonder if George was a dream, was he real? But he's in my memory, it all really happened. I know you lost your home where you were together, I am glad you have your parents to go to, but I know it's not the same.

Anne, Thank you, I do remember your sharing that with me before, it is very special. I'm so glad Benji loves his treats! They must be good, they sure like them (and they smell so good)!

Mary, You know it's what I don't say, not what I do say, that is hard...you've been there. Last night my mom said she didn't like (my sister). I said, "you used to like her" and she said "well I don't now". It would do no good to ask why, she doesn't have a reason and will make up something if she thinks she needs to, so I just let it go. When my mom said she doesn't need my help, I said "Melissa says we're all like that" and then "I think she's probably right!" (Melissa's my daughter). I try to use humor as much as I can, and listen, and show caring, I don't know what more to do. I can't change anything...

I like that quote.

That's another thing, they charge $5.60/gal. for gas!

On the other hand, had the girl been waiting for him would he have taken her for granted and what would be in store for them in the future if he can treat her like that and assume she'll always just be there!

He sounds like most of them here...very confusing. Jim re-connected with his XGF too, even though she supposedly "scared him" so much that he literally caught a plane in the middle of the night to move back home/away from her. I asked him what had changed that he no longer viewed her as a threat, didn't really get an answer. Talked to him last night and he called me "Baby" as if we're still together. You're right, so very confusing!!!

Shannon, thank you for giving us an update, that was a good report! Marty, you always come up with just the right thing for all of us. I'm sure that will be of help to Shannon.

I went to take my mom out last night and she put on five coats even though it was in the 80s...they made her change and she said they were bossy. She says she doesn't hear from her kids and I reminded her how far away they live and they have to work. This is such a hard disease, it diminishes their capacity for understanding and they have no concept of time, everything becomes about them. How I pray I don't get this someday!

fae, 15 months...and I bet you thought in the beginning you'd never survive it! What a lovely tribute to your husband. I am just so thankful we all have each other girding each other as we go through this journey.

Mary, just remember, add the rice flour a bit at a time, you may not need all of it or might want to add a tad more pumpkin. When I tried mixing it, it was very dry and crumbly, had to add another egg, then too sticky, a bit more flour, finally got it rolled out and cut. I finally got to use the little dog bone cookie cutter someone gave me!

Well this is both a positive and a negative...I dropped my car off for the body work and got a car from Enterprise...they told me it'd be a Civic like mine, it wasn't, it'll get 1/2 the gas mileage and with my long commute, it's going to add up. Also, found out my stupid insurance company filed a claim on MY insurance without my authorization and knowledge after I told them NOT to! I see another fight brewing... My daughter dropped by my office this morning, it's always a treat to see her, just don't know anyone that carries so much sunshine!

Kristen, I hope you're able to not take it personally...it happens to most of us. There's a few here that didn't lose all their friends...maybe theirs were a better caliber, I don't know, I just know it happens too often. Try to let it go when they say/do something stupid. You will get new friends, better ones!