STARKISS

Hi All, I have decided to go to a nearby park and buy a helium balloon in my mom's favorite colour or picture on it and release it with a message on it... I am going to do something my mom liked to do or each at a favorite place... Shelley

Hi All, I can not believe that April 18 of this year marks the seventh anniversary of my dear mom's death... It seems like yesterday that it happen, I know that I have come along way but on April 18th I will take time to celebrate the memory of my dear mom... Shelley

Hi Deb, I personally have my parents ashes and have yet been told what to do with them from the family... I have three brothers and a sister who could care less what to do with them but our holding my moving on my journey until they are good and ready to say what they want... I can not have closure either...Shelley

Hi Family I have agreed to go by on my medication but have not had the money to pay for it so I am presently no on the medication and I am feeling really low right now and just need to vent something out... I know that my family tells me they care but if they really cared about me they would have done something with the remains of my parents and not have waited so long... I need the closure and I am so very scared to talk to them because I do not want to cause anymore fights... I am scared that even if I tell them they will still not do anything... Shelley

Thanks Marty and Grace 10, I appreciate your reply I think that I would love to just go and do it but I am so scared of my own family that is part of the reason too... How can one person be so scared to talk with her own family but I am ... Shelley

Hi All, Here we go again with the remains again... I really need to deal with them but the family does not want to do it yet... I am having such a hard time right now because I worry the longer it takes to deal the more pain it will cause when we do it... I try and tell them but no one will listen and I figure I am just one of the family and there are four others to deal with... Shelley

Hi Marty, Thanks for sharing that page with me, I read it... I feel so very low some days but realize that therapy and medication is what I need right now and if so be it the rest of my life to get over all the things that have happen to me in the past... I just find it difficult sometimes that I have things happening so often to me and I feel like i have been centered out sometimes... Like I needed glasses, I needed braces, I had speech problems growing up, I was bullied in school, I was abused by my dad, I have prediabetes, I have heel spurs on both feet, I have carpal tunnel syndrome in one hand, I have hearing loss, I suffer from depression and anxiety and lots of fears..... So you see it is just hard sometimes to stay positive and work through things... Shelley

Hi Carol Ann, Thanks for always being there to help me whenever I needed someone... I know that the medication is important but I hate taking medication and it just seems something different every year that I have had to take some kind of medication and I am so sick of hearing your are sick this way and you need to take this medication... I have had tumors, or prediabetes, or something different and it just means another medication... shelley

Hi All, I have decided to go and see Chelsea on a once a month basis until the day she dies... Shelley

Hi Niamh, I will keep you in my prayers and big hugs to you...Your friend shelley

Hi Carol Ann, yes it helps and I have decided to stay on my medication and continue with my therapy until I am well enough to stop... I realize that I need the medication so that I can live on this earth better...Thanks Carol Ann ... shelley

Thanks I must admit that i took myself off my medication and thought I would be okay but I have decided after being strongly reccommended to go back on the medication so I am going back on the medication... I hate the fact that I have a mental health issue but I guess it is better than having a problem that is worst...Shelley

Hi Family, Just wanted to let everyone know that I am back on my medication and feeling so much better... I went off the medication for a few months and that is why I was so low... I hate the medication but as my therapist's said if I want to get better than I have to take it and think of it this way that I have a sickness like diabetes and not relate it to mental health if that is the reason I stopped taking it.. I hate that I have depression and anxiety problems but I do... Shelley

Hi All, I just heard from my brother and he says that Chelsea is doing very good right now... He thinks that she might die soon as she is over 12 and she is having a really hard time walking around... I want to see her but I think I would cry to see her the way she is right now but if she dies than I will really be sad that I did not see her... I am tore up inside thinking about this and do not know what to do... Shelley

FEELING REALLY LOW RIGHT NOW.....

Hi Family, I just have to tell you all that if it was not for all of you I would not be here today, I have had some really emotional times lately with everything that I have been through... I have had some really bad anger issues dealing with the lost of my childhood home, my parents deaths, loss of all my friends, my dog chelsea who is my only true love... I have had severe anger issues over the abuses from my dad... I have even had times where I thought about ending all of it and just leaving this place.... I am truly blessed to have family and friends from here to help me... Shelley

Hi Carol Ann, Thanks for your update, I am sorry for all that you are going through right now... Thanks for being you and helping me deal with some very difficult things you are truly an angel... Hope you continue to get better and if you need anything just ask... Your friend Shelley

Hi All Four days ago my friend's neice died from a brain tumor she had since she was born... She was two years old when she past away, they were told when she was born she would not live past one but she lived longer and now she is gone... Please Keep Liza and her family in your prayers as they enter this grief journey.. The two year little girl has a 9 year old sister who is just so sad right now please keep her also in your prayers... shelley

Hi All, I had a session with my therapist and we did a two hour session on anger I am feeling... We discovered that it is not only the lost of my parents but also the abuse done by my dad... I was actually able to get angry and hit a pillow several times and did alot of screaming too.. Shellley

Hi All, I just do not know why but since the deaths of my parents I have had a real anger problem... I got really upset with my therapist tonight and now she says she might not be able to help me anymore... I know that my anger is something I have to deal with but without my therapist I just do not know how I am going to do it... Shelley

Hi All, Since i have been on this grief journey I have found out that it has so much other things involve within the grief for example i have noticed I do not love myself, I find that I second guess myself since I started the grief journey and I do not like having people around either... But also when I am alone I hate it... Strange right?? Shelley

Thanks Marty and Niamh, I did as you said to do Marty and it worked, and thanks for all your kindness, Chelsea is my one true love and Evan he is just a great kind and amazing boy... Shelley

Hi Eren, I wanted to say I am sorry for your loss and next that i too have both my parents ashes still and have had them since they both died six years ago... At first I thought of it that way too but their ashes are just their old bodies and their soul has left them behind... I need to do something with my parents ashes and I have to fight with one sister and three brothers to do it with me.. I do not want to do it alone and so I am still waiting... My dad's ashes are no longer in my living space as he sexually abused me whild I was a kid and so the therapist did not want me to have them.. So I am hoping you find peace with doing something with the ashes as I hope someday I do too.. Just be kind with yourself and know that it is just their bodies and their soul is somewhere better... Shelley

Thanks Marty, I changed the picture and added my nephew Evan's picture.. He is the one I looked after soon after my parents died... He is like my own son... Shelley

My picture shows up on the posts but not in the profile how do you fix it???