STARKISS

This picture is my one true love, my dog Chelsea... She is the reason I am still here and alive... Shelley

sorry I guess i fixed it all by myself.. Shelley

Hi All, I took my picture off on accident and need to learn how to fix it.. Thanks shelley

Hi Carol Ann, Thanks for the title of the book I intend on reading it, I just think if I can relax a little more than I will be okay... The therapist I am seeing has me setting up things to do to help deal with the stress... After talking this week I discovered I do not unwind from work I just keep on going till I go to sleep at night so now I am working on activities to help me unwind more... Shelley

Hi Chai, Thank you for your kindness and for all the nice things you do for people here... I just think that when we decide that what to do it will bring all the emotions back that were there when they first died... I just do not know if I can handle it a second time... Shelley

Hi Wiseserenity, First of all I want to say how sorry to hear about your losses... I lose my parents four months apart of each other five years ago and so I realize how hard it must be for you right now... I want to encourage you to continue to visit this website and to read the posts here... There are alot of special and understanding people hear who really understand... I will keep you in my prayers... Shelley

Hi All, I do not know about other people but I have become so self centred since my parents died and i hate it so much.. I can not believe that i do not think of others so much like i used to... I used to think about other people and ask them how they are doing... Is this normal or am i just self centred fool... Shelley

Hi Carol Ann, Thanks for taking the time to post and I really appreciate everything you have done for me... I need to stop thinking of just me all the time, I am always being told I am really self centred and I do not care about other people's feelings... So I have decided when out in public I will keep to myself and not talk about me unless I know who the person is and I know it is all right to do so... Shelley

Hi Marty No I have not heard of that.. What is it???

Hi Marty, Thanks , I have just got off the phone with my therapist and she said the same thing... It is only me that can keep me going to therapy.. I have decided to make up a reward system... I will keep count of how many weeks I go and when I get to a certain number of sessions I will be able to do something really kind for myself such as buying a new top or going to the movies or seeing my dog for the weekend... What do you think is this childish or should I do it... Shelley

Hi All, As most of you know I have been in therapy for over a year now, I missed my session this week and so my therapist emailed me and asked me if I was serious about getting better.. I know that I have missed a few sessions and i know that therapy is important if I want to be well again.. I just find myself unfocused and just not wanting to go all the time... I need help to make myself realize that it is important and that i need to attend every week no matter what.. Shelley

Hi Marty, I am so grateful for everything you have done for each and everyone of us,I loved the poem... Thanks Marty and thanks to everyone who has helped you make this site... Shelley

Hi All, It is like always with the talk about the remains, sure they say they will come up with a date but I doubt they really mean it.. Let's face it I am going to have to do this on my own.. First of all I am going to have move the remains from my room and than maybe I can talk to one of them at a time to tell them I mean business when it comes to the remains.. Shelley

Hi All, I know that the family needs time but it would be nice to be included on family day even if they need time because they all know I have no one else to be with... I am all alone... Shelley Thanks to everyone who has encouraged me and shown me their kindness.. Shelley

Hi Family, I am feeling really low right now but I will start calling the numbers on my help list till I find one to talk with me... I am missing my mom so very much and wonder what if I did tell her about my dad... Would she have stopped it or would our family be torn apart and would I have no family right now to talk too.. I know that I only tried to spare her of all the sadness it would have given her to know what her husband done to his daughter.I have had been thinking alot of what my life has been like and I know that it would have been different if I did tell when it first happen.. My mom would have maybe had a rougher life because she would have been so hurt and sadden from what he did.. i am glad that she never knew and that I atleast spared her of this pain because she had so much in her life all ready... shelley

Hi All, Thanks for all the kindness and encouragement, well it has been one week since I told the family and I received one email about it and that is all... With famiy day coming up I was hoping to be included with some kind of gathering but I guess the family is still trying to get over it... I am very emotional right now and have many many different emotions going on inside of me..Thanks again Shelley

Hi Niamh, Thanks you always cheer me up even a little bit... My sister who I live with took the family on a cruise and they left today for warmer weather... I just do not think I will take the time and think about it other than treating it like any other day... Shelley

Hi All, I find it hard to celebrate certain and feel very alone during them...Such days as Thanksgiving, family day and certain other days.. I guess it is because even though I had siblings once they left the house they did not celebrate with my parents as much... Once my parents died I had no one to celebrate with me so I think of these days as just like other days of the week... I think once you lose your family ties it is hard to deal with special days too. I feel like an orphan but I do have siblings but they do not care for me like my parents did so I guess part of me died with my parents... Shelley

Hi All The doctor's appointment was just okay, I found out I was b12 and d vitamins low... So now I am taking more vitamins and hopefully that will make the levels better... Here I am today though sick again at home, I went to work to be send home after throwing up twice... I just do not know what is going on... I think it is stress but who knows.. Shelley

Hi All, It is so hard for me right now, everyone is telling me to be proud of myself and feel good about what I have done... I do not know how to do this because i do not ever think I have felt proud of myself... I just know that I have had a much better week this week and if that is how it is after doing what I just did than I wish I had done it sooner.. Shelley

Hi All, I guess when they said it rains, it pours while last Saturday I told the family about the abuse and that was such a hard thing to do but not only did i have that on my mind but a few days before I told them I received a call from the doctor's office and they have some test results that the doctor wants to go over with me ... My doctor is the type of doctor that would only call if there was a real problem... Now Saturday is over and it is Monday I am getting ready to go to the doctor to hear the results.. I am very nervous and freaked out, I just do not need anything else on my plate right now... Shelley

Hi All, Yes this meeting covered alot of different things including the remains most of my family believed me to be just a rude very moody person but now they know it is because of what I have been through and they are more understanding now... Shelley

Hi All, I just wanted to add now the family knows about the abuse and as a family we have decided to do the right thing with the remains of my parents finally I think the family has realized that waiting for me to decide was the the right thing to do and now they are going to work together to deal with them finally after almost six years... Shelley

HI ALL I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU ALL FOR THE WELL WISHES AND ALL THE ENCOURAGEMENT... I DID IT AND YES I CRIED SO MUCH BUT THE FAMILY BELIEVED ME AND ARE SO SORRY THAT THEY WERE NOT THERE TO PROTECT ME... I AM SO MUCH BETTER ALL READY AND I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR EVERYONE IN MY LIFE ESPECIALLY MY FAMILY AND MY GRIEF HEALING FAMILY TOO... shelley

Hi Marty, I am trying very hard to calm down and relax but find it very difficult... I think when I actually enter the car to drive there I will be more scared and hopefully I can just keep telling myself I am okay and things will be okay... I am trying some deep breathing exercises to get my breathing at a better pace I just think I am a little panicky right now.. Shelley