Marie Lee Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 I sit here trying to get motivated...and then I feel such heaviness in my heart. I never knew grief could be so physically impactive. very hard to explain to those who have not experienced this... An old friend called and made me laugh, needed that. Hoping for a better day.... Hope you all have a better day too... Peace, Marie 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brad Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 5 hours ago, Marie Lee said: I never knew grief could be so physically impactive. The physical impact of grief, the exhaustion, the lack of restorative sleep, looking at what used to be routine chores and now seeing them as hurculean tasks. Things I once took pleasure in now are chores that get put off until the last possible moment. The physical toll that is taken on my body. I remember my last nap July 23, 2015 - we had just returned from the Mayo where they had decided to not do chemo that day as Deedo's edema was too pronounced. The last night I slept through the night without the aid of chemicals: July 27, 2015. This was the night before Deedo was moved to Hospice of the Valley. Although I knew she was quite ill I didn't dream that within 36 hours she would be dead. But then there are those moments, those times when there is respite, those times of smiles and laughs. Marie - I sincerely hope you and everyone else is having a better day. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillT Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 I used to smile and laugh every day. Maybe I will again some day. Thanks and prayers to all. Bill 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 There is a physical drain in grief. If for no other reason than the tension you may not even be aware of that stresses your body. It goes on twenty four/ seven long enough to leave you vulnerable to illness. Part of the journey is the ride. Uphill for so very long but then you reach a plateau and you can catch your breath. Then you find yourself climbing once more. I hate the climb because as I get older, I tire more quickly. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 One day Bill you will find yourself laughing. it may even make you feel bad to do so as if you were letting go of something or betraying your loss with some joy. It's okay to laugh though and at first it will be rare. One day however you will notice that you smiled more than you cried. One day you will find yourself alive again. I keep repeating this I know but my friends it is so true. You just have to keep the faith. And by the way, it doesn't mean we love them any less. It just means you hurt like hell right now but you still love them regardless. You always will. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted October 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2016 Hurt like hell is right Katpilot...Tks for your presence. Brad Tks for the pat on my back. Bill, I can't wait to hear you are laughing again... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted October 21, 2016 Report Share Posted October 21, 2016 Marie what you said is exactly how I feel everyday my heart is heavy and with each day it feels alittle heavier I just can't wait to be able to see the light again in all this darkness I truly hope you have your better days 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 21, 2016 Report Share Posted October 21, 2016 And when you do smile or laugh again, try to remember that it does NOT take you further away from them or mean you love them any less...nothing could be further from the truth! It is not our grief that binds us to them, it is our love...the same love that gave us smiles and laughter. Bill I see it in your profile picture and I hope you will again someday, that's too beautiful a smile to waste! No, my friends, what it does mean is our bodies are amazing, so amazing it can adapt even to the unthinkable...even to this. It takes more time than I can say, but it happens eventually. The difference between then and now is our smiles are more fleeting and joy more temporary or smaller in nature...but it still exists deep inside of us. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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